by Piper Rayne
Blake brought our breakfast over and asked if we needed anything else. We said no, and Blake squeezed Melody’s shoulder before walking away. Willow told me about their friendship. That Melody only got to know Blake and the rest of the women in that circle around the time she and Willow stopped talking. Melody moved on to other people, gaining a whole new circle of friends, and Willow was left alone, with no one on her side.
“Willow is a good person. She’s funny and kind and passionate about so many things. She’s the kind of person I think we all want in our lives because she pushes us to be better. She’s not perfect, but none of us are. I also don’t think she’s the only one at fault through all this. She knows she wasn’t right trying to break you and Ramsey up, but can you really sit there and tell me that your marriage was perfect? That if it was as strong as you want to believe that your sister could have pushed you to that point?”
“I…” Melody thought about it and shook her head. “You’re right. Things with Ramsey were fragile after we lost Steven. I felt like it was my fault. I turned to Willow instead of Ramsey to heal. I told her things about our marriage that I never should have told anyone. She exploited that, though.”
“She’s not blameless,” I admitted. “But none of you are. I’m not going to defend her or try to blame you, but it’s easy for her to be the bad one. She’s the only one who’s been punished for what happened. For admitting the truth.”
“Do you think she still wants Ramsey?” Melody asked softly.
I looked at her and tried to smile. “I hope not.”
Melody smiled back and reached across the table. She put her hand on my arm and said, “Me, too.”
When I finished my shift that night, I sent Willow a message on the app. I really needed to get her phone number.
JustVisiting: Want to come over for dinner?
UpForAnything: Nope.
JV: Okay, how about I come to your place?
UFA: Not interested.
JV: Are you okay?
UFA: I’m great.
JV: Then what’s going on?
UFA: Why don’t you ask my sister. You two were pretty cozy this morning at breakfast.
Fucking hell.
JV: We were talking about you.
UFA: Hope it was fun. I’ll save you the trouble of ending things and tell you we’re done.
JV: Are you serious?
I waited for her to reply, but she signed out of the app. I yelled and slammed my fist into the steering wheel. The horn blasted, and another cop walking by jumped. I waved to tell him sorry.
I tore out of the parking lot and raced to Willow’s apartment. I pounded on the door and waited. It was dark inside, but something told me she was home.
I strained to hear something, anything, that told me she was there, but it was silent inside her apartment. I tried the app again, but she was still not logged in. Dammit.
The last thing I wanted to do was ask Ramsey for her number, but I knew he would have it. I sent him a text and asked him to share her contact info with me.
Ramsey: Why?
Me: Because I need it.
I could almost hear the disapproval in his silence, but a minute later, the contact showed up. I saved it and sent her a text.
And heard the tone inside her apartment.
I sent another text, telling her I knew she was in there and to let me in. And another one saying it was me.
Willow: Go away, Rowan.
Me: No. We need to talk.
“Why?” she asked through the closed door.
“Because you owe me at least that much,” I said, knowing it would piss her off.
“I owe you?” she shouted back. “I owe you? Are you kidding me?” She yanked the door open to yell at me face-to-face, and I pushed my way inside.
“Yes, you owe me.”
“Get out,” she said.
“No. You’re being a child. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to hear it. Melody wants you to end things with me. Ramsey and Hudson and everyone else you know want you to end things. So, just go away, Rowan. Leave me alone.”
“I don’t want to end things. And that’s not why Melody ambushed me at breakfast. She wants to know if you’re okay.”
“Why?” Willow scoffed.
“Because she cares about you. You hurt her, but she misses you.”
“She hurt me, too.”
I nodded. “I know she did. And I told her that. She doesn’t know if she can trust you. She thinks you still want Ramsey.”
Her gaze snapped to mine. “Did you tell her that?”
“I told her I hope you don’t.”
Willow held my gaze for a minute then turned and walked away. She went to the couch and hugged a pillow to her chest. She looked young and scared for the first time ever. The woman I knew was strong and fierce. She didn’t back down from anything.
“You need to fight back,” I said. “You need to face Melody and Ramsey. They need to know you’re not the only one to blame for all this. You’re not the teenager you were when you kissed Ramsey. You need to accept that you messed up last year and take control of your life again. You need to be the woman I know you are.”
“I think you need to get out of my home and leave me alone.”
“What?”
“Go away, Rowan. Go back to Phoenix. I don’t want you here.”
“Willow—”
“You don’t know me. We’ve had sex a few times, but you don’t know me. Whatever this was is over.”
I stared at her until she turned the TV on and ignored me. I didn’t know what happened, but I wasn’t the kind of person who was willing to stay where I wasn’t wanted. So, I left.
14
Willow
The last thing I wanted to do when Rowan walked out the door was sit there and wallow. Sure, it had appeal, but I wasn’t going to be that woman. I’d done enough feeling sorry for myself, and I was done with it.
