An Unwavering Trust

by L. L. Diamond

  “According to what I have read, it is the first sign a woman could be with child.” He hated that she never had another female to discuss this with her, so he spoke in as gentle and careful a manner as he could. Despite his tone, her head lifted and her wide eyes locked with his.

  “A babe?” she squeaked.

  “I have watched for other signs, but I have yet to notice any.” She appeared terrified, and he took her hand, ceasing her fidgeting. “Nothing is definite until he or she quickens or moves.”

  “I am aware of what the quickening is. I remember Mama speaking of when Lydia moved for the first time.” She shook her head and became teary. “I knew children came with marriage, but I had not expected it so soon.”

  He brought his hand under her ear to cradle her cheek. “You are not upset by the idea, are you?”

  “I always thought they would come in a few years. I do not feel ready for this.” Her eyes were fearful, and he ran his fingers from her temple to her chin.

  “If you are with child, we have some time before it will be born. Please do not fret about an event we cannot control. We will simply take things as they come.”

  “You said you have been watching for other signs—what other signs?”

  “Some women become sick to their stomachs and sometimes purge their meals.” She shook her head, indicating she had not had any of it. “Sensitivity to certain foods and smells can be a problem.” Again, she shook her head. “Moodiness can occur. One book cited that some women become more emotional.” She looked to him and lifted her eyebrows. “I have not noticed you are any more emotional than usual.”

  He squirmed and glanced off to the side before his eyes caught hers once more. “Your breasts do not seem to be any larger, yet.”

  She became a vibrant red, and her arm tightened around his shoulder. “They will get bigger?”

  He could not restrain the amused snort that escaped, and she stared at him incredulously. “I am sorry, love, but I see no problems with that particular symptom. I do love your breasts, and I feel they are very well proportioned, yet I will not mind if they get larger.” During his speech, his eyes had wandered to her bosom, and she placed her hands on his cheeks to redirect his gaze to her face.

  “Is there anything else?’

  “Your breasts can become tender.”

  “My breasts have ached for the last week,” she confessed. “Sometimes they become sore before my courses, so I assumed…”

  “You assumed they were coming soon?” She bit her lip and nodded. “Will you do something for me?”

  “What is it?” Her voice was soft, and she laid her head upon his shoulder. He kissed her soft curls and inhaled the comforting orange blossom scent in her hair.

  “If you are with child, I would ask that you refrain from riding Page.”

  “Is that why you prevented me from going out today?”

  “There could be more risk with a fall now, and I do not just mean the potential of losing a child. If something happened and you did lose the child, I know your kind heart would carry guilt, and I do not want that for you.” She buried her face into his neck as he rubbed her back. “Are you willing to give way to me on this?” Her head bobbed against his chin and his lips lifted into a satisfied smile.

  The satisfaction of having her in his arms was wonderful, so they remained as such until he had to adjust his legs for fear they would go numb. She must have noticed his discomfort since she moved beside him on the bench.

  “Perhaps, we should return to the house. I would like to refresh myself and change into a gown not covered in horsehair.”

  After standing and stomping around to ensure his legs were steady, Darcy held out his hand for his wife. She laced her fingers with his, and they made their way towards the house, hand in hand, determined that whatever the future brought, they would deal with it together.

  Chapter 16

  As the carriage pulled up to the Mayfair home of his grandmother, Darcy kissed his wife’s temple and held her a bit closer.

  “Elizabeth, we have arrived.”

  One eye opened; she groaned and stretched her legs. The remembrance of how nervous she had been during their first carriage ride together brought a smile to his face. She had gradually become more comfortable, but now, her fatigue overcame what remained of her fears.

  “How long was I asleep?” She donned her bonnet and gloves as the step was placed before the door.

  “Other than when we had refreshments at the inn, you slept the entire trip.”

  She stretched her arms over her head, but her husband’s interest was captured by the swell of her breasts when she yawned. With a kick to his foot, she startled him from one of his favourite occupations.

  “Fitzwilliam!” Her remonstration was not loud, but she used enough emphasis to cause his line of vision to jump from her chest to her face. “The door is open.”

  Her bubbling laugh could be heard as he stepped from the carriage and held out his hand for her to descend. Upon her toes touching the pavement, she took his arm, and he led her into the house where Hobbes greeted them.

  “It is good to see you again, Mr. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy,” said the butler, as the staff took their coats, gloves, and hats. “If you will follow me, her ladyship is in the blue drawing room.”

  The dowager was standing when they entered, and rushed forward to embrace her grandson. “The roads must have been good and dry. I was not expecting you for another hour.”

  After their greeting, he grinned and stepped back so his grandmother could hug Elizabeth. “The roads were excellent, and we required no unscheduled stops. It was an easy trip.”

  His grandmother embraced his wife and then held out Elizabeth’s arms with raised eyebrows. “It appears we shall need to go shopping for you, too.”

  Elizabeth reddened, which prompted a chuckle from him at her expense.

  “I do have the gowns we purchased in Bath. Perhaps Madame Lebrun will be able to alter them. Hattie does well with trim and minor alterations, but a modiste might know better how to increase certain areas.”

