by L. A. Sable
Chapter 3
The water is frigidly cold as it sluices over my skin, a shock to the system that freezes me down to my bones. But that’s what I need right now, if just to remind myself that I’m still here and real, and not living in a twisted nightmare. Even though the competition season is over, I still have the diving class as an elective. I gave Coach Lehy an excuse about period cramps so she would let me just swim laps for the entire period.
If Liam is going to take over the diving class, it hasn’t happened yet. I felt more than a little nervous when I walked out the locking room and scanned the pool area for him. I am so not ready to face him yet, especially with all these suspicions floating through my mind.
Possible motives are the only thing on my mind as I slowly glide through the frigid water. Aside from scaring us, our blackmailer has yet to make it clear what they want from us. Money would be the most obvious thing, but they could have just asked for that from the beginning. Pretty much everyone at this school has more money than they know what to do with.
And if they simply want to embarrass us, then the tape would already have been released.
Waiting for the executioner’s blow seems worse than anything that will come after. The anticipation might literally be killing me and there’s no way to make it stop.
My skin is blue when I finally emerge from the water about fifteen minutes before the period is supposed to end. Every muscle in my body is frozen which numbs the pain, but I know I’ll be feeling the effort later.
Ocean and Grace are sitting on the bleachers near the deep end of the pool and I have to walk right by them to get the girl’s locker room. I remind myself that they aren’t the most likely suspects but I can’t look at anyone without wondering: is it you?
After her spectacular embarrassment during the last competition, Chloe rage quit the diving team and the elective class. Grace and Ocean have been friendly, but have mostly kept their distance during practice.
But my anxiety still ratchets higher as I get closer to them, even though there’s nothing but neutral interest in their faces as I approach. My feet slap against the tile floor surrounding the pool and the shock of it reverberates through my chattering teeth. I’d forgotten to bring my towel out, so it will be a frigid walk to the showers.
“You look like you’re freezing,” Grace comments as they both stand to block my path. “Your lips are turning to blue.”
“Let’s hope there’s still hot water left in the shower.” I take a step forward, but neither of them moves out of the way. “I assume you guys are heading there, too.”
For a minute, I think I’m going to have to shove past them but a sly smile briefly touches Grace’s lips before she gestures for me to proceed her.
“We can walk there together,” she says, voice light even though her gaze never leaves mine as she watches me slip past her.
They fall into step on either side of me, giving me no choice but to walk with them to the locker room. They’re the last thing that I want to deal with today, but there’s no way to put them off without being an outright bitch.
“I really just need to take a shower before I freeze to death.” I try to keep my voice light, but the paranoia gives it a frantic edge that I hope they can’t hear.
“I can’t believe Mr. Cardill is back,” Ocean says, acting as if she didn’t understand a word that I’d said. Given her mental faculties in general, that might actually be the case. “It’s so wild. After all that shit with Chloe, I thought he was dead in the water for sure. Last I heard he was living in downtown New Haven and eating cat food.”
The desire to defend Liam rises up in me, even though I’m not exactly convinced of his innocence. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”
Grace shoves open the door of the locker room, just barely missing the face of a freshman on the other side. She barely seems to notice as the other girl leaps back. “We’re still trying to figure out what he did to get back in Felton’s good graces.”
Ocean giggled. “Probably sucked his dick.”
I roll my eyes as I grab a towel off the wall rack. “I don’t think either of them swing that way. And it would have to be a pretty epic blowie to overcome a sexual harassment charge.”
“Maybe we should be asking you about it,” Grace murmurs, voice full of suggestion. “Mr. Cardill always seemed to take a special interest in you.”
I turn to my locker so they can’t see the expression on my face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“We’re on the same side now, remember.” Grace rests her back against the closed locker next to mine, studying my face with a searching gaze. “You can’t keep secrets from us. If you know something about Cardill, you have to spill.”
“I’m as in the dark as you are,” I assure them, internally wishing that wasn’t the case. If Liam is up to something, he certainly hadn’t seen fit to share it with me. And with that, anger burns in the pit of my belly. After all of this, how could he just show up out of the blue without a word of warning? I have more than enough reason to be suspicious of him. “But trust me, I’m as interested as anybody.”
Ocean groaned. “Boo. And here I was thinking you’d have the good gossip.”
“Just remember where your loyalties lie. You’re a Diamond now, don’t forget it.” Grace’s voice is full of some warning that I can’t quite pinpoint. “We have the alumni mixer this week, so maybe we’ll get some answers then.”
“Alumni mixer?” I remember her telling me about it, but it feels like that conversation was months ago instead of a few days. A bunch of Diamond alumni will show up at the school to meet with us, for reasons that still aren’t clear to me. “Why didn’t anybody tell me it’s happening so soon?”
“I’m telling you now,” Grace drawls as if she’s speaking to someone with comprehension problems. “They always have it in the Lounge.”
Great, because that’s exactly what I want to do, go back to the Lounge. Hopefully, no one has spiked the drinks or planted cameras this time. “Sounds like a blast.”
Grace doesn’t so much as crack a smile. “Just don’t embarrass us.”
