Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  Her voice sounded breathy. “It’s amazing.”

  “It’s supported underneath.” He turned away and began rummaging through drawers painted in butter-cream shades with black iron drawer pulls that echoed the bed.

  Norah just looked around, blinking. She didn’t remember what she’d expected, but then again, maybe she should have expected this. She’d been living with the grown-up version of the TJ Hewlitt she’d known in school. Only in the back of her brain did it really register that he wasn’t that man. He was this one.

  He talked to cover the silence. “When I had the designer do the place, she actually tried to talk me into doing a room for a baby. She said it was a bachelor thing. Apparently when looking for a wife, having a baby room ready is a big draw.”

  Norah was standing still by the time he looked up.

  “Oh.” The word just fell from his lips. “That was the wrong thing to say.”

  “Is it true?”

  “Yes.” He had to say it. She wasn’t turning around to look at him.

  “Then it isn’t wrong. It just is.” She looked at him then, seeing that he was upset. Ten-to-one said he thought he’d blundered because of Jordan and then the morning after pill. He didn’t know that it made her freeze because maybe he should have let the designer put that room in. She just smiled, “Is there anything I can help with?”

  He took the opening she offered. “Yeah, there’s a leather duffle bag in that closet, can you get it?”

  “Sure.” She wondered what else she would find in the closet. It was all pretty normal, except most men with a wardrobe of jeans and t-shirts probably didn’t store them in a place this opulent. She pulled out the bag, and handed it to him. “Anything else?”

  He shook his head. “I just need a few minutes to gather things. You should try out the bed though.”

  She raised her eyebrows, indicating that she wasn’t going to docilely walk to his bed and invite him to join her. Tempting though that was.

  He had the grace to blush. “I just meant that it’s the most comfortable place to relax.”

  And he turned away, ducking into the bathroom to gather a few things.

  Chapter 31

  TJ climbed into the driver’s seat of the van. It was the only car available to use for driving practice. Also, JD was due any moment, so if TJ wound up causing an accident at least his brother would find him and get him help.

  Unfortunately, the handi-van was huge and uncomfortable. The emergency brake, which he’d been counting on, was foot-operated instead of hand-operated. The reason he still wasn’t allowed to drive was that he might need to stand on the brake and he couldn’t count on his legs. So an emergency brake at his right hand would have been perfect. But no, the handi-van offered no such solution. If his legs went out, both brakes were lost to him.

  He swore to himself for a moment, then decided the van was all wrong anyway. The seat was too high, the pedals huge and stiff, and the vehicle was so heavy it wouldn’t stop if it ran into anything.

  His own car was totaled, probably now a small cube in a landfill. He’d loved that car, but like most things he hadn’t thought much about it, hadn’t thought ahead. At least it was replaceable.

  Climbing down from the van, he decided to head back inside to wait for JD. He’d surf the net for cars, and get something delivered.

  He wanted to call Norah for dinner tonight—to see if she would drive him, and maybe he could make her come with him. But she was working. School was in its second week and Norah was in full swing as well, teaching dance classes four nights a week.

  She’d showed up this morning in running clothes, startling him and making him think he’d gotten his days backwards. But she’d laughed at him, and said she was cutting the tension with running. He made no remark about the tensions she was working out, or that they might work out better if she’d share them with someone. Like him.

  TJ settled himself at his computer, thinking how glad he was that he was allowed to live by himself. Only the house felt horribly empty without Norah. He pushed that thought away. He’d see her. He’d work his way around to her. But he had another week and a half to go before she told him what was going on, and he wasn’t about to profess undying love while she was holding that over his head.

  He clicked up Google and was looking at sports cars in no time. He’d found a fifth car he liked when the front door clicked. “JD! Come back here.”

  His brother appeared in the doorway, “What?”

  “Look, I’ve got to get a new car. What do you think?” He clicked the pages and photos.

  His brother just shook his head. “I think I left Kelsey at home with things boiling on the stove and six kids running around.”

  TJ pushed the chair out and stood. JD was more the SUV-with-car-seats type anyway. He’d ask Norah what she’d like. “You know if you could keep it in your pants, you wouldn’t have this problem.”

  “I love this problem, and we had three kids before we even started.” JD was out the front door and leading TJ to his family car. Four of the six seats had child restraint devices strapped into them. TJ would bet the next album sales that the car had scored the highest in the crash test ratings.

  Maybe he should check that on the cars he was searching.

  JD turned right at the end of the driveway, “Norah’s teaching? Is that why she couldn’t make it?”

  TJ just nodded.

  “Then we’ll have to have the next one on the weekend. But you have to keep coming over. Kelsey cooks with a little something extra for you.”

  “Me?”

  JD laughed. “Yeah, like you’re company or something. But she makes my favorites for you, so it’s a good deal all around.”

  “Six kids, career, hired help, and she cooks. Add in that Kelsey’s kept her figure, and I’m surprised she doesn’t get regular hate mail.”

  His head thrown back, JD laughed so hard he almost missed the last turn to his own house. “She loves it. She has energy to burn and a history of having to take care of everyone around her.” He paused. “There’s something you should know.”

