Adore Me

by Kelly Elliott

And like that, Jarod was gone.

  I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I was glad that was finally over.

  “Blake, I’m so sorry. I guess I got caught up in the memories.”

  Taking a drink of my beer, I nodded. “Well, Jarod was making sure you did.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Morgan, the guy was purposely talking about Mike, bringing up stories about your past with him. He knew Renee and I would be left out. He liked having your undivided attention.”

  Sitting back, her eyes narrowed. “What? You have that so wrong, Blake.”

  I pulled out my wallet and threw some money down onto the table, slid my chair back, then stood.

  “Really? Then why did Renee get so fed up she walked out?”

  Morgan opened her mouth to say something, then shut it quickly.

  “I’m tired. Let’s head home.”

  I held my hand out to help her up, but Morgan grabbed her purse and pushed past me. She walked straight toward the front door. I guess she didn’t like to be proved wrong.

  “Looks like we’re having a fight.”

  The drive back to her house was silent. Morgan slammed the car door and rushed to her front door. Once she opened it, she didn’t even bother to see if I was following her before she shut it behind her. I opened the door and stopped in the doorway.

  “I’m going to head on home.”

  She paused then spun around. “What? Why?”

  I stared at her in disbelief. “I figured you didn’t want me here tonight.”

  “Why would you think that?” she asked, her arms folded over her chest.

  “Let’s see. For one, you’re not talking to me. Two, you shut the door on me. Three, you’re heading to your bedroom. Looks like you’ve had your fill of laughing and reminiscing with Jarod tonight.”

  Her eyes went wide and her mouth formed an O. Then she laughed.

  “Oh my God. You’re jealous of Jarod.”

  “Jealous? No, I’m pissed off.”

  She arched her brow. “Pissed off?”

  “Fuck yes. You spent the last hour and a half giving your undivided attention to another person, so yeah, Morgan, I’m pissed. Hell, the guy’s own date got up and walked out. The two of you were so wrapped up in each other you didn’t even realize Renee and I were bored out of goddamn minds.”

  She swallowed hard. “He’s a friend, and I value his friendship.”

  I stared at her in disbelief. “You value his friendship over me? You value it over being rude to two people who were also sitting at that table?”

  “Blake! You cannot be serious right now. Jarod was there for me during a time when I needed someone, and we share some tough memories. If that is something that bothers you, then I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “What bothers me is that I sat next to you and you ignored the fact that I was even there. And it’s clear the guy is interested in you as more than a friend.”

  Morgan let out a roar of laughter. “Okay, yeah, right. If he’s so interested in me, then why has he never made a move?”

  I shrugged. “He was in the army. He was never around. You don’t think it’s odd he happened to have a job interview in Austin?”

  Morgan shook her head. “He was all over Renee today. Blake, I can’t believe you don’t trust me.”

  “I trust you. I don’t trust him.”

  “Then I don’t know what to say, because Jarod is a part of my life, and I will not cut him out because you got your feelings hurt when you weren’t a part of our conversation.”

  Anger raced through my veins. I took a deep breath and then took a step back. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Morgan, but I can’t help wonder how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If Renee and I had talked and kept you and Jarod out of the conversation, would you be pissed at me?”

  She swallowed hard and said nothing.

  Turning, I headed to the door. I waited for her to call my name, tell me to wait. I wanted her to at least see how it looked from my side.

  But she didn’t.

  I threw open the door and headed to my car. When I got in, I looked back at the door, hoping to see Morgan there. She wasn’t there, and the door was shut.

  My mind swirled with every stupid emotion I could have. She defended him. Took his side. I had no damn clue how to deal with that. I knew I had probably overreacted, but she had to see what they did tonight was downright rude.

  WITH MY PAINTBRUSH in my hand, I stared at the blank canvas. I had been like this all morning, simply staring at a blank page, trying to will myself to paint something. Anything. I hadn’t heard from Blake since he walked out the door last night, and it was killing me, especially since I had texted him this morning to please call me. We needed to talk. He was so angry last night, and I couldn’t blame him. A part of me was ashamed I hadn’t gone after him. What I had done last night was downright rude, and the more I thought about it the angrier I was with myself. Especially for defending the action.

  The sound of the doorbell made me jump and rush to the front door. I didn’t even bother to check who it was.

  Throwing it open, I said, “Blake!”

  But Jarod stood there, and a disappointed look crossed his face before he replaced it with a look of relief.

  “Hey, it worried me when you weren’t answering.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’ve tried calling you all morning.”

  A sick feeling hit my stomach, and I rushed to the kitchen where my phone was plugged in.

  “Shit!” I said when I noticed the ringer was on but turned down to where I hadn’t heard it go off. When I opened the phone, I saw I had a missed text from Blake along with two missed calls from Jarod. Opening the text message, I held my breath.

  Blake: I agree we need to talk. I don’t like how we left things. Do you want me to come over or meet?

  “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

  The text was from almost three hours ago.

  I pulled up his name and hit call. My breath felt like it was stalled in my throat. After a few rings, it went to voicemail.