I sent Brittany a text to see if she was available to go out. I needed lots of noise, dancing, and a few drinks so I could forget all about Rowan.
Brittany said she was heading to O’Kelley’s to meet up with a new guy but that other people from work would be there, too. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be at O’Kelley’s, but it was the best offer I had. Hell, the only offer.
I changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a silky, purple tank top. I grabbed my coat and added gloves and a hat and walked out into the dark night.
O’Kelley’s was busy, but Brittany was always easy to spot. She yelled and threw her arm around me when she saw me. “I’m so happy you came!”
“Me, too,” I said, hoping I enjoyed myself half as much as she already was. “I need a drink.”
“Hell, yeah!” Brittany shouted in my ear. “Someone get this bitch a drink!”
A glass was pressed into my hand. I didn’t even care what it was. I turned it up and drained the glass, slamming it down on the table when it was empty.
“Woohoo!” Brittany screamed. “We need to dance!”
Brittany pulled me on the dance floor. I threw my head back and pushed away all thoughts of Rowan and Ramsey and Melody. Someone handed me another drink, and I finished that one, too.
A new song came on, and Brittany declared it was her favorite. She threw her arms in the air and danced in a circle, singing along to every word. I danced with her, letting her energy rub off on me. Going out was a good idea.
As the night went on, I danced with Brittany and the rest of our friends and whatever guy wanted to dance with me. I kept drinking, not worrying about anything other than enjoying my night.
My heart pounded and sweat cooled my body. The alcohol made my head fuzzy. For the first time in way too long, I felt good. I didn’t care about my sister or Rowan or anyone else. I was only concerned with myself.
I headed to the bathroom and grinned at the flushed reflection in the mirror. I needed a night out. A night of fun without anyone else to tell me what to do. I didn’t
need to worry about Melody trying to ruin my relationship with Rowan like she thought I almost ruined hers.
Brittany was at our table when I got back from the bathroom. She was drinking a glass of water and offered me one.
“So you don’t have a hangover tomorrow,” she explained.
I nodded and chugged the water then poured myself another beer. I was looking to forget, not to be responsible.
Brittany led me back to the dance floor. We danced together as the world got a little fuzzier around the edges. I was feeling good. My body was weightless as I moved. My mind welcomed the release. I didn’t think about anything or do anything. I just enjoyed the blissful tingle running through my body thanks to the alcohol.
“I need to rest,” Brittany said, dragging me off the dance floor.
I nodded and followed her, falling onto a chair. The chair moved on me and I landed on the floor instead.
“Are you okay?” Brittany asked with a loud laugh. “You totally missed the chair.”
I looked up at her and laughed. “I thought it was right there.”
Piper came over with another pitcher of water and asked if I was okay.
“I’m great! I’m single and young and ready to have fun,” I told her.
“Do you need someone to help you get home?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded and dismissed her with a wave.
“She’s such a bitch,” Brittany said, glaring at Piper’s back.
I opened my mouth to agree but snapped it closed. Piper was always nice to me. She talked to me like I was a person instead of like I was scum. And she cared. Like Rowan did. Like Melody once did.
“She’s not a bitch,” I told Brittany. “Piper is trying to be nice.”
“Whatever. She’s friends with your sister. She’s probably trying to find out something about you to use it against you. Don’t start thinking anyone who knows your sister is nice to you because you’re so great.”
“Wow, how do you really feel about me?”
Brittany scoffed. “Don’t act like I’m your best friend or something. We work together and drink together, but that’s it. You’d ditch me in a heartbeat if someone better actually liked you. You’re just as big of a bitch as I am, which is why no one likes you, Willow.”
I drew back at the venom in her voice. She hated me. She pretended to be my friend, but she didn’t like me at all. She was the only person I thought I had left, but I didn’t even have her. “You’re so—”
“You should climb down off your high horse and shut the hell up, Willow. Because whatever you’re about to say about me is something you can say about yourself. You’re only here because the boyfriend dumped you and your sister dumped you and everyone you’ve ever known dumped you. Don’t you think, after a while, that maybe it’s not all of them who are so shitty. Maybe it’s you?”
Her words hit the mark and nearly knocked me out of my seat. I leaned back hard, gaping at her.
Brittany stood. “See you around, Willow.” She walked away, leaving me at the table alone. I stared at the empty glasses and the spilled beer and wanted to cry. It pretty much described my life. A waste.
I poured myself another beer and drank it while I watched the people around me move and laugh and talk. Everyone else was enjoying themselves. They were having fun and happy. And then there was me.
I drank another beer and when Piper came over again, I asked her for a shot of vodka.
“How are you getting home, Willow?” she asked softly.
“I’m walking.”
“Are you sure you can make it?”
I took a breath and looked up at her. “I know you’re being nice, and I appreciate it, but I honestly don’t think anyone else would care if I fell on my way home and froze to death.”
“That’s not true, Willow.”
