by Piper Rayne
“Thank you. All of you.”
I looked at each one of them and there was something in each set of eyes that reflected back at me that made me want to stay. I would see how the next day or two went first, but for the first time in years, I felt like I might belong somewhere.
Dinner was long done and, as they wind down, they began to head to bed one at a time. It had to have been getting late but being in a new place and not sleeping well in years had me wide awake. The more they drifted to their rooms, the more the panic set in. The cozy feel I had hours ago was being replaced with loneliness and fear.
I hated that feeling more than anything else. It made me feel powerless and weak. One I had gotten used to, I tried to slowly, but unnoticeably, breathe. I had to slow my heart, or I would go into a full panic attack. Who would want me around if I did that? Another crazy for Akio to have to watch out for. I had to hold it together.
“Sno?” Zane asked looking down at my hands.
I loosened the grip and a drop of blood leaked from the cuts I had made with my fingernails in a feeble attempt to gain control. Heat rushed to my face at being caught and I swiftly scanned the room to see who else had seen or who had heard Zane. All eyes were on other things but me and I let out a small breath.
“Come on,” he said and held out his hand for me to take.
Without a word, I gave him my left hand, the one that was still free from blood thanks to him calling me out and let him lead me out of the room. Bringing me down the long, narrow hallway, the darkness started to creep into me, and the panic came headstrong with it. I wanted to be brave and show them I could handle myself and I was failing.
Going into the room I was to use that night, he gently pushed me in and then shut the door. Leaning against it, he looked at the floor for a second before his head popped up. His blue eyes pierced mine when he finally looked up. Even in the dark, they were so bright, they almost glowed.
“I know what’s happening to you,” he said.
“You do?”
“Yes.” He moved closer to me. Taking me by the arm, he led me gently to the bed and had me take a sit. He seat next to me and the warmth coming from his body was starting to help. “I get them too. A few of us do and the ones that don’t, they probably do but don’t show it. I need you to breathe, okay? You’re safe here with us.”
“I feel safer here, but I won’t feel truly safe anywhere for a long time.”
“What happened to you?” he asked. His face creased in a frown and pity flooded his eyes. I hated that look and wanted him to never give it to me. Yet, there he sat, next to me, with the look I despised.
“It’s a long story.”
“Mine was too. But I felt better once I told it. When you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen to you.”
“Thank you.”
“Come here.”
He laid on the bed and held his arms out. I went to him and he wrapped me up tight. I put my head on his shoulder, took a deep breath, and fell asleep in his arms.
15
He was still holding me when I woke up the next morning. I rolled over and came face to face with the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He seemed so gentle and sweet too, but I had only known him for hours and anyone can hold up a facade for a while. It would take us all a few days to be our true selves around each other. The only one I knew for sure already was, was Lars. He couldn’t hide anything if he wanted to. With a child-like mind, he was the most honest of us all and I loved him for that. He wasn’t afraid to show who he was. The rest of the world could benefit from his way of living. If my stepmom would have shown who she really was, my father might not have married her, and he’d still be alive.
I thought about her for a moment and how she started out sweet. She even seemed to care about me a little and wanted what was best for me. That change quickly into me being her slave, her servant. I had to be there, on call, for her all the time. It didn’t matter if I hadn’t slept the night before or if I had worked for almost twenty hours for her doing the things meant for more than one person. I watched her with others and how she treated them. Standing in the background praying she would stop, I found myself becoming bitter to life and the world around me. When my dad got sick, she only got worse. She wanted me to be there for her around the clock and nowhere near him. All I wanted to do was comfort him and let him know he wasn’t alone. That was asking too much with her though. I wasn’t allowed to depend on anyone but her. If she saw me lying in the bed with Zane, she would have whipped me for sure. If they weren’t all over her, telling her how amazing she was and making her the center of attention, then they were of no use to her. I became that and so had anyone else my father had working for him.
Too many times I had been let down by the people I should have loved and trusted. Each time, they blamed me for their actions. If I learned anything from my time with these strange, unique and strong men, it was I needed to learn to stand on my own. I could let people in, but they needed to not be my sole focus. I had to be able to do it solo if I had a chance to make it with anyone in my life. That meant getting to know them better, and maybe even staying for a while, but not getting dependent on any of them. Not even Zane who I was starting to have feelings for. Last night, sleeping in his arms, couldn’t happen again. At least not until I felt strong enough to be on my own. I didn’t want to make him a crutch but a true partner.
“What are you thinking about? You have such a snarl on your face,” Zane asked trying to wake up. I hadn’t noticed he was awake. Lost in my own lecture, I missed that he was watching me.
“I was thinking about how strong all of you are and how, someday, I hope to be as strong.”
“You already are.”
“No, but I’ll get there.”
“Sno, you left the situation that was going to cause you harm. I don’t need to know all the details to know that much. You’ve made it on your own in the woods for how long? You are strong. We just have to get you to see that about yourself. I know it isn’t easy. I’ve been in your place before, but you will get there.”
