The Dirty Dozen: Alpha Edition

by Kay Maree

  This was going to get crazy especially since this was just the beginning; this was breakfast and already things were getting wild. I’d be worried about what was to come over the next four days especially with multiple guest, partying and the alcohol that went along with it.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Chopping Wood

  I’d made it through the mad hatter of a breakfast and was now heading toward the sheds to the far right of the property. I’d promised my father I’d help while I was here, and he’d had a list of things he wanted to get done.

  Some of the jobs were easy, like shovelling snow but others would require heavy machinery. He wanted a few trees to be lobbed and cut into firewood to keep them warm through the winter. It got cold here, alright… that’s an understatement it got fucking freezing with average temperatures ranging from zero to minus thirty-five degrees Fahrenheit it often was a shock to the system if you weren’t used to such a climate.

  I wasted no time rummaging through the shed and pulling out the chainsaw. It was smaller than the ones I was used to wielding but it would do for cutting a few trees and turning them into logs. I’d do the splitting by hand with an axe. I grabbed the petrol can and headed back outside. It was snowing and a good two inches had fallen overnight which meant this wasn’t going to be easy, but Emmett said he’d help. He wasn’t a lumberjack, but he knew how to handle a chainsaw and luckily, we’d both managed to arrange all this without the knowledge of too many of our relations because the last thing I needed was an audience.

  It was dangerous, so many factors to consider. Weather was the biggest, this included wind variables and rain. In our case, snow fall but the snow made for a less noise when the tree finally went timber.

  I never got over the sound, the snap, crackle and pop of a tree as it began to fall. I also loved hearing the sound of the chainsaw rev and kick in as it cut into the bark then the wood beneath. The lumberjack life wasn’t for everyone, but it gave me a thrill like no other job could and while the thought of chopping a few trees down here on my parent property would be daunting to many it was simply a job to me.

  I grabbed the chainsaw and headed out the back of the shed towards the treeline to the south of the property it was time to kick the big machinery into gear and show my cousin Emmett what it was like to be a big boy who played with the big toys.

  ***

  I’d cleared the problem trees, but I knew before I returned to work, I’d have to cut a few more. My father liked to be safe than sorry and with the extreme weather they often got I didn’t blame him.

  “This must be easy work for you compared to a typical day on the tools climbing trees,” Emmett voiced as he sat back watching me split wood for the fires.

  He was some sort of a help with lugging most of the chopped bits of the tree to the trailer so we could cart them back into the shed but do much for him saying he’d help me split the wood. So far all he’d done was sit back with a beer in hand and watch me do all the heavy lifting.

  “This must really impress the woman,” he joked.

  I rolled my eyes. This job, it wasn’t easy, and no way would this physically demanding career be attractive to any woman. It was hard, exhausting and downright body breaking work. If I didn’t love it so much, I think I’d hate it.

  “Ever pick up girls by saying you’re a lumberjack?”

  “Come off it Emmett, how on earth is being a lumberjack the means for a woman to crawl into my bed? I don’t compete in competitions, I am not at the local American show chopping wood as fast as I can for a trophy,” I groaned as I lined up another log and bought the axe down cracking it into two.

  It was starting to get hot, even though we were in the throes of winter, I felt like I was sweltering in summer. I removed my snow jacket and realized exactly how hot I’d been. My shirt was covered in sweat. I loved getting a good physical workout from chopping wood, but it certainly was a big job to do all this alone, but Emmett was too engrossed in a beer to care.

  As I lined up another piece of wood, I couldn’t help but feel like we weren’t the only ones in the shed anymore. I was being watched, I could feel a gaze as someone eyed me while I swung the axe high and bought it back down splitting the wood in two. I lined up another piece of wood, swung my axe once again and let the cracking sound of wood intoxicate the air. There was something soothing about this task, just simply lining up blocks of wood and splitting them. It was different to normal of my job, the task of either wearing corks, the sharp pointed shoes which we used to climb trees or the task of notching out a large V into a tree to make it fall a certain way. It’s the method I used to cut the trees down, but this side of the spectrum was left to others to do. We just cut the trees and made them into logs, what happens to them after wasn’t our concern.

