Meant to Be Yours

by Susan Mallery

  That made Bethany smile. “Really? You’d do that for me? I’d have my dad send a plane.”

  Wynn put her hands on her hips. “Well, yeah. It’s not as if we would go without your dad sending a plane!”

  They all laughed. Renee excused herself to do one last check with Odele. They’d just finished when a couple of SUVs pulled up in the parking lot. Renee went out to meet the dogs and their handlers. As she waited, she realized she’d forgotten to ask Odele about the various breeds they were having. The collars were adjustable but if they had a pair of Yorkies, the collars might not be small enough.

  The back door of the first SUV opened and two incredibly beautiful, incredibly large dogs jumped to the ground.

  Odele came up next to her. “Oh, good. They’re here.”

  “Wh-what are they?”

  “Irish wolfhounds.” She looked at Renee. “You know all the dogs are large, right?” She checked her list. “We have the Irish wolfhounds, mastiffs, Great Danes—”

  The second SUV opened and a Saint Bernard jumped heavily to the ground. A second one followed.

  “Oh, no.” Renee did her best to stay focused. If she started laughing, she might never stop. “A giant dog wedding. You really meant giant dogs.”

  “I thought it would be appealing to viewers. We debated tiny dogs, but that’s a lot of close-up shots and we had the contacts for the big dogs, so here we are.”

  “A giant dog wedding.”

  The first giggle escaped. Then a second.

  “Excuse me,” she managed before running back inside the grounds. She found her friends all talking together. Pallas spotted her first.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Renee said, trying not to give in to laughter. “It’s just...” She pointed.

  Two handlers led in the Irish wolfhounds, followed by the Saint Bernards. Apparently, the Great Danes had arrived because they were next.

  “Oh, no,” Pallas breathed.

  “A giant dog wedding,” Wynn said before starting to laugh. “I am so glad I brought my video camera. This is going to be fantastic!”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  BY MIDAFTERNOON THE film crew was packing up for the drive back to Los Angeles. The wedding and reception had gone reasonably well. The Saint Bernards had found a shady spot to nap and refused to be moved. The mastiffs had eaten all the flowers, then had promptly thrown them up, while the Great Danes had wanted to play and the wolfhounds looked bewildered.

  Verity had done readings on all the dogs, including the Saint Bernards, both of whom had told her they just wanted to be left alone to sleep. The dogs had loved their cake, the pooper-scooper guy had kept up with, ah, production and the outdoor area seemed none too worse for wear.

  Renee found herself just as tired as she was after an all-day wedding. Maybe it was because she hadn’t known what to expect and maybe because she’d had so much to think about with her mother’s generous offer.

  “Patches. Patches! Here, boy.”

  Renee saw one of the handlers calling for the male Great Dane. He was close to Renee so she grabbed his leash.

  He was beautiful—a black-and-white harlequin with long legs and an ever-wagging tail. Wearing flats, she was practically eye level with him, she thought humorously, leading him across the lawn.

  “Did you have a good time?” she asked as he walked with her. “Did you have a good wedding?”

  She reached out to pet him only to realize not only wasn’t there an answer, she hadn’t expected one. She’d simply reacted to being with a friendly dog. In fact, she hadn’t once thought she had to worry during the entire day. She’d done her job, wrangled dogs when necessary, made kissing noises so they would look alert for pictures and that was it.

  There was no gift—there never had been. Not for her. She had wasted so much time worrying about something that was never going to happen. How ridiculous.

  “Thanks,” the woman said, taking his leash. “He loves to explore. Okay, we’re heading home. This was great. I can’t wait to see the show.”

  Renee watched her go before returning to the reception area. She and Pallas did a quick walk-through to make sure there was no forgotten camera equipment, leashes or dog toys. Wynn had already headed back to work.

  Mathias was with Carol, waiting to take her back to their place. He had Devon with him, the baby tucked in his arms.

  They were a happy family, Renee thought wistfully. Like Pallas, Nick and Ryan. She doubted it would be very long before Natalie and Silver were pregnant.

  Two by two, she thought. Then three by three, as they became families. She’d wanted that once, had hoped it could happen. She’d wanted to be like everyone else. Now, when she had finally realized she was totally gift-free and therefore normal, it was too late. She didn’t have another heartbreak in her. She couldn’t risk it.

  Maybe if only Turner had hurt her. Or if she’d just fallen for the married guy. But those two combined were a massive hurdle to get over and when added to her father abandoning her...

  Love meant stepping off an emotional cliff and waiting for someone to catch her so she wouldn’t crash into the ground. What if no one was there? She couldn’t take a chance. If her heart were shattered again, it would never be whole and she didn’t want to be some sad, broken person for the rest of her life. Better to stay as she was. Lonely, yes, but functional.

  Odele and her crew left, the catering staff packed up and by four, Renee was alone in the center of the courtyard knowing that the price of being safe was one she had to pay. She didn’t have a choice—not when it came to her heart.

  * * *

  JASPER PUNCHED THE air twice, right, left, followed by a quick kick at knee-level. As he moved his foot, his chair slid back about a foot. He continued to work out the fight scene in his head, shifting in his seat as he punched again.

