Brandon’s jaw ticks, but otherwise there’s no response, and my stomach drops with the silence.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think we should take a break.”
My heart stops. “A… a break?”
Brandon closes his eyes, grabbing my hands where they rest behind his neck and peeling them off of him. “Ashlei,” he says when his eyes open again. “Consider this your two-week notice to Okay, Cool.”
Again, I find myself blinking repeatedly, as if I can erase what he just said with my lashes. “You’re firing me?”
“No. You’re resigning. Because you have opportunities elsewhere,” he says, looking away from me. He crosses back to the coffee table and picks up what’s left of his scotch. “That’s the story we’re telling. And if you go with it, I’ll give you a letter of recommendation to take with you, too.”
“A letter of rec—” I nearly vomit, my desperation propelling me forward until I’m in front of Brandon again, my hands around his bicep, urging him to look at me. “Brandon. I don’t want a fucking letter of recommendation. I want you.” Panic sears through me. “I want us.”
He closes his eyes, and I see the emotion strangling him just as it is me.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Brandon grits his teeth at my words, looking up at the ceiling, but I grab his chin and force him to look me in the eyes.
“She kissed me.”
“Yes. She did,” he agrees. “But you’re lying to both of us if you say you didn’t kiss her back.”
I shake my head, tears flooding my eyes in an instant and spilling out over my cheeks before I can even think to stop them. The panic I felt before is a full-on storm now, swirling in my chest, crackling like lightning in my heart, the thunder so loud in my ears I can’t hear his words through it.
“It was a mistake,” I cry, holding onto him tighter. “I love you.”
Tears gloss his eyes, but he rips away from me before they fall, leaving me standing in the middle of his living room as he storms across the marble back to his bedroom. “You should leave.”
“Brandon,” I plead.
And then, in one swift moment, he launches his glass across the room.
It hits the corner of the kitchen island and shatters, making me scream and jump back, covering my mouth with eyes as big as saucers.
“GET. OUT.” His chest is heaving when his gaze finds me. “NOW!”
I press my other hand over my mouth, crying so hard my chest burns.
“You said you’d never break me,” he chokes out, turning away from me before his emotion can show. “And you fucking lied.”
“I didn’t mean to—”
“Get out,” he says, and then he starts beating his fist on the window. “Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!”
I bite my lip as more tears trickle over my cheeks, but there’s no use in trying to make him understand now. All I can do is leave him alone, like he’s asking me to.
I rush to the kitchen counter and grab my purse, not even trying to be careful to avoid the glass. At this point, if I get cut, I deserve it.
I deserve every ounce of pain I’m feeling right now.
It doesn’t take long for the elevator to ascend, and then I’m in it, and my back is to the wall, eyes on where Brandon stands across the penthouse. He has one hand on the giant window and the other scrubbing back over his head, his shoulders tense and rigid.
He turns just as the elevator doors begin to shut, and he forces a breath, covering his mouth with his hand as the first tear falls down his perfect face.
My eyes close before the doors do.
I can’t bear to see the pain I’ve caused.
I can’t bear to watch the only man I’ve ever loved cry because of me.
And on the way down, I realize it doesn’t matter if I watch or not. It’s still real. It’s still happening. It’s still true.
I’ve lost him.
And I know before the doors open again that I’ll never get him back.
THEY DON’T MAKE NOISE-CANCELING headphones strong enough to drown out how loud the Alpha Sigma house can get on a Saturday night.
It’s especially difficult on this particular Saturday night, when half the sororities on campus are having their semi-formals, and half our brothers are pre-gaming, trying to get drunk enough to not care that they have to wear a tie all night.
Another roar of laughter, followed by the chanting of Chug! Chug! Chug! makes me grit my teeth and rip my headphones off, tossing them on my desk as I kick away from it. I don’t know who I’m trying to kid. Like I could sit here and study knowing that Cassie is down Greek Row getting ready to go to the Kappa Kappa Beta semi-formal.
Without me.
My chest squeezes hard, but I don’t lose my breath this time. In fact, I’ve become used to it, that aching hollowness inside me that likes to remind me from time to time that I’m alive and suffering.
Cassie and I haven’t spoken since the night I walked in on Grayson trying to kiss her at the campus coffee shop.
It’s not that she didn’t try — at least, at first. She texted me when I left her there at the reflection pond. She tried calling. Once.
But then?
Nothing.
And I know I have no right to be pissed off. If I wanted to talk to her, I should have answered.
I guess I just expected more effort.
I expected her to try harder.
And more than anything, I expected her to choose me the same way I’d chosen her.
Another sickening wave rolls through me, the same one that’s made it damn near impossible to eat or sleep since that night. I’m fighting down the urge to dry heave when there’s a soft knock at my door.
“Hey, Prez,” Kade says, leaning against the door frame. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his slacks, watching me with a sympathetic smile. “You doing okay?”
No one knows the specifics of what happened between me and Cassie, but with Grayson having a broken nose, and Cassie staying away from the house, they could do some simple math and figure it out.
