The Yellow Suitcase

by L. W. Clark

  I was so hungry and couldn’t wait to eat. We all sat down together at the table to have Chinese food. Maybe it was because I was so hungry, but everything was delicious. I didn’t know how to eat with the chopsticks but watched them. After a while I kind of got it.

  It was around eight o’clock when Anna and Michael were all dressed up and ready to go out. They were going to some special event she mentioned earlier. She was wearing a long dress with high heels. Michael was wearing a suit and tie. They both looked so different that I almost didn’t recognize them.

  Jessica was in bed and Aaron was about to fall asleep when they left. I was still feeling energized. I didn’t want to go to sleep yet. I wanted to feel the city. I was hearing all the city noises. Car horns, sirens. I was receiving such positive energy even though I was inside the house. It felt great.

  I wanted to call home and tell them about my adventure. Tell them I was feeling fine and I was in the city that many of my friends and family dreamed of seeing. But I hadn’t seen much of the city yet. I hadn’t even walked on the streets, but it was a beginning.

  I went to my room to “unpack” my shopping bag, which took me about ten seconds. This shopping bag was ancient. I brought it from home. I even used it back home when I carried small things. It was a plastic bag with some flowers painted on it, but they were faded. I knew it wasn’t appropriate to use a shopping bag, but I didn’t care. I was far away from spending any money on any convenient things.

  As I folded the bag, I felt something. I opened it and found a pack of cigarettes from back home. I used to be a social smoker. Just for fun. It was so in style and everybody did it. There were three cigarettes left in it. Looking at it made me think back. Me and my friends, hanging out, smoking secretly so our parents wouldn’t know.

  Young people smoking cigarettes in front of their parents was unacceptable back home. It was especially inappropriate for girls to smoke in front of older people. It was considered bad form. So we respected the old folks and smoked in private.

  I grabbed a cigarette and smelled it. I closed my eyes and smelled it again. It was so good. I wanted to go out for a smoke. I missed going out. I missed being a socialite and talking to people. My desire became even stronger as I listened to the city.

  I remembered when I was with my boyfriend and a girlfriend and we were all smoking when her mother caught us. My friend and I put the cigarette down in the ashtray, and it was still burning when her mother walked into the room. She said the room smelled like cigarettes and we both looked at my boyfriend and blamed it on him. It was a little more acceptable if a young guy smoked. She looked at him. He was holding his cigarette. She looked at the ashtray, and then glared at us. But we kept insisting they weren’t ours, fruitlessly trying to convince her.

  I smiled. Then my mind drifted to the boy I was so in love with. Maximillian. I would think about him every now and then. We had so much fun together. We were so madly in love and extremely attracted to each other. I got so excited every time I went to see him. Being close to his body was epic. When he would take me in his arms and hug me so close, I’d get goosebumps, and hot. I missed him.

  I started feeling sexual. I wanted to see and feel a man. To have some sex, or at least flirt and kiss. I closed my eyes and thought about Maximillian and me, kissing, exploring my body with his lips. I started to feel warm and excited. I was dreaming so deep, like he was right next to me, touching me. He kissed me as he touched my body, caressing my breasts. He kissed my lips, and my neck. I dreamed so vividly that I felt my heart palpitating and my face blush. I noticed my legs were crossed, tightly. I felt warm and wet between my legs. I peacefully opened my eyes.

  Now I definitely want to light up and smoke this damn cigarette. I should just go up to the rooftop, sit down in that comfortable chair, have a cigarette and look at the stars and dream. I love dreaming. I’ve been doing it since … well … forever. What’s the big deal if I go upstairs? It would be fine right? The kids are asleep. I could just go up there for five minutes. Out and in.

  I checked in on the children. They both looked like they were in a deep sleep, probably tired from the trip. They even fell asleep earlier than normal. I grabbed my jacket, a cigarette and took the steps to the rooftop. It was cold but it felt good. The sounds of the city and the fresh air made me feel relaxed. It was dark around the rooftop. I didn’t even want to turn the lights on. I could see well enough with the light coming from the street and other buildings.

