Superpowerless

by Chris Priestley

  She licks her lips and holds out her hands. David throws her the ball. He wants to know now.

  ‘Did something else happen with Duncan?’

  She nods. She trembles a little, as though about to break down and cry, but regains control, looking him straight in the eye.

  ‘Truth is, I didn’t exactly tell you the whole story.’

  ‘Oh?’

  Holly hugs the ball to her stomach and rocks back and forth.

  ‘I became obsessed with Duncan,’ she says. ‘Really, really crazy obsessed. I mean, I’d loved him when we were together. But when we were apart it was like he took over my whole fucking world. Or the world inside my head anyway. Have you ever had that?’

  David nods. Yeah. Just a bit, he thinks.

  ‘I’d lost all my friends when I was with him, so I had no social life – no shoulder to cry on when we split – no distraction. I just thought about him. All the time.

  ‘I followed him around uni like I was a spy or a detective or something.’

  Holly smiles, but it is a cold, hard smile.

  ‘At first it was just embarrassing,’ she continues. ‘Not for me, I hasten to add. I was already beyond that. No – to everyone around me. To Duncan it was only mildly annoying for a while.

  ‘But I persisted and persisted. It started to get to him, and to his girlfriend. I started to freak them out. Everywhere they went, I seemed to be there watching, and even if I wasn’t, they probably thought I was.

  ‘I didn’t really do anything else for months. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t do anything else other than obsess over where Duncan was and what he was doing.

  ‘Then it all came to a head …’

  Holly breaks off and every muscle in her face seems to flex and tremble.

  ‘What happened?’ asks David quietly.

  Holly smiles, her eyes swimming in tears. She takes a deep breath before continuing, and when she lets it out, it’s with a shudder in her shoulders and a tremble in her lips.

  ‘I got more and more obsessed,’ she says. ‘My tutor got to hear about it too. He called me in and warned me that what I was doing was going beyond what could be thought of as normal and if it did not stop there would be consequences.

  ‘I promised him – of course – that I would stop and that there was nothing to worry about, but I had no intention of stopping. I couldn’t if I tried. It was all that got me up in the morning. I had ceased to care about my course or why I was at university.

  ‘The only real reason I was there now was so that I could keep an eye on Duncan. But of course it could never carry on like that.

  ‘I was going to get kicked out eventually and I knew it. Perhaps that’s what spurred me on to the final confrontation I had with him.’

  ‘Final confrontation?’

  ‘I followed him and his girlfriend to a restaurant. They were actually having a meal on the anniversary of the day I first met Duncan. Of course he was oblivious to that. That’s what made it all the more upsetting.

  ‘So instead of just following them, I walked over to their table and yelled at them in front of everyone. The girlfriend called me a bitch so I threw a glass of wine in her face.

  ‘A couple of waiters came over and tried to shepherd me out …’

  She tries to form the next words but she can’t. She puts her hand over her mouth as though to gag herself. She closes her eyes tightly, but can’t stop the images forming in her head.

  ‘Holly?’ says David. ‘It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to tell me.’

  ‘I do,’ she says, with a gasp and a sob. ‘I do have to tell you. I want to.’

  She sighs and tries to calm herself.

  ‘When the waiter grabbed me to push me out, I flailed my arm in the air as I turned to shout at them one last time and my … my hand – it caught a light fitting above my head and it smashed.

  ‘It was such a weird, freak accident. I mean, what are the chances? I looked at my hand and there was blood pouring out and then I heard a scream.

  ‘I thought it was her – the girlfriend, screaming at me smashing the light or the blood or whatever but …’

  She stares ahead, swallowing the words before they can come.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It was Duncan. He was screaming. Like an animal. The glass had gone in his eye, you see.’

  Holly breaks down into sobs and can’t continue. David tries to put his arm round her but she shrugs him off.

  ‘Was he OK?’

  She shakes her head.

  ‘He lost the eye.’

  ‘Fuck.’

  She lowers her head and sobs.

