The first contact sent a jolt of ecstasy down her body. Julie pushed her hips into the bed, somehow thinking it would bring him closer. She needed more, and not just contact.
“I could taste you forever. And now that I’m your boyfriend…” The teasing was evident in his words, but the reality of their situation had Julie’s mind clearer than ever. If she continued to go along with their status, there was no turning back. Taylor would learn what a huge mess she really was and it could ruin them forever. No one wanted to date an alcoholic. “Taylor?”
His eyes were heavy-lidded as he looked up from between her thighs. “Patience, Jules.”
Ugh, that beautiful face was going to haunt her dreams. Julie sat up, closing her legs. The tightening in her stomach returned as she tried to hold in the tears. The fact was, she was sick. An addict, plain and simple. She had no business getting involved with someone until she got clean and sober and was able to maintain her sobriety.
“What’s wrong?” Taylor reached his hand toward her, but Julie quickly got off the bed and grabbed her robe. If she didn’t get him out of here fast, she’d never make it believable. Burning took over her eyes, and all she wanted was to break down and tell him how bad things really were.
“I can’t do this anymore. I think you should go. This whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing has really got me thinking and—”
“Don’t even, Jules. First off, I knew you weren’t really committed to the idea. Don’t get wrapped up with titles. Boyfriend, or lover, whatever you want to call me is fine. Just don’t do what I think you’re going to do. Don’t end a good thing because you got momentarily spooked. I’ve never pressured you to be anything more than what you’ve wanted.”
Julie took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to make this easy. What he spoke was the perfect answer, and more than anything, she wanted to admit he was right and continue with what they were doing, but she couldn’t.
“Taylor…I just can’t.”
His eyes narrowed and he quickly looked away. “It’s Londyn, isn’t it? You want to get back with him?”
Julie was thrown off for a second. She hadn’t expected him to jump to that conclusion. “No, not at all. I mean, I hadn’t really given it much thought.”
“Then what?” Taylor walked over and Julie had to force herself not to take in his body. He softly cupped her cheek, making her look right into his eyes. “Tell me, Julie. Please. I don’t want this to end.”
“You had to know it was going to at some point. Can you seriously tell me that you thought we’d just go on having sex until we were old and gray?” Julie felt herself getting angry. It came from the failure to prevent her addiction, her cowardice, but most of all, it flowed from the pain of losing the only person in her life that she’d become the closest with. Taylor meant more to her than any man ever had. The love she felt for him stretched back to her teenage years. And now she was putting an end to it. At least for now.
Taylor shook his head. “Well, not the way you put it.” He dropped her hand and took a step back. “You pretend what we have is nothing to you, but I know deep down you have to feel a tiny spark of something.”
Multiple expressions played across Taylor’s face as he stood there staring. Julie tried to keep as stone-faced as possible, but she was dying inside. God, she’d never felt so judged in her life. What was he thinking?
A laugh exploded out of his mouth. “You know, Jules, I’ve pretended this whole time that I was okay with no future with you. If I gave you enough space you’d eventually fall in love with me. All the while, I’ve watched you destruct right in front of me. And I never said a word! Do you know how hard that’s been for me? Maybe I’ve been stupid. I thought…” He growled. “That’s what I get for thinking. Like you’d really stop being who you are, for me.”
A tear slid down her cheek and Julie was quick to wipe it away. So many things hit home. A future. How many times had she given it thought? But self-destruct? Was he referring to her partying, the bets, or the fact that she pretty much stayed intoxicated all day and tried her best to hide it? Hell, he probably meant all of it.
Taylor put on his clothes as if the apartment were on fire. Everything inside of her wanted to beg him not to leave.
“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing that came from Julie’s mouth as she watched him slide on his shoes. He walked into the closet and grabbed a handful of suits she had lined up for him to wear to work.
Taylor made his way over and her heart hammered away in her chest. Just wrap your arms around him and tell him you’re in love with him. The words were there, but the actions didn’t follow their command. Although she knew she loved Taylor, a part of her still felt incomplete. It was best that she let it end now so she could get sober and figure out the direction of her life. If it was meant to be, then he’d forgive her in the future. If not…
“I know things probably couldn’t get any more awkward for you, but here.” Taylor reached into one of the suit’s jacket pockets and pulled out a tiny white box. “I bought this last week. I thought I’d hold on to it until maybe the time came where things changed for you. I’ve always viewed you as the one. I thought when we reconnected a few months back that maybe it was a sign.” Taylor pushed the box into Julie’s frozen hand. “I guess I was wrong.”
Julie was in too much shock to move, much less speak. Taylor walked out the door, and still she stood there flabbergasted. Had he just handed her what she thought he had? No, he couldn’t have. Julie took a deep breath as she prepared herself to look.
Chapter 6
Julie walked to her bed and sat down on the edge. For minutes she stared down at her lap. Fear was keeping her from finding out the truth. If she had been sober and not participated in Bets, would the relationship she had with Taylor have been any different? Would she have actually waited an extended amount of time before becoming his lover?
