Killing November

by Adriana Mather

  “And what if I only see one cue?” I ask.

  He frowns. “One isn’t enough of an indicator. It might just mean that she’s angry rather than planning to hurt you. So whatever you do, don’t mirror any of her behaviors. It will only escalate the situation. Keep your posture relaxed and open.”

  “I can do that,” I say.

  “And again, don’t counter unless you have to,” he says. “Just get away from her and let me deal with it.”

  I nod. “I appreciate it. Even with the bad attitude that’s putting me on edge.”

  “Attitude?” His eyes widen. “You’re really not taking this seriously enough.”

  “Not true,” I say, matching his frustration. “I’m nothing but serious about this. I know this is risky. I know people are trying to kill me. I just don’t need to suffer over it until something’s actually happening or I’ll tense up and screw myself.”

  His mouth opens and closes, like he doesn’t know what to say to me.

  “And it definitely doesn’t help anything to have you mad at me,” I say.

  “Mad at you? November, I’m not mad at you,” he says, and pauses. “I’m worried about you. I…” He looks away.

  “What?” I say.

  He makes eye contact with me. The butterflies I felt earlier return tenfold, and before I can reconsider what I’m doing, I take a step toward him.

  The emotions on his face shift from frustration to desire and back again, like he’s having an argument with himself over me. “I care about you,” he says, and his voice is quiet. “I care what happens to you. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt.” His words are slow and weighty. I get the sense that he hasn’t really cared about anyone in so long that he’s almost scared to admit it out loud, that caring for someone means so much responsibility that it’s overwhelming. He smiles a small heart-wrenching smile. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

  For a split second he looks at my lips and I can see the question on his face.

  My heart pounds and I stare at him, completely lost in his eyes. I want to tell him that I feel the same way, that I don’t know what it all means, and that this has never happened to me before. Instead I move closer.

  He lifts a hand and gently brushes my cheek with the back of his fingers, sending a pleasant shiver down my neck. In turn, I reach out and place my palm against his chest. I can feel his heart under his linen shirt and it’s racing almost as fast as my own. He runs his finger over my bottom lip and slips his other hand behind my neck.

  When his lips press into mine, it’s with such surprising emotion that a thrill pulses through me, weakening my knees. He pulls me toward him and my arms lift to wrap around his neck.

  His hands move through my hair and onto my back and I press closer into him. All those times Emily talked about being knocked over by a kiss, I never understood, until now. Our connection is overwhelming, like a floodgate opening that I didn’t even know was there.

  All at once he releases me before I can steady myself, and I’m left with a tingling body and no words. I blink at him in confusion.

  There’s a beat of silence.

  “I didn’t mean…,” he says, and he looks vulnerable. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?” I say.

  He smiles and shakes his head. “You’re right, I don’t know why I said that.”

  I grin. “I’m pretty sure you just scared the crap out of yourself by having a real emotion.”

  He laughs but also looks a little sad. “You might actually be right.”

  “Well, you’re not the only one who’s scared by their feelings right now,” I say, and realize my cheeks are getting hot again.

  He doesn’t respond right away. He just looks at me, his eyes burning with thoughts I wish I knew. “November, there’s something…”

  I wait a beat.

  “Ash?” I say, hoping he’ll continue.

  Ash opens his mouth to respond, but before he can get a word out there’s a muffled sound from the hallway—a guard patrolling.

  “It’s time,” he says, and all the fear I was putting off earlier immediately comes rushing back.

  ASH GRABS MY cloak from the armoire and drapes it around my shoulders. “Last chance to change your mind or let me go in your place,” he says, pulling my braid out from under the collar. I shake my head wordlessly. Even that simple touch sends a shiver through me.

  “Stubborn,” he whispers, and for just a moment we stare at each other.

  He puts on his own cloak and the mood shifts. “I’m not going to take the same route or Aarya will spot me. I’m going to go around and enter through the garden lounge.”

