Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  Norah sat up again. He always judged her, always told her how she could fix the situation. But she didn’t want to hear it. “Why are you on his side?”

  His face hardened up really fast and Norah knew she’d struck a nerve. “I’m on your side, Norah, always.”

  “Then why are you pushing me to do this?”

  He sighed. “You weren’t a happy child, Norah. You didn’t do well with the limits your mother and I put on you. Lilah did fine with them and so we did the same thing with you and looking back I don’t think it was the right thing.”

  Norah rolled her eyes. “Daddy, Lilah broke every rule you guys set.”

  “I know that. I think breaking them made her happy. Now she seems happy living much like your mother does, all about the rules. You weren’t happy that way. I think dancing gave you some satisfaction out of life, but you weren’t happy until you started dating Jeff.”

  Her father paused here and blinked. “Your mother and I had so many fights about that. She thought you were too young to be serious about him and that we should stop you. I thought we were a day late and a dollar short on that one, because you already were serious about him. I knew from my own experiences that parents aren’t very successful at keeping kids apart. And, the thing was, he made you happy.

  “When you got pregnant, and got married, I thought you were too young. But I was wrong. You were so poor, but you both stayed in school, and then when he was going to graduate early and you were accepted to the Ballet, I couldn’t have been more proud.” He shook his head. “And then Jeff and Jordan died.”

  Norah could see that he had loved his son-in-law and grandson more than people probably knew. And he missed them both to this day.

  “When they died, it was like someone flipped your light switch off. I tried so many ways over the years, but I couldn’t make the light come back.” He didn’t look at her. “And then, at the beginning of the summer, you left. When I saw you again, several weeks later, it was on. I was so shocked. I’d become afraid it wasn’t going to happen for you again.” Here he faced her down. “He makes you happier than I think I’ve ever seen you. And that’s probably why he makes you more upset. He deserves another chance. And you deserve another chance. If nothing else, do it for me. So I can see my little girl happy again.”

  She hated when he did that. The worst part of it was that he made sense.

  So she heaved a sigh and decided she needed lunch if she was going to have the energy to haul herself out of the doldrums. As if he were reading her mind, he patted her arm, stood up, and said he had come home to reheat lasagna and did she want a piece?

  He left her there with her thoughts.

  Her Dad was right. TJ shouldn’t be vilified when most women would have been ecstatic to get a bouquet like that. Most would have thought that an adequate apology. She groaned and covered her face, realizing for the first time that she was partly to blame. Hadn’t she suggested he woo some girl with flowers, when she had been angry and thinking that he was in love with someone else?

  He was persistent, too. TJ hadn’t gone off to console himself with someone else when she turned him out. When things were good, he did make her happier than she’d been.

  She heard the microwave ding, and she pushed the comforter off, revealing that her father was right about the jammies. He set two plates on the table, and she ate every bite of hers, knowing that she might be on TJ’s doorstep for a while. If she couldn’t get him today, she’d go back tomorrow. She could be persistent, too.

  There were definitely things to straighten out. But for the first time she was willing to give it a shot. And horribly afraid it wouldn’t work.

  With a small smile on her face, she showered and dressed and actually put on some make-up. Her footsteps were light going down the stairs, and she threw on a jacket and was startled by the knock at the door.

  Frowning, she opened it, her eyes widening at the sight of TJ standing on her porch. He was holding some sort of cube tucked under one arm and his face looked ready for battle. “Norah.”

  “TJ—”

  “Please, let me in Norah, or come out here.” The ‘please’ sounded more like a command.

  Without a word, she stepped back, ushering him into the living room, thinking she didn’t have a silly little entryway with a fountain.

  He closed the door behind him and held out the cube. “This is for you.”

  She could see now that it was a decorated gift box, complete with perfectly fitted lid. It was beautiful, but it was another gift, and Norah pushed it back at him.

  “TJ. I don’t want gifts. I—”

  “No, please, just listen.” He looked away and took a breath, he hadn’t even bothered to take off his jacket. “All those gifts, they weren’t attempts to solve anything. They were just a gesture to tell you I was sorry, and try to get you to talk to me. I screwed up, Norah. I know it. I should have believed you.”

  She started to open her mouth, but his hand went up, palm forward, stopping her. “I know you’ve been in love before, and this is scary. But this,” He gestured between the two of them, “doesn’t grow on trees. If you feel half of what I feel for you, and you had that before, then you’re the luckiest person on this earth. I don’t ever expect to find this with anyone else. So, I’m warning you, I’m going to keep at this until you can either swear to me that you don’t love me at all, or until you give in.”

  Without giving her a chance to respond he again held out the gift box. “This is for you.”

  Her voice was soft. What he’d said was about the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. So she didn’t get mad. “I get it. I’m dating a very wealthy man, but I don’t want your money.”

  He nodded. “I know. You said you’d return everything I gave you.”

  She meant it. The gifts were tainted by the fact that he had given them out of desperation, not joy.

