Hold on to Hope

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Hold on to Hope Page 18

by Jackson, A. L.

“Tell me about her,” she finally asked. The torment on her face was nothing but a flash.

  Still, there was no missing it.

  “Her name’s Ashley. She was just this girl at my apartment complex. She seemed cool. We started hanging out. She didn’t seem to care that I was different . . . liked it even.”

  Frankie flinched at that.

  TMI, apparently.

  Exhaling, I roughed an agitated hand through my hair and forced myself to continue. “I was lonely . . . drinking a bunch at that time. Think she liked that, too. Kind of became a thing. We’d get trashed and hook up.”

  Hurt slashed through the air.

  The bitter stab of a dull, rusted blade.

  Didn’t want to wound her. But I wasn’t about to lie to her, either. “It wasn’t like we were a couple or anything, so I didn’t really make a whole lot of it when she didn’t come around for a while. Finally stopped by her place and knocked at the door. Apartment was empty. All of her things gone.”

  My eyes held Frankie’s, that space separating us charged, our voices held in whispers and secrets. “Didn’t hear from her again until she was banging on my door in the middle of the night last week.”

  Frankie’s hands flowed with emphasis. I AM SO SORRY, EVAN. SO SORRY THAT SHE WOULD BE SO COLD TO LEAVE YOU OUT OF HIS LIFE. SO SORRY THAT SHE TOOK THAT TIME AWAY FROM YOU. BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT SHE BROUGHT THIS BABY TO YOU.

  Cinnamon eyes deepened. Love spilling free.

  HE NEEDS YOU.

  I sat up farther, angling her way when I signed. I’M TERRIFIED THAT SHE’S GOING TO GET IT TOGETHER AND COME BACK FOR HIM. TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.

  Intensity flared, this fierce, unrelenting force that radiated from Frankie. Her hand was on Everett’s back where he slept, her fingers splayed wide, a hedge of protection.

  “She can’t do that.”

  “She might try, but I will fight for him, Frankie. Whatever the hell is going down, I’ll fight for him.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” She switched to signing. HE’S YOUR SON.

  Realized I had nothing to lose. The only thing I could do was cut myself wide open. “I’m scared I won’t be enough. That the courts will take one look at me and see the risk. A fucking deaf dude with a broken heart who’s already surpassed his life expectancy.”

  Fully sitting up, she reached over my son to hold my face in her hands. “I think what they’ll see is an amazing man with an amazing heart. They’ll see a man who will live every single day for the ones that he loves. They’ll see a man who’s still livin’ because this is where he needs to be. Because he belongs with us.”

  I grasped one of her hands and pressed it tighter to my face. “That’s who I want to be, Frankie. That’s the man I want to show up. The one who is here loving you. The one who is loving him.”

  “And that is who is sittin’ here, right now. This is the boy who grew into a man—one who was taught to never give up on hope. We hold it. Fight for it until it’s ours.”

  “You were always my hope, Frankie Leigh.”

  My faith.

  My dream.

  The end game.

  Her lips trembled. I traced my fingertips across the lush curves.

  Flashes of energy. Rising and thrashing.

  Swore I could feel the room begin to spin.

  The two of us caught up in a second flat.

  I pinned Frankie with my eyes as I edged back and picked up my son. He stretched and his mouth moved, but his eyes never opened as I carried him to his crib and settled him onto the mattress. He heaved a sigh and his little body settled down into the comfort of his bed, his thumb back in his mouth and the frog tucked under one arm.

  Everything fisted.

  Love and adoration.

  Felt the shift of the potency behind me. Greed and desire. A river rushing with need.

  I slowly turned around.

  Frankie had stood from the bed. She was back to wringing her fingers, those eyes wild and unsure, the girl wearing this tank and shorts that made my mouth water, all that skin aglow in the murky light that hovered around her.

  My hands twitched and everything hardened.

  She gestured toward the window. “I really should go.”

  I took a step her direction. “Yeah? Why’s that?” I took another step forward.