  “Okay,” I say, and I hate that just the mention of Aarya made my voice catch. I secure my cloak at my neck and lift my hood, not enough to obscure my vision, but enough to hide me in the shadows.

  Ash opens the door. “Count to twenty-five and then go.” He takes one long last look at me. “And be careful,” he says before silently slipping into the hallway.

  I force myself to breathe to get more oxygen into my muscles, like Ash said, and to focus my racing mind.

  Here goes nothing.

  I step through my door and move silently into the hall and then down two flights. I stay in the shadows as the guard in the foyer exits the courtyard door, and I wait a beat before slipping out the door myself.

  I stand in the pitch black of the vestibule, the stone of the archway cold beneath my warm fingers, and count off a few seconds like Ash did. When I’m sure the guard is far enough away, I slide behind the curtain, careful not to rustle the fabric, and into the dark courtyard.

  The grass is spongy beneath my boots and silences my steps as I run toward the trees. I stop at the vine near the middle of the back wall that Ash and I used last time and scan the dark branches above me. But there’s no sign of Aarya.

  I climb up the vine and make my way through the branches at a measured pace, being extra cautious with my footholds and listening for noise of any kind. The sky bench is empty when I reach it, so I position my back against the tree trunk, eliminating one direction I need to watch. I sit in a relaxed way, even though my nerves are buzzing like a hive of bees. I make note of all the branches I can move to and the nearby vines I can grab, in case I need to run for it.

  “Well, well, the note was real,” Aarya says, and drops down from a higher branch onto the bench.

  My heart skips a beat. Ash’s warning about Aarya’s talents and her ruthlessness rings in my head.

  “You wouldn’t have come all the way out here if you thought the note wasn’t real, would you?” I say, trying to show her that I’m calm and comfortable.

  She balances on one foot, like she’s walking on a thin ledge. “It’s not really all the way out here. If you’d wanted to make it challenging, you should have asked me to meet you in the dungeon.”

  I look at her sideways.

  She grins and drops into a sitting position about three feet away from me. “I can see by the look on your face”—she points at me, moving her finger in a circle—“that someone told you they didn’t know where the dungeon is…Ash, maybe?” She takes a dramatic breath, like “Isn’t it such a shame that you’re so gullible?”

  My stomach twists. Ash knows where the dungeon is and didn’t tell me? Wait, this is Aarya, I remind myself. Don’t let her distract you right off the bat.

  “Ines—” I say, determined to bring the conversation back under my control.

  “Yes, Ines. Let’s talk about Ines.” Something dangerous flashes in her eyes.

  Talking to Aarya is like walking a tightrope.

  “It’s no secret that Lions are killing off the best students from the Families that won’t follow them,” I start, trying to keep my voice neutral.

  Aarya picks at the bark with her finge
rnails like she doesn’t have a care in the world. “Did you really call me up here to tell me things I already know? I’ve concocted a few colorful reasons for this meeting in my head, and if the truth proves less interesting than those, I’ll just need to find another way to amuse myself.” She turns to look at me like a cat that just saw a mouse, and I force myself to lean back against the trunk in the most relaxed pose I can manage.

  “Ines is one of the best students at the Academy,” I say. “I know you know that. Which puts her directly at risk. Layla believes someone here is trying to prevent the Lions from killing students. I want to know who it is.”

  Aarya tilts her head, and I know I’ve finally got her attention.

  “But Layla’s in the dungeon right now because Blackwood thinks she killed that guard—”

  Aarya scoffs. “Yeah, right, that’s clearly the reason she’s locked up.”

  I stare at her, confused. “Do you know something about Layla being in the dungeon that I don’t?”

  Aarya looks at me like I’m an idiot. “Everyone knows Layla didn’t kill that guard.”

  I frown. “Then why would Blackwood put her in the dungeon?”

  Aarya rolls her eyes at me.

  “So you don’t know,” I say, and shrug. “You’re just trying to pretend you have information that I don’t.”