  “If a man told me he was a lumberjack and he chopped wood like that I’d climb into his bed,” Adley’s voice rang out through the shed.

  I shook my head. My cousins were all crazy.

  “Clearly you’ve never heard of a lumbersexual,” Adley replied.

  The instant those words left her mouth, I watched Emmett’s beer fly clean out of his mouth and across the room. It was obvious Emmett had never heard of it before but that made this even more hilarious because the look of shock horror on his face was priceless. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter, yes, I’d heard the term before but never thought a single thing about it. It wasn’t something I thought myself to be because I didn’t portray any of the stereotypical qualities associated with the term lumbersexual. Alright, so I may have worn a plaid shirt once or twice and the beard… I let a bit of stubble grow but I wasn’t one to think I could pull off the full hog.

  “It’s obvious that you go for a more rugged, outdoorsy look. Maybe a guy who wears a plaid shirt? Maybe even a full beard?” I inquired, not that I was curious but more because I wanted to steer this in a different direction one that moved away from looking at me like some sex object.

  Adley had a crush on me which I thought would have gone away since I barely saw her these days but maybe I was wrong. She did say at breakfast that if we weren’t cousins then she’d bang me, but I thought it was a joke. The odd suggestive gaze she was giving me now made me think I wasn’t getting what she was trying to dish out.

  “I find men like that, attractive,” she remarked with a smile.

  “See, I told you women would climb into your bed if you said you were a lumberjack,” Emmett chimed in.

  “Adley’s remarks don’t count, she’s our cousin and relations have to say nice things,” I said as I lined up some more logs to split. I wanted to get this task over with so I could shower but if Em didn’t start helping, I’d be here all night.

  “She’s a woman, she counts regardless if she’d related to us or not,” Emmett replied.

  “I love you, you handsome cowboy,” she cheerfully chirped as she smiled at him and placed a small kiss on his cheek.

  I shook my head and returned to the task at hand. The quicker I got this finished the quicker I could shower and rest.

  ***

  A few hours later, I’d managed to get the logs split and stacked in a neat pile in the corner of this shed thank to the help of my cousin Dwayne who’d just returned from an overseas trip. The guy had barley even had time to think before Emmett roped him in. Lazy fucker just didn’t want to have to get up off his backside, he was more interested in having sordid discussions with Adley.

  “Sorry Dwayne,” I said as we place the final cut logs on the pile.

  “I see Emmett is up to his usual self while on holiday’s lazy!” he joked.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The Party

  “Aurelia, this is my Jasper,” my mother announced.

  The instant the words left her lips I knew that this was a set-up. My mother… what could I say about her that would do her justice. The truth was she was wonderful but for the past 10 years she’d been trying to set me up with any eligible woma
n she knew. She didn’t discriminate, she tried setting me up with 20-year-old women, 30 something year old’s and she’s even tried to see if I’d date the 52-year-old cougar who lived in Kislet, Alaska. I knew, in fact I was positive they’d have someone waiting at their anniversary party for me and here she was. The poor girl I was sure had a mother just as keen to set her up otherwise she wouldn’t be standing her in front of me with a smile and… well what could only be described as the worst jumper in history. Think Mark Darcy at the annual turkey buffet, Christmas jumper… this was just like a scene from Bridget Jones expect there was no way in hell that you would ever see me in a jumper like the mousse one this chick was wearing. As much as I wanted to just bust out in laughter at the hideousness, I wasn’t an asshole and with my mother standing beside me there was no way I wanted to receive an ass whopping. However, I could see the embarrassment all over her face at this oddly awkward introduction.

