by K. G. Reuss
“Yes.” I kissed his soft lips again. “I swear it.”
He smiled against my lips as his kisses continued. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I paused. “Ethan?”
“Yes?” he purred.
I reached out tentatively and rubbed my hand against his groin. He hissed out a soft breath at my touch.
“I-I can return the favor.”
“As much as I’d love to have your lips wrapped around me, no, sweetheart. I-I want to take care of you.”
“You have—”
“Shh,” he chuckled softly. “In time, OK? You don’t have to suck my dick to make me happy, Rosalie. Just holding you right now has made me the happiest man alive. We’ll get there, OK?”
I nodded and rested against him, breathing in the way he smelled, like soap and fresh air.
He grew quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Are you breaking up with Ian?”
The words were ugly on my tongue even before I said them. “I can’t.”
Ethan sat up on his elbow, his brows crinkled, as he took me in. “What? Why?”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to get the words to come out right, but nothing sounded good.
“Do you love him? You can tell me if you do.” His voice cracked as he said the words.
I cradled his face.
“I don’t love him, Ethan. Not even close. He-he has the videos that Fox had. Ian has them all and some he took himself. He’s holding them over me like you guys were. Plus he threatened to hurt Jamie. I wanted to save her from him. And I wanted to hurt all of you for hurting me. I-I really screwed up. Now I’m trapped and can’t get away.” The words tumbled out of my mouth in a rush, tears gripping my eyelids. “I don’t know what to do. He’ll hurt me if I try to leave. In more ways than one.”
“Babe,” Ethan murmured, wrapping his arms around me again. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“You’re not my friends, Ethan. I mean, you are now, but the others… they aren’t—”
“They are. Let me tell you everything—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Ethan. It’s all just bullshit to me. I have more important things to worry about than what games they’re playing.”
“There aren’t—”
“Are you in this with me or not?” My voice shook as he wiped a tear from my eye.
“I’m with you wherever you take me, sweetheart,” he said gently. “But I can’t have some piece of shit touching my girl. We need to fix that.”
“How?” I whispered, assessing him, desperate for him to tell me he had a plan.
He shrugged. “I’ll kill him.”
Eighteen
“What? No, Ethan. You’re not going to kill him.” He’d said it like someone would speak of the weather. Just hearing Ethan say such ugly words made me shudder. They belonged nowhere near his lips.
“I already told you I’d do anything for you. That includes taking out the trash who’s hurting you. I’m in this for life, Rosalie. You’re my girl. I’m not going to allow that piece of shit to hurt what’s mine.” A muscle feathered along his jaw.
“There has to be another way.”
“He’s garbage, Rosalie. He hurts good people. He’s hurting you. I know he is, and I won’t allow it.”
“Then help me find a safe way out where I won’t lose you in the process. I’m already scared for you because of—”
“The drugs?” He chuckled softly. Sadly. “I’m trying to quit. I am. It’s just really fucking hard once I’m hooked.”
“But you have me now,” I said, resting my head against his chest, hoping I was enough. “I’m here, Ethan. I want you.”
“Fuck. These past few weeks without you have been pure hell, Rosalie. Hearing you say you want me makes me want things no one else has ever been able to make me want.”
“What’s that?” I murmured.
“Want to live.” His laugh was soft.
I twisted my fingers in his t-shirt, desperate to cling to him so he wouldn’t let go. Like if I held on tightly enough, I could keep him safely beside me.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose you, Ethan.”
“Never, sweetheart. I’m never leaving you. You’re the fucking light at the end of a really long, dark tunnel. A little slice of heaven made just for my personal hell.”
“What happened to you?” I asked, my voice cracking as I noted the pain in his voice.
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat like he was thinking hard and whatever was swimming around in his mind caused him great pain. He seemed to finally come to a decision.
“Touch me.” He took my hand in his and brought it beneath his shirt.
