Save Me

by Alexander, AJ

  “Yeah, you don’t like her at all honey.” Mom’s tinkling laughter comes through the phone. I open my mouth to respond when there is a knock on my door. Reese pops his head in, my next patient must be here. Holding my finger up letting him know I’ll be another minute.

  “Mom, I need to go. I’ll call you over the weekend when I have some time. I’m pulling a double in the ER since Connors is on vacation.”

  “When are you going to sleep?”

  “I can sleep when I’m dead. Love you.” I don’t wait for her to respond before hanging up the phone, can’t leave my patients waiting. I also don’t want to get the earful from her for that statement.

  Shaking my head to regain my focus and open the door to Reese standing in front of exam room three to brief me on my patient.

  “Who do you have for me?”

  “Isabel Alexander, twenty-four, weight 176lbs, height 5’ 8”, heart rate 126bpm. I noticed bruising on her arm along with something on the inside of her elbow, track marks maybe. She made an appointment today complaining of insomnia.”

  Isabel? Maybe this might be…

  “Hello, Mrs. Alexander,” I walk into the room, it isn’t until I look up that I realize who I’m speaking to. It’s her.

  Closing the door quickly, there is nothing I can do but stare into her big beautiful eyes. They’re green.

  Big, beautiful, but terrified green eyes stare at me while she cowers in the chair by the desk, next to her stands her little girl. I give both of them a smile before addressing Isabel.

  “I’m so glad to see you again,” I say calmly, although I’m anything but calm. “I need to get your heart rate again, it seemed high when Corpsman Reese took it.” I’m lying, but it was the easiest way to get a look at those bruises.

  “Hut does hat mean?” Her little one asks. I bend down to her level before I answer her question.

  “I want to make sure that your mom’s heart is working okay. If it is beating to fast or too slow it’s because something is wrong.” She gives me a questioning look before looking back at her mother, Isabel gives a small shake of her head before answering for herself.

  “O-o-oh, um I-I-I don’t n-n-need it to be taken a-again. I-I-I just haven’t s-sl-ept well,” she stammers.

  I slowly reach for one of her hands, but immediately pull back when she flinches at my touch.

  “Isabel, Reese told me he noticed bruises on your arm. Can you tell me what happened?” I ask softly.

  “I-I-I fell playing with my do-do-dog,” she replies, breaking eye contact to stare at her hands. Her daughter scowls at her but doesn’t say a word.

  Liar.

  “Isabel, why don’t you tell me what brought you in today?”

  I think it’s time to try a different tactic.

  “O-O-Oh well… I umm haven’t, um, been sleeping well,” she replies.

  “Okay. When was your last physical? I don’t like to prescribe medications to patients until I know if they have any underlying conditions,” I state matter-of-factly, watching her closely for any reaction.

  A single tear slides down her cheek, her forehead creasing. “It’s not as bad as it seems. The move was stressful. Thank you for your time,” she rushes out quietly, standing to leave.

  I quickly stand and stop her retreat by placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinches but stops with her hand on the doorknob.

  “Here, take my card. I’ll write my cell number and email on it. Contact me anytime, day or night.”

  With a shy smile, she shoves the card into her purse before scurrying out of the exam room. I sit in the empty room as I try to collect my thoughts. Reese suddenly appears in the doorway.

  “Sir? Are you alright?”

  “Yes, Reese. I’m fine. Who’s next?”

  Chapter Six

  ISABEL

  I left the hospital with no medication. I left the hospital with no medication. My stomach cramps hard, both in fear and hunger. I haven’t eaten anything today, not that I’d have been able to keep it down. Anxiety has me sitting on the couch rocking back and forth as I wait for Jason to get home. I’m beyond terrified of what he’s going to do when he finds out I don’t have the medication.

  I’m out of refills but I called the pharmacy and put in the order anyway, hoping the doctor will fill the prescription. After my disaster of an appointment, I doubt he will. Tears begin to fall down my cheeks, Jason is due home any moment, dinner is finished and filling the house with the scent of pot roast.