“I’m good,” I lie. Then, I whistle, waggling my brows. “Look at you, all cleaned up.”
Kade stands tall and adjusts his tie. “I look dapper as fuck, don’t I?”
“I’m surprised you can fit those massive biceps of yours into a suit jacket, to be honest.”
He shakes his head, staring at said muscles. “I’m going to split a seam by the end of the night.”
I chuckle.
Kade relaxes again, leaning against the door frame and nodding to me with his chin. “What about you? Where’s your suit?”
I swallow, pretending to go back to the very important papers on my desk. “In my closet.”
“You’re not going tonight?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
Kade sighs, walking in to sit on the edge of my bed. “I know you and I aren’t exactly best buddies, Adam. Fuck, if I’m being honest? I hated your ass as a pledge last year.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“But,” he continues. “You’ve earned my respect since then. And one thing I like most about you is how openly and honestly you love Cassie.”
His words surprise me, and I turn in my chair to face him.
“I mean it,” he says, smirking as he runs his hand back through his hair. “It’s not easy to do that. I am much more of a play games, crack corny pick-up lines, and hide all emotions kind of guy. Or, at least, I was.”
“Until Jess.”
Kade sighs, shaking his head. “That woman will be the death of me.”
I smile. “Something about those KKB girls.”
“Right? Anyway, I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Cassie. But I hope you guys work it out. You make a good pair. And from what I hear, you two went through a lot to get here. I mean, hell, she used me as a pawn last year to cover up the fact that it was actually you she was falling for.”
I held up my
hands. “Don’t get me started on what a train wreck last semester was.”
Kade laughs, standing. “I won’t. Just wanted to let you know I’m here if you need to talk or anything. And, for what it’s worth, I think you should crash semi-formal. Show up in a suit and sweep that girl off her feet. She can’t say no to you in a tie.”
I smile. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Have fun with Jess tonight.” I tilt my head, assessing him. “You’re really into her, aren’t you?”
Kade grabs the back of his neck, nodding sheepishly. “On a scale of one to fucking idiot, where do I land if I say I’m already head over heels for the girl?”
“I don’t think you’re stupid at all.”
“Something tells me it won’t last,” he says, but he shrugs before the moment can get too serious. “But I guess that means I should just make the most of now.”
I stand, clapping him on the shoulder. “I think that’s the best way to look at it. Besides,” I add. “For whatever it’s worth, I’ve never seen her show another fraternity guy the kind of attention she shows you. I think she’s just as into you as you are into her.”
He smiles, squeezing my shoulder, too, and then he’s out the door and I’m alone again.
I sigh, collapsing back into my chair and sinking down until my ass is hanging off it. I stare up at my ceiling as the house grows quiet, all the brothers leaving to hop into their various limos that will take them out tonight.
I debate Kade’s suggestion the entire time.
I could crash the semi-formal, show up and demand that Cassie talk to me. But… what would I say that I haven’t already?
Nothing has changed.
I still want her to choose me.
And the fact that her friendship with Grayson was more important than her relationship with me isn’t something I can just forget about — especially if she doesn’t even see it the way I do.
You’re being stubborn, my brain sings to me for the fiftieth time this week. I don’t have time to tell it to shut up before there’s a soft rap of knuckles on my window.
My head snaps toward the noise, and I frown, wondering if I imagined it.
When it comes again, I rush out of my chair and leap onto my bed, yanking the cord on my blinds.
And when they open, I’m face to face with Cassie McBee.
She’s an absolute vision in the last glow of the setting sun, casting her red hair aflame and igniting the flecks of gold in her emerald eyes. I blink away my shock at the sight of her, opening my window and holding out a hand to help her inside.
She’s not wearing a dress, or makeup, or a head of curls like I imagined she would be tonight. Instead, she’s in worn-out navy-blue sweatpants and one of my long sleeve Alpha Sigma shirts that she stole from me over the summer when she was cold one night.
And on her feet are the same Keds she wore the first night she crawled into my window two years ago.
That was when she was a freshman, and I was a sophomore, and my room was down the hall and on the other side of the house. That was when my bed was against the wall opposite my window. That was when I was with Skyler, and she’d just had her heart broken by my asshole president.
That was before we were us.
And yet, we’d always been us — no matter how we tried to fight it.
Her hand is cold in mine as I help her inside the window, which is a little tougher since my bed is right up against it. But she shimmies in, and once she’s inside, she kicks out of her shoes just like she did that first time. I leave the window open, the breeze blowing through the strands coming loose from her messy top knot, and for the longest time, I just watch her and wait.
“Hi,” she whispers after a while, pulling her legs to sit criss-cross on my bed.
“Hi.”
I want so badly to reach for her, to pull her into me, to kiss her and tell her she doesn’t have to say a word. And I decide after approximately two seconds that that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I reach for her at the same time her little bottom lip quivers, and she launches into my arms, letting me wrap her up and cradle her. I inhale her scent, breathe in her heat and her love, and the first relieved sigh leaves my chest since the night we parted.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Cassie.”