I let him guide my hand over his body until he paused it over a strange spot on his skin which felt rippled. It was just over his left ribs. I crinkled my brows as he moved my hand over his heart. More ridges. More bumps of hard flesh.
I pulled away and looked up at him. “What happened to you?”
He gave me a sweet, sad smile. “It’s an ugly story.” He paused for a moment, seeming to collect himself before he continued, “My dad didn’t always like me, Rosalie. Neither did my mom. When I was ten, I was taken from my mother’s custody. Until that time, they hurt me. But not just them. Dad’s friends. Mom’s friends. Whenever they needed drugs, th-they’d use m-me a-as-as p-payment.” He stumbled on his words, wincing as they fell off his lips. Tears filled his eyes as the horror of his words took hold.
“Ethan, they-they—”
“Touched me. Forced me. Fucking hurt me, Rosalie. It’s an ugly truth I don’t tell people. Only you. And Fox, Enzo, and Cole.”
“Enzo said your parents made you learn piano.” I recalled the conversation I’d had with Enzo weeks ago in his basement.
Ethan shook his head. “Not my real parents. The ones who adopted me.”
“You’re adopted?” I guessed I should’ve known that since he wasn’t with his real parents anymore.
He nodded. “Yeah. They’re good people. Mom’s a music teacher. She works at the elementary school on Rucker Street by the library. Dad’s a plumber. I-I don’t live with them anymore though.”
“What?” I went up on my elbow and looked down at him. “The house—”
“I rent it from my parents. Dad bought it for extra income. The price was good. When I started to spiral the first time, they let me move in if I promised to get my shit together. I have a younger brother and sister who didn’t need to see me sick. Jase and Emma. They’re my adoptive parents’ real kids. Mom didn’t want me to go. But Dad trusted I could do it. The guys helped me get my life sorted. I sell my photos to pay my bills every month. When my grandpa passed away last year, he left me some money, so that’s helping too.”
“Why didn’t you go live with your grandpa when they took you from your birth mother?” I asked, giving his hand a squeeze.
He shrugged. “He didn’t have time to deal with me. He was still working and wouldn’t have had anyone there to give me the care I needed. Taking some fucked up kid with night terrors and emotional issues to therapy five days a week was too much for a lot of people. Gramps still visited me until his stroke last year. Janie and Robert, my adoptive parents, took on the role I needed and kept me sane. I owe them everything, which is why I had to be on my own. I didn’t want them to see me the way I am.”
“The way you are? Ethan, you’re so beautiful and strong.” I kissed him gently. “I’m so proud of you.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I’m a million shades of fucked up, Rosalie. But with you, I feel like I can be myself.”
“You can.” I kissed him again, my heart aching for him. “Always.”
He swallowed, his sad, moss green eyes meeting mine. “I have a darker secret.”
I crinkled my brows as I looked at him, waiting for him to tell me.
“What is it?”
He licked his lips, his hand trembling as he twined his fingers through mine. His face twisted into something heart-wren
ching. His beautiful features knotted like he was in pain before he spoke, his words so soft I could barely hear them.
“I killed my real father.”
Nineteen
“What?” I frowned at him, not sure if I’d heard him right.
“I killed him,” he whispered. “H-He was hurting me. One night his friend had me pinned to the bed. Th-they hurt me so much, Rosalie.” Tears clung to his eyelashes.
Pain raced through my heart as I watched him sniffle. He drew in a shaky breath before he continued.
“I knew he’d come for me again the next night. So, I took a knife from the kitchen. When he came into my room drunk, I stabbed him. I didn’t stop until he wasn’t moving.” His words tumbled out fast and soft, his entire body trembling as he recalled those last moments. When his gaze met mine, it was like a hundred storms had gathered in his eyes. “I don’t regret doing it. If my mom had been home, I’d have killed her too. She never made him stop hurting me. Moms are supposed to protect their children.” He let out a soft sob.
I wrapped my arms around him as he shook, his tears warm on my skin.
