Sins of the Blood

by Margaret Frazer

  She went to her worktable below the shelves of stored herbs and compounds and salves. The girl followed her, her sobs already fading as she looked around at the various bowls and pestles, the grinding slabs, baskets, and boxes that were outward signs of a high and esoteric knowledge that had always fascinated Thomasine, too, whenever she was permitted to help Dame Claire here. Now she yearned to display some of her own little learning to the child, but instead remembered the rule about unnecessary conversation and held her peace.

  “Tell me Jacques’s size. How big is he? How old?”

  The child, already calmer and beginning to hope, answered Dame Claire a little doubtfully. “A year?” She held up her hands perhaps a foot-and-a-half apart. “This big. I can carry him, he’s not very heavy. But you have to be careful because he scratches. And bites. His tail is as long as he is.”

  Dame Claire’s face froze in astonishment, but horrified realization broke on Thomasine. Before she could stop herself, she cried out, “It’s Lady Ermentrude’s monkey that’s sick! Oh, I wouldn’t have brought her if I’d known it was only that horrible monkey!”

  Dame Claire swallowed her shock, then looked at Thomasine reprovingly. “Suffering is suffering. and if I can ease it I will.” Behind the reproof, amusement sparkled in her eyes, and Thomasine stifled further apologies. Dame Claire turned back to the child and said gravely, “You’ve told me what I needed to know. Now here, you have this while I mix my powders and everything will be all right.”

  She gave the child a horehound drop to quiet her and turned to her shelves of herbs. “Angelica, perhaps,” she murmured. “Or betony. Tansy surely.” Then to the child, “Do you know when the monkey was born? It helps to make a cure if you know your patient’s astrological sign at birth.”

  Eyes wide at such a notion, the child shook her head dumbly.

  Dame Claire touched and crumbled into a bowl dried leaves from several hanging bunches, ground them to a mixed powder, and poured the mixture carefully into a little cloth bag. Tying it shut with a triple strand of tough grass, she said, “There now. That will be remedy for even a monkey’s well-earned bellyache.” She gave it to the girl. “It has to be mixed with wine. Does the monkey drink wine?”

  “Oh, yes, my lady. Lady Ermentrude likes to make him drunk. He’s very funny then.”

  “I daresay,” Dame Claire said. “Then mix this powder with half a small cup of wine and give it to him to drink.”

  The girl startled. “Oh, no, m’lady, I daren’t feed it! I was given strictest orders. All I must do is watch it. And this isn’t even food but medicine!” She held out the bag, trying to give it back. “You must come and give it.”

  But Dame Claire turned to Thomasine. “I’m not yet finished with my morning duties and this is hardly something I can leave them for. You take the powder and see to its coming to Dame Frevisse with my instructions about the wine. Warn her it will make the monkey sleep, but this will secure the cure.”

  Thomasine raised her own hands in protest. To reach the guest hall she would have to cross a yard full of noisy, horrid, common menfolk. Why, they might speak to her!

  But Dame Claire took the bag from the child and handed it to Thomasine, and she, automatic in obedience, took it. Dame Claire, as if the task were already completed, returned to her sheets, leaving Thomasine facing the upturned, expectant face of the child and the plain fact that she had no choice but to go.

  Necessity was a poor substitute for courage, but all her months at St. Frideswide’s and her own will had been set to training herself to trust God and obey orders. Twisting her mind into a semblance of willing obedience, she went.

  There were perhaps a dozen of Lady Ermentrude’s men and a few of her women in the courtyard, most of them gathered at the well. With her head up, feigning the dignity Dame Perpetua insisted every nun should show to the world’s eye, but her face already burning with shame, she took her first mincing steps across the cobbles toward the guest-hall stairs. The child trotted at her side, chattering happily, her tears forgotten now that it seemed the creature was going to be cured.

  As they passed the well, one of the men there made a kissing sound and called, “Hey, pretty one, stop and keep us company!”

  Thomasine stiffened an already stiff spine and threw him a frightened sideways glance before trying to shrink further into her gown. The child said blithely, “Oh, that’s just Hob. He’s lickerous as a rooster, Catherine says. I think he’s a calf brain.”

  Thomasine walked faster, her eyes now so far down she was in danger of running into something. Someone sang a few lines about Alison who was a nun but not a very proper one, and another voice called, “Ask your sisters when they’re coming out of their nest to us! If they’re pretty as you, they’ll be worth the waiting for.”