  Sophie appears in at the end of the hallway with her pink bunny. “Mommy? I’m hungy.”

  “Okay sweetie, dinner is almost done. Please go back to your room, I’ll call you when it’s time to eat.” I quickly wipe the tears from my face, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice. I know she can see how upset I am. She doesn’t argue but turns around to do as I asked. My heart breaks further, knowing she won’t come out when she hears Jason yelling and my cries. She knows to stay hidden and not make a sound.

  What kind of a mother am I that I can’t protect my own daughter? At four years old, she stays in her room and plays by herself more evenings than not, to keep her away from Jason’s wrath. When voices are raised, she makes sure to stay quiet to keep the attention diverted away from her. She doesn’t get into things she’s not supposed to and rarely asks for anything.

  The door opens, my body tenses as terror coursing through me.

  “Isabel.” I flinch at his voice, knowing his wrath is coming.

  “Good evening, Jason,” my voice barely a whisper. He knows, just by looking at me, that I was unsuccessful in getting the medication.

  Walking past my shivering body, he walks down the hallway and into our bedroom. As quickly as I can, I head to the kitchen to pull the roast, potatoes, and carrots out of the oven. I’m able to get food on plates and set on the table before he’s back, taking his seat at the head of the table. I didn’t make myself a plate, I know it would have ended up thrown at the wall. He doesn’t make a move to eat, just sits there staring at me.

  “May I bring Sophie to the table?” my voice soft and low, trembling with my uncertainty.

  He doesn’t speak, just continues to watch me. His calmness scares me more than his anger, I know what to expect when he yells, but this? I have no idea what this is or how to deal with it. I’m terrified of having Sophie out here, does this mean he’s going to go after her instead?

  “I’m sorry,” I break, dropping to my knees. “The doctor started asking questions and I got flustered. I didn’t want him asking questions I couldn’t answer so I left. I called and left a message for a refill.” I begin to hyperventilate, my entire body shaking uncontrollably.

  “You’re worthless. Obviously, food is no longer a motivator for you. If the medication isn’t here when I get home tomorrow, Sophie will go without food until you get them. She will sit here, at this table, and watch you and me eat while she gets nothing. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.” I don’t know if he understood me, but he picks up his utensils and begins to eat. I stand and head toward Sophie’s room, I can’t let this happen to her. I won’t allow him to starve my baby girl. I will find a way to get those pills. Even if it means calling Dr. Patterson and begging, I’ll do what I must to protect Sophie.

  * * *

  Once Jason leaves for work, I get Sophie settled watching a movie and decide to make a phone call. I dig through my wallet until I find the card Dr. Patterson’s card, picking up the phone, dial the number and wait.

  “You’ve reached the desk of Lieutenant Adam Patterson, please leave your name, number, and a short message. I’ll return your call as soon as possible.”

  My eyes close and I lean against the wall, the line beeps in my ear. “Um, hi. This is Isabel Alexander, my number is 360-555-3100. I’m calling about my prescription refill.” I don’t know what else to say, I hang up in hope he’s will call me back before Jason returns.

  I’m almost out of the kitchen when the phone rings, with a raci
ng heart I run back and answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, is this Isabel Alexander?” he’s so calm, his voice soothing. How can he be so laid back when I’m about to panic?

  “Yes.”

  “I’m happy to hear from you. I apologize if I offended you or made you uncomfortable during your appointment.” He sounds sincere.

  “Oh.” It’s silent for a moment, he seems to be waiting for me to say something but I’m at a loss. I’m unsure how to handle someone’s kindness when they have no anterior motives.

  “Anyway, what prescription do you need refilled? I’ll put it in now and you can come pick it up.”

  “Temazepam.”

  I hear him typing, before he responds. “22.5 milligrams?”