  “Damn it.”

  I left a message for Blake telling him that I hadn’t heard my phone going off and asking him to come over.

  “I’ve got takeout,” Jarod announced.

  I looked at him, not sure if I should ask him to leave.

  He set the containers of food on the counter. “Blake told me you liked McAlisters.”

  “He did? When would he have told you that?”

  Jarod shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

  I sent Blake a text.

  Me: Didn’t hear my phone. I’m sorry. I’m home if you still want to come over and talk.

  “Here, I brought soup and sandwiches. Why don’t we set up the table and eat? I brought extra in case Blake was here.”

  I chewed on my lip. I needed to talk to Blake, and the reason I needed to speak to him was currently standing in my kitchen. Was Blake right about Jarod? Or just jealous?

  “Jarod, I’m not really hungry, and now is not the best time.”

  “Nonsense,” he said, continuing to set up the food. Before I knew it, it was all on the small table out on my patio. “Grab something to drink for us, would you?”

  Agitation built as I watched him continue to set up the food.

  “Blake and I had a fight, and truth be told it was about you.”

  He glanced up. “Me?”

  I nodded. Walking outside, I sat.

  “Why me?”

  “He thinks you have a thing for me.”

  Jarod stared at me, a little too long at first. I moved in my seat, feeling very nervous. Then Jarod sat down and sighed. He ran his hand over his unshaven jaw and stared out in the backyard.

  “Since Mike died, I’ve been keeping something from you.”

  I frowned. “Keeping something from me?”

  “Yeah. Morgan, it was me who pushed Mike to Lynn after Lance died.”

  “Wh
at do you mean you pushed Mike to Lynn?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

  My stomach felt ill. “Just tell me, Jarod.”

  He looked me right in the eyes and let the words spill out so fast I could hardly process anything.

  “Mike had been cheating on you as long as I’d known him. From what he had told us, he cheated before he even joined the army.”

  My hand came up to my throat, and I whispered, “What?”

  “He told us a bunch of crazy shit. How he took your virginity and felt like he owed it to you to stay with you.”

  The instant ache in my chest nearly had me letting out a sob.

  “You knew Mike and Lynn were having an affair after Lance died.”

  He nodded. “When Nash and Butch called to tell me about Mike’s death, they asked me if I knew about him seeing anyone. I didn’t come out and say I did, but I mentioned Lynn.”

  My body trembled. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or sad.

  “Did you know she ended up getting pregnant and giving Mike an ultimatum? Her and the baby or me.”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. Mike didn’t tell me that. He came to me a few days before he went back home. Told me things had changed with Lynn and that he had to tell you the truth. When you didn’t mention it in your letters, I figured he hadn’t said anything to you.”

  “Mike confessed to an affair in the suicide note he left. That was all.”

  “I’m so sorry, Morgan. I asked him if he was okay. We talked about how he was feeling confused about it all. He said he felt guilty for lying to you, but if I had thought for one moment he was going to do what he did . . .”

  I stood and turned away from Jarod. My arms wrapped around my shaking body.

  “You knew, and all these years you said nothing. Why?”

  “I’m your friend. I care about you. What difference would it have made?”

  Jerking back around, I gaped at him. “What difference would it have made? I thought it was my fault. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make him happy. For all these years I’ve been blaming myself because a bunch of selfish goddamn men couldn’t tell me the truth!”

  Blake appeared in the door. “What’s going on?”

  Jarod let out a heavy breath and turned around. Blake’s eyes narrowed when he looked at me. “Are you upset? What did he do to you?”

  “He did nothing . . . well . . . not really.”

  “What in the hell does that mean?” Blake demanded, taking a step closer to Jarod.

  “He’s been confessing,” I spat out.

  Blake raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

  Another long sigh escaped Jarod. “I told Morgan the truth about Mike.”

  “The truth,” I bit out. “You exposed the lies, you mean? Turns out Mike wasn’t only cheating on me with Lynn, but several women, even before he joined the army.”

  Jarod took a step closer. “Morgan, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I trembled from head to toe. “What in the world would you think would happen, Jarod? Why did you push Mike to Lynn?”

  “You deserved better than him.”

  My eyes widened in disbelief. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I care about you, Morgan. I always have.”

  I slowly shook my head before I whispered, “I think you should leave now.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Blake agreed.

  With a nod, Jarod started for the door. “I’m so sorry, Morgan. I never meant to hurt you.”

  I turned and faced the back window. Birds flew across my backyard, looking for spots to land on the feeders. The sight calmed my soul, but not much. I needed to get out of here. Away from all of this. I needed to think.

  Once I heard the door shut, I felt Blake’s presence behind me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

  “No. I’m not. I want to scream and shout. I want to punch someone. I want to know why Mike did the things he did and then left me to live in a world of guilt and regret for so many years. Why couldn’t he have been man enough to just tell me the whole truth? Not just a sliver of it.”