“You’re sorry?” She shakes her head, which is still buried in my chest. “It’s me who was the idiot.”
I chuckle. “You’re not an idiot.”
She pulls back, her eyes meeting mine. “You were right. You were right about Grayson just like you were right about Clay my first semester here. How is it that your asshole radar is so strong and mine is completely broken?”
“Hey, I’m kind of glad it’s broken,” I tease. “If it wasn’t, you might never have started dating me.”
She smiles, burying her head in my chest again. “God, I’ve been so miserable without you.”
“Why didn’t you come talk to me?”
“I wanted to, but…” She huffs, looking up at me again. “Honestly? I don’t like being wrong. And when it comes to me and you, I’m not used to being in this position.”
I scoff, tickling her sides as she writhes in my grip. “Wow. You saying you’re always right and I’m always wrong?”
She’s still laughing, shoving my hands away from her ribs, but then she curls up in my arms even more. “See? I even suck at apologizing.”
I kiss her hair, my smile impenetrable. It doesn’t matter now that she’s in my arms. Nothing else matters.
“You don’t need to apologize, Cassie. You are right — it was him who made a move on you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Except trust him. And decide that having a friendship with him was more important than making sure you were okay.”
She throws my words from that night back at me, and I sigh, holding her tighter. “I know you didn’t mean it that way, though.”
“I didn’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you.”
I nod, falling quiet for a moment.
“You know, I love that your heart is so big. I love that you forgave him, even after what he did to you, that you wanted to have a friendship with him. I’ve always loved those things about you. If they weren’t a part of you, you definitely wouldn’t put up with my sorry ass.”
She giggles, and the sound makes me want to throw my hands up and rejoice that she’s still mine.
“I’m sorry I lost my shit and hit him. I just…” I shake my head, and then shake her gently. “I go mad when it comes to you. I can’t lose you. I can’t live without you.”
Cassie peers up at me, her eyes big and soft. “You know, for once, it was me who messed up. You’re supposed to let me apologize, but you’re stealing all my thunder.”
I laugh. “Okay. I’m listening.”
She sits up and shimmies out of my embrace, facing me completely. “I’m so sorry I dug my heels in about being friends with him. I was holding onto something I shouldn’t have. The truth is, I loved Grayson.”
Bile hits my throat, but I swallow it down.
“Did being the keyword there. I guess there was a part of me that hoped I could have it all… a relationship with you and a friendship with him. But I was wrong. I should have known his intentions. And even if those intentions were pure, the fact that it hurt you for me to be with him should have mattered more than anything.” She grabs my hands in hers, lifting my knuckles to her lips. “You matter more than anything to me. And I’m sorry I didn’t prove that with my actions. But I will now. I will for as long as you’ll have me.”
At that, I bark out a laugh, shaking my head and pulling her into me. “You’re crazy if you think I’d ever let you go.”
She melts into my arms as I press my lips to hers, and the kiss is a seal of that promise, one I’ll continue making over and over again, no matter what shit we go through.
Because if there’s anything I know, it’s that Cassie McBee is it for me. She always has been. She always will be.
<
br /> And I’ll weather any storm I have to to fight for our love.
“Has he…” I swallow. “Has Grayson talked to you since…”
Cassie scoffs. “Hell no. I mean, he tried reaching out, but I blocked his number and went to Professor Drumm to explain the situation. He told me I can finish out the semester on my own in lab. And Grayson can do the same.”
“I’m sorry,” I say with a sigh. “Are you going to be okay on your own?”
She arches a brow. “Please. Do you even know me? I’m a friggin’ genius.”
I laugh, kissing her nose. “Yes. Yes, you are.” Tugging on the fabric of her sweatpants, I let the topic of Grayson fizzle out, focusing on the more pressing point, instead. “So, I take it we’re not going to semi-formal?”
“Let’s be honest — we don’t have the best record at these things, anyway.”
“Well, maybe we change that. Let’s make a pact, right here and now.”
Cassie sits up straight. “Okay. Hit me.”
“No more fights. No more third parties. No more stupid drama or miscommunication or whatever other bullshit tends to wiggle its way between us.” I hold out my pinky. “From now on, it’s just me and you.”
Cassie loops her pinky through mine. “Me and you.”
“Forever.”
“Are you proposing, Adam Brooks?”
“Not yet. But you can bet your ass I will someday.”
She flushes, shaking her head as she watches me. “And you can bet your ass that I’ll say yes.”
My heart does a leap in my chest at the thought, and I pull her into me, pressing another kiss to her perfect lips.
“So,” I say, still holding onto her. “We could lie here, order some greasy food and watch some movies. Or, we could crash semi-formal like a couple of bums.”
Her eyes widen. “Dressed like this?”
“Mm-hmm. Just like this. What do you say?”
Cassie hums, eyes tracing the ceiling before she looks at me with a devilish grin.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 25