“How are you so sure about everything? I’m uncertain about it all.”
“I didn’t do it alone and you won’t have to do it alone either.”
I wanted to believe him and trust him but there were still so many unanswered questions. I had doubt in myself and all the people around me and nothing was going to take that away fast. I wanted to fast forward my life to when I could be like Zane and the rest of them, I wanted my journey over and to be on the other side. The side where I was happy and could laugh again. It had been a long time since I heard my own laughter that I forgot what it sounded like.
“It will be alright, Sno.”
Zane wiped away a stray tear that ran down my cheek. It wasn’t that I was sad, but I was frustrated. Frustrated with myself, my situation and how I had let that become my life. He was right about one thing; I was stronger than my stepmom was, and I wasn’t going to let her keep me down for the rest of my life.
We sat there in silence for a moment then it hit me, I hadn’t heard any noise coming from outside the room. Maybe the walls kept out the noises, but I was sure I heard them last night.
“When does everyone get up?” I asked.
“Not for a while yet. Lars will be the next one up on the weekend. We work hard at work, some of us have more than one job, so we like to sleep in when we can.”
“But I thought you had work today?” I asked.
“We did but right after you fell asleep last night, Akio came in to say we were staying home. They wouldn’t miss us for one day when we are so far ahead of schedule.”
“I have an idea. It’s the least I can do for you guys letting me stay here.”
“What are you up to?” he asked raising one eyebrow and frowning. He was adorable when he did that.
“I want to make breakfast for everyone and have it ready by the time they get up.”
“I love it, but Thijs might not. He is the resident cook ar
ound here.”
“More reason to do it then. Doesn’t he deserve a shift off too?”
“I guess. Don’t know how anyone could get mad at you anyway.”
“You’d be surprised,” I whispered. Seeing the look of doubt on his face told me he had heard me anyway. “Let me do this one thing, please. If he hates it, or me, I will leave right after they eat, and I clean up.”
“No one will hate you and you can’t judge his mood. He is always grumpy. If he isn’t, then we worry.”
“Okay. Will you help me? I just need to know where you keep everything.”
“Sure. I’ll help you with anything.” He winked at me before getting out of bed and I noticed he still had his clothes on from the night before. I fell asleep on him and he hadn’t moved the whole night.
“Do you want to change first?” I asked him.
“No, why?”
“Because that was the same thing you had on yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, I’ll change when we start working on your room. Until then, I want to be a lazy slob.” He laughed at his own joke and I smiled at him. “I’ll get a laugh out of you before the end of the day if it kills me. And at the rate I’m going, it just might.”
“It’s not you, Zane.”
“I know. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here to listen. Until then, I won’t ask a thing.”
“Thanks.”
Grr!
“I think we better get started. You mentioned food and I wasn’t the only thing to wake up,” he said and rubbed his stomach.
“Ready when you are.”
He led me down the hallway to the kitchen. It was still half dark out as the sun started its ascend into the sky. It was my favorite time of day when the night was still visible, but the sun was chasing away all the bad dreams and horrible thoughts. It was the promise that that day could be anything we wanted it to be and it was up to us to make it good or bad. Most days, something would happen and make it turn fast, but I wasn’t with my stepmom or in a wooded cove in the middle of the woods and I had made a friend. I woke up in the arms of someone I was quickly starting to care for, and he seemed to want to be there for me because he wanted to, not because he had to or because he felt sorry for me. I was found by him and brought to the cozy little cottage away from the bustle of the city and I met seven sweet men. It wasn’t my normal crowd and I should have been leery, but there was something about them that made me believe they were who they said they were. I rested that night for the first time in years and my dreams weren’t all about villains and monsters. I couldn’t see how the day could go wrong.
But that wasn’t always my luck, so I waited for the bad to show up.
16
One by one, they slowly made their way out of their rooms and into the kitchen. With the bacon, sausage, eggs and biscuits cooking away, the house smelled amazing. I couldn’t wait to feed them and thank them a little for even the one night they gave me.
Lars was the first one up just like Zane said he would be. He hopped into the kitchen, clapping his hands and saying bacon over and over. His hair was a tussled mess and is pajamas were on crooked, but he was wide awake and already in love with the day. His mood was infectious, and I found myself smiling back at him.
Jett and Bran came out next with Rasmus hiding behind them like they were his human shield. They were all dressed already in what looked to be work clothes.
“I thought you said you guys were off today?” I asked Zane.
“We are, but you’re gonna need a room and fast. We won’t waste time making you wait for that small, simple necessity,” Jett said.
“But…but…” I started.
“No. It’s final. We talked after you went to bed last night. There is a reason you’re here. A reason Zane found you. Like the rest of them, this is where you belong. You are one of us now,” Akio said walking into the room. He rubbed his lower back and I could tell from the dark circles under his eyes he hadn’t slept very well that night. Giving me a room would also give him back his, but I didn’t want to put anyone out.
