The Dissolution of Unrequited (The Science of Unrequited Book 4)

by Len Webster

  “Okay. Before we do an ultrasound, I have to recommend you not fly often. I insist the father flies to the States if you wish to give birth here in Massachusetts instead of Zürich.”

  Alex’s shoulders weakened as she shook her head. “That’s not a problem, Dr. Livingston. The father isn’t Swiss.”

  Surprise flashed on the doctor’s face. “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

  “It’s okay,” Alex assured. She knew that whatever they discussed in this examination room would not leave it. “Dr. Livingston, I don’t know if you ever knew, but Evan Gilmore and I were together for a long time.”

  The doctor’s hand fell away from the keys as compassion flared in her blue eyes. “I had my suspicions. I saw you both together one summer, and you were holding hands. It was only for a moment. I’ve been hoping you’ve been with the right Gilmore brother all this time.”

  Her heart clenched at the doctor’s hope. The hope she was about to crush. “Evan and I are no longer together.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  For a moment, she wondered if her doctor thought that Alex’s baby wasn’t Evan’s. That she somehow cheated on him, and that was the reason they weren’t together. Alex hoped not. Not once in their entire relationship did she ever desire, want, or need anyone the way she loved him.

  It had been Evan Gilmore the moment he returned to her.

  “Evan’s the father, Dr. Livingston, but he doesn’t know. Not yet, anyway. I haven’t told him, and I’m not sure how he’ll take it,” Alex said in a small, vulnerable voice. The fear of Evan’s rejection haunted her dreams. “But no matter what, I’m going to love our child enough for the both of us. I might not be the world’s greatest mum, but I’m gonna try.”

  Dr. Livingston’s eyes gleamed as a smile spread across her face. “How about we get you to the scanner? We should be able to hear your baby’s heartbeat today.”

  Her heart raced in her chest as excitement and the unknown controlled it. She wasn’t sure how she would react to hearing her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. A sense of sadness washed over her at the thought of doing it alone and Evan not experiencing this exact moment for himself.

  “Dr. Livingston?”

  “Yes, Alex?”

  “Is there any way we can record the heartbeat?”

  “We can do that.”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And can we make two copies of today’s ultrasound?” Feeling as if she needed to give the doctor more of an explanation, she added, “I’d like Evan to have all of this if he decides he wants to be involved. To show him that I’ve considered his role in our baby’s life since the start.”

  Her doctor nodded. “I’ll make sure you leave here with two of everything. Let’s go hear your baby’s heartbeat.”

  What felt like a lifetime later, Alex was in another room lying down as the doctor squeezed the cool gel on her exposed stomach. Alex held her breath as the scanner pressed against her stomach.

  “It’s okay, Alex. Breathe. Everything’s going to be okay,” Dr. Livingston assured as she began to search for the baby.

  Silence.

  The eeriest silence she had ever heard.

  But then she heard it.

  The distinct sounds from the machine.

  Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh.

  Alex swung her gaze from her stomach to the ultrasound screen as Dr. Livingston pointed at it.

  “And there’s your baby, Alex. He or she has a strong heartbeat for nine weeks.”

  Tears welled in her eyes as she took in the dot that was the size of a small peanut. The sound of her baby’s heartbeat had her tears falling.

  It was the most beautiful sound Alex had ever heard in her life.

  “Wow,” she breathed.

  All her fears about Evan and the future disappeared.

  At that moment, it was just Alex and her baby.

  She began to cry, never wanting to forget the feeling of her heart radiating with so much warmth and love.

  “You’ll be a wonderful mother, Alex,” Dr. Livingston assured.

  And Alex believed she might be.

  She was determined to be.

  Within her thoughts, she made her baby a promise.

  A promise between mother and child.

  I will love you more and more.

  Tomorrow and tomorrow.

  For always and forever.

  And I promise, your father will feel just the same.

  Just give him time, Little Atom.

  83 Bi

  bismuth

  ALEX

  Sophomore year of college

  It had been almost five weeks since the party at the lacrosse team captain’s house. Between classes, lab, papers, and spring break spent on campus, Alex had decided to be less social and focus on school. It meant not going to Landon’s games. She was no longer his girlfriend, so that obligation was one she didn’t have to fulfill. She missed him in those five weeks, but she had seen a side to him she hated. Landon Carmichael had been perfect until the moment life made him choose. On those rare nights, she thought about him and how she should have worked harder, blaming herself for their failure. She should have seen his possessive traits sooner. But he had never been that way. In the beginning, he was perfect. He loved her hard and promised her a future she believed in.

  But now that future would never include her.

  It was over.

  It had been for months.

  Alex liked being by herself and experiencing college on her own. She didn’t have to text him to plan coffee dates or ensure she got him lunch when he had skipped it for practice. Alex only had to care about herself, and for once, it was nice. But she wasn’t lonely. Not completely. She stayed true to her pact with her childhood best friend, Evan Gilmore.

