The Wolf's Heart

by Rain Oxford

  “Yes. Look at me.” The wolf tried to ignore me. He didn’t believe I was in control, that I was strong enough to lead. I stepped between him and Ayden. “I am the one you want.” The wolf snarled at me. Ayden didn’t see me, so he thought the wolf was snarling at him. When he ran, the wolf tried to chase him down. I threw myself forward against him, though, knocking us both to the ground. He bit me and I bit him back before we released each other. We both stood. He might have been stronger, but I was more driven.

  I was more… wild in that moment. I only cared about one thing at that moment, and I would achieve it no matter how relentless I had to be.

  A lot like a wolf.

  “Ayden only unleashed what was already in my heart.” It was a revelation even as I said it.

  The wolf looked confused for a moment before he lunged at me. He didn’t like the confusion and would rather kill what was causing it than deal with it. That was the curse.

  The wolf was intelligent, wise, and kind. He was brave and daring, willing to do absolutely anything to protect his pack. Alone, he didn’t have the heart to fight a battle he couldn’t win, but for his family, he would overcome any odds.

  The wolf pounced on me, slamming me to the ground, and opened his jaws wide.

  The curse hid cowardice behind aggression, shame behind arrogance, and loneliness behind hatred. With the realization that I wasn’t facing the wolf, I felt power and control surge through me. I flipped us so that I was on top. “I am the wolf! I am not a curse!”

  And the curse dissolved into mist, which was swiftly carried away by the wind.

  Suddenly, I was standing on a five-foot-wide, stone bridge with black abyss on either side. Behind me, it abruptly ended. Ten feet ahead of me was a stone arch with glowing blue runes on it. Ten feet beyond it was another arch with glowing red runes on it. This was repeated with green, purple, orange, yellow, and white.

  The runes I had painted on myself were glowing white.

  Before I could take a step, a dragon appeared in front of me. He resembled Cennuth closely, but his horns were angled differently and his eyes were amber. “Are you my magic?” I asked.

  “I am not your magic but the personification of your wisdom. In order to reach your magic, you must overcome what is holding you back.”

  “But I have magic when I am in my real form.”

  “That is not your magic. That is not who you are. To reach your magic, you must pass through seven gates.”

  * * *

  As I stepped through the first gate, I appeared in my childhood home with my mother. Although she had the build and tan of a woman who worked in the fields every day, her hands were always soft and warm. She had chestnut-brown hair and warm honey-colored eyes. I had forgotten what she looked like after so many years. She smelled of the garden— of dirt and vegetables, but it wasn’t unpleasant. She wore a tan dress she had made herself, which was covered in dirt from wiping her hands and vegetables on it, yet she was beautiful.

  “So much for starting with the easy one,” I said.

  “Nothing that holds you back is easy to overcome,” she said. “You feel guilty for my death.”

  “How does that hold me back? It makes me wiser.”

  “It makes you hesitant. You fear one of your greatest strengths when you should have been learning to use it all these years.”

  “Had I known what would have happened, I would not have gone. If I had not foreseen your death, you would not have died.”

  “Baltezore would have used me anyway.”

  “Because of me.”

  “No. You can’t be blamed for being born. You did nothing to warrant his wrath, did you?”

  “I didn’t.” She had a good point. Baltezore was determined to get to me, and since he couldn’t get to Caedmon, Brynjar, or Cennuth, my mother was the only weakness he could exploit. “I was just a child who wanted to save his mother. I had no ill intensions and I was not the one who poisoned you.”

  “Then forgive yourself and learn to use your ability dependably.” With that, she vanished.

  I cautiously walked outside the door and was back on the bridge with the gate in front of me. I dreaded what was to come.

  * * *

  As I passed through the gate, I was suddenly in a forest, and the second gate was ahead. I didn’t make it more than a couple of steps before shackles appeared around my wrists. Knowing this was only the beginning, I kept walking. A few seconds later, Erica appeared to block my path. The shackles instantly grew heavy.

  She grinned. “Did you think you were going to make it through without facing me? You know you can’t beat me.”

  With every word she spoke, the metal increased in weight. “You’re my insecurity,” I said.

  “Obviously.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

  “My father, the most powerful dragon ever to live, failed to kill me. Do you really think you can?”

  I ignored her and pictured my sessions with Cennuth. He had once told me that power was not bred, it was earned. I could defeat Erica because I had spent centuries dedicated to practicing magic. She was doing it out of desire for more power, whereas I was doing it to protect loved ones.

  “I will always have insecurities, but they are not going to weigh me down because I know they are not real.”

  The weight vanished, and when I opened my eyes, she and the shackles were gone as well. I crossed the gate.

  * * *

  The instant I stepped through the gate, I was standing at the top of the mountain, in front of Caedmon’s cabin. The gate I had stepped through was gone, while the next one was over the cherry blossom tree. The sun was shining brightly overhead and the warm summer breeze smelled of wildflowers and cherry blossoms.

