Meant to Be Yours

by Susan Mallery

  She sighed. “I’ll stop lecturing you now, except for one thing. Please don’t hurt my baby girl. I know she seems like nothing gets to her, but she has a heart and it can easily be shattered. Please don’t do that to her.”

  He would rather she shot him than continue on the current topic. He didn’t want to think about hurting Renee or who might have hurt her in the past or any of it.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll do my best.”

  “I suppose that’s all any of us can ask.”

  She changed the topic, asking about Koda, and while Jasper answered her questions, he was still stuck on the love thing. Love? No way. Not him. He couldn’t. But like Verity, he had to admit there was a part of him that wished it could be. Maybe just once.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  BY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, Renee needed a break from her life. Having her mom around was much easier than it had been in the past and she was happy to spend time with her, but between the visit, her work and trying not to think about how her mother’s new show would change everything, she was exhausted.

  Both Friday’s and Saturday’s weddings had gone smoothly with only the slightest of hiccups. The Sunday morning “goodbye brunch” had ended when promised and the catering staff had cleaned up in record time, leaving Renee with a few extra hours she desperately needed.

  Knowing Renee would be working pretty much 24/7, Verity had gone back to San Diego for the weekend with the promise to return on Monday, so Renee was off Mom duty until then. She had laundry to catch up on, bills to pay and an empty refrigerator, but she didn’t want to complete any of her chores. She felt restless and uncomfortable and neither state had an explanation.

  She went home and changed into crop pants and a T-shirt, then told herself she really had to tackle the growing pile of laundry. She’d nearly convinced herself to start sorting when she heard her phone chime, notifying her of a text.

  How’s it going? Want some company?

  Hearing from Jasper immediately made her feel better. I’d love some. She looked at the mess that was her apartment then added, Why don’t I come there?

  Perfect. See you in a few.

  She stepped over the laundry, grabbed her keys and was out the door in less than a minute.

  When she arrived at Jasper’s place, he was waiting for her out front. He walked over and pulled her into his arms. She sank into him, savoring the strength of him, the way he enveloped her entire body.

  “You give good hugs,” she said.

  “Thank you. I’ve been practicing.”

  “On who?”

  “I believe the correct question is ‘on whom’ and I meant that more as a feeling than a declaration.”

  She smiled. “Just checking.”

  They walked into the house. Koda was waiting. Renee glanced at the dog, told herself it was going to be fine, then reached out and petted him. He gave her a tail wag and a quick lick on the hand and that was it. There was no voice screaming in her head, no hint of his thoughts at all. She was pushing thirty—maybe she could let the whole “I can talk to animals” thing go. Maybe the gift skipped a generation, which meant she could never have children, but that was a different problem.

  “You okay?” Jasper asked.

  “Just tired. It was a busy weekend at work, plus my mom’s visit. She’s great and I’m happy to spend time with her, but I beg you, do not bring up her name while I’m here.”

  She expected Jasper to laugh and agree or nod or anything but shift his gaze and look guilty. Seriously? She couldn’t even get past his foyer without there being something?

  “What?” she demanded. “She said she was going home for the weekend. Is she secretly hanging out here?”

  “What? No. That would be uncomfortable for all of us. I’m fine not talking about your mother.” He pointed to the kitchen. “Why don’t I make you a margarita?”

  “You know how?”

  “I can look it up. It needs limes, right? I have limes and tequila. We can fake the rest.”

  “What about my mother?”

  He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I hung out with her for a bit.”

  “What? When? What does—” she made air quotes “—‘hung out with’ mean?”

  “I came into town because the writing wasn’t going well and I ran into her. We walked around for a bit then got pie. Well, I got pie. She had a milkshake.”

  Which all sounded fine but there was only one thing they could have been doing the entire time. Talking.

  “Yes to the margarita.” She waved him toward the kitchen. “What did you talk about?”

  “Lots of stuff. How the town got its name. How I ended up here. Whether or not I want kids.”

  She slid onto a stool at the island. “She asked you that?”

  “It came up.” He stood across from her, his hands on the counter. “She doesn’t know much about your life.”

  Not exactly words designed to get her to like him more. “Don’t judge me. You don’t know anything about me.”

  “I know some. I know she loves you and misses you.”

  “You’re taking her side?”

  “There’s no sides, Renee. I don’t get it, is all. I never knew my mom. She died when I was a baby, so it was just me and my dad. He was a great guy. I know what that’s like—being a team. I miss him every day. I guess I don’t understand how you can cut her out of your life.”

  Annoyance flared. “Not that it’s your business, but I don’t cut her out. I stay in touch with her and I visit her.”

  “But you don’t want her here.”

  “No, I don’t. Or I didn’t. It’s not going to matter anymore. The secret’s about to come out in a big way.”

  “Why does it matter so much? It’s her thing, not yours.”

  Anger battled hurt. She shouldn’t be surprised. It was always this way—at first everything was fine, but then it went to hell.

