Spaced Out

by Korissa Allen

  “I can’t,” I say. “It’s something I’ve been trying to forget.”

  “It’s these kinds of memories that you don’t ever want to forget,” he says sympathetically. “I never wanted to forget my wife or kids because it was the thought of them that controlled every decision that I made.”

  I get a feeling he’s telling me this so I’ll explain what happened. I can’t though. He’s right, but I choose to ignore this fact.

  “The longer you bottle something up, the bigger the explosion,” he says.

  “Will you stop?” I say a little too fiercely. “I didn’t make you tell me anything, did I?”

  “No, but-”

  “Right, so stop pestering me,” I say. “It’s something I don’t want to talk about. I don’t even know you. Why would I tell you my whole life’s story?”

  “I’m not asking you to,” he says holding up his hands as if he’s surrendering. “I just figure it might be better if you talked to someone about it. It helped me when I told you.”

  “Well, I operate differently than you,” I say. “For me, the farther I push things away, the lesser it hurts.”

  “Fine,” he says tiredly. “Don’t tell me anything. I’m just going to say that hiding things, pushing them away, that’s what hurts the most. I hid things from my wife and pushed her away, and now she never wants to see me again. Things may be different for you, but I’ve gone through somewhat similar circumstances. I know the pain it brings.”

  “It’s not even that big of a deal,” I protest.

  “Then you should have no problem confronting it.”

  “Why do you care so much?”

  “Because I want to help you,” he says. “I’ve made a huge mistake, and I don’t want you to do the same thing.”

  A tear slips down my cheek. I know he’s right, and yet I can’t bring myself to say anything. My throat swells with tears I try to choke back. Pretty soon, I’m bawling, but only loud enough for him to hear.

  “I had everything I’d ever wanted, right in my arms,” I say. “The person I fell in love with proposed to me. I couldn’t have been happier. There was this other guy though. He told me he loved me. I had just met him, and he had tricked me into thinking he was helping my fiancé and me. Turns out I was stupid enough to listen to his lies. I thought that he was the one I truly loved. Everything was a lie. He didn’t care that I existed. He only wanted me so his father could use me as a test subject. Everything else he told me was so far from the truth it kills me to think I ever believed it.”

  I look up at the guard, but he stares straight ahead. I continue with my story anyway.

  “My fiancé faked his death so I wouldn’t be burdened by him,” I say. “He loved me so much that he was willing to die for me to be happy. I didn’t realize that until it was already too late. I’m furious with myself for everything. I deserve to be punished by never seeing him again or something of the sort.”

  “Sure,” he says. “But also realize that he loves you so much that he realized your mistake as well and already forgave you for it. He forgave you before you did the same for yourself. Sometimes you need to let go of the past and start over completely.”

  “You should take your own advice,” I say.

  He smiles. “Maybe I should.”

  We continue our trek in silence for a while. I think about everything he told me. Maybe he’s right. I should forgive myself since Daniel already did. He loved me enough to sacrifice everything. I wish I had seen all of this sooner.

  This guard and I have both been through a lot in our lives. I compare my story to his. We both let the people we love slip through our grasp like sand through a sifter. Except that my story seems to have a better outcome. Daniel is like a rock. Rocks don’t go through sifters so easily. They hang on for as long as possible even when it seems like all strength had been lost. I smile the biggest, most real grin I’ve smiled in a long time.

  The hallway is a maze of other hallways joining up together and leading off to separate rooms. It’s dark enough that without the lights from our guns I wouldn’t be able to see the person in front of me. I don’t know what could be this far off the beaten path that would require our assistance, but I can’t lose the group now. Besides, I would have no idea how to get back to the main building.

  We go down a few flights of stairs and end up walking in another tunnel under the surface. Small, rectangular windows line the top of the walls near the ceiling. They let in just enough light that the guards in front of me turn off their lights. I look ahead to see how long this hallway is. A door sits on the left a few yards in front of us. As I get closer, I see a label next to the door that reads: To Outside Facility. I can only assume what the outside facility would be used for.

  All of a sudden, a noise roars so loud my body begins to shake. The thunder shakes the ground and I grip the wall. Then it’s done. A loud whooshing sound follows the thunderous noise, and I notice that the runway is on our right. A ship must have taken off.

  Once I straighten up, the guard looks at me and laughs. “What? You’ve never heard a ship take off before?”

  “Not this close,” I say.

  “You’ll get used to it,” he responds.

  The group continues to move down the hallway. The footsteps beating against the ground lull me into a trance, and I feel tired again. Something tells me, though, that we aren’t stopping for a while. The hallway leads to another set of stairs and we descend even further into the ground. A few more ships take off, but by now I’m used to the rumble of the ground. One of the ships passes us overhead. I cover my ears.

  Eventually we reach a room not much wider than the hallway. Ten hooks line the right wall, three of them holding shot rifles. The leader of the group grabs two of them, handing one to a guard behind him. The group continues to move, filing into another hallway just beyond the room. I replace my gun with the one left on the hook and then follow the rest of the group into the next hallway. This hallway is even narrower than the last one; everyone moves in a single file. The lights overhead are dim, making it hard to see the people in front of me.