  A woman’s voice said disgustedly, “Stop it, the lot of you!” but there was only laughter at her and more kissing sounds. Thomasine, caught between a swirl of anger and an urge to sob, endangered herself further by speeding up her walk. Cheeks flaming, she was nearly running, and only her youth’s quick reflexes stopped her from tripping when the bottom guest-house step was suddenly within her gaze.

  She heard the door at the top open and behind her an immediate deep silence fell.

  Thomasine looked up to see Dame Frevisse standing tall and stern-eyed in the doorway, staring over her head toward the well. A quick glance backward showed everyone suddenly very busy and looking anywhere but at her.

  The little girl announced happily, “She’s brought the medicine for Jacques,” and slipped past Dame Frevisse into the hall.

  Resisting an urge to point but forgetting the rule of silence, Thomasine gasped accusingly, “Those men–”

  Dame Frevisse held out an arm to bring her into the hall. “–are too bored and stupid to amuse themselves otherwise than by teasing you. They thought it funny to see how frightened they could make you. You responded splendidly.”

  “But what they said–”

  “Can no more harm you than the monkey’s jabbering does.”

  The warmth of Thomasine’s cheeks deepened from embarrassment to dull-burning resentment. “I was frightened,” she said sullenly.

  “Of course you were. But they’re only men, not lions. They know who you are and where they are. They won’t touch you. They know the strength of this place.”

  “But what they were saying...” She hesitated, looking for words.

  “...was only words. Thomasine, you must stop seeing men as monsters or devils. A nun must learn to live aside from the world, not hide from it.” Dame Frevisse clipped her words, very clearly in no mood for trifling. “Ignorance breeds fear. If you decide to be ignorant of men, you’re going to be afraid of them, too. And so long as we must butcher, reap, sell our wool, pay our taxes, and repair our buildings, we must deal often with those fearsome creatures. Give me the medicine.”

  Thomasine closed her mouth over further protest. Her tiredness had betrayed her into the sin of anger again, and she would have to confess it along with other things in Chapter tomorrow. Now, ducking her head to hide her expression, she held out the little cloth bag and said with outward meekness enough, knowing the importance of a correct dose and correct instructions, “This in half a small cup of wine. Dame Claire said not to worry if the monkey sleeps. It’s supposed to.”

  “There’s a mercy. The idiot thing deserves every pain it has in its idiot belly but it’s been repenting of its foolishness at the top of its lungs.” The feeling in Dame Frevisse’s voice offset her terseness of a moment before. “Thank you for bringing this and, pray, pardon my short temper. Between the monkey and expecting Lady Ermentrude’s return, this isn’t a pleasant morning.”

  Thomasine, daring to look up, began a hesitant smile, but Dame Frevisse was already not looking at her, saying past her in greeting, “Father Henry,” to the priory priest just coming in the door.

  He was a burly, deep-voiced young man, built more for swinging a quarterstaff than a priest
ly censer. His black gown fit close to his muscled shoulders, and his golden hair curled up so vigorously it nearly hid his tonsure. He was not at all what Thomasine thought a nunnery’s priest should be, and once she had dared to murmur to Dame Perpetua that he did not seem very learned. Dame Perpetua had replied that truly he was not among the scholarly but he did his duties well. “And there’s no real harm in him. We’re blessed to be in his keeping,” she had finished, so firmly that Thomasine had never presumed to mention him again.

  Now Dame Frevisse said, “Thomasine needs escort back across the yard to save her from rude attentions. Will you do it?”

  Father Henry grinned, shifting his shoulders inside his priestly robe as if he would be pleased for an excuse to use his strength on someone. “Gladly, Dame.”

  Dame Frevisse, with a pleasant nod, went away, and he turned his companionable grin on Thomasine. “Now, then,” he said and started down the steps.

  Thomasine, with only a faint quiver of alarm, followed at his gown’s hem, but no one seemed to see them at all as they crossed the courtyard back toward the cloister. Certainly no one said a single word at them. They were halfway to safety and she was beginning to feel its welcome reach when someone beyond the gatehouse to the outer yard yelled, “She’s coming! She’s riding in!”