  “It was her thing until all my friends found out. At first they were great. They would bring over their pets and ask her to tell them what they were thinking. So fun. But in high school, I was considered a freak. Even the weird kids avoided me. It was lonely. Eventually we moved so I could start over and that helped, but I was always afraid people would find out.”

  She could tell he didn’t get it. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe it was something you had to live.

  “My dad left because of her,” she said.

  “Maybe he would have left anyway. He didn’t stay in touch with you, so he wasn’t exactly a great guy.”

  Her eyes burned but she blinked back tears. “He was my father—you don’t get to say that. You know what he told me the night he left? Do you know what he said? He told me it was just a matter of time until I was like her, too. That’s why he couldn’t stay and that’s why he would never see me again. I never told her. I didn’t want to hurt her more than she had been, but he told me that was the reason he didn’t want to see me again.”

  “He was an asshole.”

  “Regardless, he left me because of what might happen.” She sucked in a breath and tried to hang on to her control. “Turner, the guy whose wife is pregnant? We were engaged. We were in love. We had our lives planned. It was everything I’d ever wanted. Then he met my mother and it was never the same. Two weeks later, he ended things. He didn’t want to risk whatever it was being passed on to our children, and then he walked out.”

  She slid off the stool and glared at him. “It’s so easy for you to judge my life. It’s easy to tell me what to think and how it should be, but you don’t know. You can never know.”

  “I get that, Renee. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and I’m not trying to hurt you, but I know you’re seeing this all wrong. You don’t have her gift. You can’t know what Koda’s thinking any more than I can. So let that go. Just deal with your mom. Worrying about whether or n
ot you will suddenly get what she has is messing up your perspective.” He softened his voice. “I wish I could know what you’re afraid of. Is it being different? Being rejected? Being blamed?”

  She knew in her head he was probably trying to help. He was doing a sucky job of it, but intellectually she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But in her heart and her gut, she wanted to lash out. She wanted to verbally and emotionally slash him until he lay on the floor bleeding and in pain. She wanted to hit him in all his soft places so he was the one exposed and vulnerable and then she wanted to judge him.

  “You first,” she said sharply. “You get over your past, your pain, your nightmares. You heal yourself. You come to me and tell me you figured it all out and then we’ll talk. Until then, stay the hell out of my life.”

  Jasper stood stoically, taking it all in and not saying a word. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. The sound of nails clicking on the floor followed her. Just before she walked outside, she turned and saw Koda right behind her. He looked anxious, as if he sensed the tension.

  She paused. “It’s okay. You’re a good boy. Only Jasper is the asshole,” she told the dog before closing the door behind her and driving away.

  * * *

  TUESDAY MORNING RENEE had moved from fuming to hurt. She hadn’t heard from Jasper since leaving his place Sunday afternoon and she really thought she would. For all his macho guyness, he was actually kind of self-aware and she had been sure he would figure out that he’d basically dismissed her feelings, told her she was wrong about everything and that she had to get over it.

  But her phone had been silent on the Jasper front, making her think getting involved with him had been a huge mistake. Her mom’s return to Happily Inc on Monday had been a distraction. They’d had a nice afternoon and evening. Renee had managed to sleep a little and now she was determined to have a good week with absolutely no Jasper thoughts getting in her way.

  Her plans lasted until 9:01 a.m. when she arrived at Weddings Out of the Box only to find Jasper in the parking lot, leaning against his truck, obviously waiting for her.

  She stayed in her car for a second, thought briefly about running him over, only she knew it was wrong and she would have regrets later. She’d never deliberately hurt anyone in her life. It wasn’t smart to change that now, even if he did deserve it.

  She got out and slung her bag over her shoulder. Maybe she could pretend he wasn’t there and march to her office without acknowledging him. Not as satisfying as physical violence but certainly more morally correct. But still kind of cowardly. So in the end, she walked toward him, determined not to react to anything he said.

  When she stopped in front of him, he surprised her by cupping her face in his hands and kissing her.

  “I was wrong,” he told her as he released her. “I meant well, but I was wrong. I jumped all over you when I should have listened. You’re right. I can’t know what it was like and after a couple of hours with your mom, it’s easy to take her side, but how does that help? There shouldn’t be sides. You went through things I can’t begin to understand. You’re a good person and you’re doing the best you can, just like she is and I am. I messed up. I’m sorry.”

  It wasn’t a bad apology, she thought grudgingly. “You mess up a lot.”

  “I do. Especially with you.”

  “Why is that?”

  She expected him to smile or make a joke. Instead he looked away, as if he couldn’t meet her gaze.

  “I haven’t been in a real relationship before,” he said, glancing back at her. “I had a girlfriend in high school and a few flings in the army, but since then there was only Wynn and that was more about...” He shrugged. “We didn’t talk much.”

  Relationship? They weren’t in a relationship. They were sex friends. But even as the thought formed, she thought maybe it was wrong. After all, there’d been a lot more friendship and a lot less sex than she’d imagined. A relationship. Could she? Did she want to?