“I can’t wait.” Ocean grabs a towel and wraps it around her slim waist before sweeping the long fall of blonde hair over her shoulder. “Maybe we’ll find out what’s going on with Cardill.”
I plan to find out exactly what’s going on with him, straight from the horse’s mouth.
I stomp down the deserted hallway, feeling like I’m on a mission. Thankfully, the hallways are deserted now that classes have ended for the day but it wouldn’t have mattered if they were full of people. I’m in the sort of mood to be a steamroller, crushing anything with the misfortune to be standing in my way.
There isn’t any reason to expect Liam to be in his old classroom. Even though I didn’t have math today, I still passed stodgy, old Mr. Sommers in the hallway. The man always looks a little confused, but not like a man who had just been let go.
Doors fly past me, the little numbers engraved on gold placards a blur as I rush by. I can’t help but recall how impressed I’d been when I first came here. Everything is gilded, down to the door handles, and I had never seen so many beautiful fixtures in one place that were actually meant to be used. But now I realize that the more beautiful the surroundings, the more ugliness hides just below the surface.
And I’d been stupid enough to think Liam could be one of the good ones. I’d trusted him and now the hole I started digging for myself the moment I first stepped foot on campus is so deep that I can no longer see the light.
He owes me answers. And I’m going to get them if I have to beat it out of him.
I barely notice the heavy bag swinging from my shoulder as I march down the hallway, Gucci heels clicking on the marble floor. Pain is a distant thing when rage builds up high enough to take its place. If I don’t find Liam soon, I might punch a hole through the wall and break another bone.
Chamber 17. I stop in front of the empty door and tak
e a second to glare at the little golden placard. It seems like a lifetime ago that I first marveled at these little bits of pretension. Why the hell can’t they just call them rooms like every other school on the planet?
My hand grips the knob of the door, fully prepared to shove it open hard enough that the bang will echo off the walls. But it doesn’t turn so much as a centimeter under my hand. Locked.
“Fuck.” The word feels good on my tongue, like something sharp and biting.
My palm slaps the door for good measure, if just to work out a little bit of aggression. If I thought it would do anything more than just cause pain, I’d break the door down with my bare hands and soothe the urge in me to destroy something.
And then I think about how I’d been convinced that Liam was the one who pushed me in front of that bus. How I had run to his shitty apartment to confront him and let him convince me he’s on my side. Then he led me on a wild goose chase to confront Asher about his father that ultimately led nowhere.
Somewhere in there, I ended up with a sex tape of me and four guys floating around.
The door of Chamber 19 becomes the misplaced target of all the rage that doesn’t have a more appropriate outlet. I imagine it’s Liam’s face as my hands bang against the wood, ignoring the ache it creates in my bruised fists. If I had the strength, I would tear the barrier down with my bare hands, but I content myself with broken nails as I scratch the wood. I hate that it’s still standing. I hate that, no matter how hard I’ve tried to captain my own ship, I’m lost at sea with no hint of the shore in sight.
I don’t realize I’m screaming until my voice breaks.
“This is a strange way to schedule office hours.”
His voice washes over me like warm butter, creeping along my skin in a way that leaves a trail of heat in its wake. I don’t want to turn around and face him because if I do, the rage will turn to something else. “I didn’t think anybody was here.”
“Clearly.” The smile in his voice is audible even though I haven’t turned to look at him. “Would you like to come in and have a chat?”
“Absolutely not.”
I know I look crazy, possessed even. And by contrast, Liam Cardill is the most self-possessed that I’ve ever seen him.
I’m still refusing to look at him as I glare at the little gold placard with Chamber 19 printed on it. He doesn’t sound guilty, or even like someone who expects to be accused of something. If anything, he only sounds amused. I don’t want to go into that room with him, alone in a building that is almost certainly deserted.
Something terrible will happen if I do.
Liam grips my arms and shifts me away from the door so he can unlock it. There is nothing hesitant in his movements, as if he knows that he can touch me, move me around, and I won’t do anything to resist him. And even though I’m so angry that I could scratch his eyes out and feel nothing but satisfied, my body still reacts to his touch.
He enters the room and leaves the door open behind him as he walks to the desk with long-legged strides. Despite the fact that another teacher has been using the room in his absence, Liam takes a seat behind the mahogany desk as if it belongs to him. “Coming?”
The correct choice is obvious. I should turn around and run away, then pretend none of this ever happened. Nothing good will come of me entering this room and shutting myself in with him. The best thing that I can possibly do for myself is walk away.
I make the mistake of finally raising my head to meet his gaze and immediately regret it. His dark eyes drink me in like I’m something delicious to savor. When his chocolate gaze raises to meet mine, electricity flashes through the air like I’ve been struck by lightning.
When I enter the classroom and close the door, at least I still have the presence of mind to lock it behind me. My back presses against the solid wood and my hand stays on the doorknob, metal cold beneath my hand. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m smart enough not to get any closer.