  It sounded casual, but that phrase always meant something bad. TJ braced.

  JD continued. “Women don’t get their figures back after they’re pregnant. Kelsey will tell you that they just get a new one and you hope it’s a good one.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” They were sitting in the driveway, but he didn’t know why.

  “Because you’ve lost a lot of your restlessness lately. It’s like you’re growing up or something.” JD said it with a sarcastic tone, and TJ had thought the exact same thing just a while ago. But it didn’t stop him from bristling.

  “Besides, I’ve seen the way you look at Norah. I know that look.”

  “Like I want to get her pregnant?” TJ threw that one out before he thought about it. Bad move.

  Keys in hand, JD unbuckled but made no move to get out of the car. “It bothered you that she bolted to take that morning after pill.”

  “Yeah.” His brother had him pegged. He usually did. Maybe it was just part of the territory of being the younger one. He tried changing the subject. “Kelsey looks the same to me.”

  “Nah, she’s different, better.”

  Oh God, save him from his brother waxing poetic about his wife. No wonder Norah couldn’t come.

  TJ climbed out of the car and headed up the front steps, hand firmly gripping the railing. The chair was a thing of the past.

  Daniel met him at the front door. “No chair? Are you normal yet?”

  “Thanks, kid.”

  Daniel scrunched up his face, looking like Kelsey did when she made that same expression. “Don’t call me kid.”

  “Don’t ask me if I’m normal.” He went into the living room and sat down. There were a lot of stairs up the front porch, and he’d been tense throughout his conversation with JD. “And no, I’m not normal. I have to stop and rest a lot, but no more chair.”

  “What are you going to d
o with it?”

  He quirked his mouth, he thought he smelled pork chops and probably broccoli. “I was thinking I’d get it bronzed.”

  Allie was suddenly there, plopping on the couch beside him and bouncing a little from the force of it. “You should sell it.”

  “Hmmm.” There was some sense in that. He’d ask Norah.

  Kelsey called them all to the table, and they all helped set the places and bring out the dishes and silverware. TJ seated himself and fielded an onslaught of questions about Norah. He fought against the constant urge to yell out, I don’t know! She’s barely speaking to me. But he wasn’t giving that one away, either.

  JD went and told Kelsey that TJ had said she looked the same since the baby, so Kelsey started in on trying to lose the extra weight. In an effort to change the topic, TJ threw out what Norah had said about going to the track again. He was only supposed to go every other day, but Kelsey might keep her company on his off days. He had no idea if Norah wanted company or not, and he regretted it after he’d said it.

  About two thirds of the way through the meal he started to get uncomfortable. Like he didn’t really belong here. Like they weren’t his family. But they were. Every last one of them.

  For a moment, he pulled back and looked at them with new eyes. They were united against the world. They didn’t all look alike—the two oldest kids had come from Kelsey’s brother and JD’s ex-girlfriend. But there were no distinctions here. TJ knew they wanted him in that circle, and for that he would be forever grateful. He knew he was loved, and it did make all the difference.

  But even here, it was about JD. TJ was loved because he was JD’s brother. Kelsey would always take care of him, the kids would always be there. Because he was JD’s brother.

  He figured he was getting a taste of what Norah felt when she was here.

  Good, old-fashioned envy.

  He begged off after the meal, saying he was worn out. And he was, just not that much. Kelsey made him promise to bring Norah next time. He managed to promise to try, and hoped she didn’t notice the distinction.

  He had his brother drop him at the front gate and he walked the long driveway enjoying the setting sun and cool air. In the distance, on an adjoining property, he saw a horse and rider. Stopping, he hoped that the horse would turn his way and sail over the fence. But it didn’t happen. Norah was teaching dance tonight anyway.

  It was noticeably darker when he made it to his front door, and the driveway wasn’t that long. It was just the way the sun set in this part of the country. For a moment he thought of the very few times he’d enjoyed any of his travels, and one had been his amazement at the sunset over the west coast the first time he’d seen it. The sun had taken forever to go down. Maybe that was part of why he’d never felt at home in L.A. with Anna.

  He’d been far more comfortable here, in the handi-house, than he’d been in a lot of other places, and that worried him. The smell and feelings of ‘home’ assaulted him as he opened the door and he realized that he owed Norah a call.

  As expected, he got her voicemail. She was probably still in class. He confessed what he’d told Kelsey and told her to call back, even late, if he’d made an error. He’d fix it if she wanted to run alone. He signed off with, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  TJ decided not to dig too deep into his psyche and what he’d wanted to say into the phone, and went back to the computer, calling up the cars he’d chosen. This time he pulled up the safety ratings, wondering why he hadn’t looked at them before.

  He winced. Some of the cars didn’t even have a single star out of five possible. What had he been thinking?

  Sighing to himself, TJ admitted that he hadn’t been thinking.

  Story of his life.

  Chapter 32

  TJ had decided that when he had been driving for a week, he would move back into his house. But nothing was going according to plan. Norah was still picking him up in the mornings. Maybe because he wanted her to, or maybe because he needed it.