  She told herself this was not the time to deal with anything like that. She already had plenty going on. But a relationship? Maybe...

  “I liked your mom a lot,” he said, surprising her with the shift in subject. “I feel bad for her.” He held up a hand. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. You’re not. It’s a difficult situation. I got carried away. I want to tell you it won’t happen again, but it probably will. I’ll learn from what happened and try to do better next time. I mean that.”

  She felt her tension easing. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have gone on that ‘you first’ rant. I felt attacked so I hit back. I’m explaining, not justifying.”

  “Relationships are hard.”

  Why did he have to keep saying the R word? “We could go back to just sex.”

  “No, I like this better.”

  She thought maybe she did, too. “Thank you for coming to apologize.”

  “You’re welcome.” He kissed her again. “Now you have to get to work and I should be writing. Do-over on you coming by for margaritas?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Good.”

  He got in his truck and she walked into her office. Her mood had lightened considerably and the knot in her stomach was gone. She might not want a relationship but she had to admit if she was going to try again, Jasper almost made it worth taking the risk.

  The morning sped by quickly. At eleven thirty, she went out in the lobby to greet Tara and Owen, who were finalizing their football-themed wedding.

  They arrived right on time, Tara greeting Renee with a happy hug, while Owen shook her hand.

  They were a handsome couple, tall, athletic and easy to be with. Tara was at least five-eight or -nine and Owen towered above her. Next to them, Renee felt like a miniature version of the species.

  “It’s nearly the happy day,” Renee said, leading them to the conference room. “I think you’re going to be very pleased to see how everything is coming together.”

  “I found this really great meditation app,” Tara said, smiling at Owen. “To keep myself centered.”

  “Someone was getting a little snappy.” His tone was more teasing than annoyed.

  “I was, but I’m better now. It’s a lot to think about.”

  Renee motioned for them to take seats. She settled behind the computer and activated the connection with the screen. “I’m hoping that today’s wrap-up meeting will calm your nerves and allow you to simply enjoy the experience.”

  Owen grabbed Tara’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “It’s nearly here, baby. We’re going to get married.”

  “We are.”

  Renee sighed happily. Her gut told her this couple was going to make it and that made her feel good about their wedding.

  She pulled up the file and they went through the entire day from arrival to the final dance. The football theme—with a heavy emphasis on the Dallas Cowboys—had turned out perfectly. The silver-and-blue color scheme worked well for the reception. The food had been ordered, the drinks decided on.

  Renee opened a box of jerseys that had been delivered for the wedding party and showed them to Tara and Owen.

  Tara fingered the fabric. “It’s really nice quality, just like you said. I like that they’re not too thin.”

  “We’ll have them all steamed and hanging by the time of the wedding,” Renee assured her. “They’ll be perfect. Do you want the steamer heated for your reception dress?”

  Tara was wearing her great grandmother’s wedding gown for the ceremony, then changing into a more contemporary party dress for the reception.

  “I shouldn’t need it.”

  Renee made a note on her tablet. “I’m going to make sure it’s ready for you, just in case.”

  They went over the rest of the details. The groom’s cake was in the shape of a jersey and instead of throwing the garter, Owen would be throwing a football
signed by Dak Prescott. As he did every time the signed football was mentioned, he grumbled about giving something away that he would rather keep. Renee was careful not to look at Tara, afraid her amusement would give away the secret. What Owen didn’t know was that Tara had two signed footballs and Owen would receive the other one after the reception.

  The meeting took less than ninety minutes. Tara and Owen left reassured that their big day would go smoothly. Renee added a few things to her master calendar, then shut down the conference room and returned to her office. She’d barely started to think she should eat the lunch she’d brought from home when her friend Carol walked into her office.

  Renee didn’t bother hiding her surprise. “What’s going on?” she asked. “You never just pop in. Is everything all right?”

  Carol nodded even as she twisted her fingers together in obvious distress.

  “What’s wrong?” Renee asked. “Just blurt it out. We’ll both feel better.”

  Carol hesitated a second before saying, “Pallas told me. I don’t know if she was supposed to or not, but she did and now I can’t stop thinking about it and is it really true? Can your mother talk to animals?”

  Renee held in a groan. “She doesn’t talk. She listens while they tell her what’s on their mind.” She braced herself for laughter and possibly derision, because really? Communicating with animals?

  “Thank God.” Carol moved closer to her desk. “I need her help. I’m desperate. There’s something wrong with the giraffes. I don’t know what, but they feel off to me and I’m responsible for them and I worry I’m not giving them enough attention with Devon and everything, and I could really use her help.” She paused to breathe. “If that’s not asking too much.”

  “You want my mother to communicate with your giraffes?”

  Carol nodded vigorously. “Please. I know something’s wrong, but I can’t figure out what and I’m scared.”

  Renee had no idea what to say. It was not the reaction she’d been expecting, or had ever gotten before. “Um, sure. Let me call her right now.” She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. When her mother answered, she explained the situation, listened for a second, then hung up.