THE SECRET
“He who seeks the truth runs the risk of finding it.”
Manuel Vicent
“Me,” he admitted ruefully.
“What about you?” He was supposed to be making things clearer for me and this only seemed to make things more complicated.
“I’m the danger.” I was stunned. Erik was the danger? Why? “I’d better take you home. I don’t want to talk about it in the street.”
He took my hand again. The torrent of emotions I was feeling was totally contradictory. I wanted to be with him more than anything in the world, but I was terrified of what he was about to confess. We walked slowly, as if we wanted to stretch out the short walk. Our heads were bowed and we walked in silence, our gently caressing hands doing our talking for us.
“Is your mother at home?” he asked, glancing in through the kitchen window when we were outside the house.
“No, she’s working.” ‘Thank God,’ I thought, because I had the impression that my mother would have been the perfect excuse not to explain anything.
We went inside. I went straight to the couch. My ankle was beginning to swell up again and sharp twinges of pain pierced my skin. I was a little disappointed when Erik didn’t sit next to me, but grabbed a dining room chair instead, marking a clear distance between us.
He had that faraway look in his eyes. His body was sitting here in front of me, but his mind was somewhere else. I couldn’t stand the silence. My nerves were eating me from inside, like a worm in an apple, but I didn’t want to push him. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.
His body was rigid, his face stony, his lips pursed in a thin line and the icy sea-blue of his eyes were clear signs that warned me that what he was going to say wasn’t going to be pleasant, that was for sure. He didn’t look like the angel I’d dreamed about. Right know his expression was similar to the biker’s. I didn’t like what I saw. I was scared.
“Now.” His voice echoed through the silent room “You must open your mind. Forget everything you know about me, and listen carefully to what I tell you, and especially…” he paused; “…don’t jump to conclusions. Promise me.”
I was filled with an infinite tenderness when I felt his fear of my reaction, like a small child about to confess his worst misdeeds.
“I promise,” I assured him.
“You also have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone what I’m going to tell you.” I was very frightened.
“Trust me. I won’t say anything to anyone.” My voice was shaking like a leaf in the wind.
“I know. I just wanted to be sure,” he said solemnly.
He trusted me. This reassured me enough to open my mind, as he asked me to do. I didn’t want to let him down.
“Just one more thing.” He looked vulnerable. Whatever he was going to tell me, it couldn’t be as bad as all that, coming from an angel like him. “If at any time you don’t think you can stand it, let me know, okay?”
I gave him a barely perceptible nod in reply. I was terrified.
He cleared his throat and began to speak.
“I come from a more advanced civilization than yours. For generations in my country nothing has been left to fate. Everything is controlled and calculated.” He read on my face that I didn’t understand and explained in more detail. “For a long time now, babies haven’t been born ‘spontaneously’. The embryos are conceived in a laboratory. We think that leaving these things to chance is dangerous and irresponsible.” I wanted to say something because I didn’t quite understand what he was saying, but he stopped me, covering my mouth with his hand, so that he could go on without any interruptions. “I belong to a civilization of perfect beings. Each and every one of the features that you see was decided in a laboratory: color of hair and eyes, height, complexion, etcetera. We have a DNA bank with many genes and countless combinations. Luke and I are two of the luckiest ones. Our parents spent a lot of money on us. Our genes are the very best. Without forgetting that we don’t suffer congenital diseases, they’ve been eradicated from the DNA that’s used to create new lives.”
He looked more relaxed than ever. I couldn’t say the same about how I was feeling. I felt like I was losing my mind.
“Luke and you really are twins?” I asked, just to say something.
“Yes, sometimes there are parents who want to have more than one child. They ask for them with similar or even the same features, as in our case, to feel like a normal family. In general, brothers look similar.” he explained, as if he was talking about a cooking recipe. “That was what our parents were looking for when they formed our family, twin boys. But, even if it seems that we are identical, I can assure you that I differ in many ways from my brother. Anyway, my parents got what they wanted: a perfectly normal family.”
His eyes searched my face for a reaction. It must have spoken for itself. I was freaking out. Did the government know anything about this? Was genetic engineering that advanced? Why had they kept it a secret?
I’d always heard about conspiracies and experiments. Urban legends, especially from Thomas. He’d be in his element if he knew about this. Even so, he thought that creating perfect people was going too far. I’d love to be as perfect as Erik. The gulf between us was growing every minute and the differences between us were becoming more palpable.
That was nothing new. Erik and I were like night and day. Now I understood why his brother looked at us with such anger. Surely any relationship between a perfect man and an imperfect woman would be prohibited, or something similar. Especially with someone as imperfect as me. Pain crushed my heart as I took in what Erik was saying.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not such a big deal, being perfect. There are more like me out there. Trust me, this isn’t perfection. Many of us envy humans; you’re so imperfect, impulsive, sensitive, and so on and so forth.”
He curled his lips, trying to smile, but his eyes were sad, dimmed and distant.
I had to try to cool the situation down. It was ironic that I, who should have been feeling bad about my less than perfect genes, was trying to comfort him, when he was perfect in every way.
There was a look of great suffering on his face, as if a terrible pain tormented him. Had he already changed his mind about us? I tried to play it down, trying not to look worried. I would have enough time to cry alone plunged into darkest sadness when he left. I blurted out the first thing that went through my head as usual.
“Well, you‘re way ahead of us in Iceland.” It was the only thing I could think of. Then it came, the big secret. I could see it in his eyes.
“I'm not from Iceland.”
“Oh! You aren’t?”