“She never protected me, Rosalie. Why didn’t she protect me? Why did they do that to me?”
“It’s OK,” I murmured, holding him as he clung to me. Nausea twisted my insides. I had no clue this was Ethan’s past. Anger bubbled inside me, making me want to find his mother and kick her ass.
“They tried to make me be like them.” He sobbed softly against my neck, his large body shaking with each breath.
“You’re nothing like them, Ethan.” I held him tighter.
“I am. I fucking am. I’m a user just like they were. I didn’t kill the demons, Rosalie. I just made them my own.” His hold tightened around me. “I hurt myself so I can feel something. Anything is better than the pain I’m in. All the scars and cuts. The drugs. I’m a fucked-up mess, Rosalie.”
A tear slid down my cheek at his words. “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll save you. We’ll get through this together, Ethan. You’re mine.”
“Promise?” he whispered in a shaking voice.
“I swear.”
“I don’t want to be this person, but it’s who I am. I-I didn’t want to go into this with you without you knowing the real me.” He pulled away and scrutinized me, so much agony on his face it made my heart clench in my chest and my stomach twist.
“I don’t care, Ethan. I want you. Scars and nightmares.”
“Really?” he whispered, hope springing to his pretty eyes.
“Yes,” I breathed out, kissing his lips tenderly.
“Oh, sweetheart. Where have you been my whole life?”
“Right here. Where I’ll always be. I’ll save you, Ethan.”
“I believe that.” He kissed me slowly, sending heat pooling between my legs again. “And I’ll save you.” His soft words against my lips sent a ripple of warmth through my body.
“Then we need a plan.”
“We’ll get it, OK? Even if I do have to kill him.”
“No killing—”
He pressed his lips to mine once more before whispering, “Fox doesn’t have to protect you from the monsters. Not anymore. You have me now.”
And I believed him. But I wouldn’t let Ethan become another ugly monster. Even if I had to kill Ian myself.
Twenty
We arranged to have a secret romance. It was pure shit, but that was what we had to do until we figured out a way around Ian. Ethan insisted on staying away from the guys as a means to prove his loyalty to me. I caved and told him to talk to them because I did know how much they meant to him, especially after he divulged his secret to me.
But he refused my offer to let him be near the guys.
When I arrived at school the next day, my stomach was in knots. Hauling in a deep breath, I got out of my car and made my way through the parking lot. The guys, minus Ethan, stood on the sidewalk. I ducked my head as I walked, hoping they’d ignore me.
“You look beautiful today,” Enzo called out to me.
I picked up my pace. Hearing his voice made my stomach twist harder. The image of him buried inside me kept replaying in my head. It drove me wild for far too many reasons, but one stood out above the rest. I liked it.
The day was miserable. It only got worse when Ian made me sit with him at lunch. He kissed on me and acted like he wasn’t the biggest snake in the world. Trying out for the musical should’ve been on his list of things to do because he was one hell of an actor. Behind closed doors, he was the devil. No one would ever know it but me, and that pissed me off.
“Where are you going?” Ian demanded as I rose from my seat.
I was desperate to see Ethan. I had no clue where he was, but if I had to take a guess, it would be the library or the bleachers.
“I need to do some quick studying. Matthews is supposedly dropping a pop quiz on us.” I reached out and gave his hand a squeeze as a way to defuse what I knew could be a bad situation.
He was always on edge. Jamie had mentioned Mr. Matthews giving a pop quiz in her class. I didn’t need to study for it, but it was the perfect excuse to get away and look for Ethan.
Ian narrowed his eyes at me before he glanced across the cafeteria, taking in the horsemen at their table, still without Ethan. Juliet sat perched on Fox’s lap, her head resting against his shoulder. Disgust washed over me as she giggled and pressed her lips to Cole’s.
