And I know her answer before she can even speak.
IT’S MY LAST SEMI-FORMAL.
I don’t know why it took so long to hit me, why all semester long I haven’t taken the time to stop and really consider the fact that this is it.
This is my last semester of college.
This is my last month at Palm South University.
These are my last few weeks as president of Kappa Kappa Beta.
And after this, a completely new life starts.
“What planet are you on?”
I blink at the question, turning to find a grinning Gavin watching me, amused. His hair is styled for the first time since I’ve known him, and to my surprise, he showed up at the Kappa Kappa Beta house in a beige suit, one that brings out the blue in his eyes and highlights the dark olive of his skin.
“Hmm?”
“You were lost in space. Just wondering which planet you were on.”
I smile, eyes trailing over the room. We rented out a gorgeous and historic hotel downtown for semi this year, and it almost feels like we’ve stepped back in time in the grand ballroom, the extravagant chandeliers casting a low-lit glow over my sisters and their dates as they dance. Gavin and I are alone at a cocktail table in the corner, and yet I feel so warm and full I could combust.
“The planet where I’m no longer in a sorority,” I finally answer. “Where I’m no longer defined by the letters on my shirt or the title I hold.”
“Sounds like an awesome planet to me.”
I chuckle. “I’m sure it will be great in its own ways, but… I’m really going to miss this.”
My heart squeezes the more I look around, and I can’t help but smile when I see Cassie and Adam letting loose on the dance floor — both of them in sweat pants and standing out like two sore thumbs in the sea of suits and dresses. But they’re laughing and spinning each other and having the time of their lives, and for the first time, I don’t give a shit that they broke the rules. I don’t care that they’re out of dress code and mocking an event with history and purpose.
My smile climbs farther when I spot Jess and Kade making out behind the stage. The way the curtain is hung, no one else can see them, but our table just happens to have a perfect view. And again, I don’t find a care in my soul about Jess being scandalous at a sorority event.
Because seriously, who the hell cares?
We’re young. And limitless. And gloriously unbound.
It’s magical.
And yet, with so much joy and love comes heartbreak in equal measure. Ashlei didn’t even come tonight, to her last semi-formal, because she’s heartbroken over her breakup with Brandon. And though Skyler is here, it’s without Kip, and I know it kills her.
Little does she know that he’s going to surprise her in a big way next week.
He called me right after she left California after Thanksgiving and asked me to help set it all up. He wants to surprise her the night she finds out she’s president — because we all know she will get elected. So, he’s flying in, and not just to see her.
But to lavalier her.
Getting a lavalier from your boyfriend is like one step away from an engagement ring, and about the most serious step you can take in college. It’s a special ceremony for a silly little necklace that means everything to the two people exchanging it.
And I can’t wait to be a part of it.
But tonight, she’s solo — well, kind of. Kip might not be here, but just like always, she’s got Bear by her side.
My stomach twists when I spot them at a cocktail table across the dance floor, and I tear my eyes away from them before Bear has the chance to lock his on me. We haven’t spoken since he showed his ass at the Thanksgiving event he’d planned.
He’d tried calling me, but the truth was that I didn’t want to talk to him. Not now. Not after the way he acted toward Gavin.
If anyone in my life knows what I’ve been through, it’s Bear. And if anyone should know what a huge deal it is for me to open up to a guy, to let him in, to date him — it should be Bear.
He invited me there after denying my apology, after denying me all semester, and then he made me and my date feel like complete and total outcasts. It was like we were unwelcome, like we’d shown up despite him trying his best to avoid us.
I don’t know what’s going on with Bear, but I know one thing — I’m tired of putting in effort that he doesn’t reciprocate.
I’ve tried apologizing.
I’ve tried explaining.
I’ve tried mending our friendship.
And he won’t have any of it.
You can’t force someone to care about you, and you can’t always fix what’s broken.
“So,” Gavin says, wrapping me in his arms and pulling my attention away from the crowd. “What’s next for Erin Xander?”
“Hmm… well,” I say, lacing my hands behind his neck and looking up at the high ceiling. “Take the next few weeks off after graduation, try to relax I guess, and then sink or swim in law school.” I pause. “I’m sure my parents are hoping for the former, while I’m praying for the latter.”
“You’re going to be the most kick ass lawyer to ever exist,” he says matter of factly. “But I’m less interested in the school part, and more interested in what you’re going to do with these few weeks of freedom you have in-between.”
I shrug. “I told you. I’ll go home for the holidays, maybe relax by the pool or something.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
I tilt my head. “I mean… I want to do a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, what if you didn’t just go home and relax. What if you did something you really want to do, or something spontaneous and crazy before you commit yourself to law school?”
“Okay, I’m listening,” I say warily. “What do you have in mind.”
“What if we got out of here?”
“Like, took a trip?”
Gavin nods.
“You and me?”
Another nod, his smile climbing.
“Where would we go?”
“Anywhere,” he answers easily. “In fact… what if we didn’t make the decision.”
I cock a brow, confused.
“What if we let strangers make it for us.”
“Okay. You’ve lost me,” I confess.