“No. I'm not even from this planet.”
My jaw dropped, my mouth wide open.
“I come from a planet called Kaeliux. It’s twenty thousand light years away in the constellation of Libra.” I didn’t understand a thing. “I’m Kaelian, or as you say here, an alien.”
A huge weight loomed over me and crushed me. It felt as if the roof of my house had collapsed and fallen on top of me. I froze in shock. I couldn’t speak or move, as if someone had cast a spell on me and turned me into a waxwork. I wanted to scream and run away, to escape from this madness, but I couldn’t. My body was static, paralyzed, as amazed as my head was.
Erik got up from his chair and came over quietly. He looked at me warily, while I was trying to picture my angel inside the science fiction story he’d just told me. It didn’t fit. What I thought about aliens had nothing to do with an angel with eyes as blue as the sea and a handsome face.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking worried.
I woke up as if I’d been under a spell of my own making and returned to reality. I decided to use my logic to take it all in and find some kind of coherent explanation.
“To be honest, I'm freaking out. I’m having a real hard time believing you, especially since you certainly don’t fit into my definition of an alien,” I babbled. “Bu
t if what you say is true, why aren’t you green with antennas on your head or something?”
I was totally an idiot.
Great. I couldn’t think of anything better to say than that.
A smile flickered across his face.
“Don't believe everything you see in the movies. You'd be amazed how different reality is.” He got serious again and wrapped himself in an aura of mystery. “Do you want me to go? I don’t know what to think. You’re very quiet. I guess this is too much for you.”
“Don’t go.” He heard the panic in my voice and grinned.
“Maybe you’d be better off letting it all out.” I looked at him questioningly. “How about running through your neighborhood yelling that you have an alien on your couch at home?”
“Don’t give me ideas!” I joked. “Why do you look just like humans?”
“Because we are like you. Our planet is similar to Earth. We have water, but not as much as here. There’s vegetation, rivers, an atmosphere that protects us and provides us with oxygen.” His face lit up as he spoke “The only difference between us is that I’m genetically perfect, I’m immune to most diseases and to cell degeneration. And I’m also a little stronger.”
His words aroused my curiosity.
“That means you won’t get old?”
“Yes.”
“Are you immortal?”
“No, I’d say I’m eternal. Look.” He sat beside me on the couch, close, almost touching me “We don’t die from natural causes like ageing or the diseases that affect you, but I'm made of flesh and blood just like you.” he said, touching my arm with his, as if he wanted to show me that they were the same. “If I had a bad accident or someone shot me, my body would react the same as yours. I would die.”
I shuddered when I heard that word.
“You said you’re stronger too. Is that why you only got a couple of bruises when you were caught by the avalanche? Is that another nice little genetic arrangement to have superpowers or something like that?”
He began to laugh. If he’d had a good opinion of my intelligence up to then, I’d just helped him to change it. I was asking silly questions, which was clear from the way he laughed when he heard them. But what did I know about aliens?
I’d never been interested in UFO’s. In fact, I was afraid to think about beings from other galaxies watching us, stalking us. And, would you believe it, I'd fallen in love with one. He stopped laughing and took my hand.
“You may think I’m stupid, but this is all so unreal...” I apologized.
“It's logical you should have these questions.” he said stroking my hand, with his eyes fixed on it. “In fact, there’s no reason why you should know anything. You shouldn’t even know that I am what I am. It might bring us a whole heap of problems. If someone else found out what I just told you, I’d have to disappear forever. The only possible way for our two species to coexist is for you to not to know about us.”
Of course I didn’t like that. I didn’t want Erik away from me even if he was in the next village. Let alone on another planet. No, that wasn’t an option. I’d rather go with him in a UFO or flying saucer, or whatever they call those things they use.
“So why are you stronger?” I repeated.
“That’s easy. The force of gravity on our planet is greater than yours. That means that, if we had your bone structure, we’d end up crushed into the ground.” He looked at me before continuing “I’ll try to explain it to you better. We’re stronger than you because our skeletons are made of a similar but stronger material than bone. It doesn’t break so easily and it protects our vital organs better. The scientific explanation is more complex.”
“The simple explanation is okay by me,” I said.
I had enough going on in my mind without worrying about scientific jargon as well.
“Well, as I said, our bodies are stronger. To simplify it a bit, let’s just say that it takes more than an avalanche of ice rocks and tree trunks to kill me.”
“You're like a superhero.” For a moment I remembered the star of a film I’d seen the year before.
Everything finally fell into place. The first time I saw him I knew he was different. And here was the confirmation. I searched his eyes with mine and I saw him looking at me intently. Nothing remained of the previous ice blue sea, it was warm and calm now. I was drifting, immersed in those eyes.
“Are there many more like you here? “ I asked after a while.
“A few. We have no problem going unnoticed because physically we look like you.”
He squeezed my hand. I could feel the heat coursing through my body. Human or alien, he was the best thing that had happened to me in my entire life and I wasn’t going to let him go.
“Well, there’s one way you’re different to us. At least in your case,” I said.
“Really?” Now I’d aroused his curiosity.
“You're incredibly handsome.” The blood boiled in my face.
He sighed exaggeratedly.
“I never thought you saw me that way.” He put on an act, pretending to be all offended. “Is that why you’re with me? Because of the way I look?”
He began to laugh at his own joke. I didn’t think it was funny at all. I didn’t like it when he laughed at me. He or anyone else, even if he was an alien.
“Yes that’s the main reason, because your intelligence leaves much to be desired,” I said.