  “We will bring those gowns with us then. Our appointment is for early tomorrow. I hope you do not mind that I scheduled it so soon.”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “No, I do not mind. I will be satisfied to have some of them adjusted.”

  “I am sure you will enjoy the ability to breathe freely once again,” said his grandmother.

  He could not help but laugh when his wife bobbed her head in agreement.

  “Would you care for some tea before you refresh yourselves, or would you prefer to go up to your rooms straight away.”

  “Tea sounds lovely, Grandmamma.” Elizabeth’s face lit, animated at the mention of refreshments, so his grandmother rang the bell.

  With a hand upon the small of her back, he guided her to the sofa where he sat close beside her. She turned and gifted him with a broad grin, prompting a chuckle from him.

  Every week since they had discussed the possibility of a baby, she had exhibited more of the signs. To his immense relief, she had never become ill, but she had begun to find certain odours now offensive. He was thankful the orange blossom scent she used was not on the list of items that caused her stomach to churn.

  Her emotions had not become as unpredictable as the book indicated, but he had noticed she shed a tear or two over certain poems or novels. She had never exhibited such a tendency in the past, so he was inclined to believe it was due to the babe as well.

  One symptom he could not bemoan was the enlargement of her breasts. They had been perfect before, but now they were larger, fuller, and the nipple seemed a bit darker pink—they were enchanting. They captured his attention quite easily, and much to his chagrin, his wife had noticed.

  Elizabeth placed a hand on his knee, startling him from his thoughts. “Are you going to join us, dear?” She bit her lip in an obvious effort to restrain her giggles.

  “I had just asked Lizzy what you have planned for your visit,” r
epeated the dowager with one side of her lips quirked up.

  “Oh, we hoped to see Georgiana, of course. I would like Elizabeth to meet her. I know Elizabeth plans to do some shopping, and I would like to take her to the theatre and perhaps Vauxhall.”

  “You? At the pleasure gardens?” His grandmother feigned exaggerated shock and rose to pull back the drapes.

  “What do you seek outside the window?” He was certain she was doing it for effect, and asked so he might hurry her along.

  “I was searching for a hog flying about the skies of London.”

  Elizabeth gave an unladylike snort and erupted in gales of laughter; his grandmother joined his wife in her amusement as she returned to her seat. He shook his head. These two were going to tease him without mercy during the entirety of their stay.

  As his wife brought her laughter under control, she placed a hand to her chest and placed the other upon his arm. “I apologise, but I did not expect her to say that.”

  The dowager directed the maid, who had just entered, to place the tea service before her. “Fitzwilliam did take me to Sydney Gardens whilst we were in Bath. He did not seem to mind.”

  “I was amazed then, too, because he has avoided Vauxhall for years. His willingness to go is due to you, Lizzy.”

  He lifted his wife’s hand and placed a small kiss to her knuckles, chuckling when she would not look at him.

  When they had their teacups, Elizabeth leaned over to search for shortbread amongst the selections on the tray. She found a few pieces to one side and selected the largest slice.

  “So, when am I expected at Sagemore for the birth?” The dowager’s gaze moved back and forth between the two. “I thought you might welcome a baby within the first eighteen months, but not the first year.”

  Concerned for Elizabeth, he shifted his hand to take hers. “It is not confirmed yet, Grandmamma.”

  She scoffed. “Have you taken a good look at your wife lately? Her glow is noticeable to anyone who is looking. She is also about to fall out of her bodice, her face is a bit rounder, and she has never before been so picky about the sweets on the tea tray.”

  “No one can say you are not observant.” He shook his head with a smile.

  “I have been with child twice, and I have seen others in such a condition many times. It is only a matter of a few weeks before the child within your wife quickens.”

  They both turned at the sound of a sniff to find Elizabeth with tears streaming down her cheeks. He was quick to wrap her in his embrace, as his grandmother moved to her other side.

  “Oh dear,” the dowager said softly as she took her hand. “I fear I have been too blunt.”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “It has all been so swift. Each time I begin to feel settled, some new distraction takes place. I was not prepared for this.”

  He pressed a kiss to her temple and opened his mouth to speak, but halted when his grandmother motioned for him to leave. “Grandmamma?”

  The glint in her eye was familiar; he had seen it many times before. “Leave us for a while, Fitzwilliam.”

  “But…” He did not want to abandon his wife when she was so upset.

  “I am sure Mrs. Henderson will have bath water for you. Go refresh yourself, and prepare for dinner. Lizzy will not be long.”

  He was hesitant, but Elizabeth gave a squeeze to his hand. “I will be well.”

  Exhaling heavily, he stood, handed her his handkerchief, and bestowed one last kiss to her hair before walking out of the door.

  When the two women were alone, Elizabeth covered her face with the handkerchief and continued to cry. She had been honest when she said she was not ready. How ridiculous she must appear!

  “I feel like such a half-wit,” she groaned.

  “You are far from a half-wit, Elizabeth Darcy, so you can stop your foolishness directly.”