  Annoyance flashes in her eyes and I can tell that she hates that I just doubted her. Then all of a sudden her expression calms. “You should really ask your boyfriend why she’s in there. Or do you guys not talk about the deals he makes with the headmaster?”

  My stomach twists, and something must show in my expression because she looks far too amused.

  “It seems someone’s about to have a fight. I should have brought popcorn.” She laughs. “Do you need a minute? Are you going to cry about it?”

  My fists clench. I can’t let her get under my skin like this. “You want to talk about screwed-up friendships?” I ask. “What about Felix?”

  Her eyes widen ever so slightly. “What about Felix?” she says, and gets to her feet in one sudden movement.

  I focus on maintaining my composure. “Just that it must be difficult being friends with him when he’s clearly aligned with the Lions, who probably have Ines on their target list?”

  I know I’ve hit a nerve when I see her nostrils flare, and I instinctively look for Ash.

  “You think Ash can get to you before I can punch you in the windpipe?” she hisses, and I hate that she’s able to read me so well. “Because I seriously doubt it.”

  My heart pounds for all it’s worth. “No, I don’t,” I say evenly, because it’s true and because threatening her won’t get me anywhere. “Believe what you want, Aarya. But first know this: That guard’s throat was slit with a piece of broken glass. Then Felix had a cut on his hand the morning after the guard was killed. Now, maybe there’s an explanation for that cut, but maybe there isn’t.”

  She moves ever so slightly toward me and I wince. I can’t tell by her expression whether she believes me. And even if she does believe me, maybe she doesn’t care and will stand by Felix no matter what he did. But he’s a Lion. Can she really think he wouldn’t help his Family if they demanded something of him?

  “As far as I can tell,” I go on, “that throat slitting was actually meant for me. Maybe you don’t care about me, fine. But if Brendan and the other Lions are pressuring Felix, how long do you think it will be before he’s pushed to do something to harm Ines?”

  “He would never,” she growls, and her chin juts in my direction, telling me that even though she may not think Felix would do anything to Ines, she also isn’t arguing with me about his role as a Lion.

  “Maybe not,” I say quickly, and stand, spreading my hands out to show her I’m not challenging her. “But as long as the Lions have a strong network within the Academy, people like Ines are in danger. I’ll do everything I can to stop them, but I need you to keep Felix off my back.”

  She starts to laugh, and I’m so surprised by her reaction, I almost fall off the branch. Except there’s nothing humorous in her laughter; instead, it has an undercurrent of viciousness. “I’m shocked. Didn’t Ash tell you I would never make that deal? Not in a million years. And whatever fantasy world you’re living in that made you think I would give you information is amusing, but completely warped—which, coming from me, is saying something.”

  I maintain eye contact and don’t back down, even though I’m a ball of nerves. “Ash told me exactly that. And I told him he was wrong about you. Ines saved your life that night in the teachers’ lounge. She cares about you. And you care about her, too. I don’t know why everyone in this crazy school acts like that’s a bad thing. You should care about her. That’s what friends do. And yes, you’re definitely off your nut, but as far as I can tell you’re also one of the few people who haven’t bowed to the Lions. You’re brave and you do give a shit, as much as you pretend you don’t. Even Conner—”

  “If you think you can stop Conner when even Blackwood can’t stop him, then you’re completely unhinged,” Aarya interjects. “This Pollyanna cluelessness is getting old. Find a new act.”

  My eyes widen. Conner? For a moment I’m speechless, considering I was about to say that Conner had warned me about trusting anyone. But that’s not what Aarya’s saying at all—she’s suggesting that Conner’s in league with the Lions. I mean, if some of the faculty members were trying to send me warning signals, others—like Conner—might have had altogether different, maybe even malicious intentions. I look at Aarya, wondering if she could possibly be telling me the truth. Conner was helping to inspect swords the day Nyx tried to skewer me. And the day that Charles stood accused at the assembly, I swear Conner looked at me like I was to blame. In fact, when I stop to think about it, he’s somehow been involved with everything that has gone wrong since I got here. The weight of the realization shakes me.