  He repeated the sequence, pausing to reassure Koda, who stared at him from the safety of his dog bed. When he had the scene clear in his head, he rolled back to his desk and began typing.

  In the book, Vidar had come into contact with the serial killer. They were in an empty warehouse and it was pitch-black, so Vidar wasn’t sure of his identity, but he would injure him enough that there was a limp, which was what Jasper needed for later in the book.

  Thud, punch, crack. He could see the scene in his head as if it were a movie, which meant he had it all the way it was supposed to be. It was only when he couldn’t figure out what to say that he knew he was screwing up with the story.

  He typed as fast as he could, mentioning the grit on the floor and the smell of something dead in the corner. He felt the impact of a blow on the side of his head. Vidar’s neck snapped to the left and he stumbled. The—

  “Hey, Jasper, you in here?”

  The question, spoken just inside the office, jarred him from story world to real world. It took him a second to readjust his senses and remember where he was in space and time. He turned and saw Cade with two beers in his hand.

  “You got a second or is this a bad time?”

  Jasper knew if he said he had to work, Cade would understand and go away. He also knew his friend had something going on—otherwise he wouldn’t have shown up with no warning in the middle of the afternoon.

  “Sure. I’m at a good breaking point,” he said, saving his work. He stood and called Koda, then walked toward Cade. “What’s up?”

  They went back into the house and sprawled on the big sofa in the family room. Koda jumped up next to Jasper and rested his head on his lap. Jasper rubbed his ears.

  Cade set his beer on the coffee table, picked it up, set it back down, then stood.

  “It’s Bethany,” he said, then shook his head. “Not her so much as her parents.” He looked at Jasper. “What if I can’t do it? What if can’t deal with it?”

  “What is it?”<
br />
  “Royalty. Her father is the damn king of El Bahar. There are bodyguards at the ranch. They follow her everywhere she goes. If she’s in the house, they stay outside, but otherwise, they’re there. Her mother’s called me three times already, begging me to let Bethany come home for the birth. As if I’m the one keeping her away. I’m not. I even told her we’d go back the last three months and she could have her baby there.”

  He paced the length of the family room, then faced Jasper. “I don’t want to be gone that long but I could fly back every couple of weeks. We have a good manager and the business would be fine. It’s just not how I saw my life.”

  Jasper had no idea what to say. He wasn’t even sure of the problem. Was Cade simply chafing at the realities of being married to a princess or was he really concerned he couldn’t make the marriage work?

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Cade told him.

  “I doubt that.”

  “You’re thinking I should suck it up and deal. I knew who Bethany was when I proposed. I’d already been to El Bahar and I’d met her father and I knew he was going to be protective of her always. She’s his only daughter. The man calls her the child of his heart. He’s actually a really nice guy and I respect how much he loves her.”

  He returned to the sofa. “Being in El Bahar isn’t that bad. I work in the horse stables. You should see their horses. They are incredible. They can trace the bloodlines back a thousand years. It’s something. Her mom pointed out that Bethany’s friends would be able to visit, so that would help. It’s just tough, you know? It’s not how I grew up thinking my kid would be born.”

  He picked up his beer. “It’s mostly the bodyguards. They hover. Still, she’s safe and I like that and if it makes her parents happy, that makes her happy.” He shrugged. “I love her, Jasper. There’s no denying that. I’d rather deal with this times a thousand than lose her.”

  Cade drank from the bottle. “I guess we’re going to El Bahar in a few months.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “Thanks. I feel better. How’s the book going?”

  “It’s moving forward.”

  They talked for another hour, then Cade said he should get home.

  “Thanks for helping me see the situation more clearly,” his friend said. “I was really confused about what to do.”

  “You know I didn’t say anything, right? You figured it out all on your own.”

  “Yeah, but you listened.”

  Cade left.

  Jasper rinsed out the bottles and dropped them into the recycling bin, then looked at Koda. “Sometimes that’s how friendship works. You’re just there to listen.”

  He supposed he’d been used to that, back when he’d been younger, but in the military, he’d lost his friends in ways no one ever should. Dealing with that and everything else he’d seen, he hadn’t been able to do much more than try to keep his head together. Being with other people had been impossible.

  That had changed when he’d moved to Happily Inc, he thought, returning to his office. He’d changed. Grown. Healed.

  Was Wynn right? Had he inadvertently started on the road to normal? He wasn’t willing to accept her declaration that he wasn’t broken, but he had a feeling she was more right than wrong on the subject. Five years ago, he couldn’t have imagined having a place of his own, having friends, hanging out with them, having someone like Renee in his life. Five years ago, he couldn’t have gotten on a plane or gone on book tour. Five years ago, he’d assumed he had one, maybe two books in him and that would be it. Now he couldn’t imagine not writing books for a living.

  His cell phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number but picked it up anyway.

  “This is Jasper.”

  “Hey, Jasper, it’s Graham.”

  It took him a second to realize Graham was the groom in the Scottish wedding.

  “How’s it going?”