“You’re a one-off.”
He hugged me. I started laughing too. I was too thin-skinned these days. Luckily, Erik took it well.
“Now tell me, why do you find me so interesting? Is it because I’m human and you’re not?”
“At first, yes.” He took my face in his hands “But, as I said before, everything is more complicated now, I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.”
I felt feverish when I heard him say that. Erik was in love with me. I wouldn’t have imagined that, even in my wildest dreams.
“But there was always the risk.” I decided to explain myself better when I saw the blank look on his face “Let's see, how can I explain... If a man and a woman meet and like each other, it’s only natural that love can arise between them.” I didn’t know if I was explaining it to him or if I was trying to convince myself. It was incomprehensible that Erik had fallen in love with me.
“It’s normal for you, for humans.” It was my turn to be poker-faced again. Was there something else he hadn’t told me? “We don’t make use of feelings, or whatever you want to call them.”
I didn’t expect that. The news hit my desperate heart like a cold shower. So was he in love with me or not?
“I'm lost. A moment ago you swore me eternal love,” I overreacted, “and now you tell me you can’t feel anything.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re driving me nuts. I’m finding it harder and harder to believe you, I mean it.”
“I didn’t explain myself very well,” he said, looking at me with that half smile that left me speechless. “Sometimes I forget you don’t know my secrets.”
I kept quiet. Nothing that I said right then would have meant a thing. What I needed was an explanation from him to avoid what I was beginning to feel in my heart.
“We Kaelians train our minds from childhood to be our only guide in life. We live on the basis of reason and knowledge, avoiding any kind of emotion or feeling. That attitude has brought us great benefits. We are a civilization that lives in peace. We don’t suffer from wars and violence like you humans do, because those acts are caused by emotions such as anger, envy, frustration, greed or jealousy. On my planet we’ve managed to control those feelings, or rather I should say that our minds work to discipline those emotions, so we have a peaceful and organized existence. The problem is that we don’t allow emotions to flow like this.” He kissed the palm of my hand.
“It sounds awful being constantly under control.”
“Trust me, it isn’t that bad. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. The problem is here on Earth, living among you.�
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“Why?” I asked as I smoothed back a golden strand of hair that had fallen over his forehead. He closed his eyes, sighing.
“Because you do things like that.” He took my hand, the one that had touched his hair, and kissed it “You’re the opposite of us. You let yourselves get carried away by countless emotions. Basically, you live to enjoy every impulse of your heart. That's why Kaelians who live on Earth must keep a distance from humans, so we don’t let your folly cloud our reason. You must think we don’t have feelings. We do, like you, but we need to keep them under control, otherwise...” He lifted our hands, entwined together, in front of my eyes “I’m a perfect example of how you, beautiful human, have managed to destroy my self-control.”
His gaze was intense. Erik was trying to guess from my eyes what was going through my mind. I felt his warm breath on my skin. Whatever he was, at that moment he felt as human as me.
“Are you sorry you met me?” I whispered with his face almost resting on my face, dangerously close to my mouth.
“No. You're the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said solemnly. “Get this through your little head,” he added, softly touching my temple with the tip of his finger “I would happily give up a century of existence on my world for another second with you.”
I thought I was dying. His words made my ears ring and my heart beat faster. I got carried away by the uncontrollable urge to kiss him. I needed the confirmation of his lips on mine to believe that this was real and not a dream. I lifted my head to bridge the few inches that separated our lips. I enjoyed the pleasure before the kiss. But it was only an instant. The urgency of our mouths increased our anxiety, Erik squeezed me strongly against his chest and what began as a clumsy touch of our lips became a passionate kiss that left me breathless. The fire that surrounded us right then was as powerful as how impossible our love was. We both knew it. Maybe that's why we felt so overcome by the strength of our desire.
We pulled apart, breathless and happy. There couldn’t be a greater joy than the happiness I’d just felt. I rested my head on his chest while my inexperienced hands slipped under his thin sweater and stroked his soft velvety skin. Erik hugged me, breathing in the scent of my hair. I didn’t want to close my eyes. I was afraid that he might disappear if I fell asleep, but I could feel fatigue beginning to take hold of me. I spoke, if only to get back in touch with reality.
“You told me you were a danger to me. Why?”
“Because that's the truth,” he replied. He was sad again and his sweet sea was clouded. I clung to him tighter.
“Just tell me why.”
“I don’t know if I can...” He was avoiding telling me the whole truth, but I needed to know. I was drowning in doubt.
“Be honest with me. I can take it, really,” I said softly. “Please, Erik, I need you to trust me.”
“Okay.” He shifted uneasily on the couch and moved a little away from me, but without letting go of me. I touched his cheek to cheer him up.
“I'd rather know the truth no matter how hard it is to take.”
I tried to sound convincing, but my hands were sweating and my head began to ache horribly. My strength was waning.
He nodded and began to speak.
“My species has always considered itself superior to humans.” I tried to look like I didn’t care what he was saying, but the way his lips curled almost into a grimace made me feel sure he didn’t want to talk about this at all. “Although we’re very similar, we‘ve managed to control our minds and bodies, so that our actions don’t lead us to disaster, a very different thing to what happens here on Earth. You humans are driven by harmful feelings; you’ll do anything just to get what you want.”
I didn’t like the description he was giving of my fellow humans. I was aware that from the outside we could look like senseless fools, but not everybody was like that and it seemed that he’d already passed his own judgment on us. That wasn’t fair. I needed to answer him.