  “You kids enjoy,” my mother said right before she turned on her heels and took off to chat with someone else. Well I’d like to think she was off to chat but the truth was she was only going to go hide around the corner with whoever the new gossip queen of Kislet was and watch while I tried my best to make this… whatever this was, less bizarre.

  “I’m so sorry,” she sputtered her words slipping from her lips.

  “Nice Jumper!” I whispered with a half ass chuckle thrown in.

  “Apparently it’s all the rage in this small town,” she replied.

  “You’ll certainly grab attention with it,” I joked.

  She chuckled but I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. The poor girl had no idea, was probably sucked into wearing the hideous thing, obviously by her mother. Did people realize that they could say no to their parents especially when they were adult themselves. I don’t know, Kislet was old school and still stuck in its crazy traditional ways.

  All I could say was thank fuck, my mother hadn’t picked out my outfit for this party because I’d never wear what she would suggest.

  We exchanged some more light pleasantries before shaking hands and calling this bizarre meeting quits.

  I’d made it all of 4 paces away from the girl when my father piped up. “Your mothers’ idea,” he chimed in.

  “Don’t I know it,” I jested as my father handed me a beer. I’d need more than a beer to forget the past twenty minutes but for now I’d take what he offered me.

  “You know she means well,” my father added.

  “Is she ever going to give in to the fact that I may not be ready to settle down,” I groaned before taking a swig of the home brewed goodness my father had created.

  “Every mothers dream is to see their sons grown up, healthy and happy with a wife and children to complete them. Just humour her for the time you’re here and she will hopefully get over it,” he replied.

  “Thirty-five years together and that’s the advice you’re given me,” I chuckled taking another swig of the beer.

  “I’ve been humouring your mother for years son, besides happy wife means a happy life. I love, I adore your mother. She isn’t perfect but she’s perfect for me,” he said as he tapped me on the back and walked towards the love of his life, my mom.

  The way he lovingly gazed at her from near or far, it was like the whole world revolved around her. She was his and he was hers. Thirty-five years of being married, of sleeping beside one another, supporting through thick or thin. It wasn’t a horrible thought merely a thought that hadn’t been comprehended inside my mind. I knew I wasn’t ready to make any big commitment because I hadn’t simply met the right girl, if there was such a thing. I just hadn’t discovered a person who’s made me want to get down on bended knee and propose.

  The truth was, my job was dangerous is so many ways that I’d stayed unattached for the mere fact that I’d hate for my parents let alone a woman who I’d committed to, to receive a call saying I’d been injured or worst killed. I’d seen it happen and I’d felt the loss of good friends, but I couldn’t imagine what the families of those poor men were going through.

  I took a long hard swig of my beer and tried to whip the images away, this wasn’t the time nor the place for thinking about such things.

  I had guests to meet and family to keep an eye or two on. Uncle George was here, and we all know what happened at Rebecca’s wedding so we couldn’t have that happening here especially when my parents had supplied an open bar. I could see his logic, free alcohol especially for someone who lived in assisted living, I suspected they kept close eyes on the residents. It didn’t matter, Uncle G had always been a party animal and I gathered it was no different now even though he was in his late seventies.

  ***

  “Hi,” a voice spoke. It was soft and sweet and had me wondering who it belonged to. It had a tone that surrounded you and made you want to well… if I told you what I thought when I heard it, you’d think I was crazy.

  I looked up from the food table to see two bright green eyes staring up at me. Fuck me dead! Those exact words came to mind when I saw her. I had to have knocked my head, maybe even slipped into a dream like state of mind because there was no way anyone remotely gorgeous was, but it wasn’t the green hue in this woman’s eyes that had me

  “Hi,” I mumbled as I felt my lips part in a smile. This woman she wasn’t a short woman by any means, but I was taller than the average male and often I towered over people.

  Fuck me! This woman was well she was dish that had been perfectly prepared and was now waiting to be devoured.

  “You don’t remember me, do you?” she inquired.