  We walk a little further until we reach a medium-sized room. It’s cold and dark and has a strong odor that makes me think no one has been here in a while. Something green grows at the edges of the room and ceiling. The black faded tiles on the ground look worn and grimy.

  “When was the last time someone was in here?” I ask the guard.

  He chuckles. “Probably awhile,” he says and looks around. “It could probably use a cleanup.”

  The group comes to a halt so fast I almost run into the guard in front of me. Then I hear the leader of our group saying something, but not to us. He’s talking to someone in front of us.

  “… this is where we’re supposed to meet, correct?” the leader of our group says.

  “Yes, didn’t they tell you to come here?” The voice sounds awfully familiar, and my stomach lurches at the thought of who it is. I push my way to the front of the crowd.

  “They told me to stop when we found you,” our leader says. “I wasn’t sure how far we had to go. Man, this place is a maze I almost got lost a couple of times-”

  “Wonderful,” the familiar voice says in a bored tone. Then he gets more excited. “Well, here you are. I have tasks for each of you.”

  I almost make it to the front but someone grabs my shoulder and pulls me back. “Don’t go up there,” the new voice whispers. “If we aren’t invited, we’re not supposed to move.” I realize it’s the same guard who I’ve been talking with this whole trek.

  “Let go of me,” I whisper harshly. “I’m just trying to see who it is.”

  “They’ll shoot you,” he warns.

  “Let them,” I say. “It’s one less guard they have to fight for them.”

  He lets me go but stays close behind me as I move toward the front again. I push past many people, but when I get to the front, a line of bodies block my view. I stand on my tiptoes and try to see past the
m. I get a glimpse of someone very familiar, someone who’s going to be dead soon.

  I pull my gun up and position it against my shoulder. It’s much heavier than my last one. I aim it at him and cock the gun. The sound is just loud enough for him to see me. I squeeze the trigger slightly, letting him know I’m not messing around this time. I won’t let him slip through my grasp again.

  “What are you doing?” he asks. Then he turns toward our group leader. “Is she okay?”

  I pull my helmet off and his eyes widen. “Hello, Kelton,” I say.

  He stares at me and blinks. “Hey,” he offers, slightly raising his hand to wave. “How have you been?”

  “I’ve been better,” I say. The soldiers in front of me step to the side, allowing me to move closer to Kelton.

  He nods.

  “So,” I say, changing subjects. “What are you planning to do with all these soldiers?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

  “I have a few minutes to spare,” I respond.

  He shrugs and looks at the ground.

  “Well,” I say, shifting my gun from my right shoulder to my left. “I’m sure we would all like to know what we’re in for.”

  “Too bad,” he snarls. Then he explodes. “You think you’re so special, don’t you? My father chose you for a reason? He said because you were stronger mentally than Daniel. I say it’s because he wanted to hurt you the most!”

  “Why does he care about me?” I fire back. “It’s not like his son cared for me or anything!”

  “I don’t!”

  “You lied to me,” I say. “And I told you, if you lied to me, I would kill you.” I position my gun again and aim at him. All eyes are on me. Everyone holds their breath. I’m surprised no one tries to stop me. Do they all want him dead too?

  “You can’t do it,” Kelton says. “My father thought you were strong mentally. He told me he’s never seen someone survive as long as you did under simulation. But I think my father was the weak one in the family. He said he was going to push you to your limits, and then he let you get away. I’m not going to let that happen.”

  He pulls his own gun from out of his pocket. It’s a small one, barely bigger than his hand. He raises it slowly, taunting me. He aims it so I’m looking into the barrel of my certain doom.

  “Not so special now, are you?”

  “I was never special, not now, not ever,” I say. “At least, I wasn’t special to myself. You, well, you’re a different story. See, there were so many times you could have killed me, destroyed me, but you didn’t. You think your father was the weak one in the family? You’re wrong. It’s you. And it’s because of your love for me that made you weak.”

  “I-”

  “Don’t try to deny it either,” I continue. “You tried pretending for everyone else but never for me. There were countless times you could’ve killed me, and you didn’t. Take your father’s office, for example, or just after that by the laboratory. So many chances, Kelton. And I may have been lied to by you more times than I can count, but your love for me was the one truth you spoke. And if I’m wrong, shoot me.”

  He hoists his gun up even higher, repositioning it so it would pierce my head and kill me in a second. He scowls, embarrassment and hostility registering all over his face. I notice something else too.

  “Your hand is trembling,” I say matter-of-factly. “Just do it. Get it over with. Make your father proud!”

  “Stop!” he screams.

  “It kills you to have come so far only to be whittled down to pieces in front of an army of your soldiers.”

  “I will kill you!”

  “Then do it! What’s taking so long?”

  A hand rests on my shoulder followed by a voice. “Don’t,” the voice, who I assume is the guard’s voice, says. “He cares about no one. Don’t test him.”

  “He won’t shoot me,” I whisper. “He can’t.”

  “Oh, is this your friend?” Kelton snarls. “Isn’t that sweet. Daniel just wasn’t enough for you?”

  “Don’t ever say his name again,” I say fiercely. “He’s a thousand times the man you’ll ever be.”