“At least we’re not porcelain figures like you.” I got up and started walking in circles around the dining room “You’re very handsome and sweet on the outside but cold and empty inside.”
“I told you that you wouldn’t want to hear it.” He leaned back against the sofa back and smoothed back his wavy hair. He looked at me smugly, with a smile on his lips “We’d better not go on with this.”
“No, I want to go on with this.” I stood in front of him, demanding the truth. “Do you really think it would best if I didn’t know? I'm not a little girl who people can hide the truth from so they can go on living happily in their own little world.” I pointed a finger at him accusingly. “You’ve come into my life, you've ripped up my world, and now you expect me to act as if nothing has happened?”
I let out a deep breath and turned on my heels. I walked to the other side of the room. Surely he didn’t think I was stupid enough to be convinced that easily. I would discover the truth; I would get to the bottom of it all. That was all I had clear in my mind right then.
The sofa creaked as he got up. I had my back to him, looking out the window, into the darkness of the night. My heart began to pound loudly when I heard his footsteps coming towards me. I felt the warmth of his body when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him, until I was leaning against him.
“There’s no need for you know everything.” he whispered in my ear with his sweet voice. A shiver ran through my body when I felt his lips kissing my neck “Please. Trust me.”
My defenses collapsed and shattered. I let myself go. I lost myself in him, like I did when he looked at me, but this time it was his voice that was wrapped around me. The soft touch of his lips on my skin disconnected me from the real world.
“You know I trust you,” I whispered. I could hardly breathe. “Also, you can be very convincing if you try.”
I raised my hand to touch his hair as he leaned his head on my shoulder. I could feel his lips twitch into a smile on my skin. He knew the effect he had on me and he didn’t hesitate when it came to applying it without mercy.
I could feel my heart pounding. I was ashamed to be so exposed to Erik. His breathing was also irregular on my neck, but he was still under control. That wasn’t the case with me.
With a quick but steady movement, he turned me around and stood me in front of him. He fixed his eyes intently on mine. I saw firm intentions and fury in them. I shuddered.
“We're playing with fire,” he warned me, though I could barely hear him.
I‘d lost myself again in that little piece of blue sky, his eyes.
He brushed my jaw with his fingers.
“I don’t know if this is going to work,” he added. There was sadness in his voice.
He carried on caressing my face gently. His touch was like a balm to me, it had the power to calm my fears.
“No-one could have guessed this would happen. In fact I thought it was impossible. And look at us; we’re like a 20th Century Romeo and Juliet.”
“I don’t like that comparison.” I said.
“Why?”
“Because their story had a sad ending. Well, worse than sad, tragic.”
I saw the surprise on his face. It was clear that for everyone, including aliens, Romeo and Juliet were one of the most romantic couples in history. I didn’t doubt that, but I was less than okay with having as short a future with Erik as Juliet had with Romeo. I wanted more. I wanted a lifetime with him. I wanted eternity.
The thought struck me suddenly.
“You're amazing!” I heard him say, while I was immersed in my thoughts. “Very few people can amaze me and you do it all the time.” He hugged me again, so hard I couldn’t breathe. “I don’t care if this is right or wrong. I want you in my life. I want to spend each and every day of my life with you,” he said, caressing my back as I turned to jelly in his arms.
“You talk all the time like we were doing something wrong, something prohibited. What’s wrong with being together?” I was
aware of the fact that being from two different planets was a pretty big reason, but who cared if we loved each other?
“What’s wrong…?” He repeated my words. “Stella you can’t imagine how dangerous this is for us both, but especially for you.”
“No I can’t, because you won’t explain it to me,” I said, trying to get a word in.
“There’s no need, I won’t let anything happen to you. They’ll have to kill me first if they want to find you.”
Just for a moment I realized what I had on my hands. My heart stopped beating for a few seconds; I was panic-stricken. His eyes were hard, frightening.
“I couldn’t bear to lose you.” I mumbled, unable to speak clearly.
“Don’t worry about me. I can protect myself and I’ll take care of you, I promise.”
We fell silent. I was trying to understand everything I’d discovered that night about my angel. Things weren’t looking too good, although I had no idea why, and that made it worse. I thought Erik was hiding the most important part of the secret, and that tormented me. So, even though physically we couldn’t get any closer, he was actually far away from me, immersed in thoughts that, of course, he wouldn’t share with me. I was frantically thinking how I could bring him back to me.
I hugged him harder, searching his eyes with mine.
“I don’t care what happens. There’s no way I’m going to leave you.” I said, trying to attract his attention with one of the few things I was sure about.
But he was miles away. I wanted to get into his mind, into that space which was closed to me.
“What's wrong?” I needed to find out what had caused this change in him. He wasn’t the same guy who had caressed me so gently me before. His body was full of tension again.
“We’ll talk tomorrow.”
He didn’t answer my question. I didn’t want to push him; I was too tired to keep playing this game. It was nearly midnight, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and I was unable to open them again. I slept deeply in his arms. ‘This can’t be happening to me,’ was the last thought that crossed my mind before I fell into absolute unconsciousness.
I woke up disoriented. I was lying comfortably in my bed. I jumped up. Had I dreamt everything? It was impossible. I still remembered every word of what he’d said. I could feel the touch of his lips on my skin.
I heard noises in the house. I looked at the digital clock on my nightstand. I blinked in disbelief when I saw the display. It was after noon. I‘d slept all morning. Nicole must have just woken up; otherwise she would have come to wake me up.
Then I noticed a small piece of paper beside the clock, perfectly folded with my name written on it. My heart started beating wildly. Erik had left me a note. So was it real after all?