  He placed his hands on my shoulders but remained silent. I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch on my body. I loved that he didn’t feel like he had to say something; he was here for me. Letting me know if I needed him, he wasn’t far.

  I leaned my body back against his, letting a long exhale.

  “I feel like the last few minutes have been a terrible dream. It only just occurred to me I was in love with a man I knew nothing about. He lived in a different world, and I was clueless about all of it.”

  Blake wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

  I watched as a blue jay landed on a branch. It looked beautiful sitting in the tree.

  “Everyone is keeping things from me. My own brother! Jarod. Butch. Please tell me you’re not keeping something from me too.”

  A SINKING FEELING moved through me. So much had been kept from Morgan. So many lies told, truths withheld. She deserved so much better than this. She had said she wanted to leave the past in the past, and a part of me wanted that as well, but I knew deep in that if I didn’t tell her about my own past, I was no better than Mike and Jarod.

  I swallowed hard. Now was not the time for that conversation, though. I had no idea how she would react when I told her about that night. I did know today was not the day to tell her.

  “Do you want to go for a drive?” I asked.

  She turned and faced me with a sweet smile. “Yes. I would love to go for a drive.”

  Morgan was silent the first few minutes we were in the car.

  “Penny for your thoughts.”

  She looked my way as I waited at a red light.

  “It’s hard to think I didn’t notice the signs about Mike’s whole other life. I thought we had this perfect little relationship. Dated in high school, college. He was my military guy who went off to serve his country while I waited dutifully until he returned. I feel so stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid, Morgan. He lied to you.”

  She chewed on her lip and looked straight ahead. “Do you still explore caves?”

  With a grin, I replied, “I haven’t since the day of that dinner, but I love being in them.”

  “It’s not dangerous?”

  “Sure, it can be. There is something about it though that gives me a rush. Discovering places that maybe no other person has been to yet is thrilling. In a cave, I have to pay attention. I can think about what I’m doing and let everything else in the outside world go. I think that’s why my therapist suggested it. Why, you want to try it sometime?”

  She laughed. “No. But I’ve never been in a cave.”

  “What? Never? Not even when you were little? On a field trip?”

  “Nope. Our class was supposed to go to one once, and I was so afraid I pretended I had a sore throat and stomachache. My mom let me stay home, but I think she knew all along I was afraid.”

  “What about now? Would you go with me?”

  I felt her heated stare. “I believe I would go anywhere with you, Blake Greene.”

  My chest fluttered, and I reached over for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Let me take you then. I know a guy who works at Longhorn Caverns. We might get a private tour.”

  “No unexplored parts, though, right?”

  “Promise,” I agreed with a slight chuckle.

  “Did it help, exploring the caves?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, for a little bit.”

  Morgan wasn’t about to press me, but I knew I needed to give her something. “It was after my mother died. I’d like to tell you about that someday, but not today.”

  She squeezed my hand. “When you’re ready, I’m here for you.”

  Trying to swallow the lump in my throat, I managed to speak. “Thank you, princess.”

  An hour and a half later, I pulled into the parking lot of Longhorn Cave
rns. This state park had been like a second home when I was younger and really into cave exploration.

  “It’s so beautiful out here. No wonder Nash and Kaelynn want to be in the hill country with Tucker and Charlie,” Morgan said.

  Taking her hand in mine, I led us to the main building. Once we stepped inside, I glanced around. There were a handful of people in the building, most likely waiting for the next tour to start. When I spotted Rick, I let out an internal sigh of relief. It would have been just my luck he was off today.

  “Blake, dude,” he said when he saw us, “you should have told me you were coming. I could have arranged a wild cave tour.” Then he focused in on Morgan. “Who do we have here?”

  I wrapped my arm around Morgan and grinned like a damn fool. “Rick, this is my girlfriend, Morgan Barrett.”

  “Hey, Morgan, it’s a real pleasure meeting you,” Rick said, casting a sideways glance in my direction and winking. “I see someone finally caught your eye. You’re a lucky bastard,” Rick said.

  With a glance down to Morgan, I watched her cheeks slightly blush. “You don’t have to tell me how lucky I am,” I said.

  She met my gaze and melted into my side.

  I turned back to Rick. “Morgan has never been down in any cave. I was hoping maybe you might pull a string or two and get us on a tour.”

  “I’ll do you one better. How about a private tour, just the three of us?”

  “Oh, I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”

  Rick laughed and waved off Morgan’s comment. “Because you’re here with Blake, it is no trouble at all. Give me a second to let them know I’m taking y’all down.”

  Once Rick had walked away, Morgan pulled back and gave me a look that asked what I was up to.

  “Okay, why is it that everywhere we go people bend over backward for you? Are you part owner here as well?”

  Laughing, I shook my head. “No. The state of Texas owns this one. I do, however, give them a nice little donation every year.”

  The corner of her mouth rose, and she shook her head. “In all the years I’ve known you, Blake, I never imagined you to have such a big heart.”

  I faked an expression of hurt. “Ouch. I knew everyone thought I was a player, but cold-hearted wasn’t what I was going for.”