Seemingly satisfied by seeing the guys within his view, he squeezed my hand back and nodded. “I’ll see you later.” He didn’t pay attention to me beyond that as he returned to the conversation with to his friends.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, I strode toward the cafeteria doors, but not before I caught Fox’s eye. A pained expression adorned his face, but it only made me scowl as Juliet turned to him and kissed his cheek.
Bitch. Her beating in the locker room needed a part two.
The cafeteria doors slammed shut behind me as I hurried to get away before I lost my shit. I marched quickly outside, eager to see if Ethan was on the bleachers. When I got there, my heart fell. He wasn’t there. Sighing, I slipped back inside and decided to check the nook. Again, nothing.
“What the hell,” I grumbled, feeling let down as I made my way to my locker. I only had about ten minutes left before classes would start. I was just passing by the janitor’s closet when a hand reached out and snagged my arm.
“Hey—” I started as I was tugged into the small, dimly lit closet, the door slamming closed behind me.
Ethan’s warm lips met mine. Immediately, I melted against him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Miss me?” he murmured against my lips.
“I was looking for you.” I kissed him again. I raked my fingers through his hair, enjoying the way the silky strands felt against my skin. “I don’t have your new number.”
“We’ll fix that after I’m done with you. I’ll text you,” he answered as he brushed his knuckles against my cheek. “Have I told you lately how beautiful I think you are?”
“No.” Heat rose to my cheeks as I ducked my head.
He chuckled softly. “Well, you’re fucking beautiful, sweetheart. I can’t stand not being able to touch you whenever I see you.”
“You saw me today?” I stared up at him. I hadn’t seen him at all.
He smiled down at me. “Yes. It’s pure hell to not be able to kiss your lips or feel your touch. I’m my worst without you.”
“And with me?”
“I’m a fucking god, capable of anything, Rosalie.” He pressed his lips to mine as his fingers glided beneath my shirt to hold me at my ribs. “I’m unstoppable.”
“Tell me more,” I whispered against his mouth between hot kisses.
“Unbeatable.” Another kiss. “Un-fucking-touchable.”
“More.” I angled my neck as he trailed his lips along my jaw and down my throat.
“And so fucking yours.”
“I like the way that sounds.”
“Y
eah?” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my pulse point. “I wanted to tell you something.”
“What?”
He pulled away and looked down at me. “I haven’t used today. Or yesterday. I-I’m trying, sweetheart.”
“I’m so proud of you.” My heart soared as I wrapped him in a hug.
He held me tight, his chin resting atop my head.
“It’s hard, Rosalie. It’s so fucking hard. That shit’s the devil, calling me home. I don’t want to fail you. Then I see that prick touching you. Kissing you. I want to get fucked up just so I don’t have to deal with it.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan—”
“Shh.” He pressed a finger to my lips as he pulled away and assessed me. “I have a plan.”
“You do?” My eyes widened, and my heart lodged in my throat.
“I do. But you’re going to have to really trust me and be brave.”
“I trust you.”
It seemed that was all he needed to hear because he kissed me again.
“Meet me tonight. My place. Can you do that?”
“If Ian sees—”
“He won’t. You can park in the garage. No one will know you’re there. OK?”
I nodded, my stomach churning. “OK.”
“Good.” He thumbed my bottom lip, his eyes heavy with want. “I’ll make the risk worth it. Now go before the bell rings.” He gave me one final kiss before releasing me.
With as much willpower as I possessed, I left the tiny closet, my heart hammering a mad rhythm in my chest.
He was intense. More than I ever imagined.
I grinned, eager to see just what other surprises my sweet Ethan had in store for me and hoping beyond anything, I could really save him. It would destroy me if I couldn’t.
Twenty-One
Later that day, I yawned and rubbed my eyes, desperate to get the hell out of rehearsal. Fox had been late because of football practice, which had sent Mr. Dennison into an angry tirade about the importance of dedication.
When Jen, one of Fox’s fan girls, piped up and told Dennison that Fox was dedicated to his priorities, he’d let out a huff and grunt before calling the chorus line onto the stage.