  Energy streaked.

  A thunderbolt.

  She chuckled a little, the girl antsy and needy as she shifted on her feet. “I think you know the answer to that, Evan.”

  DO YOU NEED TO GO OR DO YOU WANT TO GO? My head angled to the side as I asked it, edging forward, drawn to this girl.

  She lifted her chin. Surrender and defiance. “I don’t know how to be in your space and not want you, Evan. I don’t remember how not to be yours.”

  That was all it took for every reservation holding us back to topple. For every wall to crumble to the ground. Nothing but rubble and debris strewn in the middle of us.

  I scaled right over it.

  I had Frankie in my arms in a second flat, one hand twisted up in her mess of hair and the other bound tight around her waist.

  Her face was a couple inches higher than mine, and I gazed up at her in the same second I was pulling her down to my mouth.

  Devouring her in a mind-altering kiss.

  Greedy as I stroked my tongue between her lips, groaning deep as hers twisted with mine in a reckless rhythm that I wanted to dance to forever.

  Fuck. This girl always tasted the same.

  So goddamn sweet.

  “That’s because you’re mine, Frankie,” I rumbled at her mouth. “You’ve always been. Nothing is gonna change that.”

  “I missed you. So much. Oh God, Evan, I missed you. You are makin’ me crazy.”

  I drank down every word, read them against my lips, savored each one like it had been carved into the pages of our story.

  “Just let me touch you, Frankie. Let me make you remember what we were like. The way we were supposed to be.”

  Her mouth was on mine, the whisper of her words hitting me like a storm as I deciphered her meaning. “Please, Evan. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Make it stop.”

  Fuck.

  I hated that I was the one who was responsible for it. That I’d been the one to divvy out this pain. Knew I had to be careful with her. That I had to prove it.

  “Shh . . .” I murmured. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

  Her fingers were in my hair, yanking and tugging in her play to get closer.

  Our spirits surged into the air.

  “Please . . . touch me . . . just let me feel.”

  Frankie suddenly jerked free of the kiss, and her attention darted to the crib. I followed her line of sight to find Everett stirring a bit. I didn’t hesitate, I just carried her across the room and through the door of the attached bathroom.

  I glanced back to make sure that he had settled. “Can you hear him if he needs us?” I asked as I snapped the door closed.

  Frankie nodded frantically before she dove for me.

  Fingers frenzied. Lips frantic. This girl a live wire I held in the palms of my hands.

  A bomb. Mortar.

  Exploding into my world and changing its makeup. I spun and pressed her to the wall, taking some weight off so I could run my hands down her sides.

  Clutching. Searching. I wanted to rediscover every inch.

  Felt her moan in my mouth, her back arch, hungry for my touch. She clawed at my shirt, tugging it free, and I slipped my hands under her tank, sliding it up and doing the same.

  It only mussed up her hair more, that frizz flying free.

  Those cinnamon eyes sparked with desire.

  Frankie wore this pink frilly bra, all lace and ribbons and temptation, the cups pushing up her small tits, the charm of that necklace dangling in the middle of it.

  I brushed my fingertips over it. “I can’t believe you still have this.”

  “I’ve never taken it o
ff.”

  I ran my hands over her breasts before I tugged down the fabric of her bra. It exposed her even pinker nipples that were so pebbled and pretty that I couldn’t do anything but lean down and take one hard tip into my mouth.

  Swirled it like a sucker.

  Sweeter than candy.

  Fuck. She was gonna undo me. Almost forgot what it was like when she was mine.

  How she’d always been a little wicked.

  Incautious in her need.

  Not afraid to demand exactly what she wanted.

  She gave a good yank at my hair, my head pricking in a delicious-sort of pain as she begged for more. For me to push her harder and deeper and farther.

  Spinning her around, I pushed her belly up against the bathroom counter. Her hands flew out to steady herself.

  Our eyes met in the mirror where I towered over her from behind.