I opened it, desperately wanting to read his words.
“Doubt thou that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt that the truth be a liar, but never doubt that I love.”
Erik
I squeezed the note excitedly against my chest. I knew those words were from Shakespeare. We’d read them among the million things we’d used for our Lit assignment. Now they took on new life for me. Erik was trying to tell me something. He wanted me to be clear that the only thing that I should worry about was that he loved me. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, drunk with happiness, as I smiled.
I read the tiny note again and again, searching for all the possible tones locked inside those lines. I couldn’t analyze the situation coldly. Erik was an alien but I didn’t care at all. He was the only person, human or not, who I wanted to share the rest of my days with. I was so in love with Erik that each and every one of my heartbeats was for him. And there was danger for me, something in him or close to him. I didn’t know what, but right now I didn’t care. It was too late to go back.
The shower washed away all my doubts. My stomach rumbled in desperation. I hadn’t eaten for twenty-four hours and now it was taking its toll on me. I combed my hair quickly, untangling it. I grabbed the old tracksuit I used to wear at home and ran, almost flew, into the kitchen.
I was eating a sandwich when I was startled by the monotone ring of the doorbell.
“Come in, Beth.” I heard my mother say.
“Where’s Stella?”
“She's having breakfast in the kitchen. She overslept.”
My mother was in a good mood because she had the day off. But Beth’s tone left no doubt: her visit didn’t bode well. I’d disappeared yesterday afternoon from school and I hadn’t even answered her calls. I prepared for the worst. She came into the kitchen like a hurricane and sat in front of me.
“You’d better have a good reason for what you’ve put me through.” she said, pointing her finger at me, while with the other hand she stole half of the sandwich I had on my plate, “If you don’t.” she added, taking a bite, “I’ll kick our friendship out of the ballpark.”
I stifled a laugh. Out of the what? And threatening me with her mouth full of the food she had just stolen from me took away any credibility from what she was saying. But I decided to show a little regret, trying to look contrite. Mixed with the urge to laugh, the result was a sort of weird grimace.
She was right. I had to make up a good story if I wanted to avoid her questions about what had really happened yesterday afternoon. I decided to give her a decaf version of what happened, keeping the morbid details to myself.
“Erik wanted to bring me home.” I said, lowering my voice and leaning towards her, as if I was going to confess the worst sin. “My mother wasn’t here and we took the chance to speak and to... you know what I mean.” I concluded with a wink.
“No, I don’t understand at all. You have to explain it all now, word for word,” she said, with her eyes about to pop out of their sockets. A slight smile spread over my face. It had worked!
“You’re not kidding me, right?” she said, when she saw me smiling.
“I swear I’m not kidding.” I answered, leaning back in my chair, trying to look unworried.
“So why all this playing dumb? Tell me! Did it get physical? “She’d almost climbed onto the table. This time it was my juice that she grabbed; she gulped it down.
“Hey!” I protested, but she ignored me and went on with her questions.
“Oh, come on! You’ve got me going now. Let it all out. What happened? Did he kiss you?”
“You could say that...” I stopped intentionally. Curiosity was killing Beth. I put her out of her misery. “If you mean the deepest and most wonderful connection between two people, where the rest of the world stops and it’s just you and him, then yes, he kissed me.”
“My God! I think I'm hyperventilating!” she cried, waving her hand quickly in front of her face.
“Quit clowning around!” I said, getting up to take the plate and empty glass to the sink. I heard her chair scrape the floor loudly.
“We have to celebrate this.” She sat down beside me on the marble worktop.
“Stop talking nonsense and get down from there. If my mother sees you she’ll pass out; anyway, it was only a kiss. You’ve had thousands like that.”
I didn’t really believe that. It was impossible for anyone to feel what I’d felt when Erik kissed me. Beth was still in her own little world.
“I knew it! Did I tell you or didn’t I? It was love at first sight! How amazing is that?!”
We went to my room to have more privacy. I was uncomfortable talking about Erik and me with Nicole close by.
“Honestly, you were starting to worry me. Your age and never been kissed!”
We were sitting on my bed. I elbowed her and made her lose her balance.
“It’s no big deal. I’m only seventeen and I’ve never been in love with anyone. I don’t want to go around kissing just anyone, like you do.”
“That's no excuse. You've never given anyone a chance to be with you.” That was true. I was afraid to get close up and personal with boys. “Besides, you’ve offended me. I don’t kis
s the first guy who pops up.” she added seriously. I felt guilty for a moment. “Only the cute ones!” she laughed.
“You need to see a shrink.”
“Let’s talk about what's really important right now.” She stood on my bed and raised her arms to the sky “The miracle that, by the grace and favor of a hot Viking, who by the way is yummy, has finally happened.”
I threw a pillow at her face and made her fall on my bed again. We started a fight with the cushions, laughing and screaming, falling exhausted on the mattress.
Now that it seemed she’d forgotten my story, I thought it was the ideal time to change the subject.
“And how’s it going with your parents?” It didn’t take long for my words to have the desired effect and make her forget about me once and for all.
When Beth left, my nerves began to take me over. It was almost four o'clock. My mother had prepared lasagna for the three of us. We’d laughed at the stories that Nicole told us about the hospital. She always said that it was a different world, with a life of its own. I laughed at the irony. If she knew her daughter was really about to enter another world, she would die.
“Are you going out?” she asked me from the other side of the bathroom door.
“Yes.” I said, trying to put my hair in a ponytail.