  “Yes,” I try not to sound desperate, but I am.

  “That’s a pretty high dose, I can see you’ve been on it for a long time. Is it still working for you? Any negative side effects?” I hear the difference in the cadence of his voice, he’s in doctor mode now.

  “It’s good, thanks.”

  “Okay, I’m putting it in now. You’ll be able to pick it up at the pharmacy any time.”

  I’m barely able to hold in the sob that is trying to escape. Relief floods my system, forcing me to lean against the counter for support.

  “Thank you,” a lump clogs in my throat, making it difficult to speak. But I’m so grateful. My baby girl will get to eat tonight

  Chapter Seven

  ADAM

  It been hours, days, maybe weeks. I’m going to go with days or someone would have kicked me out of this place by now, since I spoke to Isabel on the phone. The fear in her eyes haunts me every time I close my eyes, so I don’t.

  I’ve started taking every shift humanly possible so I can avoid having to sleep or even go home. There are times when my body shuts down and I’m forced to go to sleep in one of the break rooms here at the hospital. Once I close my eyes, the image of a broken Isabel lays on the floor right next to my mother, another person to add to the list of people I was unable to save.

  My cell phone rings, jolting me awake from one of my many naps in the break room of the ER. I answer without even checking the caller ID. “Hello,” I grumble into the phone, pushing off the cot and heading toward the mirror in the corner.

  “Adam, I’ve been trying to reach you for days. I was beginning to think I was in a relationship with your answering machine.” Leave it to my mother to be over dramatic.

  “The theatrics aren’t necessary. I’ve been working, same as always.” I check my reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes seem to be getting darker.

  “Why are you working so much or should I say who are you hoping comes through the ER?” Mom asks, I can almost hear the knowing smile in her voice.

  “No one mother, there were just some extra shifts that needed to be covered,” suddenly the perfect idea pops into my head. I can kill two birds with one stone, get my mother off my back and maybe even get my mind of off Isabel at the same time. “In fact, I get off in a few hours. After getting some sleep, I’m going to head to the shelter to see if Mary and the girls need anything.”

  “You haven’t been down there in a while. Always working, I’m sure they all miss you.” Mary at the YWCA Alive Shelter was there for my mom and I when we had no where else to go. Now that I have the resources and the time, I try to visit them as much as I can.

  “Yeah, I know. Mary actually called me the other day to see how I was doing.” What I don’t tell me mother is about the earful she gave me about not working myself to death. Mary was always like a second mother to me, going to visit her is exactly what I need right now.

  “Alright, love. I won’t keep you. Finish you shift, and don’t forget to call you mom now and then. I would love to know that you’re still alive.”

  “Again with the theatrics, Mom. Love you.”

  “Love you too.” I hang up, slipping my cell back into my pocket. I look up and check the time realizing I actually got off shift twenty minutes ago, I guess working on two hours of sleep for the last few days makes your co-workers let you slide out on your duties. I don’t even bother with anything, I throw my dirty scrubs in the bin and take a shower. The best part about being a doctor, no one cares if you walk around all day basically wearing your pajamas.

  After I shower and grab a clean set of scrubs, I head out to my truck and head directly for Alive. I should call Mary, but I love surprising her. It takes about thirty minutes to reach the shelter, but I make sure to stop at the store and grab coffee, bagels, and donuts for the ladies. I always want to make sure they feel special, it’s the least I can do.

  I walk in the front door and find Mary talking to someone that looks surprisingly familiar, I almost drop everything I’m holding. I want to rush toward Mary and pull her into my arms. My eyes must be playing tricks on me, there is no way that Isabel and I would end up at the same shelter on the same day. I hurry quickly toward the front desk and place the coffee and treats down. As I turn to speak to Mary, I realize that I was mistaken.

  “What a pleasant surprise! Adam it’s so good to see you.” Mary greats me with a smile as she ushers the petite woman who looked deceptively familiar over toward me.