  ‘Look, it wasn’t your fault,’ says David. ‘It was an accident. A weird, freaky accident, like you said.’

  ‘It was my fault though,’ says Holly. ‘If I hadn’t been crazy jealous, if he’d never met me …’

  She wipes the tears from her eyes with her fingertips and David watches, his own eyes welling with tears now. The pain he carries with him always seems to join with hers. He can no longer fully distinguish between the two.

  ‘I told Mark,’ says Holly. ‘I knew Marie and Mark before I left for university. I’d done some babysitting for them in the past and when I came back I was looking for work again – for distraction.’

  ‘I don’t know why I told him. It just all came out one day. But that’s the strange thing about Mark – he can be such a lovely guy. I didn’t think he’d let me look after the kids once I told him, but he was kind. He seemed to understand that I was only that way with Duncan. I wasn’t a danger to anyone else. Except maybe myself.

  ‘I knew he was a lawyer, but I never really thought about that. But he offered to help and I was grateful. He wrote to the university for me and helped me word a letter to Duncan. I don’t know what I’d have done without him. Duncan’s parents were threatening to take me to court.

  ‘One night I was babysitting for them and Mark came back early, on his own. He’d been drinking – I could smell it on his breath – but he wasn’t drunk.’

  ‘I should have stopped him,’ she says. ‘I did try. I didn’t try very hard though. Like I say, I was grateful for his help.’

  David stares at her.

  ‘You mean …? You mean he raped you?’

  She shakes her head.

  ‘No – he didn’t rape me, David,’ says Holly, tears brimming in her eyes again. ‘He would have stopped, if I’d wanted him to. He didn’t force me. He’s not like that.’

  ‘But you didn’t want to?’

  ‘I don’t know. I felt indebted, I suppose, and –’

  ‘You felt you owed him?’

  She shakes her head again. A tear rolls down her cheek.

  ‘I don’t know. He’d been good to me.’

  ‘Yeah – but that doesn’t mean –’

  ‘All right, maybe in some way I thought it was all part of my punishment. That probably sounds crazy.’

  ‘No,’ says David. ‘Not crazy. But not fair. Why should you be punished?’

  ‘Why should Duncan be blind in one eye?’

  David scratches his head.

  ‘But it wasn’t your fault. And it has nothing to do with Mark. He took advantage of –’

  ‘Look – I had been deserted by Duncan and he’d driven me crazy and here was this man who seemed willing to risk his marriage to be with me.

  ‘I never thought it would get to this stage. Neither of us did, I’m sure. It’s a mess, I know that.’

  ‘Then why not just stop seeing him? What about Marie – or the kids?’

  Holly frowns.

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more,’ she says, wiping her eyes.

  ‘I just meant that –’

  ‘Seriously, David,’ she says. ‘I know you mean well, but you’re out of your depth. Honestly. Leave it alone.’

  Chapter 40

  What If Everything Is Significant?

  David has previously taken refuge and comfort in the idea that
nothing outside of fiction has to mean anything. In a comic every detail is there for a reason – but in real life everything is random.

  Isn’t it?

  Now he isn’t sure. What if everything is significant? What if everything does mean something? What if all the things that happen to him are only random because he has not seen the pattern?

  What use was there in Holly telling him her story if David can do nothing to help her. What was the point? Whatever she said, or even thinks she meant, surely on some level she wants David to save her?

  Is this what his superhero fixation is all about? Was it always about this? Maybe he has always been trying to save the wrong person. Maybe it isn’t about being a superhero in his fantasies, it’s about being a hero in his real life.

  Why have they chosen each other to be honest with? Surely the truth is more naked than any bare flesh could ever be? He knows how he feels about Holly, but could she – can she – feel the same about him? Surely it’s not impossible.

  He sees her face so vividly. Whenever his mind is at rest, that’s where it goes. She is his mental screensaver. She is his Lois Lane – she is every superhero’s girlfriend rolled into one. Mark is his nemesis – his arch-enemy, his Lightforce.