“Can I come in?”
I didn’t say anything. I just opened the door wide but she didn’t come in. She leaned on the doorframe and look at me questioningly.
“Are you going out with Beth again?” she asked, testing the waters.
I didn’t want to lie to her, so I told her the truth.
“No, I’m going out with Erik.” Or at least that’s what I was hoping. I saw the flush on my cheeks in the mirror.
“Oh.” She seemed to relax. “That's fine. I like that boy. He seems so...” She rubbed her chin looking for the right word “I don’t know, he seems more responsible and mature than most boys your age.”
She was right. I’d noticed it too. Erik was always responsible. He was very measured with what he said and did, he always behaved properly. Maybe that's why I’d fallen in love with him. He didn’t act like a teenager. According to Beth, I was a wet blanket; I’d rather call it common sense. That's why I felt so comfortable with Erik. We suited each other, or at least I liked to think that we did.
Luckily, before my mother could ask me for the lowdown on Erik’s gorgeous body, the bell rang, getting me out of what could have been an awkward spot.
“I’ll go.” My mother shot toward the door before I could react.
“Hello, Erik.” she said, reaching out her hand in greeting.
“Hello, Mrs. Preston.” he said, shaking her hand.
“Just call me Nicole.” my mother smiled.
I left the hideout I’d been watching them from.
“Hi.”
“Hello.” he winked, making me blush in front of my mother as a delicious smile curved his lips. I wanted to kiss them.
I grabbed my coat and my bag as Nicole kissed me goodbye.
“Don’t come back late, okay?” she shouted from the doorway when we were on the street.
“Don’t worry, Nicole. I'll bring her back before eleven.” Erik hastened to answer before I could get a word in. It was funny. It seemed like they were talking about my custody.
Once my mother had disappeared inside, Erik took my hand and enlaced his fingers in mine. I could feel my stomach tighten and those familiar butterflies were flying around it.
“I missed you.” he said, stroking my hand with his thumb.
“I missed you too.” I replied awkwardly. I felt my face redden as I looked at him.
“Where are we going?” I asked once we were inside the car.
“You’ll see.” he smiled widely, revealing his perfect white teeth “It's a surprise.”
We drove in silence. Erik held my hand while he drove. The faint rays of sunlight between the trees flecked his hair with gold and made his blue eyes shine even more.
“What did you say to your mother?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.
“That I was going out with you. Why?” I didn’t understand his question. Did he think I’d revealed his secret?
“I don’t know, she seemed so happy.”
“I imagine she is happy.” I knew he wouldn’t believe me, but I tried it all the same.
“So? ...” He waved his hand, as if he wanted me to keep talking.
I didn’t want to tell him; more than that, I was embarrassed. I couldn’t avoid his questioning look and I started talking.
“You see, since my father died two years ago, I haven’t been out much.” I tapped my fingers nervously on the dashboard of the Audi. “I think Nicole was worried about my voluntary confinement.”
“You didn’t go out? Ever?” There was shock and disbelief in his voice.
“No, it wasn’t that drastic. I went out with Beth and the others some weekends.”
By the way he was frowning I could see that he didn’t quite understand; the truth is that I was explaining myself like a closed book. I took a deep breath and went on.
“The problem is I've never been out with anybody. Dating, I mean.” I could see my red face reflected in the mirror of the car.
I looked at him cautiously, waiting for a laugh or a comment. He didn’t say anything, but his sky was bluer and clearer than a summer morning. He seemed happy, as if the idea of being the first was his greatest hope. Finally he chuckled.
“Hey!” I protested, gently slapping his arm in a failed attempt to look offended. “Don’t laugh at me. Not everyone has the advantages that you do.”
“What advantages?”
He slowed down and parked the car next to an old house. His eyes, filled with curiosity, amazed me. How could he not realize he was incredibly attractive?
I decided to make that clear.
“Have you seen yourself? Your body, your face, your eyes, your hair, your smile, your voice… Do I need to go on?” I said, lifting my hands, palms open.
“Oh, that again.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes.
He grabbed the rubber band that held my hair and slowly slid it down, freeing my hair, which fell sprawling down my back.
“You have beautiful chestnut hair. You shouldn’t wear a ponytail; you also smell really good, like sweet almonds.” He took a lock of my hair and smelled it. I sighed, grateful for the fabulous shampoo my mother had bought. “Your eyes are like two drops of honey, but when the sun shines on them you can see amazing green flecks.” He looked at me; I was speechless.
My heart was pounding so hard that the air was trapped in my throat without getting to my lungs. I felt dizzy. He ran his finger along the edge of my lips. They parted, reacting to his caress.
“Your lips are soft and sweet. You radiate a beauty you’re not aware of, from what I can see.” He leaned over and put his lips on my ear. “We’re not so different. I hope you can see that now.” he whispered, then kissed my neck.
“You’re biased.” I managed to say.
“Everything you see in me…” he said, pulling back a few inches and giving me a good look at how beautiful he was, “is the result of a laboratory process for perfection; however, you…” He leaned back, taking my face in his warm hands, “are naturally beautiful. Your features and your little imperfections are what make you an exceptional woman.”
I knew he was being sincere, I could read it in his eyes. That was how he saw me and that really pleased me, but I was also a realist. I’d spent seventeen years looking in the mirror and I was convinced that there was no comparison between him and me. I wasn’t used to compliments so it would be best to change the subject before the excess blood in my cheeks made them burst.
“On your planet the women have to be gorgeous, right?”
“I suppose so.” he replied nonchalantly.