  Her expression turbulent.

  Untamed and ferocious.

  She’d always left me feeling a bit savage.

  Like I was two seconds from coming unhinged.

  Usually did.

  Getting lost in Frankie Leigh was the best feeling in the world.

  Her chest heaved, and I slipped my arms around her so I could cup her tits. I plastered myself to her back. Heart hammering out of control and my dick begging at the curve of her ass.

  I rubbed against her there, searching for any kind of friction.

  Relief.

  This girl an oasis when I’d been dying of thirst in a parched, rainless desert.

  Knew she was making all these needy sounds, felt the breaths panting from her lungs.

  She rested her head on my shoulder.

  Succumbing to my hold.

  I watched her through the mirror, the flat planes of her stomach quivering, her deep belly button so sexy it made my head spin with greed.

  “Please, Evan. I need you. I need you so bad I can’t see straight. Can’t think straight. I haven’t slept in two days, remembering the feel of you.” Only picked up on every word or two. But I knew what she was saying.

  Frankie was a love song I’d memorized a long time ago.

  I splayed my hands over her trembling belly, kissed along the soft curve of her neck and shoulder, breathed her in as I went.

  Cotton candy and sugarplum drizzle.

  My stomach clenched, cock desperate to get free, lust a shockwave that boomed through the dense air.

  Reverberating in the tight, cramped space.

  “You want me, Frankie Leigh?” I flicked the button of her jean shorts, and I slowly eased them down over her slight hips.

  They slipped down her legs, leaving her there in nothing but a matching pair of underwear that I was pretty sure had been designed with the single task of driving me out of my mind.

  Sending me over the edge.

  Straight into a freefall of ecstasy.

  “God . . . yes.” Could feel her plea. Tasted her confession.

  I kissed down her spine. A streak of chills lifted everywhere my mouth explored. Kept traveling lower and lower, hands on her hips as I kissed into the dip at the small of her back and down the lace of her underwear, my nose running her cleft.

  It brought me to my knees.

  And I was kneeling behind her on the floor and trying to see through the insanity that was threatening to take me over.

  Inhaling this girl like I was issuing up a prayer.

  A promise.

  Frankie pushed back, begging for more.

  Delirium.

  I reached up, hooked my fingers in her panties, and dragged them all the way down.

  Want fisted my guts.

  I wound the fabric free of her ankles, and I urged her slim legs apart.

  Felt her exhale in anticipation.

  Whimper in excitement.

  I kissed up the back of her thigh, hands following suit until I had her bottom in my hands, kneading the flesh, spreading her apart.

  Knew words were tumbling from her mouth.

  Deep urges.

  Desperate pleas.

  Felt them crash against my body.

  Flames and fire.

  I dragged my tongue through her slit, all the way to her ass.

  Frankie trembled.

  And I thought maybe I was going to die, my dick so damned hard and needy that I was going to explode.

  Pushing to standing, I shoved down the elastic band of my shorts, needing the contact of our skin, even if it were only for a second. They slipped all the way down my legs, and I kicked them away.

  Heat blistered through my body, and I stood up and rocked my dick through the crease of her ass, gripping her cheeks while I did.

  “Frankie.”

  A groan was tumbling out, and Frankie was falling forward, those eyes meeting mine in a fury of heedlessness through the mirror.

  “Evan.”

  Our connection screamed to be unchained.

  Unbound and set free.

  I spun her around.

  Frankie lunged at me, pressing reckless kisses at my jaw. At my throat. At my chest.

  I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. She signed the erratic revelation at my chest. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE.

  Hot hands landed on my sides. Exploring. Seeking. Remembering.

  Then she hoisted herself up onto the counter.

  She met my gaze, unwavering.

  Got the sense this girl was ripping out her heart and offering it to me anew.

  She brought up her legs, hooking her feet on the edge of the counter, spreading her knees in invitation.

  “Be careful with me, Evan.” Felt the words punch the air. “I know you’ve always thought I was the strong one, but it’s always been you who has had the power to destroy me.”

