Barf Blast
Page 5
The zits that lived there just thought that The Great Ranga was happy, and that life under Right Armpit was just getting better and better with every generation. But they were wrong. During the Great Infection Injection, zit after zit and family after family of zits began to gradually turn green.
Zits were slowly losing their firm, red shape. Many zits began putting on massive amounts of weight and spreading out widely at their base. Every day they were seeing a progressive change that they couldn’t seem to stop or even slow down.
The Great Ranga’s hair under Right Armpit became an overgrown, thick forest. But then the final stage of the infection hit. Suddenly the zits’ lovely, shiny, solid “whiteheads” began to gooify, turning a deep grey with fuzzy, green fungus tufts of mold growing on top. By the time the zits realized what was happening, the fast-spreading epidemic had taken over and it was too late.
The few families that had listened to their gut instinct and sucked down and slithered away at the first sign of fungus were lucky. Unfortunately though, only a few had evacuated. The vast majority had stayed and didn’t have the strength to do anything but wait for the inevitable end.
And as the infection got worse, the zits’ pulsating whiteheads soon became bulging, creamy, grey-colored bowling balls getting bigger and bigger, their pus getting greener and greener. Within mere days of being infected with the mysterious disease, they’d become so ill that panic started to spread across the land. They had no idea how or where the sickness had come from, but worst of all, there seemed to be no cure.
The only thing they did know for sure was that the fast-growing fungus was rapidly smothering each and every one of them. No more zits came to the land, and none left.
Meanwhile, the zits that had evacuated and resettled on The Great Ranga, eagerly awaited any news of their loved ones
It’s said that just before the end of the infection, zits were up to sixteen times their usual size and as green as The Great Ranga’s boogers. Their bulging, grey whiteheads were like massive beach balls, enormous and throbbing like a ticking time-bomb about to explode. Stretching to the absolute limit so that their skin could hold their pus in. Stretching, throbbing, s t r e t c h i n g, throbbing, s t r e t c h i n g when suddenly, thoop! zits began to explode!
It was a disaster of epic proportions, it was horrible. Zits were erupting all across Right Armpit. Their gooey, creamy, thick pus was spurting out all over the place like alien volcanoes. Splattering as each explosion set off the next one like a domino effect. One after another whole families of zits were wiped out, splattered in every direction. A fine sprinkle of rain gently wafted along through the air, as whatever was left of the zit families floated away.
Thoop Thoop Spttt “Arrgghh!!” Spttt Spttt Thoop! “Arrgghh!!” Thoop “Arrgghh!!” Spttt! Thoop Spttt Thoop Spttt! Spttt!
Almost every single zit that stayed behind on Right Armpit at the time of the Great Infection Injection exploded into pusy green oblivion, leaving nothing behind but tiny tufts of their final fungus. There were only two zits that survived to tell the tale of what really happened.
Close to total exhaustion, they told of how The Great Ranga’s arm had slowly lifted. Massive folds of skin fell downward like a bed-sheet hanging in the sunlight. The sun’s warm rays poured down onto those still fighting but barely alive. Then an enormous sharp, shiny tube appeared from above and began speeding straight down towards them.
It was jabbed right into the center of Right Armpit and a flood of strange, clear liquid was plunged into The Great Ranga’s body. The Great Ranga had been injected with something!
Within days, Right Armpit began clearing up. The fungus forest began to thin and the smell and sweat returned back to their usual level—still gross but not quite so bad. And although still weak, the pus of these two survivors slowly began to regain its golden color.
Although many generations have passed, many were still worried about the injection infection, and there were only a few zits prepared to head back to Right Armpit. And who could blame them?
Luckily for Sir Reginald, Daisy May’s parents had decided to move their whole family from under Right Armpit only a few hundred generations before the infection. If they’d waited just a few more days then they’d probably have been done for as well and the two would have never met.
Sir Reginald Bernard Pusbucket XVIII and Daisy May Posterior were married and began their new life together under Left Armpit. They joined their names together to start their new family . . . the Pus-butts.
But as time passed—about thirty minutes—Daisy May found it harder and harder to be so far away from the rest of her family. So together, Reginald and Daisy decided to leave Left Armpit and make a fresh start in a new place closer to her family.
The following day, Sir Reginald and Daisy May Pus-butt slipped away and found a nice place just around the corner from Right Buttock Cheek on a pleasant little sweaty patch in Crotch.
Two days later, Reginald and Daisy May were the proud parents of eighteen healthy growing zits. By the end of the week they were grandparents to just over three hundred and twenty more and a month later they were the proud great great great grandparents of over five thousand, eight hundred, and seventy-nine teeny-tiny developing pimples.
They lived happily in Crotch, enjoying an area that was sweatier than the butt of a sloth, stank like the rear-end of a warthog sitting in sewage, and was darker than a bat living in an elephant’s trunk.
Yep, it was absolutely perfect!
The Author
Yep, it was gross, disgusting, and just plain icky . . . but ya can’t say I didn’t warn ya. Hope you liked it.
See you soon in . . . “Yucky, Disgustingly Gross, Icky Short Stories—Butt Blast” Happy reading.
Seeya
S.B
Susan
www.susanberran.com