“You suppose so?” Something pierced my heart. Was I jealous?
“Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve never paid tha
t much attention to them. They’re like clones, too perfect for my taste, too cold.” He stroked my hand gently. “Not like you, you're a wild torrent of emotions.”
We laughed at my pathetic jealousy and got out of the car. He’d parked next to an old rickety house on the outskirts of the village. I hadn’t realized that it had been more than an hour since we'd left my house.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” I said, regretting it instantly. I was bound to answer, no matter what his question was.
“What happened to your father?” His hand tightened its grip on mine and his eyes searched my face, dark as the deep waters of the ocean.
I took a deep breath. When it came down to it, I wanted to tell him.
“He died in a car accident.” I paused, but he kept silent, urging me with his sweet sky to keep talking. “One night a couple of police officers came home to tell us that they’d found my father's car burnt out on the road.”
Sadness engulfed me as bitter memories surfaced in my mind. Erik kept looking at me in silence.
“Nicole had to be hospitalized with a severe anxiety attack, but the remains of the body were never found,” I said in a small, trembling voice.
“And didn’t the police investigate? It seems a bit strange that they couldn’t find anything to identify him.” He squeezed my hand tightly, looking intently at me with real concern.
“They looked for a while but, they just found his wedding ring, so they declared the case closed. Apparently the fire consumed his...” My quavering voice wasn’t able to finish the sentence.
Tears came to my eyes and rushed down my cheeks. I could feel the warm moisture soaking my face.
“It must have been hard for you.” He pulled me closer and I leaned my head on his chest as he stroked my back.
I nodded a ‘Yes’. A lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. It was comforting to feel his warm arms around me, with that strange power that had filled me from the first day I saw him.
He kissed my head gently and all those barriers that I’d put up so well for the last two years fell without resistance and released me from the intense pain that had been choking me.
“It’s still so hard.” I said between hiccups and sobs.
He said no more. He looked at me with infinite tenderness, concerned about my pain. I felt good losing myself in his eyes again; it was like being at home. I didn’t want to leave. I was in my own private heaven.
“Feeling better?” he asked when my breathing became more regular and my tears stopped at last.
“Yes, it’s doing me good sharing this with you, but do you understand now why I don’t like to talk about it?”
“I understand, or rather I’m trying to understand.” He looked confused. His face was lined. “I just can’t understand the strong bonds that unite humans, or the deep pain that you experience at the loss of a loved one.”
“Haven’t you ever suffered the pain of losing someone?” I found it incomprehensible.
“No.” He saw my look of amazement. “Basically for two reasons. The first is that I don’t have such strong ties with anyone in my civilization as you might have with your family or friends.” I was shocked. “Don’t get me wrong, I told you that we don’t show our feelings, so it’s very difficult to get attached to someone so deeply; as they say in Spanish, ‘familiarity builds love’ so if there’s no familiarity...”
“There’s no love.” I said, finishing his sentence for him.
“Exactly. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care what happens to my family.”
“I don’t get it. You love them but you wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t around?” A family like that was beyond my comprehension.
“That’s the second reason,” he went on, as if that clarified everything. “For centuries no one has died on our planet. We’re a peaceful people and with our genes in perfect condition we needn’t worry about losing someone to death.”
Even so, I saw a special light in his eyes. Nostalgia? I understood less and less, but I tried at least to make him understand me; I could feel that pain which tears your insides out and leaves your body feeling raw.
“How would you feel if you lost me?”
“I don’t know, because I thought that would be a good comparison.”
His face was full of pain. The blue of his eyes faded and darkened, becoming cloudy, tormented.
“I can’t even imagine it.” He held me very close. “My life would have no meaning. You’ve become my reason for living,” he added tensely. “It hurts just thinking about it.” He put my hand on his chest and I could feel the frantic beating of his heart.
A distant roar surprised us both and shook us out of our private universe. A motorcycle sped past us, red as a streak of blood. I watched as it disappeared down the road.
“Was that…?”
“Yes, it was Luke.” He turned his back to the road and grabbed me by the waist. “Come on, there's something I want to show you.”
It took me a few seconds to react. I hadn’t got used to the idea of the twin brother yet, and I was confused.
“What was he doing here?” I asked as we walked on.
“He lives here.” He pointed at the old house right in front of me as if it were something obvious. “Well, I should say we live here.”
I shivered with cold. It was dark. The sky began to fill with stars as a glimmer of sunlight peeked weakly from behind the mountains. I grabbed my jacket and put it on, shaking my head in puzzlement. How could I lose track of time like that when I was with Erik? It was beginning to be worrisome.
“So you’re going to show me your house?” I hadn’t expected that. “Was that the surprise?” My disappointment showed in my voice.
I had dreamed of a romantic candlelit dinner in a small restaurant. Even a dinner at home would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that the house looked like something out of a horror movie.
“Yes to the first question and no to the second.” He looked at me and I could see a mischievous smile on his face that left me speechless. Why did he have to be so beautifully perfect and me so human and imperfect?
I was pleasantly surprised by the inside of the house, which was nothing like the grim exterior. The ground floor was spacious with a single room. The kitchen and the dining room, exquisitely decorated, shared the same space, separated by a glazed glass bar.
They had all the latest technology, from a flat screen HDTV, which took up almost half the wall like a painting, to kitchen gadgets which my mother wouldn’t even dare to dream about.
The russet color of the walls contributed more to creating a clear, open space. Only a chocolate leather sofa stood in front of the large flat screen. A little further away, close to the kitchen, there was a glass table with four chairs in the same leather as the sofa.