So many thoughts and questions kept going through her head. The truth was she couldn’t change her past or the direction her life had taken once her ex-husband had walked out the door. She was the one who was responsible for her choices. The sooner she decided to correct them, the sooner she could mend things with Taylor and move forward.
Slowly, Julie unclenched her fingers from around the box and opened it. Reflections of the light bounced off the single diamond, centered in the middle of the silver band.
A sob escaped Julie’s mouth and for minutes she couldn’t move.
“I did this. I did this.” Julie stood and placed the opened box on her dresser. Her eyes were glued to what could have been. What might have been. “No more crying. Fix this, Julie. Make it right.”
And she would have, if she could think of where to start. Did she call one of her friends and confess everything? Maybe they could help her? No. All of them were married and had families. Julie began to pace. Maybe she should look into joining rehab or find a twelve-step program.
Knocking pulled Julie out of her thoughts. She set the box down and raced forward before she could process what she was doing.
“Taylor!” She swung open the door only to be faced with a complete stranger in uniform.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m Officer Steel. I’ll be sitting watch tonight. Everything okay in here?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.” Julie wiped her tears as he pulled out a piece of paper. Pain raced through her chest. His words were barely making any sense.
“I wrote down my cell number. I’ll be watching the area, but just in case you need me, I thought you might like this.”
Julie nodded. “Thank you.” She looked around the dimly lit courtyard. “Will Aston be relieving you in the morning?” She quickly corrected herself. “I mean Officer Simms.”
The officer smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” He lowered his voice and leaned forward. “If someone decides to come over to visit you, can you please call me? That way I’m prepared.” He smiled. “I’d hate to tackle down the wrong person.”
Julie laughed. “Of course. I’m not
positive yet, but the man who just left might possibly come back. At least, I hope.”
“I’ll keep a lookout for him. You have a good night.”
“Okay, thanks.” Julie quickly shut the door and placed the paper on her kitchen counter. The sound of her stomach growling had her looking down. Here it was, approaching dinner time, and she hadn’t even eaten lunch. But although food was an option, she really didn’t have an appetite for it. What she really wanted was in the freezer.
Julie opened the door and looked at the bottle of vodka. Her mouth instantly watered. Shaking started in her hands and moved across her body. A twisting in her stomach nearly made her sick on the spot. She hated this. Tears returned as she grabbed the one thing that was slowly killing her. How many times had she almost died because she’d consumed more than her body could handle? Julie shook her head and tried to erase the visions of herself waking up on the bathroom floor, barely able to stay conscious. Within the last month she could count more times than she had fingers.
“Just a little. I promise.”
She started off with one big swig and didn’t stop drinking until the warmth was coating her entire body. Before she could talk herself out of it, Julie quickly put the lid back on and stuck the bottle back into the freezer.
Fuck, I need help. Panic had Julie’s heart rate at dangerous levels. I need Melissa. Everything inside Julie begged for her not to bring Mel into the mess she’d created, but her friend knew more than anyone how bad Julie’s drinking had become. It was time she released some of her pent-up stress to the one person who she trusted the most.
* * * *
Taylor pulled his truck out of Cole Park. It was the place where he had taken Julie after their first date. The evening had been beautiful, but not as much as the woman he’d thought about for years while he served his country. She’d never been far from his mind. The biggest regret Taylor ever had was not admitting his feelings for her sooner. Especially before he left.
Julie had been his best friend, and for her parents that had been a problem. Every time Taylor got close to admitting how he felt, the conversation he’d overheard between her and her parents came rushing back.
“It’s unhealthy to spend so much time with that boy, Julie. He’s not good for you.”
“But, Mom, I like Taylor. We’re best friends. We do everything together.”
The sound of her mother’s sigh made Taylor’s stomach drop. “That’s what I’m saying, Julie. You need to find someone different. Someone with more class. What about the girl who has piano lessons right before you? Or one of the girls from the club? I’m sure there’s got to be someone there that you can get along with.”
Julie was quiet for so long Taylor thought maybe they had left the room. But when he heard a sob, he knew she was crying.
“I don’t want to find anyone else. I want to be with Taylor. He knows me. We have fun together.” Although her crying broke his heart, he couldn’t help but feel elated by the admission to her mother.
“The boy is bad news, plain and simple. His parents may have money, but the kid is lazy. He’ll never amount to anything in life and the sooner you realize that and move on, the better.”
“He is not! You don’t know him like I do.”
“I don’t have to. I know lazy when I see it.”
The sound of heels clicking away had only made Julie cry harder. Tears had stung Taylor’s eyes at her mom’s meanness. She didn’t know him, and he wasn’t lazy. After that point, he’d spent every waking hour trying to prove her wrong. He made his parents let go of the gardeners so he could do the work himself. He helped out wherever it was needed and even managed to bring his A-B honor roll to straight A’s. Unfortunately, due to how busy he was, he and Julie didn’t get to spend as much time together. By the end of high school, his father had talked him into joining the military and earning his college degree. Sure, they would have paid for his college themselves, but his father and his grandfather were veterans and Taylor deeply believed in keeping that tradition going. He loved his country and was excited to push himself to new heights of accomplishment.