  “Really? Because I remember you falling for me even after he proposed to you.”

  “How do you know it wasn’t a setup?”

  “From the look in your eye when you finally decided he wasn’t the right one for you,” he says back.

  “I don’t know what look you’re talking about,” I say.

  “Don’t be so naive,” he replies. “You trusted a Corps’ guard! It doesn’t get more naive than that.”

  I look back at the guard behind me, who looks almost sad and regretful.

  “How do you know he isn’t lying to you?” Kelton asks.

  “I have a hunch,” I retort.

  “Yeah, and where did that get you last time?”

  I look at my feet.

  “Right, trapped and alone,” he answers for me. “Now let me ask you this, why do you trust him?”

  “Because his story lines up with the story his wife told me,” I say.

  The guard looks at me. “You knew my wife?” He sounds hopeful.

  “Not personally, but I knew someone who shared the same story as you,” I say. “I told you, it was just a hunch.”

  “Well, isn’t that sweet,” Kelton says.

  “You need to keep your mouth shut,” I say to Kelton.

  “And you need to stop being so altruistic,” he fires back. He positions his gun again, but this time he points it at the guard. In a split second, my ears ring from the backlash of the shot. The guard falls back, his head nearly hitting the ground. Before I can think, I tackle Kelton to the ground and punch him square in the jaw. He aims his gun at me, but I fling it away and punch him in the nose.

  After that, the room becomes a madhouse. The spies begin firing at the genuine Corps’ guards, who, in return, fire back. The next few moments go by in a blur. Kelton grabs my arms and stops me long enough to whisper, “You were right, I did love you.” Another shot. I could hear this one whiz by my ear before it landed in Kelton’s heart. The rapid rise and fall of his chest slows down until it becomes nonexistent.

  I don’t even wonder where the bullet came from. Probably just a misfire by one of the guards behind me. Except… except it was too accurate. Too spot-on to be a failed attempt. I look into his eyes before they go lifeless, recalling everything that happened between us. At first, sad tears flow down my cheeks, and then relief tears, followed by hot, angry tears at everything he did to mess up my life. He told me he loved me and then tried to kill me, only for me to be right in the first place.

  I glance behind me. The guard Kelton shot sits propped up behind me, a small pistol in his right hand, the same pistol Kelton held only moments earlier. The guard looks from Kelton’s stark eyes to mine, relief and euphoria displayed on his face.

  “He drove my wife and me apart,” he says. “He’s lucky I didn’t strangle him.”

  A small smile appears on my face. “Yeah, and he almost killed everyone I love.” We both start laughing, our states of delusion clearly written across our faces. “Don’t worry, I’m going to help you first, and then you can go find your wife and explain everything.”

  “I don’t know if I can do it alone,” he says.

  “Who said anything about doing it alone?” I ask. I grab his hand and pull him to his feet. He stands up, limping slightly.

  “At least the bullet didn’t hit you anywhere vital,” I say, trying to reassure him. I wrap my arm around his waist for support and lead him through the entrance of the room, careful to dodge any wandering bullets that might cross our path.

  “You know, I never did catch your name,” I say.

  “Eli,” he replies. “What’s yours?”

  “Zandrea.”

  “My wife’s name is Andrea,” Eli says chuckling slightly. Then his smile turns into a frown, followed by a slight whimpering.

  “Hey,” I say softly. “Are you okay?” />
  “It’s just,” he begins. “I don’t think you understand what it’s like for someone you love to be ripped away from you, turned against you. It’s the saddest way to lose someone.”

  I frown at his comment. “And to think I was the only one in the galaxy who knew that kind of pain firsthand,” I say sarcastically.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “These last few weeks have been really hard for me.”

  “Look,” I say a little too harsh. “You can mope all you want about losing your wife and kids, but at the end of the day, sulking gets you nowhere. Trust me, I’ve done my fair share of sulking in the past, and I can distinctly remember that nothing good came out of it.”

  He looks at me, his eyes red. “Alright,” he says quietly.

  We take the long trek back the same way we came the first time. It feels even longer this time because Eli can’t walk. He’s a lot heavier than he looks. We stop a couple of times, me to catch my breath and him because his pain level is too extreme to continue. The trek takes all night and most of the next day. I almost start sleepwalking until I hear the vibrations of the ships taking off overhead.

  “We should be there soon,” I reassure Eli. He nods but winces at the sudden exposure to pain.

  Once we get back to the main building, I check around to see where the camera room was where I saw Kelton attempt to kill his father. I wonder what Chris would think if he knew his son died at the hands of one of his own.

  We move to the elevator and I punch the ninth floor button. The doors close, and we’re whisked to the ninth floor. The doors slowly open. I wrap my arm around Eli’s waist, and he drapes his arm across my shoulders. He hobbles out the doors and peeks around the side of the hallway.

  “All clear,” he says weakly.

  We walk down to the end of the hall and stop at a door that reads: Documentary and Surveillance. “This is the room,” I say and grab Rowan’s card from my pocket. I swipe the card through the slot and hear a click. I twist the doorknob and reveal the camera room.

  “What are we doing here?” Eli asks.