  He hadn’t seen the progress he’d seen earlier. Of course, for once, he’d been doing what he was told: the track every other day. He wanted to do more. Just over a week had gone by, and that was far too long for him to suffer no real advancements.

  Norah was still going to the track every day. Whatever aggression she’d been working out had driven her to it. He considered joining her, but Kelsey was going on his off days and the two women were jogging. Kelsey had brought Baby Amy exactly twice—TJ knew because he’d had to hear about every moment in deep detail from Norah.

  Handing her that baby had not been the best thought out move of his life. He just hoped it was the right one for Norah.

  TJ decided to hit the gym on his off days. He wouldn’t crowd Norah, which usually would have seemed like a fine idea, but lately didn’t. He would get in his extra workouts and get out of this stagnant limbo.

  His car had been delivered. He’d settled on a sedan with clean lines and a certain cool appeal and excellent safety ratings. Once he’d started checking, anything less than four stars made him break out in a cold sweat. One glance at the motorized wheelchair sitting in the corner reminded him why.

  He heard the engine when Norah pulled up out front. Her door slammed shut, but he didn’t hear her at the front.

  By the time he’d made it to the front door, she had just finished circling the car and was peering inside the windows. “Hey, Norah. You like it?”

  “It’s pretty. Still new-car-shiny.”

  “Yeah,” he smiled. “Come in for a minute?”

  She nodded her consent, clearly a little wary, and he had to wonder if she thought he was going to ravage her. He wanted to, but he wasn’t going to. At least not until she told him her dirty secret.

  She came up the steps, looking lighter than she had. Her smile came a little quicker and she spoke more. All of those were good things.

  When she brushed by him, where he held the front door, he could smell her hair. For just a moment, it brought on a powerful sense memory of their morning together. It was like he was there, inside her again. Like she was holding him, her legs wrapped around his waist, her body moving with his. He could hear her and taste her and . . .

  TJ bit back a groan. His body reacted and wanted to rescind his earlier decision about not attacking her.

  Norah walked by, oblivious. “What did you want?”

  Note to self: keep nose away from Norah until you are ready to ravage her.

  He directed her to the dining room where he had all the torture devices lined up. Side by side they sat—the motorized wheelchair, the lightweight chair, the stander, the tilt rack, the walker. There was no cane. It was the only implement missing from the line-up, because he’d refused to get one, insisting that Norah stay by his side instead. “What do I do with it? Can I auction it? Should I sell it with the house?”

  She was standing beside him looking at the machinery. There was so much that there was no more room at the table and he couldn’t get to the piano at all. TJ cast a sideways glance at her. Just in time to see her wheel on him. Her mouth was open and her brows pulled together.

  “TJ Hewlitt! I know you weren’t raised by wolves. I expected better of you than this.” She shook her head like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  He didn’t respond, not sure what he’d done to make her blow up. “Norah! You’ve got to help me out here. I have no idea what you want from me.”

  “Compassion.”

  He didn’t know who this compassion was supposed to be for.

  “Intelligence?” She tried again.

  He hated to be at a loss on that one, but he truly was. “Norah, tell me.”

  She came back to him, heaving a sigh of the damned. “First, you’re being stupid if you think you’re ready to get rid of the racing chair and the walker.”

  He frowned at her, so she kept going, like she was explaining to a child. “The whole point of us going to the track, which we are now late for, is to pu
sh you to your limits, to make you stronger. Small relapses are expected. It’s unusual that you haven’t had one before now.”

  “Okay,” He conceded, “I still need the chair and walker on hand . . .” He trailed off, knowing that wasn’t the whole reason she was mad.

  She huffed again. “TJ! You just point-and-clicked a top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz to your driveway. And you don’t know what to do with this stuff?”

  He saw what she was getting at, and he felt like a heel. “I’ll donate it.”

  “Damn straight you will.” She shook her head, looking like she was going to give up on him, but then she turned back for one more go. “Lots of people can’t afford any of this stuff. They don’t heal as well as you did because they don’t have the money that you do. And what happened to you happens to plenty of people who didn’t deserve it.”

  Ouch!

  But there was nothing he could say. He’d played his way right into his injury, and had just been damned lucky that he’d only bruised his spinal cord. Another millimeter and Norah wouldn’t be looking up at him to berate him about his equipment.

  Suddenly it didn’t matter that he was leaning on the couch to conserve his energy for the track. He’d had a remarkable recovery. He owed all of it to Norah, who had expected him to act like a man even when no one else did. If she thought he should light all of it on fire in his front yard he’d probably do it.

  Of course, instead she was full of righteous sense.

  He nodded. “I’ll donate the house, too.”

  Her eyebrows lifted at him in surprise.

  And he thought that was appropriate. A house like this –not just retrofitted, but built for a person in a wheelchair—was worth a tidy sum. He’d paid good money for it, expecting to reclaim most of it when he sold. But the money didn’t really matter anymore. It was easy to think that way when he was on his own two feet, ready to go to the track and walk as far as he could.

  He nodded, heading to the front door, having caught that remark about them being late. “I’ll call Tim when we get back and ask who it should go to.”