It looked like something from an interior design magazine. It was very modern, but too cold and impersonal.
There were no framed photos or magnets on the fridge. I don’t know why I felt uncomfortable. Erik, as I expected, noticed it.
“Come on,” he said, pulling me with him. “Let me show you my room.”
His room. The mere mention of those words made me quiver. Was there something hidden in his invitation?
My body was torn between what my heart wanted, hopelessly in love and with no will of its own; and my wiser head, which was telling me not to do anything foolish.
We walked up a narrow spiral staircase made of iron and wood, dark and cracked by time and use, feeling as if it would break anytime as it took our weight. I walked on tiptoes like a ballerina, struggling in vain to weigh less. We reached the attic.
“So what do you think?” he smiled, opening the door wide.
I was fascinated by the vision I saw before me. This room was nothing like the rest of the house. Although the color and quality of the furnishings looked the same, there was life in it. The shelves were full of books of all kinds. A minutely detailed model of a solar syst
em hung from the ceiling. I imagined that was where Erik came from. The sun was in the center of the ceiling: it was a lamp. Erik pressed the switch wordlessly; the effect when the soft orange light hit the other planets and stars was really cool.
“Wow...” I was completely amazed.
I strode into the room and I saw another curious detail. A corkboard covered with photos of me taken from different angles, in different situations. Alone, with friends, with Nicole, laughing with Thomas, fighting with Beth. The story of the last few months of my life.
“Did you take all these pictures?” I asked, still perplexed.
“Yes.” he said simply.
“But why?”
Erik looked at me without a trace of embarrassment or regret, despite his invasion of my privacy when I hadn’t even known he existed.
“I've been photographing you every day to try to understand your humanity, to capture all the details that fascinate me about you and even so I still don’t understand them.”
“You’re crazy! You’re like a psycho stalker!” I said, turning to him reproachfully.
“Sure I'm crazy, but I’m crazy about you.” He was so close to my mouth that without thinking twice he leaned over me and kissed me passionately.
His kisses burned my skin, increasing my madness. He turned his lips slowly away from mine. I sighed deeply. I’d never get used to this wonderful, blissful feeling.
“For a cold manipulative alien, you kiss very well.” I said, standing with my eyes closed, remembering the taste of his mouth.
“Thank you. The credit is all yours.” he laughed nervously. “It’s like a fountain of emotions that you’ve awakened; nobody has ever done that before. I just let myself go.”
That sounded familiar. It was exactly what had happened to me. If Beth were here listening, she’d be jumping with joy and going on about her theory of love at first sight.
“Wait here for a moment,” he said, pointing at the bed for me to sit down.
I blushed and perched on the edge of the bed. Erik was bent over a huge telescope, looking for something through the window. His well-defined muscles tensed under his thin cotton shirt. I wanted to touch him. A wave of heat flooded my body and my cheeks went red again.
“Ready,” he said, turning to me.
I could see a twinkle in his eyes. He was radiant. I enjoyed imagining that I was the reason for all that happiness.
“Stella, come here. I want you to see this.” I went over to the telescope and looked through the opening he was showing me. The infinity of the cosmos exploded in front of me.
“It’s wonderful. It's spectacular.”
“Yeah, it is. That's my galaxy.” There was a hint of satisfaction in his voice.
I couldn’t take my eyes off that incredibly beautiful sight. I’d never seen space through a telescope before. My only forays into the splendors of the universe had been going to the Planetarium with the science class. I felt tiny before such grandeur and magnificence. I thought about Erik; he belonged to that world, not mine. A pall of sadness invaded my heart.
“Do you miss your world?” I asked, turning away from the telescope to look at him.
“No.” he answered without looking at me “You are my world, I don’t need anything else.” I wanted to believe him. He sounded honest but he avoided looking at me and his eyes rested on some unknown point in the darkness outside.
What was happening now? Only a few moments ago he was sweet and passionate as he kissed me, I’d say he even seemed happy; but now, unfortunately for me, he was engulfed in that familiar coldness once more.
“You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
“Getting away from me,” I answered sorrowfully. “Stop worrying. We're not doing anything wrong.”
I went up to him but didn’t dare to touch him. He turned towards me, meeting my eyes. His sea wasn’t calm. I didn’t like what I saw in his eyes.
“Come on.” he muttered through clenched teeth, clutching my waist and pulling me out of the room in a hurry.
His anger overwhelmed me and a shiver of fear ran through my body. Before I could ask what was going on a tall strong-looking man appeared in the hallway, blocking our way.
“Erik, aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?” asked the newcomer, leaning against the wall.
Erik stiffened and stood facing him with every muscle in his body ready to run at any moment.
“Stella, this is Rudolf. One of my… roommates.” I got the feeling that he wasn’t exactly that.
“Good to meet you.” The tall, good-looking stranger scrutinized me with his dark eyes and pierced me with his gaze. It scared me.
“Nice to meet you too.” I mumbled, hiding myself unconsciously behind Erik.
“Well, we're leaving.”
Erik took my hand and pulled me outside while Rudolf followed us with his eyes. Those eyes terrified me. I felt them drilling into the back of my head. We walked to the car quickly. I was trying to breathe normally when I heard a couple of raps on the window. I jumped in my seat and a cry escaped my lips.
It was Luke.
ESCAPE
“Trust is the feeling that you can have confidence in a person even when we know we would lie if we were them.”
Henry-Louis Mencken
Double Moon Page 12