Gavin kisses my nose, and the notion makes my heart flutter. How is it that this strange, shadow of a man has somehow wiggled his way into my heart?
“Let’s make a game of it. Pack a couple bags and just fucking go.” He snaps his fingers. “I know. We’ll go to the airport and pick two strangers. One of them gives us a terminal letter, the other gives us a number, and that’s the gate we go to. That’s the plane ticket we buy.”
I laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m serious as a heart attack.”
I shake my head, still laughing. “What if the flight is to another country?”
“Then we end up in another country,” he says easily, on a shrug, nonetheless, as if it’s no big deal. “You have a passport, right?”
“Well, yes, but…” I scramble for words, my mind reeling. “We wouldn’t know what to pack.”
“Pack the essentials. If it’s somewhere freezing, we buy a heavier jacket. If it’s somewhere warm, we buy a swimsuit.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It can be,” he says, tipping my chin with his knuckles, his eyes searching mine. “If you trust me.”
My heart surges in my chest, but this time, not from anxiety — but from pure, unadulterated excitement. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins, the unknown possibilities fluttering in my chest.
“This is insane.”
“Aren’t the best things in life?”
I chuckle, shaking my head again. “I’m scared,” I admit.
“I’ve got you.”
It’s a promise he seals with a peppering
of kisses on my neck, my chin, my jaw as I laugh and wriggle in his grasp. And when he captures my lips with his, I sigh into the kiss, leaning into everything that he is, everything he’s brought into my life, everything still yet to come.
On the cusp of a new chapter in an already crazy life, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump, but terrified of the possible outcome all the same.
And maybe in this scenario, Gavin is the parachute.
All that’s left to do now is take the leap and trust him not to let me fall.
“YOU OKAY, LEI?” I ask at our last KKB Chapter of the year — of our lives.
Ashlei sniffs, dabbing at the corner of her eyes so she doesn’t mess up her makeup. “I’m trying to be.”
“Is this about giving up your exec position and getting ready to graduate, or about Brandon?”
She visibly shrinks in size, as if just his name took the breath out of her lungs. And when she peeks a glance at me, it’s the most pitiful I’ve ever seen. “Both,” she whispers.
I squeeze her knee. “Hey, you two are going to work it out. Alright? Trust me.”
She nods, but I know from our conversations over the past couple of weeks that she doesn’t believe me. Brandon hasn’t talked to her since the night she came clean about the intern. He’s even been avoiding her at the office in her last two weeks there. And as of this weekend, she’s a free woman.
Free from work.
Free from school.
Free from a relationship.
And though that could be seen as a fresh, new, and exciting step in life, I know right now all she can feel is heartbroken for everything she’s losing.
Honestly, I can’t blame her — especially when Kade and I are getting serious, and Erin is dating Gavin. I’ve been in that position before, when you try everything you can not to look around at everyone else’s happiness and compare your lack thereof.
All I can do now is be there for her, and I nudge her to remind her of that just as Erin invites Skyler and the other presidential candidates back into the room.
We all sit and clap, Cassie yelling out You got this, Big! from her seat across the aisle. I give a hoot of approval, along with half the chapter, because we all know before Erin even announces it who will be the next Kappa Kappa Beta president.
It couldn’t be anyone but Skyler Thorne.
It’s not even because Erin is president now, and her big was before her, and her grand big before that, etc., etc. It’s because no one cares about our sisters and this sorority more than Skyler does. No one else drops whatever they have going on in an instant to be there for their friends the way she does. And no one else could fill Erin’s shoes — and maybe even do the job better.
“I’ve already given my sappy thank you speech,” Erin says when the room has quieted, and I don’t miss her tearing up just like Lei. “But I just have to say one more time that I am truly honored for the privilege you all bestowed upon me this time last year. I hope I made you proud, and I want you to know that I will never forget you — any of you — or this amazing sorority.”
I start my favorite Kappa Kappa Beta chant, and sisters slowly chime in, until the whole room is full of laughter and yelling and crying and far too much emotion for me, personally, but damn it if I don’t love it all the same.
Even I, Jess Vonnegut, am not immune to the sads that come with graduating college and leaving this part of my life behind.
“Okay okay, enough about me,” Erin says, facing Skyler and the two other sisters who were brave enough to run against her for president. “This decision was incredibly tough for all of us. We had to ask ourselves who would be our best leader, who would fight for us, and most of all — who would represent everything we stand for?
“I have nothing but absolute faith that the person who you all chose to place your faith in will far exceed your expectations. This young woman is exciting, fresh, full of ideas and even more — spunk. She’s everyone’s best friend, confidant, and mentor. She’s been through a lot in life, more than most of us will ever face, and she isn’t afraid to own every part of her life that’s made her who she is.”
Erin smiles, and I nearly combust trying to hold in the cheer I know is coming.
“I am proud to announce that the new president of Kappa Kappa Beta is… should I let someone else say it?”