  “Oh, great, now I have to suffer through waiting until you piece together what a shit Conner is?” Aarya sounds like she might push me off the sky bench. “Let’s get on with this. You say Felix tried to kill you. Then what’s the reason? There must be a reason.”

  I don’t hesitate. “Revenge. Felix’s father was sent to assassinate my parents and my parents killed him.”

  Aarya snorts. “That’s not a reason—everyone knows the risk they’re taking when they’re sent to assassinate someone. I find it hard to believe that Felix would help the Lions because his father failed at his duty.” She sounds angry. She watches me and licks her lips. “No, I think there’s more.”

  I do everything I can to appear calm.

  “There’s something you don’t want me to know,” she says, and tilts her head, like she’s trying to see me from different angles. “Felix knows who you really are, doesn’t he? And it must be something terrible, otherwise you wouldn’t be here trying to make ridiculous deals with me.”

  For an awful second, I blank on what to say. I haven’t even had time to process this myself.

  “Nailed it!” she says. “I have to admit I’m a little miffed he kept his discovery from me. But I’m sure that can be corrected.” She stands and turns.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “Wait,” I say, and I grab her arm, even though I know it’s a bad idea. She whips around and shoves me back into the tree trunk, grabbing my wrist and twisting it, sending shooting pain up my arm. I know that if I try to get free of her grip or fight her, Ash will be here in a second and my opportunity to talk to Aarya will disappear.

  “If you walk away after what I told you about Felix,” I say through clenched teeth, “it’s the same thing as helping the Lions, and it’ll be on you if they decide to go after Ines next.”

  She applies more pressure, and I have to force myself not to yell out in pain.

  “I would never help the Lions. Do you hear me?” she seet
hes, and releases my wrist just at the point I’m convinced it will snap.

  I pull my wrist into my body. “You’re angry about the Lions, yet you won’t tell me what you know and help me stop them? And don’t bother saying you don’t know anything that will make a difference, because you’re way too good for that.”

  “I’m not taking your ignorance on as a pet project. Don’t confuse me with Layla,” she says.

  My heart pounds. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. “You want to know who I am? That matters to you so much? Well, I’ll tell you. Maybe it will compel you to stop being so selfish!”

  She looks at me like I’m a species she’s never heard of before. “You’re going to tell me who you are even though you don’t have an agreement from me that I’ll help you?” She sounds genuinely confused, but I can tell by her tone that she’s at least listening.

  I know the gamble I’m taking and I also know that it’s my last card to play. “Yes. Exactly. Because even if you won’t do the right thing, I will. Everyone at this school who is talented and won’t fall in step with the Lions is in danger. Ines is. Layla is. You are. You know this better than I do. And if I can’t save my own ass, maybe at least I can save theirs. And yours.”

  Aarya frowns.

  Even though the night air is cold, I wipe sweat from my forehead and take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my heart. “My parents are the ones on that scroll in the library who took all those titles—the firstborn Bear and Lion who fell in love and then disappeared.”

  She opens her mouth to say something, but I stop her.

  “Wait. I know you’re going to say it’s bullshit. I get it. But just ask Felix. Or Matteo and Brendan, Blackwood or Conner. You asked me once how I got in midsemester at seventeen. Now you know—my parents were the best Strategia the Academy has turned out in generations. And yet no one knew I existed before I showed up here. I didn’t even know who my parents were.” I swallow, and Aarya blinks, just once, so I know she’s listening. “So why are all these people trying to kill me—some girl no one’s ever heard of?” I continue. “It’s not because my parents fell in love. It’s because my mom killed Jag’s brother and the Lions told everyone some bullshit story that my parents were dead to cover up the fact that they’d failed to track my family down. Except they eventually succeeded. They killed my mom when I was six years old, and since then my dad has been hiding me…right up to the point that he sent me here.”