  Every day without fail, they talked, alternating between text messages and calls. He knew her class schedule after she gave it to him and called when she was free. He never imposed or forced their relationship, so it was nice. It was familiar. She had her best friend back and all her once dormant feelings for him simmered in her chest, wanting to erupt into the all-consuming love she once had.

  Alex broke the promise she had made with her father and was slowly starting to fall back in love with Evan all over again. Part of her knew she didn’t make that promise with an honest heart because, deep down, her love for Evan Gilmore laid dormant.

  Waiting.

  Hoping.

  But she didn’t dare let her mind linger on the thought.

  Not right now.

  They couldn’t be together.

  They promised they would try during summer break when they were both back home in Brookline. For Alex, she’d be home in a matter of days. For Evan, it would be in a few weeks since Stanford finished later than Duke. Her phone vibrating halted her steps as she fished her phone from her shorts pocket. Her smile was instantaneous the second she saw Evan’s name on her screen. She continued to walk toward Chino’s as she unlocked her phone and read his text.

  Evan: Have you told Sav yet?

  Alex: Are you serious?

  Evan: Why?

  Alex: You know her. I’m not joking, Evan. She’d freak out!

  Evan: Don’t be chicken, AJ! Just tell her.

  Alex groaned and lifted her head the moment she heard voices. She was just outside Brooks Field at Wallace Wade Stadium where the graduation commencement had taken place—where she knew her ex-boyfriend would be because he had graduated today. For so much of his senior year, they spoke about her being at his graduation. But she wasn’t, and it was strange to know that she wouldn’t see him on campus in the new school year. It made her sad to know she’d continue college without him. And it caused her chest to heave knowing their future no longer twisted perfectly together in an unbreakable knot. N
ot when the knot had slipped one too many times.

  Evan’s latest text message got her attention, causing her to shake her ex-boyfriend from her thoughts.

  Evan: Seriously, just tell her.

  Alex: Fine. I’ll tell Savannah about moving into an apartment my parents are paying for once I get to Chino’s to see her. Okay?

  Evan: Definitely okay. I have a team meeting. I’ll call you tonight.

  “Alex!” She heard her name being called.

  Alex searched the crowds of graduates and their loved ones to find her ex-boyfriend walking toward her. Slipping her phone back into her pocket, a small smile spread across her face. Her heartbeat spiked at the sight of him in his cap and gown. No trace of that possessive gleam in his light blue eyes remained, and specks of her love for him remained in her chest. Her weeks of solitude only made her miss him.

  “Hey,” she said once he reached her.

  “Hey, Alex,” Landon greeted. The softness in his voice reached his eyes. On the outside, Landon looked like his old self. Not the drunk version who had beat up his teammate and then tried to force himself on her. “How are you?”

  She tried not to, but she found herself laughing at his question. “I’m good. Congratulations on graduating.”

  He grinned—large, bright, and so familiar—reminding her of the boy who wrote her study cards and quizzed her with them. The boy who was nervous on their first date. “I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you.”

  Alex’s brows furrowed in confusion, deciding to concentrate on now rather than then. “What?”

  Landon reached up and adjusted the cap on his head. “If it hadn’t been for you and what you said at that party, I wouldn’t have realized what I was doing. I thought the NBA was a sure thing and let my life collapse around me. I let my grades start to slip. I let the love of my life go. Seeing you cry at that party after I kissed you sobered me up. You forced me to look at myself, and I didn’t like what I saw.

  “I don’t know how it happened, or how I changed so fast, but I didn’t recognize myself. I hated how I treated you. I let being captain, the pressure, the expectations, and the NBA change everything. I wanted the NBA so badly, and when I was told you could get in the way of that, I folded. I listened to the wrong people. They kept telling me who to be if I wanted to be someone, and I should have listened to you. But I realized I was wrong too late. So I began to be a better man after you ended it.”

  Oh God, Landon.

  She cursed him. Hated that she felt sympathy even when she shouldn’t. She hated that a small part of her still loved him. But not like before. Specks of love. The last little bit before she was completely over him. She was almost there. But memories of their good times always seemed to resurface at the wrong time.

  And Landon standing in front of her was a hurdle for her own sobriety.

  “You changed. You weren’t the Landon I fell in love with. The Landon who was so good to me and loved me. Instead, you lied to me. Your idea of your dreams and future was actually hurting me. But that’s all in the past. I’m glad you realized, and congratulations on being the number one pick in the conference. You’re going to do so well with the Phoenix Suns,” she said. She had always wanted the best for Landon. It was just a shame he wanted it on his own rather than with her.

  A bittersweet smile sprawled across his lips as he stepped forward. “I will always love you, Alex,” he began to say as his hand slipped beneath his gown. “And I know I screwed us over. I know I don’t deserve a second chance. But a love like ours was amazing when it was good. I made so many mistakes, and I can’t ever make them right, but I want to try.” He pulled his hand from under the gown and held something out to her.

  Alex took it from him and glanced down at the round-trip tickets to Phoenix, Arizona. Her jaw dropped in shock as she looked at him. “Landon,” she said breathlessly.

  He wanted her to go with him.

  Landon wanted her in his life.