  “Great. Look, I need some advice. I wasn’t sure where to take Hanna for our honeymoon so I booked like three places. I need to make a decision about which one to go with and which ones to let go. Can I email you the links and then you tell me what you think?”

  “Graham, why would you care about my opinion?”

  “Because you’re you, man. You know things about women.”

  “What I know about women wouldn’t cover a postage stamp, but sure, if you want my opinion, you can have it. But I think you should go with your gut. You know Hanna better than anyone. Which place do you think would make her the most happy? Does she want a lot of activities or does she just want to hang out with you? Do you need to go exploring or would you rather be on a beach? You’ve spent time with her, you know what the two of you enjoy. I’m just some guy. You’re the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.”

  “Wow—that’s really deep. You’re right. I do know what makes her happy. Thanks. I know what to do.”

  “No problem.”

  Jasper hung up and shook his head. People were weird. He looked at his computer and then back at Koda. “I’m not getting any writing done today. Want to take over?”

  His dog looked at him as if to say, “You’ve completely slipped over the edge.”

  Jasper laughed, then turned to his phone and quickly texted Renee.

  What’s going on?

  Her reply came in seconds.

  I’m having a mini freak-out. I’ve decided you’re right—I don’t have my mom’s gift and it’s silly to spend the rest of my life waiting for something that is never going to happen. What a waste of time and energy.

  He stared at the words. Good for you.

  Thanks. So I’m going to the local animal shelter. I think I want a cat. A kitten, really, because it will be young and it won’t judge me. Want to come along?

  He looked at Koda. “If I say yes, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s not like I’ll be bringing home a cat.”

  Koda didn’t seem convinced.

  “You like Renee. This is a big step for her. I’m going to tell her you’re okay with it.”

  Koda sighed.

  On my way now.

  * * *

  RENEE WONDERED HOW many people actually had a panic attack in the middle of an animal shelter. She was trying to control her breathing and ignore the adrenaline rush, but neither was working especially well.

  “You don’t have to do this,” Jasper said quietly, standing close enough to offer support but not so close that she felt overwhelmed.

  “I know.”

  “You can just look around and see what you think about the various pets they have here. Getting a cat is a big step.”

  She nodded, aware of her heart pounding in her chest. “But I think it would be good for me. I’m a responsible person. With us hiring someone to help at work, I’ll be home more.”

  What she didn’t say was that her getting a cat would make her a pet person. She liked pet people. She’d always wished she could have a cat. She liked the idea of being responsible for another life-form. She wanted to be able to say, “Hey, I have to get home to my cat.” And at the end of the day, there would be someone waiting for her and she liked the sound of that, too.

  An older woman in a shelter T-shirt hurried up, a clipboard in her hand. “Renee?” she asked.

  “That’s me.”

  “Thanks for coming in. We have a lot of kittens right now. I want to say it’s the season, but these days, it’s always the season. Spay and neuter! We’re trying to get the message out but until everyone is a believer, we’ll have more kittens than homes.” She held out her hand. “By the way, I’m Brenda. Nice to meet you.”

  “You, too.”

  Brenda explained about the kittens they had that were ready for adoption. “Have you had a kitten before?”

  “No, but I’m prepared to learn. I have a nice apartment that allows pets, a
small den where I can keep the litter box. There’s a window that gets plenty of sun and I won’t be letting my cat go outside.”

  Brenda nodded as she spoke. “Sounds like you’ve thought this through. I’m not pushing, but if you’re at work a lot, you might want to consider two kittens so they can keep each other company. Kittens need a lot of play and attention.”

  Two? Renee felt instantly nauseous. She couldn’t possibly handle two little, living creatures. It was like asking for the moon.

  Before she could run shrieking into the parking lot, Jasper reached for her hand. “You don’t have to decide today. Let’s go look at the kittens and see what we think.”

  Brenda led them toward the “cat” side of the shelter. The area was large and well lit, with several kittens to a kennel. Some were sleeping but a lot were awake and playing. Renee smiled at the big eyes and cute noses and little toes.

  “Do you see one you like?” Brenda asked. “We have rooms where you can spend some time getting to know the kitten before picking the one you like.”

  Renee had no idea how she was supposed to decide which kitten was the one for her. Based on the color? The way it blinked at her? Weren’t there personality characteristics that should be more important?

  “Can you give me a minute?” she asked, hoping she didn’t sound as rattled as she felt.

  “Sure. Ah, I’ll go help someone else and check back with you.”

  Jasper waited until Brenda had left to ask, “You okay? We can leave and come back another time if this is too much pressure.”

  “They’re kittens. They aren’t supposed to be pressure. They’re supposed to be cute.” She looked at him. “What if all my years of worry and fear mean I can never have a pet? I want to have a pet. I want to be a normal person who has a cat.”

  “You will be. It’s going to be fine. Let’s go look at the adult cats.”

  They walked down the hall. There were cats on either side, a glass wall between them and visitors. Larger viewing rooms had three or four adult cats, while some were in small, individual kennels. Some of the cats watched her, but a lot were sleeping. She saw an orange cat alone in a kennel, glaring at her.