  More importantly, Caedmon was there. Even though I was an adult, he towered over me at nearly seven feet tall. His arms and chest were thick with muscles. His hair was a black mess of tangles, and the stubble on his face was marred by scars. He was missing two fingers and half his thumb on his left hand. Brutish would perfectly describe his appearance, yet he was one of the wisest and kindest men I knew.

  “You have used the skills I’ve taught you well.” He held out the cup to me and I recognized the scent as green tea.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Join me for tea. You have earned it.”

  “Is this laziness that I have to overcome?” I asked, taking it.

  “Of course not. You are the hardest-working person I know.”

  “Oh. This is pride. I did not know I was prideful.”

  “Yes, you did. You are the most powerful wolf on Caldaca, and your name was known on a hundred worlds. Even Ayden knows you are proud.”

  “How is that holding me back, though?”

  “Why are you here?”

  “To free my magic.”

  “Why?”

  “To help Ayden.”

  “You can do magic through him, which teaches him, and he can do it for you. You want your magic back because you want to be powerful again.”

  “It’s not that I want to be powerful. I simply do not want to be left behind. I want to help Ayden when he needs me and be valuable to him.” Saying it aloud, however, made me realize how foolish that was.

  Ayden didn’t value me because I taught him magic. Maybe he did at first, but he cared about me as a friend. He sought my advice in non-magic related situations. Furthermore, Ayden was the closest thing I had to a son, and children were supposed to surpass their parents. If he didn’t learn everything I knew and more, I wasn’t doing my job.

  He was also watching things I did and how I acted. He was learning from me even when I wasn’t trying to teach him, and some of my habits were poor.

  I raised the cup to my mouth, but it was suddenly empty. When I looked up, Caedmon was gone as well. “I wish I had told you what you meant to me,” I said to the empty air.

  Taking my time, I got up and crossed the gate.

  * * *

  I
was now on a farm I had only seen once and my heart sank. The house was so insignificant that it really wasn’t in focus. The boy, however, was standing right in front of me. At seven years old, he was lean with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. Then, suddenly, he was thirteen. His hair had darkened, yet his eyes had the same hope in them.

  His life had been horrible, but what was even more horrible was that I gave him hope of a better life and then took it back. Suddenly, he was an adult in his early twenties. His eyes had lost their hope and were now cold and cynical.

  “I have already faced my guilt,” I told Painter.

  “I’m not your guilt. I am your regret.”

  “I know what I did was wrong. I have done everything I could to do better.”

  “Yet here I am, holding you back. Do you regret killing me, or destroying my hope?”

  “I don’t regret killing you. I did what I had to do.”

  “Did you, though?”

  “You could not have been reasoned with.”

  “Not by you. You were the one who caused me to turn out that way. Ayden could have, though. You could tell by the mercy I showed Yuri that I had a soft spot for people like him.”

  I hesitated. He was right, which meant I had been thinking it subconsciously.

  “Maybe Ayden could have talked you down, but that was not his responsibility. I deeply regret turning you away and I apologize. However, we are all responsible for our own destiny. You could have learned from my mistake and become a hero. Your options were not limited to what people gave you.”

  My mother wasn’t the only mistake my visions had caused me to make. Since I killed Painter, I fought my growing power every single day. I was so afraid of hurting someone that I refused to learn how to understand the ability. I’d always either let it run amuck or push it away completely. My mother’s death wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t have to turn Painter away when he needed me. I chose it based on what my vision told me.

  I also turned away from Gmork when he needed a friend, and that had nothing to do with visions.

  Maybe I could have prevented Ayden from being hurt.

  He smirked. “Maybe I don’t want to be a hero. Torturing people who anger me is a lot more fun. I’ll leave the heroism up to my brother.”

  “Brother? I do not understand.”

  His smirk grew. “You didn’t think you had actually killed me, did you?”

  “I know I did.”

  He laughed. “You don’t know as much as you think you do.” With that, he disappeared and the gate appeared in his place.

  * * *

  I was actually relieved to appear in the crystal cave after walking through the gate, even though Rijah Baltezore was standing before me in his person form. He was tall and slender with dark brown hair and gold eyes. I could feel the power in him, poorly hidden behind a mortal body like a mask.

  “Admit who you really are— what you really are,” he said.

  “Is this denial?”

  “Yes. The only way you can pass through this gate is to accept what you know to be true.”

  “You are not my father, if that is what you are implying.”

  “You are the one implying it.”

  “No, you are the one who originally implied it. I admit there have been strange occurrences. I have always felt a kinship for dragons. Furthermore, Ayden’s galaxy stone has worked on me a few times. Nevertheless, you are not my father.”

  “If you were sure of that, I would not be here.”

  “My mother waited her entire life for my father to return for her. She loved him more than she ever loved me. If the person she loved killed her, it would be too vile an act for me to accept.”

  “Denial does not make it untrue.”

  “No. However, people are not clones of their parents. You are not my father, and I am nothing like you. Even if you were the man she loved, even if I am part dragon, I am not your son. I am Merlin.”

  He vanished and the gate appeared in the mouth of the cave.