Thijs walked in last. He was also in work clothes. “Thanks. This will save me sometime today.” He smiled at me for a second before turning to the table and sitting down. “You know Akio’s right, Sno. Let us do this and we will all be happier. If you don’t like it. Or decide to leave us, it isn’t like one of us couldn’t move into it.”
“See, he has a point,” Bran said. “It won’t take long to get it built. The hard part will be up to you. You have to paint it and decorate it. We don’t have a lot of money, but what we do have, we pool together. I can give you some of that to get the few things you will need.”
“I can repay you all,” I said. “I can find a cleaning job or a cooking job to help pay for things.”
“Oh, great idea. You can start with this place,” Akio said. He looked around the room and my eyes followed his head. He wasn’t wrong. It needed a good deep cleaning.
“I can do that. I will have it spotless in no time.”
“Can you sew?” Lars asked.
“Yes.”
“I need a new blanket. Mine has holes in it. I can stick my hand all the way through.” His voice got higher the more he talked. Excited at the thought of something so simple made me want to start with that.
“Yeah. I can get fabric for you cheap if you can make some clothes and things for all of us. I do have one question though,” Akio asked. He stopped for a second like he was trying to figure out the best way to ask.
“What is it?” I couldn’t wait for him. My nerves were shot, and his pause wasn’t helping me at all.
“How much trouble are you in?” he finally spat out.
I hung my head and prepared for what was going to come after I said what I had too. It was going to be the thing that got me kicked out of the house before I even officially moved in.
“A lot. I’m in a lot of trouble. If the wrong people find me and turn me in, they will get rich and I will be dead.”
“What did you do?” Lars asked in a loud voice.
“I saved myself,” was all I said.
“Then your work will be here, at the house. I won’t have you going out where someone will see you. I won’t take that risk. That isn’t how our family works. We are gone for long hours a day. Having someone here to cook and clean will be helping in ways you can’t imagine,” Akio said with a firm, but gentle voice.
“What about Thijs?” I asked.
“What about him?” Akio questioned back.
“Isn’t cooking his thing? I wouldn’t want to take that from him if he enjoyed it.”
“I don’t enjoy it. I do it because somebody has to do it. If you’re willing to take over, I will gladly step back. Besides, if your cooking tastes as good as it smells, you’ve got me beat anyway,” Thijs said.
“Can we talk more after breakfast? I’m starving and I want that food now,” Bran whined.
“It’s ready whenever you are,” I said and stepped aside so they could dish up.
I watched them all pile food on their plates and worried I hadn’t cooked enough. They were all fully grown men with full grown appetites. With heaping plates, I watched them one by one make their way to the table. They saved me a seat next to Zane and I nervously went to see if there was any food left for me to get. I wouldn’t have said anything if there wasn’t, but after the meal the night before, I was hungry in a new way.
My stomach growled when I went to the stove and I saw a plate already made for me with two strips of bacon, one sausage patty, a scoop of eggs and a biscuit. I smiled, closed my eyes and thanked who ever would listen for the people who were brought into my life. Tears clouded my vision, but for the first time in years they were happy, not sad. I took my plate and the glass of water I poured and made my way to them.
“We wanted to make sure you got your food first, so we made your plate. Is that enough or do you want more?” Rasmus asked. It was so nice to hear his voice. It was so soft and caring for t
he size man he was.
“This is perfect,” I replied and nodded to him. “You are all perfect.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. You haven’t had to clean our rooms or the bathroom yet. Wait until you do that before you sing our praises,” Jett said and laughed at his own joke.
“It doesn’t even matter. You’ve treated me like family and that was all I ever wanted.”
“This is family and now you’re one of us. We take care of each other no matter what. I promise you will never be on your own again unless you choose to be. I don’t care what happened to you, who wants you for what or what the ‘reward’ is for you. This house, with us, will always be your safe space,” Akio added.
“I don’t even know when or how to repay you,” I mumbled as I tried to fight back the tears. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t sad, and I felt safe. I should have felt that as a child in my own home, but my life shattered long ago when my stepmom decided to sink her claws into my father. It wasn’t him and definitely not me she wanted, but what he worked so hard to achieve over his too short life. I still had to prove it though and without the plant, it would be impossible. The day I lost my mother was the real day I had lost it all.
“Hey now,” Zane said reaching under the table for my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
I felt the dampness of the tears when he pulled me from my thoughts. I wasn’t sure how long I had been crying for or how many saw. Judging by the reactions, I was sure they all had. None of them judged though or called me names for it. I looked at Zane and it wasn’t pity I saw looking back at me but a man desperate to understand what I had been through. Maybe someday I could tell him, but it wouldn’t be that day.
17
I cleaned up after breakfast before starting in on the rest of the house. If it was anything like the kitchen, it would take me all week to do a good deep clean of the place. As much as they worked, I wasn’t shocked that it was in the condition it was. If they were going to let me stay there though, I was going to do whatever I could to make them happy. Even Thijs.