  But the danger she is in is not the obvious danger of comics. She isn’t tied up on a railway line or trapped in a burning building or at the mercy of some giant robot or something. This is complicated. It’s real. But it’s just as urgent.

  And didn’t these messy real-life perils need superheroes too – maybe they needed them even more. Holly is in trouble and she needs his help.

  David resolves in that instant to act. To do something. It is so much easier to do nothing – he knows that more than anyone. But if he doesn’t act, then who will. Only Mark knows the whole truth of what happened to Holly at university, and now only David knows the whole truth about Mark.

  Holly has to be rescued, and who else is going to do it? If she didn’t see David as someone she might love, then this was the way to show her!

  David rings the doorbell and steps back, looking up and down the street. It’s dusk and the street lights are just beginning to come on. After a moment, the door opens and Holly is staring at him in confusion through the crack.

  ‘David?’ she says. ‘What are you doing here? Mark and Marie are out.’

  He says nothing, but shoves past her into the hallway.

  ‘Mark!’

  ‘Mark’s not here, David,’ Holly hisses. ‘Keep your voice down. You’ll wake the girls.’

  ‘Mark! Mark!’ yells David.

  ‘David! Stop.’

  Mark appears over Holly’s shoulder

  ‘Oh – Mark,’ says David. ‘Sorry – Holly said you weren’t here.’

  The sarcasm doesn’t have any noticeable effect on Mark. He just stands looking at David with a kind of weariness on his face.

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I want you to leave Holly alone,’ he says.

  Mark laughs. It’s a genuine laugh. He is clearly amused. But then he is also clearly drunk.

  ‘What exactly has it got to do with you?’

  ‘Holly’s my friend,’ says David.

  ‘David!’ says Holly. ‘You need to go.’

  David stares at her, pained by her lack of support. But he needs to be strong. She needs his help even if she doesn’t know it.

  ‘Friend?’ says Mark, walking unsteadily forward. ‘Interesting. I wouldn’t have thought of spying on someone when they’re semi-naked and wanking about it as friendship these days. But maybe I’m out of touch.’

  ‘Mark!’ hisses Holly, and then, turning to David, says, ‘Please go.’

  Go? He can’t go.

  ‘You see?’ says Mark. ‘Holly wants you to leave. She doesn’t require your help, apparently. So – off you trot, there’s a good boy.’

  David doesn’t move. He needs to be strong.

  ‘Please,’ says Holly.

  ‘No,’ says David, turning on Mark and raising his voice. ‘I want you to leave her alone!’

  ‘Don’t upset yourself,’ says Mark. ‘We know you’re a bit fragile, the Deacons. Don’t want you going loopy like your dad, eh?’

  ‘Stop it, Mark!’

  ‘I told you before,’ says David, spitting the words through gritted teeth, ‘don’t talk about my dad.’

  ‘Oh, I think we should,’ says Mark. ‘I really do. I was at the hospital with your mum. We both know he didn’t swerve to avoid anything that night. There were no tyre marks on that road. Did you not think that was a bit odd? Why did he not try and brake if he saw something in the road?’

  ‘What?’ says Holly. ‘Mark, don’t.’

  ‘No – it’s time the truth was out there,’ says Mark. ‘David’s been humoured far too long. He’s not a kid, is he?’

  ‘What are you on about?’ says David.

  ‘Your father killed himself. That’s the truth. He drove that car into the water and drowned himself. He probably –’

  Mark never finishes his words though because David throws himself forward like a wild animal. But Mark is ready for him, blocking his arms and pushing him back against the wall, his forearm against his throat. David tries to break free. It should be easy. It isn’t.

  ‘Mark!’ calls Holly. ‘Stop it! Leave him alone.’

  ‘This is all your fault,’ he hisses at Holly.

  ‘Leave him alone or so help me I’ll call Marie!’ she says.

  ‘No, you won’t,’ he says.