  He put the box into her hands. “If you want to return it, you can. But you should see it, so you know what you’re giving up.”

  Norah sighed, resigned to opening the damn thing. It felt so light, she shook it. “It feels empty.”

  He almost snorted. “It’s not empty.”

  She turned a little. There was nowhere to set the box, so she went into the living room with her jacket still on, unsure what the outcome would be, and knelt in front of the coffee table. TJ followed her, setting himself carefully on the edge of the couch. She looked at him, noting he looked stoic, almost expressionless.

  Inside the box was another box, identical, only slightly smaller. Norah frowned and set aside the first lid reaching for the other box. TJ stopped her hands, directing her back to the lid. Wondering what he wanted, she picked it up and held it while he turned it over.

  She blinked. Set into the lid was a beautiful piece of paper with writing on it. Quickly, she rotated the lid to get the words upright.

  LOVE in big hand-written letters went across the top. His scrawl filled the rest of the page: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

  Norah looked up at him, surprised. He just nodded at the next box for her to continue.

  She pulled the second box out and opened it, only to find another box. But this time she flipped the lid and looked inside, sure enough there was writing here, too.

  This time FAITH, and under it, I have faith in you. I have faith in us. We’ve been through so much. We can get through this and anything else that comes our way. As long as we’re together.

  Her heart lurched into her throat, and she dove for the third box. She saw the fourth box inside, but was already checking under the lid. HOPE. I have hope that we will have years and years together. That we will grow old together. Live to be 100 and die in each other’s arms.

  She fought back tears and tore into the fourth box. Under the top was the word FIDELITY followed by You are the one I bring my problems and my solutions to. You are the only o
ne I’ll make love to and with. What is ours is ours alone.

  The fifth lid said DESIRE. I want you. You are the only one I want. You turn me on. You are the one.

  She was swimming in boxes and lids. And fighting back the urge to just throw herself at him. But he looked so walled off.

  As she lifted the lid of the sixth box she saw that it was the last. This lid she could span with her fingers, and she turned her hand and read. TRUST. I trust you, above all others. Beyond all evidence. You are my truth.

  Her eyes were full, glazed with tears. As she looked at him, TJ grew blurry, but still he didn’t move toward her. At a complete loss, and flailing as she slid down a sharp slope, falling head over heels further in love with him even though he showed no expression, Norah held up her hands asking him what she should do.

  His voice was gravelly. TJ’s voice was never gravelly. “You know what you said you’d do with any gift I gave you.”

  “I said I’d return it, but I don’t want to return this.” She’d been the world’s biggest fool to think she could or should walk away from this man.

  Still he showed no expression.

  Chapter 63

  Her heart stopped, she’d thought he would be happy that she wanted to keep it.

  Suddenly she understood. He’d given her love, faith, hope, fidelity, desire, and trust. She was supposed to return them. “Wait!”

  Frantically she settled lids on the right boxes, stacking them inside each other, screwing it up and having to unpack two of the boxes to get the missing one inside. She didn’t look up until it was repacked, and she handed it to him, startled to see the smile on his face. Laughter even. “I’m returning it.”

  His eyes caught hers. “Only if you really want to.”

  “I do.” This time she did launch herself into his arms, and he set aside the box just in time to catch her but he held her back.

  “Norah, sometimes I’m an idiot. And I’m sure I will be again in the future. You’ll have to tell me. I’ll listen.”

  She nodded yes, and leaned in to kiss him, needing his mouth on hers and so much more. But still he held her away.

  “I need your word, Norah.”

  She was ready to give it, whatever he wanted.

  “You can’t just run away when things scare you. This is twice now you’ve completely shut me out from how you’re feeling. Not again. I need you to know, that no matter how bad things may seem, I never want to hurt you.” His fingers wound into her hair, holding her at a distance from his face and yet near. “I should have trusted you more. But you should have trusted me, too. I wasn’t trying to bribe you. I was trying anything I could to get you to speak to me. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

  Her voice came out on a wet whisper, “I’m sorry. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Norah.”

  This time when she pushed toward him, he let her, his lips sealing over hers. His tongue searched her mouth, and his hands held her to him. For a while she just clung, needing his touch, enjoying making out on the couch again.

  Eventually she pulled back. “There’s something you should know.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “No,” She grinned, “Not uh-oh. I was on my way out the door when you came in—”

  He looked worried. “Is there somewhere you need to be?”

  “Yes. I was on my way to camp out on your doorstep so we could talk.” She offered a smile. “I guess I thought life would be better if you couldn’t hurt me. But then I realized that I was already hurt and maybe I had the power to end it. That we couldn’t possibly make things okay if I didn’t at least talk to you.”

  Leaning his forehead in toward hers, he touched her—her hair, her face, her arms. “Don’t leave me again, Norah. You were right. I’d give up my arms and legs in a heartbeat to have you back.”