  There seemed no uncertainty about who “she” was. The quiet of the yard suddenly swarmed with men and women scattering to look busy or be out of sight. Thomasine hardly had time to grab Father Henry’s sleeve before Lady Ermentrude’s horse came at a staggering canter through the open gateway. Her two ladies, their veils and wimples disarrayed, and her escort of men-at-arms, sweat-stained through their gambesons, were behind her, all dust-marked with rough travel. Everyone’s horse showed signs of a hard journey, and Lady Ermentrude’s stumbled as she jerked it to a halt at the foot of the guest-hall steps. She was not wearing yesterday’s finery but a more closely cut dress, her padded headroll tightly fastened by a veil whose dusty whiteness made sharp contrast to the red, clenched fury of her face.

  She threw her reins at a man standing there, the lather from her horse’s neck spattering his startled face with wet. Not waiting for any help, she flung herself from the saddle, swayed on her feet, clutched at a stirrup leather for support, and glared up the stairs as if seeking a foe to challenge. Finding none, she twisted away and lurched toward the cloister door across the yard.

  She seemed not to see Father Henry until nearly to him. Finding his bulk in her way, she stopped, blinking, then put her hands on her hips and shouted into his face, “You! I mean to see your prioress! I want her on the instant and no feebleminded excuses! Tell her that! D’ye hear me! Go on!”

  Father Henry fell back, not trying to hold his priestly dignity against her fury. “At once, my lady. Of course, my lady,” he gasped, and made for the cloister door on the instant, leaving Thomasine with nothing to hide behind.

  Lady Ermentrude blinked and grimaced at her – it might have been a smile but looked more a mix of pain and fury. Before Thomasine’s sudden thought that she should also retreat had reached her legs, Lady Ermentrude caught hold of her arm. Thrusting her face at Thomasine, she exclaimed, “Out here alone, are you? By God’s breath, that’s a blessing and their mistake. Confident they are, with your time so near, but they’re wrong. You’ll be free of this place now. I’ll see to that!”

  The words and the strong stink of wine were spat into Thomasine’s flinching face. Lady Ermentrude leaned closer, as if to share a secret, but her voice was loud enough to carry across the yard. “God alone knows what payments above the dowry they’ve offered to this sinkhole of corruption to have you here, but I’ve found their game! I’ll have you out within the hour. You’ll be safe. I’ll see to it. You’d be better off with the Queen and her scandals than here, I promise you.”

  Thomasine tried to pull free, but Lady Ermentrude’s fingers dug more deeply into her arm. Thomasine looked around, seeking a friendly face. There was no one in the yard but Lady Ermentrude’s people, and of them, the only one who seemed to be taking sharp interest in the struggle was the prettier of the two ladies in waiting who had ridden in with her, and she made no move to help. Thomasine gasped, “My lady, you’re hurting–”

  “Oh yes, I’m hurting.” Lady Ermentrude grimaced and nodded jerkily, her voice harsh. “I’ve ridden too hard and I’ll be sore for it tomorrow. I hurt.” She sighed heavily. “But it was for you, sweetling. You’ll not be forced into those vows. Not now! Ha! I’ll see to it. You’ll be safe with me. You’re free, or nearly.” A lewd grimace, meant to be a wink. “And I’ll find you a lusty husband. You’ll have a good one coming to you after this.” She looked around. “You, Wat! Bring my horse!” she swung back to Thomasine. “You get up behind, ride the crupper, and we’ll be away before they know it.”

  “Wait, no!” Thomasine, in rising panic, tried harder to pull away. “I can’t go with you! I don’t want to! Aunt, please, no!”

  Lady Ermentrude’s hold tightened, and she looked toward the sun as if to estimate the hour, but its brightness made her wince and shade her eyes with her free hand.

  A low voice over Thomasine’s shoulder said, “It may be best if you just go with her.”

  “There’s sound advice,” remarked Lady Ermentrude, gesturing at Wat to hurry with her horse.

  Thomasine looked quickly backward to see who dared approach with advice. He was dressed in Lady Ermentrude’s livery, a tall youth a little older than herself perhaps, brown-haired and quiet-eyed, so certain and unmocking in his tone and face that Thomasine forgot to be terrified of him.

  “But she’s taking me away! I don’t want–”

  “She’s not well,” he interrupted, but quietly. “A little in her cups, I would guess. She’ll not be going away, with or without you. Help me with her into the guest hall while she’s still on her feet.”