Plus, by that time, Julie had had a boyfriend. From what he had heard, her parents were absolutely thrilled over her choice. It had broken his heart that she’d moved on from their friendship so easily, but she had looked happy. He took that as his cue that he should go. Now he wished he would have said to hell with it and taken her with him. Things for both of them would have been so different.
Julie would have at least been happy. He’d have made sure of it. And that scandal with her ex-husband wouldn’t have happened. Taylor shook his head in disgust just thinking about it. He still couldn’t believe what had happened when that prick left her.
Julie’s parents took it hard, but actually sided with the scumbag even though he’d had the affair. Apparently, they believed it had been Julie’s fault for not putting in enough effort to make her husband stay faithful. It was ridiculous, really. Taylor hated that he’d been so far away when she was going through all that pain.
The light turned green and Taylor went up a block to the entrance of his apartment complex. As he waited for the car in front of him to push in the security code to open the gate, movement through the iron bars caught his attention.
Standing next to a black car in front of the first building were Londyn and that officer brother of his. Both guys were dressed in workout clothes and looked like they were about to leave for somewhere.
Taylor took in both of their muscular arms and laughed. Yeah, those beef heads were probably going to the gym. They looked to be the type of pretty boys who only cared about their appearance. Figured Julie had been attracted to them. What girl wouldn’t be?
The car pulled through the gate and Taylor followed. The more he watched those two laughing, the angrier he became. Maybe Julie didn’t want to get serious with him because she was still hoping to salvage what she and Londyn had? She had cried a lot as she confessed how strong her feelings had been. Was it possible she had never truly moved forward because her heart was still in the past?
No. Taylor tried not to think of that. Screw Londyn. Taylor and Julie had technically been together for months since that had happened. Feelings had to have developed by now. Right? Dammit! He was so confused.
As he made his way up to where the brothers were standing, Taylor made direct eye contact with Londyn. The glare he received immediately set him off. Red clouded his vision and before he knew it, Taylor had thrown the truck in park and was rushing at Londyn. But the thing was, the blond-haired, tattooed pretty boy was coming for him too!
Their bodies collided so hard that the air exploded out of Taylor’s lungs. It was as though he’d run straight into a brick wall. Except this brick wall hit the ground with Taylor on top of it.
“What the fuck are you two doing?”
Aston rushed over, but Taylor didn’t give it any mind as he threw the first three punches. Blood broke free from Londyn’s lip, and with strength that blew Taylor away, the guy pushed from his legs and slammed Taylor’s back to the ground.
“I understand your need to protect your girlfriend”—Londyn slammed his fist into Taylor’s cheek—“but you better watch it because she was never truly yours. Julie belongs to me.”
Taylor knocked Londyn’s fist to the side as it was coming for his face again. Even though he could get his hands around Londyn’s arms, the guy was just too strong for Taylor to manhandle. The shock was enough to bring him back to reality. Taylor had never had this much trouble in a fight.
“Julie was mine long before she was yours.” Taylor tried knocking Londyn off from straddling his waist, but nothing was working. Blood was smeared across the lower part of Londyn’s face, and the guy just sat there, staring at him like a lawn ornament.
“Enough, you two.” Aston lowered himself to a squat and peered at both of them. “Londyn, you’re in deep shit. You know that right?”
The blond broke his glare from Taylor to look over at h
is brother. “Yeah. I can see that. I didn’t think.”
“No, dumbass. You didn’t. You let your anger over this guy and Julie get the best of you. You just got done promising me that you’d behave, and not fifteen seconds later—”
“Aston, I get it!”
Taylor took the opportunity of Londyn being distracted to push him off.
“I don’t think you do.” Aston growled. “Look at his hand, Londyn.”
Taylor’s knuckles were all cut up from what he assumed was Londyn’s teeth, but the abrasions didn’t look that bad. They probably weren’t even broken. He had no idea what Aston was making a big deal of. If anything, they should be making a big deal out of his eye. Taylor could already feel it swelling shut.
“No.” Londyn crawled backward a little. The guy looked absolutely horrified. “I swear, it’s like I saw him and all I could think about was how Julie felt for him this whole time, and how much I blew it with her. Then he came rushing forward and I…snapped.”
Aston sighed. “I should have never brought it up earlier. Maybe if we hadn’t been talking about it you wouldn’t have been so angry to begin with.”
Taylor groaned. “You two are so overdramatic. People get into fights every day. I wouldn’t even call this a fight. You can stop worrying, I’m not going to call the FBI or whoever you work for and file a complaint.” He stood up, only to see Aston step closer to him.
Londyn jumped up. “We need to call Ayden. He’s not going to like this.”
A laugh exploded out of Aston’s mouth. “Bet your ass he’s not. Damn, you’re going to be pulling extra duty for a year.”
“Are you both deaf?” Taylor wiped grass off his jeans. “I said it’s cool. Besides, blondie, Jules is all yours. She pretty much dumped me tonight.”
That seemed to get their attention. “Wait. What?” Londyn came forward but stopped when Taylor put up his hand.
Three for Julie (Blissful Bets #4) Page 4