I shrugged. “It kind of feels like it is.”
“Laura is still here. Why don’t you let her walk you home?”
“Laura is a friend of Melody’s.”
“She asked if you’re okay.”
I waved my hand, hoping Piper would bring me the drink and leave me alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to think about anyone. And I didn’t want to need anything from anyone. I learned my lesson. Letting people in meant giving them the power to hurt you. I’d been hurt enough for one lifetime.
Piper brought back the vodka. I smiled at her. She pressed her lips together, but her brows narrowed at me.
I drank the shot and decided it was time for me to go. I had no reason to be there any longer, and I was getting beyond drunk to the point where I would get introspective and weepy. I didn’t need witnesses for that.
I walked outside, the cold air slapping me in the face. It threatened to chase away the buzz I had going, but the alcohol was too strong. I took a few steps and leaned against the building for support.
“Can I walk with you?” someone asked from behind me. A woman’s voice, which was the only reason I didn’t scream.
I turned and saw Laura standing behind me, smiling.
“I live close to you and thought we could walk together. If you don’t mind.”
“Suit yourself,” I told her.
She stepped up next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. She was sturdy, like she was completely sober. I leaned into her unintentionally, but she didn’t falter. She just kept walking like we did this every weekend.
“Who’s your friend?” Laura asked.
“She’s not my friend.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s a bitch. And I’m a bitch. And no one likes a bitch.”
“I don’t think you’re a bitch,” Laura said.
I laughed. “Yes, you do. You’re friends with my sister, so you know I’m a bitch.”
Laura shook her head. “I think you’re hurting, and maybe a little scared, and I think it’s hard to accept that everyone jumped to conclusions about you, but maybe we were off base doing that.”
“Why are you being nice to me?”
“Because your sister is a friend of mine, and Melody doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you. She worries about you, even if she’s not sure how to say that. And because I’m a nurse and it’s in my DNA to help people.”
I snorted. “You can’t help it. I guess that’s as good a reason as any to be nice to me.”
Laura shifted my weight so I was standing a little more upright. “I never got to know you before your falling out with Melody, but she really does think the world of you. She misses you. I think she doesn’t always know how to say that, but she does.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I see people at their lowest. Not all of us can handle it. Fear and sadness show up differently in everyone. And that’s on the person feeling it, not the person it’s directed to. I’m not saying what you did was okay, but maybe Melody would have been able to forgive you by now if she wasn’t so afraid.”
I drew in a sharp, cold breath. “I’m afraid she’ll never be able to forgive me.”
“Which is why you haven’t apologized?” Laura guessed.
I nodded.
“And I think if you could apologize, Melody would probably forgive you.”
“But you don’t know?”
We stopped at my door and Laura shook her head. “No, I don’t. But Melody brings you up at girls’ night a lot. I think it’s because she misses you and wishes you were a part of her life again.”
“Well, maybe one day.” I unlocked my door and opened it.
“Are you okay alone tonight?”
I nodded. “Thanks for walking me home.”
She smiled. “Drink some water and take some ibuprofen. Try to get some sleep, Willow.”
“Thanks.”
She hesitated then hugged me quickly and walked down my steps and into the night. She turned back toward town and disappeared around the front of house.
I
went inside and collapsed on my bed. My head spun, so I put my foot on the ground to stop the spinning. It wasn’t long before sleep pulled me under, without water or ibuprofen.
My head was pounding when I woke up. I groaned and rolled out of bed, hoping I could take some ibuprofen before my headache got worse.
I downed some water and the meds and headed to the kitchen to find some breakfast. Toast sounded better than anything else, so I popped a few pieces into the toaster and started the coffee.
When everything was done, I sat on the couch with the remote. I flipped to something I didn’t have to pay much attention to and ate my breakfast.
I felt better by the time I was done and decided to take a shower. I cleaned up the kitchen and was about to leave the room when there was a knock on my door.
I didn’t know who it could be, but no one stumbled to my door, so I opened it without asking who it was.
Big mistake.
It was Melody.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Her eyes scanned my body, evaluating me.
I wrapped my arms around myself and nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Laura said you were really drunk last night.”
I shrugged. “So?”
“I was worried about you.”
“Why? You were pretty clear the other day that I don’t matter to you.”
“You’re my sister, Willow. I’m always going to love you and want the best for you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say about that. I stared at her.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
I nodded and took a step back to let her in. Melody looked around my apartment like she’d never seen it before. I tried to see it through her eyes. My apartment was nothing compared to her home. It was small with secondhand furniture and mismatched everything. But it was all mine. I loved my sister’s house and the way she’d made it a cozy place for her family, but my apartment was all mine.
Melody and I stood looking at each other. I wondered if I should offer her something, but I didn’t have much to offer. I didn’t have guests. Ever.
“How are things with Rowan?” Melody asked.
I scoffed. “Over.”
“Why?”