  I stood next to the wall and looked down. The streets were busy with cars and people. It was noisy, even from up there. I heard a police car siren and it reminded me of the security system in the house. It looked so lively even though it was a little cold outside. People were walking fast and in different directions. Some were going inside places as others came out. I loved watching and observing. I looked into the windows of a building so close I could even see the people in their apartments.

  These people live here. They work and play in this city. How great is that? I want to live here. I want to be one of those people who has an apartment. I want to have a relationship and spend my life here. I want to meet someone, go out on a date and come home to this kind of apartment.

  Sometimes I feel like I’m living a dream. I go so deep that it feels real. It makes me excited and positive about my future. I didn’t know how but I knew my dreams would come true one day. I could just feel it.

  I sat down on the chair. I knew I only had a few minutes, but I just wanted to relax with my cigarette. I lit it up and inhaled deeply. As a gust of wind put out the match flame, I heard the loud sound of a door slam shut. I looked back quickly. My heart started pounding. I threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. I rushed to the door and tried to turn the handle. It was locked.

  FOURTEEN

  November 1996, Manhattan

  Hundreds of thoughts were rushing into my head. How is it possible to have so many thoughts a second, especially when you’re in trouble? The mind. It’s like the ultimate search engine. It gives you a bunch of ideas while it continues to look for an answer.

  I tried the door again. I held the handle and tried to shake it open. I didn’t think this heavy metal door would close shut with a burst of wind. I didn’t want to face reality and admit that I was locked outside, with the kids alone in the house. What was I supposed to do now?

  What are my options to get back into the apartment? This is really serious. They were little kids and God forbid they woke up with no one around. And what if the parents come home and see that I’m not there? I don’t want to think about it.

  I was nervous. I needed to get back inside somehow. I moved away from the door, back to the walled edge of the rooftop. I looked around and down, over and over again. My breathing was heavy, and my heart was pounding. Adrenaline. I couldn’t come up with a solution. I walked to every corner, looking for a way.

  Maybe I should try to break the door?

  I went back to the door to check it out, but it was way too heavy and thick to break, especially without any tools. I grabbed the handle and shook it again as if it would magically open. After a while I knew I was wasting my time. I went back to the front edge of the rooftop.

  Maybe if I start screaming for help someone will call the police. No, not a good idea. There would be too much commotion. Everyone will know what I did, including Anna and Michael. I need to get back into the apartment without anyone noticing. I can’t jump from here. It’s way too high. I can’t climb down either since there’s nothing to hold on to. It’s not like I’m James Bond.

  I went to the right-side edge of the rooftop. Straight across I could see inside the window of a townhouse. In between our two buildings was a smaller, narrow house, with its roof about one floor below. I stood and stared at it. I noticed the other townhouse had a balcony with a railing, just above the roof of the house below.

  Maybe I can jump down onto the rooftop and step up onto the balcony? But is that really only a step up? If it isn’t
that would suck. I don’t want to go from one bad place to another.

  I moved to the left side of the rooftop to see if there was any other way off. Nothing. Unless I suddenly grew wings and learned how to fly, I didn’t have many options. I smiled at the thought, which probably helped prevent a nervous breakdown.

  I went back to the right side. I looked at the townhouse again.

  It looks like no one’s home. All the lights are off, but it’s too early to sleep. They’re probably out. Maybe I can climb onto their balcony anyway, and try to open the door? Maybe the door is open? But if it’s open, then what? I’ll be in somebody’s house without permission. I’m in enough trouble already. I could get shot or arrested.

  The air was cold but I didn’t feel it. I was generating so much energy nothing could make me cold. I didn’t see any option except to wait for Anna and Michael’s return. I couldn’t bear to think about it. But all I really cared about was the kids. I prayed that they wouldn’t wake up.