  “But her horse–”

  But he stepped around her. “Here, this way, my lady,” he said in a respectful tone, while waving Wat away. “You’re tired. You should rest before riding on. And your horse could use a breath, as well. There’s wine in the guest hall and a place to sit.”

  “What’s that you say?” Lady Ermentrude muttered, fiercely at first, then peering at him. “What? Oh, yes, that would be good. To sit down. All’s so bright out here. I need to sit, out of the sun.”

  The youth took hold of her elbow. “I’ll help you, if it please you, my lady.”

  Lady Ermentrude, her eyes half shut against the sunlight, moved her head in long, slow sweeps from side to side. “Yes,” she muttered. “Yes. But you–” Her grip on Thomasine’s arm tightened remorselessly. “You come, too,” Her voice swelled back into rage. “By God’s breath, there’ll be no sacrificing this pretty lamb! No vows this Michaelmas or ever!”

  The youth looked at Thomasine and lifted his chin in a gesture of reassurance that she grasped onto with grateful eyes. She yielded as best she might to Lady Ermentrude’s pressing fingers. Despite her heart’s thudding with fear and revulsion, she even began to help guide Lady Ermentrude toward the guest hall. Lady Ermentrude’s walk was increasingly near to a stagger the further they went. By the time they reached the steps, she was leaning on the youth hard enough that he had to brace himself with all his strength to keep her on her feet.

  One of her ladies, her eyes frightened, hurried up the stairs to open the door. At the bottom Lady Ermentrude groped with her foot for the first step, missed it, tried again, and found it. The youth steadied her, murmuring encouragement. Muttering under her breath, Lady Ermentrude reeled up four stairs, swaying drunkenly on every one, first against the youth, then against Thomasine, but never loosening her hold.

  Intent on her fear and disgust and Lady Ermentrude, Thomasine failed to hear the clatter of other horses coming into the courtyard until they were nearly to her and a familiar voice cried out, “Thomasine! What’s amiss?”

  With vast relief Thomasine recognized first her sister and then her brother-in
-law as they reined in beside the stairs. Their matching chestnut horses were streaked and darkened with sweat, and Isobel rode astride as she only did when haste was more important than fashion. Behind them a clot of mounted men-at-arms and an ill-laden packhorse crowded the gateway.

  “Isobel!” Thomasine called, holding out her free hand to them. Lady Ermentrude’s head came up and swung loose-necked from one side to the other as she tried to focus on who had come. Then she thrust the boy aside and yelled, “Wicked! Wicked! You won’t have her! You hear me? You won’t have her!” Her voice dropped, and her eyes bulged like onions in her flushed face as she thrust her face close to Thomasine and hissed, “Stay close, you hear? Say nothing, nothing, nothing until we’ve reached the bishop. Then we’ll see who’s taking vows and who isn’t, who goes into cloister and who doesn’t!”

  Wine fumes and fear made Thomasine back down a step, her stomach twisting. “Please, Aunt,” she whimpered, hating the sound of her own helplessness. “Please, it’s Isobel and Sir John.”

  “Wicked!” Lady Ermentrude shouted. “Keep back and out of this!”

  “Aunt, listen to us,” Sir John said calmly, strongly, but Lady Ermentrude’s head came up as if at an insult.

  “You listen!” she spat back, but then swayed, her eyes unfocusing. Her mouth gaped and worked, then she swayed away without continuing.

  Thomasine had never seen anyone so drunk this close before. It seemed a kind of madness that had her by the arm and would not let her go. Giving way to terror, she pried at Lady Ermentrude’s clutching fingers with her own free hand, but to no use. Lady Ermentrude seemed not even to notice and reeled forward again, on up the stairs, dragging Thomasine with her. “Inside. I want in out of the sun.”

  The youth was back at her side, taking all her weight on himself but managing to say over his bent shoulder at Sir John and Isobel, “Stay back, pray you. Let me bring her in and settle her.”

  Thomasine, looking back, pleading for help with her eyes, saw Sir John place a restraining hand on his wife’s arm, nodding his head. Then her aunt had her into the guest hall, out of the bright day into shadow. For a moment Thomasine was half blind. Lady Ermentrude herself came jerkily to a halt, leaning against the youth, pushing him into the stone-thick corner of the door frame. Her free hand to her eyes, she moaned softly, “Ahhhh. That’s better. The sun was too strong. Ah, my head!”