  “I want you to come with me to Phoenix for the summer before you go back to Duke for your junior year. We never talked about our plans, and that was my fault. Spend the summer with me, and I’ll show you how much I love you and want to be with you. Then you can go back to Duke, and we’ll make it work. We’ll make a long-distance relationship work, Alex. We would have been together for over a year, but I ruined that for us. On our anniversary, I sat in my apartment and thought of the rest of my life without you in it, and I couldn’t breathe. I want anniversaries with you, Alex. I want a life with you, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

  Her heart broke for him. He had thought about it. He truly wanted it to work for them.

  “Landon,” she whispered.

  “And we’ll make MIT work. My contract with the Suns is for two years, and then I can move to the Celtics. I can make this work for us,” he pleaded.

  Alex stepped forward, reached up, and pressed her palm to his cheek. She was proud of him for graduating, for being drafted by the Suns, and for living his dreams. She wanted that for herself someday, but she would never reach her dreams as Landon Carmichael’s girlfriend.

  She hindered him as much as he would hinder her.

  “I loved you,” she said in a soft voice. Her heart felt full and empty of her love for him. It was impossible, but she loved and didn’t love him at that moment. “I did. I loved you so much. You were my first boyfriend, and I loved you so much. I proved that so many times, but when I needed you to prove it to me, you didn’t … until it was too late.” Alex set the tickets in his free hand as her thumb brushed against his cheek. “I can’t give you any hope for us, Landon. I can’t follow you to Phoenix. I can’t give up MIT for you because you were never gonna give up the NBA for me. Not that I ever wanted you to. You became possessive when all I did was love you. But if I want to grow and follow my dreams, I have to let you grow and follow yours.”

  “Don’t do this,” he begged.

  Alex shook her head as she got on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then she stepped back and smiled at him. “Take Chase with you to Phoenix. Fix your friendship with him. It wasn’t his fault, Landon. Don’t throw away your friendship with Chase.”

  He nodded, appearing to concede to her wishes. “Okay. I’ll take him to Phoenix. I’m leaving Duke for Arizona tomorrow, and I can’t help but think I’m leaving behind the best thing that has ever happened to me,” he said as he slipped the tickets back under the robe. He reached up and cupped her jaw in his hands. The perfect balance between his careful hold and his calloused palms. She saw the truth and the love radiating in his eyes. “If you ever need a friend, I’m only a phone call away. If there’s ever a chance to be with you, if there’s ever a chance you could forgive me and love me again, call me. I’ll take the first flight to you, and I won’t let you slip away. I’ll always love you, Alex. Always.”

  He pressed his lips to her forehead. She believed he still loved her, that he’d always love her, but to be fair, she knew she couldn’t return that love. Instead, she smiled, wished him the best in the NBA, and made her way to Chino’s without looking back.

  Their relationship deserved the very best goodbye, and that was it.

  Because the moment she said goodbye, that final piece of her fell out of love with him.

  Her heart was now free to love another.

  And her heart knew who her true love really was.

  It was Tuesday afternoon, four days since her ex-boyfriend’s graduation, and Alex was going through her drawers to pack all the clothes she wouldn’t be wearing for the rest of the week. The plan was to box all the things she would use her junior year and put it in storage before she went home to Massachusetts. What essentials she didn’t mail home last week she would bring on the plane with her. As the music continued to play through her wireless speakers, Alex pulled out more clothes and placed them in the box. Just as she w
as about to open the next drawer, her phone rang.

  Thinking it was her parents wanting the details of the flight she had yet to book, Alex got up from the floor and made her way to her desk. When she reached it, she picked up her phone to find that it was Evan calling. She answered his call, unpaired her phone from the speaker, and then made her way back to her drawers, pressing her phone to her ear.

  “Hey,” she greeted as she pulled out another sweater from the drawer.

  “Hey, AJ.”

  Once she refolded the orange sweater, she placed it in the box, and asked, “What’s up?”

  Evan hummed, and she heard different voices from his end. She knew it must be early for him in California. “Nothing much. Just on my way to the library to meet my study group.”

  “Your finals aren’t for a while, right?” she asked as she gave up on her packing responsibilities to talk to her best friend.

  “Not for a few weeks but it’s been hard to study when I have baseball.”

  Alex frowned, a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be home when she would. “So when will you be back in Boston?”

  “Not for a while. I still have a few more games to finish the season,” he answered as she heard a knock on her door.

  “Hang on,” she said as she got up and made her way toward the door. “It’s probably Sav. She messaged earlier saying she forgot her key and would be by on her lunch break. She rushed out to go to work early. It’s her final shift at Chino’s before summer break.”

  “That’s okay. Answer it,” Evan encouraged.

  Alex reached the door, wrapped her hand around the handle, and twisted it before she yanked it open. Her heart threw itself against her chest at the sight of him.

  “Evan,” she said breathlessly.

  He smiled at her. “Hey, AJ.”

  At that moment, everything aligned.

  Him, her heart whispered.

  Him, her head agreed.

  Only him, her soul testified.