  * * *

  When I stepped through it, I was back on the bridge, and it was Ayden in front of me. “Ayden does not hold me back.”

  “No. I’m here to help you through the last step.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you trust me and I would never betray that trust. I am the person you wish you were, just with less wisdom. Now, the last step is the hardest.”

  “I figured it would be, but I cannot imagine how.”

  “Your wolf form is not a curse. To gain your magic back, there’s a price.”

  “I don’t care about my magic; I care about protecting my loved ones.”

  “That is why the price is one of us.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “To get your magic back, you will have to sacrifice either Nimue or me. The choice is yours.”

  The sympathy in his tone was so true to him, as if it was really him. This made me pause. Considering Ayden was in a comatose state and we often shared dreams, I knew it was possible that it was actually him in front of me.

  “If I do not recover my magic, you will die.”

  “That’s true. You might as well regain your magic and let me go so that you can save Nimue.”

  “No.”

  “No, what?”

  “I do not accept those options. I will regain my magic, save you, and save Nimue.”

  “You know magic doesn’t work that way.”

  “I will recover my magic, save you, and save her.”

  He frowned with concern. “If you lose me, I want you to know that it’s not your fault.”

  “I’m not going to lose you. I am at fault for bringing you into this mess, though.”

  “Without you, my mother would have killed me by now. Go through the gate and don’t look back.”

  Chapter 21

  I woke to see Merlin standing over me in his wolf form. His eyes were glowing gold. “You did it.” The arrow wound hurt, but I was alive, so I wouldn’t complain.

  Merlin nodded. “I told you I would.”

  Although I was worried about the consequence of it, it was already done. He had saved me instead of breaking his curse. “Thank you.”

  “Did you doubt me?”

  “No.”

  “What was your sacrifice?” Merlin asked Gmork.

  Gmork shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. My sacrifice was something I had lost long ago. We should go get the heart now.”

  * * *

  Merlin and I switched just long enough for him to put on his dragon ring and restock my bag while I went for a run. I returned to find Vactarus complaining that Merlin had “borrowed” every single hand mirror in the mansion. We ended up with a dozen mirrors of various sizes and put them in my bag, each wrapped in cloth to protect their delicate surfaces.

  Then Merlin left it up to me to make the portal since he “built the last one.” As a wolf, Gmork had a difficult time making the portal. I drew the base, but he had to make the sigils. “Did Erica tell you anything about this place?”

  “Only that the heart was here, we would need the scroll, and it would be extremely dangerous.”

  “I bet there is a monster guarding it. Do you want to use your ring?” I asked Merlin.

  He shook his head. “I do not trust it.”

  While Gmork struggled to draw the portal by paw, Merlin took the opportunity to practice his magic by pranking Vactarus.

  “Why don’t you use magic to make the portal?” I asked Gmork when we were alone in the magic room.

  “Your menace of a mentor was a notorious prankster as a child, but the darkest magic he practices is in the name of self-defense. I am a necromancer. The magic I yield comes with a much graver price. As such, I do not use magic for convenience. Merlin is constantly ready to defend himself and his friends. I am constantly ready to kill.”

  “That sounds like a lonely way to live.”

  “It is. The problem with necromancy is that the rule of life and death is the same as that of magi
c; there must be balance. A life for a life.”

  “What if you just talk to a ghost? Surely that can’t cause any harm.”

  “Opening a window is a little safer than opening the door, but something can still sneak through. I cannot afford to care about anyone, because I risk their life by doing magic.”

  “What about Nimue?”

  “She was worth giving up my magic for.”

  “Then why did you unlock your it?”

  “Because no matter what I sacrifice for her, she will never be mine. It is Merlin that she loves. None of us can change this.”

  “But she chose to stay with you rather than Merlin.”

  “Exactly. No matter how much she loves him, she’s drawn to me.”

  “So you pushed her away.”

  He nodded. “And when my magic returned, I convinced her to leave. I was just too late.”

  “You and Merlin keep pushing her away and making sacrifices for her… have either of you asked what she wanted?”

  “She chose Merlin after knowing him for one day.”

  “You told her to go to him. She didn’t know either of you yet. When she found out that you were cursed, she went with you to help you.”

  “She went with me because I threatened Merlin.”

  “That was you then. You’re changing.”

  “My heart thaws around Nimue.”

  “Nimue isn’t keeping the curse at bay from a distance. It’s Merlin. Curses don’t care what kind of love it is that breaks them. Nimue might be your soul mate, but Merlin was your best friend before she was ever born.”

  * * *

  When the portal was ready, Merlin, Gmork, and I gathered around it. It was harder to activate the portal, although Merlin assured me it was due to Gmork’s shoddy penmanship. I imagined we would appear in a cave, since that was what Baltezore trapped Merlin in, or even a castle. Instead, we appeared in a quaint little village in the early morning. The huts were bare and the animals were kept in wooden pens. I liked it much better than Raksel.

  Nevertheless, it wasn’t the place we expected to find the heart. Confused, we wandered up to the first person we came across. The old man was pulling a small cart of vegetables out of town. “Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re looking for something.”