  I starred her, appraising and taking in her features. She was gorgeous with her bright green hues and the red hair that feel around her face in a most beautiful curl. She had high cheekbones that appeared to be slightly flushed and gorgeously plump lips. I wanted to just dive in and taste, to nip at them.

  “How could you remember me I was just a little girl last time we met,” she continued to talk.

  “Please, ignore me I’m just blabbering now… sorry,” she mumbled before turning and walking away.

  Wow, ok… what the heck just happened? I couldn’t help but want to track her down. It’s not like she could have gone that far especially when she was here in my parent’s place. I placed my plate down and started to walk in the direction she headed when it finally hit me. I knew who she was and yes, I hadn’t seen her since she was a little girl but why had she run off. Was she embarrassed or…? I never got a chance to find about because as I rounded the corner, I ran straight into someone. My chest colliding with a someone’s head and arms and drinks went flying.

  “Shit!” I uttered. My whole world seemed to just come crashing to a halt in the brief moments of collision with this person. It’s a real shame I couldn’t have opened my eyes and just watched where I was going because the fucking beer I’d had in my hands had spilt down the front of this woman and then the glass bottle feel onto the polished wooden floor of my parents newly renovated entertainment space. Of course, it had to shatter into pieces along the floor. Fucking hell! I’d just bumped straight into the one woman I’d been trying to look for and now I was the one embarrassed to even look down at her. I watched her shriek in horror as cold liquid began to seep into her clothing, the beautiful black laced body-hugging dress she’d obviously picked out for this occasion. It had to be special and I’d just ruined it. Clumsy fool!

  “Oh fuck!” she mumbled under her breath staring down at the broken glass shattered all over the floor.

  “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” I asked. The words just simply flew from my lips before I could contain them.

  “I’m so sorry,” she uttered.

  Alright, so I was the fool who bumped into her and here she was apologising. Wait! This wasn’t right, I should have been the one apologising.

  “I can’t believe this,” she grumbled shaking off the liquid on her hands. They were covered in my craft beer my father had given
me only a few moment ago. It didn’t bother me, the beer or the fact that there was glass on the floor, but she was blaming herself for this and that had me worried.

  “Jasper,” Aunt Laura spoke making me turn to look at her. I hadn’t realized I was staring at what had happened before me. I guess I was in a daze of sorts.

  “How about you take her and help her get cleaned up, I’ll sort out the broken glass alright?” my aunt ordered as she bent down and began sweeping the shards of glass into a dustpan.

  Helping this girl was the only option because I didn’t want an ass whipping. Not only would my Aunty Laura crack the whip but if my mother got wind of this then I’d probably get my hide tanned.

  “I’m all sticky,” she groaned.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said as she lifted her head to look at me. She was holding her tightfitting dress away from her to stop the cold liquid from hitting her tanned skin but that wasn’t what my eyes were drawn to, no…. Those stunning features of hers were breathtaking. Her green eyes, I was fucking doomed with just one look. I licked my dry lips wishing I know had that iced cold beer to sooth the dryness I felt in the back my throat.

  “Hi,” she whispered with a smile, her grin cutting through my thoughts. I watched as her tongue darted out to lick her lips. How the heck, could a simple move such as licking one’s own lips make me want to lean out and kiss her. I knew the first second I’d gazed upon her back at the food take that I’d wanted to bite her. To taste those plump rounded lips of hers but I wanted more. I wanted to have her body pushed against mine, while we kissed… those large breasts that I was currently staring at bopping up and down with every heave of her breath as I…. Fuck! What was with my brain… I’d not had sex in a good while and it was obvious as every single thought that kept springing to mind was revolving around that three letter words. SEX! I took a deep breath, trying to wish away any thought of erotic anything from my thoughts. It was easier said than done especially when I couldn’t stop starring at her breasts. I mentally slapped myself and remembered Aunt Laura’s request. I needed to help this woman get cleaned up.