  “Hello Mary. I just got off shift at the hospital and figured I would come down for a visit, see if there was anything you needed.” I wrap my arm around her should giving her a side arm hug.

  “This is Clara. She is new here. Clara this is Dr. Patterson, him and his mother spent a lot of time her when he was younger. He comes back to visit when he has time.”

  I try to hide my disappointment, “Hello Clara, its very nice to meet you.” I hold out my hand for her to shake it, I don’t expect her to but I don’t want to be rude.

  “Hello,” Clara responds shyly, taking a step closer to Mary. I take a step back giving her more room.

  “I’ll head back into your office Mary, we can talk there. Nice to meet you Clara.” I turn and head toward the back. That is the usual reception I get when new faces arrive, not only because I’m a man but I’m also a new face. If I came around more like I used to, the ladies would be more comfortable, I need to rectify that.

  I open Mary’s office door and have a seat, it’s covered in photos of women and families — some I know, some I don’t. All these people Mary has been here for to help in their darkest hour of need. I sometimes think about what would have happened if I didn’t have a woman like Mary in my life, and I can’t imagine where I would be. I want to be that someone for Isabel, I just hope that she will let me.

  “Were you expecting to find someone here with me, Adam?” Mary questions as she walks around the desk.

  “Not particularly. Clara just looks like a patient of mine that I suspect she is being abused. Nothing concrete enough to file a report, but all the signs are there. Call it intuition from personal experience, but we both know how well that holds up.” I take a seat across from Mary, “How are things here? Some things are exactly the same and some seem completely different.”

  Mary laughs, “Well I’m still here, along with all the same volunteers. Thankfully no one stays here from long, unfortunately most of them go back to their abusers. It’s an endless cycle, but all we can do is keep our doors open and give them a safe place to come when they’re ready.”

  “How do you know when they’re ready?” I’ve asked myself this question almost a thousand times and never seem to know the answer.

  “It’s not for us to know because it is not our situation. Things look very different on the outside. It’s their decision, we are here to supply the tools to help them escape and to be there when they do nothing more. No judgement, that’s all we can offer.”

  “How do you do it? Everyday, day in and day out.”

  Mary smiles as she reaches down into her desk drawer, pulling out a flask, “Lots of sleepless nights, and when all else fails whiskey.”

  We both laugh, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the
only one that feels helpless in this situation. That no matter how hard we try, we can’t save them all. Unfortunately for me, Isabel is someone I have to save. I feel it deep down in my soul.

  “Can I have a few business cards to take to my office. I went through the ones I got last time I was here,” I ask, “Also, please don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

  Mary hands me a small stack of cards, “Now that your mention it, we could use some personal hygiene products and small travel size items as well.”

  “I don’t know how much I can help with some of the personal hygiene products, but I do purchase a mean target gift card.”

  Mary stands, leaning over the desk to give me a hug. “You can’t save everyone no matter how hard you try, Adam. What happened to your mother was not your fault any more than it was mine.”

  I squeeze her back before releasing her, “I understand, but there are some people that you have to save. It’s your duty, but also something you feel deep down in your soul — it’s a purpose.” I respond before turning to head out of the office and back to my truck.

  Although my visit with Mary wasn’t as productive as I wanted, it was insightful. I don’t just desire to save Isabel, I need to do it. It has become my purpose, my drive for the near future. It’s why she’s what I see when I close my eyes and why I can’t get her off my mind. I will save her from her abusive husband, even if I have to loose everything else in the process.

  Chapter Eight

  ISABEL

  I’ve been hiding Dr. Patterson’s card from Jason for weeks now, terrified he’d find it. I don’t know why I won’t throw it away; I’ll never have the courage to use it. The hold Jason has on us has only gotten tighter. He won’t let me drive or even leave the house without giving him an itinerary he allows me to have. He keeps Sophie at home when I leave, it’s as if he knows I’ve been thinking about running away, but I would never leave her.