  Regret struck me like a blow to the head.

  Reared me back.

  This girl so gorgeous she was making it hard to see.

  She had always been so fun and free, but I’d always seen her vulnerability.

  I’d loved that about her, too. That she was brave and loved with everything and still was scared over losing herself.

  I was committed to holding all those pieces together.

  I threaded my fingers through her hair. “No, Frankie, it’s you who owns me. Did me in the first time I saw you. I never looked back. It’s you who did all the wrecking.”

  Still, just because I was a glutton for punishment, desperate for the pain, I nudged only the aching head of my cock into the slick clutch of her body before I was pulling out and rubbing it on her clit.

  Sweet fucking torture.

  Could feel her rasp of pleasure, her breath on my bare skin.

  Before I could give myself over to another mistake, I grabbed her by the outside of the thighs and dove down to lick deep into her pussy.

  When Kale had given me the talk, he’d told me girls were like a flower. Treat them right, and they’d flourish and blossom.

  Frankie was like a whole fucking garden.

  A thousand acres blooming in my hands.

  Her body a rainbow.

  Her soul the sun.

  She writhed, and she sank her fingernails into my shoulders, dragging and raking them across my skin before they were twisting back in my hair.

  I didn’t hesitate, just went to work on her clit, stroking her with my tongue, slipping two fingers into that tight, wet heat.

  She bucked, and fuck, it was another of those moments that I’d give anything to hear, to relish her sighs and her pants and the tumble of praises that I could feel rolling off her tongue.

  I edged back, watching as my fingers sank deep into her cunt, letting the tips of my free hand slip through her crease, just teasing her ass.

  I met her eye, needing to know. “Good?”

  Knew her response was a wisp, thin and barely there, the girl struggling to open herself more, like she couldn’t get close enough. “Nothing has ever felt as good as you touching me.”

  “Tell me, Frankie.”

  “I need you. I need you s
o bad. In every way. In any way.”

  I angled down, lapping at that sweet, swollen spot, fingers thrusting harder and deeper, winding this girl so tight I could feel her getting ready to burst.

  Tension rising.

  Everything dense and tight and rippling.

  Energy creaked under the fissures.

  Two seconds later, Frankie shattered under the pressure.

  Pinpoint pleasure that I could see streaking through her entire body.

  I held her there, driving her higher, feeling her quiver and shake as she came undone.

  Heaven.

  I stayed with her in that place while she soared, while she squirmed and panted and thrashed.

  Something toppled from the counter as she fumbled to get hold of me. Like if she let go, she might float out in the blackened night for all of eternity.

  Our spirits shouted.

  Uncontained.

  Felt her ragged gasps slip across the skin of my back while every cell in my body screamed for release.

  To just give in.

  To let go.

  But I knew I needed to give her time. Tonight wasn’t about me.

  I pried myself away.

  Motherfucking torture.

  The girl panted, her chest jutting where she remained spread out on the counter.

  I struggled to get a breath into my lungs.

  To steel myself.

  To gather it up and force it down and pretend like I wasn’t absolutely dying to get inside this girl.

  To touch her and love her.

  Take it all because I wouldn’t settle for anything less.

  Managing a grin, I gestured to my raging hard on. “Think I’m going to need a cold shower.”

  I helped her down onto unsteady feet, the girl’s eyes still unfocused while I reached over and turned on the showerhead.

  She blinked incoherently, her head slowly shaking like she was trying to find a new foundation after the one we’d been standing on had been demolished. I leaned down and let my mouth brush across the shell of her ear. “Getting to touch you again, Frankie Leigh? It’s the best feeling in the world. But I want you to know . . . no matter what happens, you will always be my best friend.”

  Turning, I stepped into the spray of the shower, letting the frosted door swing shut behind me.

  I struggled to kick the lust that was still raging through my body.

  Mind told me to wait, but the rest of me was figuring we’d wasted enough time.

 

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