Erin pauses, and I huff, rolling my eyes. But before I can spout off a smart-ass remark, the back doors open, and all my sisters start cheering. I frown at first, standing and cheering along with them as the brothers of Alpha Sigma pour into the room. Half of them are wearing acoustic guitars around their chests, and when Kade slides by the front row and steals a kiss from me, I laugh and bat him away, still confused.
Until I see a familiar face that I haven’t seen since last semester.
Well, I’ll be damned.
Kip Jackson struts in like he owns the place, and I only look at him for a split second before I find Skyler, who covers her mouth with both hands and tears up immediately. The damn sight of it gets me choked up and Lei pokes my ribs, making fun of me as I swat her away like I did Kade.
Damn emotions.
Kip takes Skyler’s hand in his, kissing it before thrusting it up into the air. “Ladies of Kappa Kappa Beta, your new president!”
We all clap and cheer and lose our shit, and then the brothers all start swaying — some of them playing guitar, some of them singing the lyrics to “My Girl.” Before long, all my sisters join in, too, and when the song finishes, Kip calls our attention back to him long enough to present Skyler with the Alpha Sigma letters on a delicate gold chain.
A lavalier.
“Skyler Thorne, you mean everything to me. You are my world. When we met earlier this year, we were both playing a game that neither of us was prepared to lose. Tricks were played, hearts were broken, but in the end — we somehow made it out alive. Together. I promised to never gamble with your heart again, and this is me showing that promise to the world. Please, make me the happiest man in the world, Ella Mae. Wear my lavalier?”
God, it’s just too fucking sweet!
I’m so annoyed that I’m all teary-eyed and gooey as the room cheers again and Kip puts the necklace around Skyler’s neck. Kade’s eyes find mine, and he winks, giving me a shit-eating grin that tells me he sees just how emotional I am over the whole night.
Damn it all.
“Alright, bitches!” I yell, standing up before I can cry. “Let’s go party! Everyone to Ralph’s!”
Ashlei laughs as the rest of the sorority cheers in agreement, and then Kade sneaks up behind me, squeezing my hips. I turn, and as much as the old Jess would have thumped him on the nose or shoved him away, it’s the last thing I want to do. Instead, I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him for everyone to see, both loving and hating the butterflies in my chest.
This kid was just supposed to be a distraction, a free ride, a little fun in my last semester.
And then the asshole went and stole my heart.
“Someone is all in their feels tonight,” he says, kissing my neck.
“Shut up.”
“It’s okay to be mushy sometimes, Jess. No one will judge you for having a pulse and emotions.”
“I am judging me,” I argue.
Kade chuckles, threading his hand through mine. “Come on, let’s go get you drunk. That’ll take your mind off your feels. Plus,” he adds, sucking my earlobe between his teeth. “Then, I can take advantage of you.”
“Finally on date 3,” I muse.
“Finally.”
“We could just skip Ralph’s altogether.”
“But it was your idea. You just told everyone to go there.”
I huff dramatically. “Fine. But you’re driving.”
That earns me a kiss on the cheek, and I lean into Kade, wrapping my arm through his as we make our way to the back of the house and out to the parking lot before making our way down Greek Row to the Alpha Sig house.
“So, classes are over, graduation in just a few days… how are you feeling?”
I sigh. “Weird.”
“Going to miss all this?”
“Of course. But, as much as I’m sad, I’m excited, too. I’ll have a big girl job soon, and my own apartment, and who knows what else. College has been amazing, but… I’m ready for what’s next.”
“And what about me?”
I tap his nose. “What about you?”
“You going to miss me, too?”
All the joking is gone, and I see the vulnerability in Kade’s eyes like I’ve never seen it before. I pull him to a stop on the sidewalk, frowning. “I don’t have to miss you. I’ll still be local. I thought… I mean, I thought we’d stay together.”
He lets out a long breath. “You did?”
“Of course, I did, you dummy.” I shove him playfully. “What, you think I’d spend all that time and effort morphing you into my perfect little sex god just to let some other girl reap the benefits? No way.”
“Hey, I was a sex god before you got to me. You just made me better.”
“Mm-hmm, whatever you say.” I lean up on my tiptoes and press a kiss to his lips. “But seriously, I want to do this. I want to keep dating and see where this goes… that is, if you want to. I mean, you’re a junior, you still have some time here, and I don’t want to hold you back from enjoying it.”
“You don’t hold me back from anything,” he says quickly, sincerely. “You make it better.”
“That was borderline cheesy.”
“You love my cheese.”
I roll my eyes, but don’t deny that he’s right, and after another hot, longing kiss that has me wishing we were already done partying for the night and back in his bed, we continue our walk down Greek Row.
“I just have to run inside and grab my keys. Meet you at the car?” he says when we get to the A Sig house.
I nod, pulling out my phone to text the girls. My feet carry me on autopilot to Kade’s parking spot, and it’s not until I’m a few feet away from it that I look up.
When I do, I drop my phone.
I can’t bend to retrieve it when the glass shatters on the ground. I can’t even grasp that it fell at all. I can’t do anything but stand there as if my feet are cemented to the parking lot, staring, unblinking, unbelieving at the sight in front of me.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 26