  Holly takes out her phone and starts to dial. David tries to summon his super-strength one last time but it won’t come. Mark pushes him aside to grab the phone and David is hurled into the banister, banging his head as he falls to the floor.

  There is a stunned silence. David just sits there slumped against the side of the stairs, rubbing his head. Mark looks at him, then at Holly and then puts his head in his hands. His shoulders begin to rock. David is shocked to see he’s crying. Then there are footsteps above them.

  ‘Daddy?’ says a voice at the top of the stairs.

  ‘Everything’s all right, Morag!’ says Mark, getting to his feet and wiping his eyes. ‘Daddy’s here. I’ll come and say goodnight in a minute. David is just leaving, aren’t you, David?’

  He nods and Morag smiles and waves and runs off back to her room. Mark teeters a few steps and slumps down at the bottom of the stairs.

  ‘David – you need to go home,’ says Holly.

  David straightens out his clothes, turns and heads for the door. He hasn’t reached the gate when Holly calls after him and he turns to see her, smudged by his tears, standing in the doorway.

  ‘David … About your dad …’

  He shakes his head and goes to turn away.

  ‘How can you be with him?’

  ‘I’m sorry, David. But it’s got nothing to do with you!’ she says.

  ‘It has! I came to help you!’ he says, turning back round. ‘I came to –’

  ‘Oh my God!’ she says, putting her hands to her head. ‘You came to save me, didn’t you? Like you really were a sodding superhero.’

  She shakes her head.

  ‘Jesus, David,’ she says. ‘You need to grow up and you need to get some help.’

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘I’m fine!’

  ‘Are you? Because you don’t look it!’

  ‘Well, it’s none of your fucking business one way or the other, is it?’

  ‘So you’re just going to carry on like this, letting him –’

  ‘Go home, David,’ she says, already walking away. ‘Just go home.’

  Chapter 41

  Drifting Among the Rubble

  David lies on his back, floating in some distant part of the universe. He appears to be in a vast asteroid belt. Rock fragments – some as small as a tooth, some as large as a very big house – surround him on all sides, hanging suspended in the same horizontal plane, stretching off as far as he can see.

  It’s as
though he is floating in the aftermath of a great explosion, adrift in the dispersed rubble. His suit is torn to shreds and he is bruised and cut, the blood oozing out of him in droplets to join the other particles in suspension.

  There is no sound. No sound at all. Not even the sound of his own breathing or the blood pumping near his ears. It feels like some massive part of him has been damaged and he will simply float here, wrecked, for all eternity.

  ‘David,’ says a distant voice, so faint that he thinks he is remembering it rather than hearing it.

  ‘David,’ it says again.

  ‘David!’

  He opens his eyes and there is Holly standing at the foot of his bed, hands on hips.

  ‘What?’ he says, and he says it without rancour or sarcasm or anything at all that might be seen as interest in what response the question might elicit.

  ‘You had no business coming round like that the other night,’ she says.

  Is this how it’s going to be? he thinks. Is she going to tell him again how little he matters? Can’t she see that he knows that?

  ‘Why would you do that?’ she asks. ‘Don’t just lie there like that. Speak to me!’

  ‘Why?’ says David. ‘What would be the point? I get it. I had no business trying to help.’

  ‘Help?’ she says, frowning. ‘Is that what you thought you were doing?’

  In spite of himself, David sits up.

  ‘Look – you wouldn’t be with him if it wasn’t for what happened to Duncan. He’s using you. You shouldn’t let him.’

  ‘And what about you?’ she says.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You don’t have any problem when it comes to using me, as some kind of sex coach.’

  ‘That’s hardly the same.’

  Holly moves a couple of steps closer and drops her voice.

  ‘Don’t start acting all heroic. You spied on me and then you used what you knew to get me to do what you wanted. You pretty much blackmailed me. You knew I had no choice.’

  Holly looks away. David sinks back down onto the bed.

  ‘OK, OK,’ he says. ‘Whatever. You’re right. It’s none of my business.’

  Holly’s voice softens.