  Please God, let them have a quiet and deep sleep. Please help. Please keep them sleeping. Please make sure they don’t know they’re by themselves.

  I prayed with my eyes closed. What else could I do? Suddenly, I saw a light go on in the townhouse on the right side of the rooftop, where I stood before. Now that the light was on it seemed even closer than before. I could see through the window, but no one was there. I stared into the room, without taking my eyes off it for a second.

  It looks like an office, with a desk and a lot of shelves with a lot of books. Maybe if it was a bedroom I’d see someone right away, but it looks empty. Does that mean someone came in and just switched the light on? Strange.

  I didn’t move. My eyes went back and forth from the office room to the rooftop. Maybe someone would appear in the window. I looked at the rooftop again and when I glanced back at the room, I suddenly saw a man. A naked man. A completely naked man, standing by the bookshelves. He was facing away so he couldn’t see me. He was standing there for a while without moving, paging through a book.

  Oh, please, please turn around. Turn around. Turn around and look at me. Don’t leave the room.

  By now I was speaking out loud. He dropped the book by his side, and slowly turned around. Now I saw a distinguished face, and a full frontal of his naked body. He was tall and thin. He had dark hair and darkish skin. He was wearing glasses. He put the book under his arm and picked up a glass of wine. He sat down in a chair in the middle of the room, where I could still see him.

  Am I wasting my time with this guy? Maybe not. After all … he is naked.

  I shook my head and laughed.

  He’s naked, but who cares? I need help and this is probably the only guy who can save me.

  “Hey! Hey, in the room over there!” I shouted. “Over here! On the roof! Hello! Hey! Hello! Look! Hello!”

  I was yelling as loud as I could while waving my arms and jumping up and down like a lunatic. He looked up.

  He sees me. Oh, yeah, he sees me. I saw his eyes looking right at me.

  He got up and walked to the window and opened it. He didn’t seem to care that he was naked, or maybe he just forgot. Either way, it didn’t bother me.

  “Hi. Sorry to bother you,” I said. “I accidently locked myself out of the house and I’m stuck on this roof. If I jumped down on the roof below, would you mind if I climbed on your balcony, and came into your house, just so I can leave and get back into my house?”

  All the words and sentences just flowed out of my mouth. Best English I ever spoke. Fluently. It was a miracle.

  “Sure,” he said.

  “Thank you!”

  He left the room. I was so impatient to see him again. I didn’t want him to disappear on me. Or call the police, or worse, call Anna or Michael. My body started shaking uncontrollably. My face was frozen, and my heart was racing as I climbed onto the rooftop edge. I slid over, and hung down from the edge, held my breath and let go. A perfect landing. I carefully walked towards his balcony and waited for him. I was like someone waiting to see a loved one return from war.

  And there he was. My savior. Standing on his balcony, with a robe on. He reached down.

  “Here,” he said. “Take my hand so I can help you up.”

  “OK.”

  I took his hand as I stepped up onto the building ledge, and he pulled me onto the balcony, as I almost fell into his arms.

  “Thank you so much,” I said. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. I’m so sorry that I had to ask for help, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “It’s OK,” he said, “Follow me. I’ll show you the way out.”

  We walked down three sets of stairs to the front door.

  “Here you go,’ he said as he opened the door.

  “Thanks again. I really appreciate it. Goodnight.”

  I started out the door but stopped and turned around.

  “If I could just ask for one more favor?” I asked.

  “What’s that?”

  “Please don’t tell Anna and Michael about this. Do you think we could keep this a secret between us?”

  “No worries. I keep many secrets. Goodnight now,” he said as he closed the door.

  I ran from his house to the building, up the elevator, to the apartment and the kids’ room. I saw them. Two angels sleeping peacefully. I looked at Aaron and Jessica and felt so in love with them. I rubbed the baby’s head and then I stroked Jessica’s curly hair. I fixed her comforter as she slept.