  “No, I am!” She dropped her hands from her face and began to tug at her handkerchief. “I was unaware of what it meant when my courses stopped, but Fitzwilliam knew and had to explain it to me. I was so embarrassed.”

  The dowager’s eyebrows raised. “And how did my grandson know? It is not as if he has ever been in a situation to understand.”

  “I was mortified when I had to tell him about my courses. He asked so many questions I could not answer—and did not want to answer. As it turned out, several books in the Sagemore library provided the information I refused to give him.

  His grandmother chuckled. “That does sound like him.” The dowager appraised her for such a period of time that she became uncomfortable. “Your mother did not prepare you much for marriage then?”

  “I do not believe my mother was patient enough to explain matters.”

  The older lady sighed. “I owe you a great apology.”

  Shocked, Elizabeth placed her hand over their joined ones. “Whatever for? You have been of great assistance to me. I could not imagine you doing more.”

  “I wondered if you had been taught about the marriage bed, but given that your betrothed is my grandson, I was uncomfortable broaching the topic. It was one thing to insist the two of you consummate your marriage. An actual discussion of the act was not an idea I relished. I should have pushed my unease aside and thought more of you.”

  She shook her head. “Fitzwilliam is always thoughtful and kind. I have never had any reason to complain. I just felt so ignorant when he explained.”

  “The fundamentals were explained to me the morning of my wedding,” explained the dowager. “Gerald’s sister was embarrassed and tried to reassure me, but I was left with little understanding of specifics—besides how to know if I was with child.” She covered Elizabeth’s fidgeting hands. “There is no reason to feel as you do.”

  Her eyes lifted to catch the elder lady’s gaze. “I know nothing of how to care for a babe.”

  The dowager furrowed her brow. “But surely, you have, at the very least, had some experience between your younger sisters and the tenants’ children?”

  “I have held a few when visiting tenants, but Lydia was not quite five years younger, so I remember very little of when she was a babe. Aside from how to hold a child, I was taught naught of how to care for one.”

  “Is that part of what troubles you?”

  She nodded and sniffled, another tear trailing down her face.

  “How much you need to know depends on how much you wish to do yourself. Mrs. Green is sure to have some knowledge, and you can hire a nurse. If you like, I can come for the birth and stay for a month complete.”

  She wiped her nose as a weight lifted from her shoulders. “You would?”

  “Of course! This is my first great-grandchild. I have to be there to welcome him or her into the world.”

  Elizabeth gave a small smile, as she became more at ease.

  “After all, this child must know who is head of this family. We cannot have it assume that it is Fitzwilliam, or God forbid, Henry.”

  She reached over to the dowager and embraced her. “Thank you.”

  “You should have told your worries to Fitzwilliam,” she chided gently.

  The censure in the older lady’s expression prompted a sigh. “We discussed my feelings when a child was first mentioned, and he seemed so disappointed. I did not want to upset him any longer.”

  “I believe you stand to worry him more by not confiding in him, dear.”

  Elizabeth sighed. “I know. He was just so elated.” She was unsure of the dowager’s expression. Could she be upset with her? “Of course, I am grateful he is excited about the idea of a baby. I would be inconsolable if he was as apprehensive as I am, but I require time to come to terms with the change.”

  “Your feelings are just, but next time Fitzwilliam might know what to do or say to help.”

  Elizabeth snorted and covered her mouth and nose with her handkerchief.

  The dowager pursed her lips. “You are correct. He would not.”

  She stole another piece of shortbread from the tray and stood. “I
should go refresh myself before dinner.”

  “Here, Lizzy,” called the dowager. She prepared her a fresh cup of tea, placed two more pieces of shortbread on the plate, and handed it to her. “Take this with you.”

  “Thank you,” she replied with a grin.

  “Are there any foods which make you ill? I will need to amend the menus for the next week.”

  “Please do not change your plans for me!”

  “It will be as much for us as it will be for you. We cannot have you run from the room because the scent of mutton sends you to the chamber pot.”

  Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “You do not serve mutton.”

  “No, I do not. I detest it.” The dowager remained in her seat, her face expectant.

  “Most fish, above all pickled or smoked, tends to send me seeking fresh air.”

  The dowager gave a curt nod. “Thank you, dear. Those foods should not be difficult to eliminate from the menu.” She reached over and rang the bell. “I shall see you at dinner.”

  After a quick bob of her head in acknowledgement, Elizabeth made her way to her chambers, noticing Mrs. Henderson appeared and knocked on the door to the sitting room as she ascended the stairs.

  Darcy was seated in the library, waiting on the ladies, while he entertained himself with a book. He turned the page and jumped when he caught sight of his grandmother who stood just within the door.

  “Forgive me for startling you.”

  “Please do not concern yourself,” he replied. “I simply had not heard you enter, and was taken by surprise.”

  She took the chair across from him as he closed his book. Her expression indicated a lecture was forthcoming. What crime had he committed lately?

  “You look as though you are about to give me a scolding.”

  She shook her head. “No, not a scolding.”

  “Then what have I done?”

  His grandmother smirked. “Do you feel guilty about some transgression? Because I assure you, I have no intention of reprimanding you.”

  “I am unaware of any wrong doing on my part.”