  She shook her head as she spoke. “You don’t have to. But I do have a dance school to run, and classes to teach tonight. You have a tour to go on in a few days, and I want you so enslaved to me that none of those groupies are even half tempting.”

  He laughed at that and Norah thought it might be the best sound in the world. “Baby, I already am, but if you want to try a little more just to be certain, I’m not against that.”

  She left her jacket on the couch and slipped him out of his before tugging on his hand and leading him upstairs. He tugged off the clothes she had just put on, and she left his in a pile on the floor. Then she found him again. How could she have forgotten this?

  Afterward, she set the alarm to get her up in time to teach class, and curled up in his arms. When their breathing steadied, she figured she’d go to sleep, but TJ sat up a little straighter. “Listen, there’s something you need to know.”

  “Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good.” She smiled, thinking there wasn’t much of anything that could destroy this day.

  “It’s not. But you should know it, and it would be bad if you found out later.”

  This time she sat up a little, too.

  “Norah,” he sighed. “You remember at my house that morning you walked out, you asked if I was accusing you of cheating because I had.”

  She nodded, not liking where this was going. Her hand, which had been making lazy circles on his chest, stilled. “You said you hadn’t.”

  He covered her hand with his, “I didn’t. I didn’t lie to you, and I didn’t cheat on you. But you struck a nerve. Maybe I thought you were sleeping around on me, because I figured I deserved it.” He tucked a finger under her chin and met her eyes. “I’ve never been faithful to anyone before you.”

  “Anyone?”

  He looked down and shook his head. “I’m not proud of it. But it never mattered. I never cared if anyone found out and left me because of it. You should know about my past though and that I won’t cheat on you. This is different.”

  Slowly she nodded. “Is this some kind of record?”

  He nodded, and Norah pushed away, sitting bolt upright. “Three weeks is a record for you!?”

  “Probably.” He looked sheepish, and Norah started thinking back. He must have read her mind because his arms tightened around her. “Don’t think that way, I hit three weeks of being faithful to you long before we even kissed. There hasn’t been anyone else since before the accident.”

  That soothed her but she had to clarify. “TJ you weren’t faithful to me then. There just wasn’t anyone else around. There’s a difference.”

  “Yes, there is. And I was faithful to you. I wanted, I got turned on, I fantasized. It was all about you, so don’t go thinking I settled.”

  Smiling, she curled into him. This was where she belonged. Her heart rate slowed, and she knew other women would warn her about her decision, but she believed him. More importantly, she believed in him.

  TJ sat on the tour bus almost two weeks later. He called Norah every day this time. His head was still in the clouds a lot of the time, but he managed to pull it out for the shows. He was getting better at it, too. It was turning back into fun. He was meeting all sorts of people, fans he’d never considered before.

  He and Craig were working up the song with the harpsichord. They meshed sounds better than he’d even expected. Though his best friend was intensely private, TJ finally understood the emotion behind the words. He understood what Craig had meant in Sand—his hit from a few years ago.

  He told Norah all of this. Even about the women in the bars that he pushed away, suddenly finding them garish. He told her about him and Craig finally being on the same page. So he wasn’t surprised to see her name across the front of the phone. “Hi, baby.”

  “TJ?”

  “What’s wrong?” He worried, simply because she was upset.

  She started rambling, and he’d learned that was a sign that she was nervous. “So I was here, at your house. I got the mail, and,” there was a sigh from her. “There’s this woman who keeps calling the house, if I answer she says she lost your cell phone number and will I give it to her? Then sometimes she leaves me
ssages saying she’s thinking what she wants to do in the bedroom and she talks about the marble enclosed bathtub. So she’s obviously been in there.”

  Norah quit with the rambling, and TJ smiled. “Norah, that’s Lisa, and you can give her my cell number. She’s buying the house.”

  “Oh!” Then she laughed again. “Please don’t hate me for being worried. But I called you. I asked.”

  “You did, Baby. Just so you know, I’d be asking, too, if I ever heard anything like that on your machine.” He fingered the velvet box again.

  “When do you have to move out?”

  “End of the month.”

  She sounded surprised. “That’s soon. Where are you going to go?”

  He shook his head, even knowing that she couldn’t see him. “Right now, I don’t know, but eventually the new house will be built.”

  “You’re building?”

  “Yeah, you should see the plans, baby.”

  Norah sounded far more content than she had when she started the call. “You’ll show them to me when you get in?”

  “Why don’t you go ask your Dad? He’s designing it.” He didn’t say much more than that, just listened to her surprise and told her, “I miss you. I’ll be home in two days.”

  Chapter 64

  TJ hit his speed dial for Norah’s number. “Hey, I’m home.”

  Her indrawn breath was music to his ears. “You’re two hours early. Do you want me to come over?”

  He turned up the driveway. “Come over where? I said I’m home. That means I’m less than fifty feet from you. I’m looking at your front porch.”

  “Just a minute.” She hung up on him.

  TJ turned off the car and climbed out, opening the velvet box, wanting to see her eyes when she realized what he was holding.