  I just want to hug both of them. Jessica’s always kind of cranky towards me, and I’m not so friendly to her either. But now I don’t care. I see her as the most beautiful and adorable human being, who has no idea she was alone a little while ago. Otherwise she’d probably be crying hysterically.

  I couldn’t seem to calm down. My breathing was fast, and my heart was racing in the quiet and peaceful room. I left and sat down on the floor in the hallway feeling exhausted. I was surprised that I was able to get out of that trouble.

  Life is full of surprises. The kids are safe. I’m safe. Everybody’s safe. Thank you, God. Thanks to the naked, nameless neighbor. When it comes to helping others, you don’t need to get acquainted. You don’t need to know anything about a person to support them in a moment of need. We all care about our loved ones. But being kind and helpful to a stranger without expecting anything in return? That’s high quality. That wonderful naked man will stay in my head for a long time. Not just because he was naked, although that was kind of cool … he did look good … but anyway, it was really because he helped save the kids, me and my job. I’m so lucky to have met someone like him on my first day in the city. It really impresses me. One day, I’ll meet someone like him, and fall in love, in this city that I love.

  I never heard Anna and Michael come home. It was the first time I slept through the night without even moving. I didn’t want to wake up. I was so sleepy when I got up the next morning to take care of Aaron. Anna came into the room.

  “I called last night, and you didn’t answer,” she said.

  “I didn’t hear the phone ring. What time did you call?”

  “Around 10:00,” she said as she tilted her head and her eyes narrowed.

  “Oh. I was already sleeping. I was so tired. I think I fell asleep around 9:00.”

  She nodded.

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  We left the city Sunday afternoon. Before getting in the car I looked at the naked man’s house and around the street. I took one more deep breath to feel this crowded, dusty and loud city. It was pure energy, with well-dressed, free looking people. I didn’t want to leave.

  Even though I didn’t get to go out and didn’t see anything around the neighborhood, I still wanted to stay. I felt this was the place I belonged, where my future would unfold, with someone I could share it with.

  This city, somehow it motivates me. It makes me want to work harder, to make the best of myself. This is my dream, and I’m going to dream about it e
very night until it happens.

  On the way back, I looked at the cars and the people in them. Some were by themselves, some with others. Old, young, men, women. They were all driving to get somewhere, with their thoughts and desires. Some were going fast, in a hurry. Some were just cruising, in no rush. It seemed like life itself, when we’re in such a hurry to get somewhere yet it’s like we’re in slow motion. It’s like a race to be first at the finish line. Constant movement.

  I thought about my secret. Secrets can change your life for better or worse. My secret made me stronger and more ambitious.

  I don’t want to share what happened. What good would it do? Anna and Michael would probably freak out and fire me. It’s in the past and there’s nothing that can be done to change it. Better to leave it as it is and not let it happen again. They say it’s not a mistake if you learn from it. Well then, I didn’t make a mistake.

  Last night changed me. Yes, overnight. What I want, my attitude and thoughts, are different. Now, I’m a fighter. A survivor. I’m responsible for myself and others around me. I’m more determined than ever to have a better life and have a house like Anna, Michael and the naked man. I went through the naked man’s house quickly, but what I saw was impressive. It was the kind of place that I wanted, and now I’m motivated to make it happen.

  FIFTEEN

  November 1996, Long Island

  Twenty-three years old. I didn’t want to tell anyone it was my birthday. It was bad enough I had to work and didn’t have any family or friends around to celebrate. If I said something to Anna and Michael they’d probably just wish me a happy birthday, which would be nice, but it wouldn’t mean much to me.

  Plus, I didn’t want anything from them. No gift or even a cake. So, I didn’t say a word. I just wanted to keep busy with my work. As the day went on, I’d remember it was my birthday and get a little sad. I was still young and silly about wanting a big birthday party. The day was over and I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.