Silence descends between us like a physical thing with a mind of its own. I feel it press on my skin and push at my chest until I’m robbed of breath. I should not have come here, even now I should rip open the door and run away without looking back. But I’m frozen, unwilling to move closer but unable to turn away.
“You wanted to see me,” he prompts, a smile still playing at the corners of his mouth as he stares at me. “Or did you need to go another few rounds with the door?”
I squeeze the doorknob hard enough that it hurts my palm. “What are you doing here?”
“Office hours are from four to six.” Liam leans back in the chair, so relaxed that he’s practically resting his heels on top of the desk. “Although they don’t make as much sense when you don’t have any students yet, but I thought it was best to get right back into the swing of things.”
One of my eyebrows goes up. “You’re hanging out in your office after school just for fun?”
“Maybe I was hoping that you’d stop by.”
The familiar thrill works down my spine despite my best efforts to fight it. “That wasn’t what I meant, by the way. How are you back at Black Lake?”
“A little bit of luck.” His smile fades the smallest touch as I continue to glare at him. Finally, he sighs. “Chloe Devlin apparently recanted her story about inappropriate behavior. And the math department has fallen apart with Sommers covering so many classes. When Dean Felton called to apologize and offer me my old job, I accepted.”
“And that’s all there is to it? The timing is a little convenient.”
I don’t realize what I’ve revealed until his expression shifts to one of confusion.
“Convenient,” he repeats. “How so?”
A sick part of me wants to tell him exactly what’s happened, but I just can’t trust him with this. I can’t trust anyone who isn’t already involved. “I just mean that you didn’t call me or even send me a message through the app. You just showed up out of nowhere. It’s weird and suspicious.”
He leans forward to set his elbows on the desk, resting his chin on steepled fingers. “I only got the call yesterday, there hasn’t been time for me to get in touch. I was planning to contact you after I got settled.”
I realize how crazy it is to even be having this conversation with one of my teachers. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend and owes me a detailed account of his every movement. But I know something strange is happening here, even If I can’t put my finger on what it is. “So that’s it? Felton called out of the blue to offer you your job back and you just decided to take him up on the offer. There’s nothing else to it?”
“I feel like you’re expecting a specific answer, but I’m not sure what it is.” His gaze passes over me before he looks away. He seems to remember that we’re back to being student and teacher, which puts an even crazier spin on all of this. “If something bad is happening, you know you can come to me about it, right?”
But there are limits to everything and I can’t trust that I know where his are. “What about all the work you’ve been doing, the evidence you found on the Bellamys? What’s happening with that?”
Liam holds my gaze with his own for a long moment. “All dead ends. The trail has gone cold and I have to move on with my life. Tell me what’s happening with you.”
I want to believe him, desperately. But that bit of niggling doubt is enough to make me shake my head as the doorknob turns under my hand. I have to get out of here. “Nothing is happening. Welcome back, Mr. Cardill.”
“Lily, wait.” He jumps up from the desk and comes around it, crossing the room before I have a chance to make an escape. When he stands next to me, the heady scent of his cologne wafts into my nostrils and makes me feel light-headed. He smells like coriander and charcoal, with a hint of something sweet underneath that I can’t identify. Brown sugar, maybe. “I hope you know that I’m still here for you, no matter what.”
I want to shove him away. But when my hands rise to the level of his chest, my fingers twine in the fabric of
his shirt and I can’t let go. “I don’t think I can trust anyone right now.”
“I didn’t think I was ever coming back here.” His tone is musing, but he hasn’t backed away. His body completely dominates my personal orbit, and he has me completely caged. But he doesn’t move any closer. “This was inappropriate before, but now it’s scandalous. Bordering on illegal.”
“What is—”
Before I can finish the half-formed question, his lips are on mine. He doesn’t kiss with any of the hesitation that was in his voice. Liam takes my mouth leisurely, as if he has all the time in the world. Even though my mouth parts beneath his, he doesn’t press his advantage. His lips dance across mine like he’s teasing me with the slight pressure until my breathing is ragged and a pool of need gathers in my belly.
“When do you turn eighteen?” he asks against my lips, making the question a kiss.
“July 15th. I got held back a year in kindergarten, but that was before they diagnosed my dyslexia. My mom says that she never should have sent me to school so early in the first place, with my birthday so close to the cutoff date. According to her, some kids just need an extra year.” I know that I’m rambling but I can’t seem to stop the vomit of words. He makes me nervous. And even though the anger and distrust haven’t gone away — not by a long shot — it’s hard to keep them at the forefront of my mind. “Why do you want to know?”
His fingers gently brush my cheek. “I think you know why.”
And my brain has officially short-circuited. I have to get out of here before something happens that I can’t take back. “I should probably go.”
“You should.” Liam backs up enough that I can pull open the door, but he watches me as if I’m the most fascinating thing that he’s ever seen. “I’ll see you in class.”
As if I have any idea how I’m going to handle that. I can’t even manage being in a room with him alone for more than five minutes. Class is going to be a nightmare. I can feel his gaze on me even when I turn my back to him and open the door. It takes me several tries to twist the knob the right way to get it open, as if my brain has momentarily forgotten how doors work.
