by B. B. Reid
I didn’t even want to know.
Seeing that there was more, I pulled out a handful of lace thongs, a bra, socks, and a shoebox. I whimpered with joy at the plain white sneakers inside.
I’d been complaining about only having a robe to wear all week, but Jamie hadn’t once been moved to do something about it. Why now, and where was he?
“So we’ll just wait out here for you to get dressed,” Lou announced.
I looked up from the clothes now spread out on the rumpled bed. Huh?
“We thought we could hang out today,” Four explained at my questioning look.
I couldn’t help pursing my lips at the pair. Something was up, and they’d been ordered to keep me in the dark. “In other words, Jamie’s up to no good and sent you to keep me distracted.”
“Yes,” Lou admitted without hesitation. One could almost appreciate her inability to beat around the bush. “But you should know we only agreed because Jamie might be on to something, so we want to get to know you better.”
Gee, thanks?
Plopping down on the edge of the bed, Lou leaned back on her hands and crossed her legs with a smile. “So, what do you say?”
“About graduation,” Four whispered while Lou was preoccupied with a phone call. It had been Lou’s idea to come to this skating rink, and despite not knowing how to skate, I was enjoying myself. “If that was weird for you, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Ever and I don’t do stuff like that. It was a first for us too,” she admitted with a blush.
I didn’t think it was something I’d ever do either but seeing them together and knowing that I hadn’t ruined everything made it all worth it. Jamie and Ever had both staked their claim openly and thoroughly. Hopefully, there’d be no more room for jealousy or doubt.
“I think it was weird for all of us,” I mumbled as I gripped Four’s hands tightly. She wasn’t having much luck at skating either, so we were holding each other up as we slowly made our way around, sticking to the edge where the rails were. “I guess it’s only a big deal if we make it one. We didn’t do anything damaging. It’s not like I couldn’t have seen you naked in the locker room at school, right?”
“Right…” She twisted her lips, trying to hide a smile. “Except you probably wouldn’t have kissed me if we’d been in the locker room.”
“Yeah, probably not.” I suddenly found interest in the scuffed purple skates I wore.
“I’m not mad,” she rushed to say. “It was nice. Besides, you aren’t the first girl I’ve kissed.”
My eyes widened while she wore a goofy grin. “I’m not?” When she shook her head, I couldn’t help prying for more information. “Who was it, and does Ever know?” It was hard keeping in my laughter, but I didn’t want to make any sudden movements and risk falling.
“Tyra laid one on me once after Jamie dared her to, and yes, Ever was there.” My eyebrows rose at that while hers furrowed. Of course, Jamie would be behind them kissing. “That reminds me,” Four announced. “Jamie promised us a dare, but he didn’t hold up his end of the deal.”
“Which was?”
“He was supposed to write a letter from the heart and pick an audience to read it to before graduation.” Panicking, I tried to stop only to stumble instead. Luckily, Four saved me from falling by tightening her grip. “Are you okay?” she inquired. Her brown eyes that were more cinnamon while Jamie’s were chocolate widened as she waited for my answer.
No, I wasn’t okay.
It now made sense why Jamie had been after my journal. Almost every line, lyric, and rhyme had been written for him, and he had planned to read it in front of the entire senior class. Making a deal with Jamie was as dangerous as making one with the devil. There was always a loophole. No one could deny his feelings for me, and knowing him better than the back of my hand, I could just hear him gloating now:
“It was a letter from my heart. She obviously wrote it for me.”
“I’m sure that would have been fun, but a word of advice? Don’t bet against Jamie. You’ll lose every time.”
Four wore an evil grin. “Well, I guess there’s a first time for everything because graduation is over, which means we get to see him make out with Vaughn. I suppose Ever’s off the hook, though, since they’re related.” As soon as the words left her lips, her smile faded, and she wore a troubled frown.
“Everything okay?”
“Huh?” She seemed to snap out of whatever was plaguing her thoughts. “Oh, yeah. Fine.”
I couldn’t claim to know Four all that well, but apparently, I knew enough to know when she was lying. She began chewing on her lip, and I wondered how many times she’d worried like this while I pretended to date her boyfriend. Shame bubbled up in my throat, forcing me to take a deep breath before I vomited all over my new friend.
“I don’t think I ever actually thanked you,” I whispered. She met my gaze but remained silent. “I also think you were right. I’m not sure I could have done what you did, so… thank you.”
Four simply nodded, but then that worried look was back in her eyes. “Ever says you’re leaving town. Is that true?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Yes.”
“Why? Your father can’t actually make you marry anyone. There are laws against that now, you know?”
I shook my head. My father would find a way to get me to consent. He’d already hinted before at hurting my mother. She foolishly believed she’d been my father’s equal, helping him plot against me when all along, she’d been nothing but a pawn.
I’d tried to summon hatred for the woman who’d given me life, but I couldn’t. How could I blame her for being weak when I’d allowed my father to weaken me, too?
We do the best we can with the information we have. No one person gets to decide what makes an individual weak or strong, even if their decisions aren’t what we would have done ourselves. It takes more courage to be selfless than it does to be selfish.
Channeling my inner Four, I realized I couldn’t leave my mother at the mercy of that monster. Convincing her to leave my father wouldn’t be easy, but I had to try. Knowing what I know, I couldn’t live with myself if I left without her.
“He’ll find a way.”
“What if you went to the police?”
I was surprised at her eagerness to get me to stay. I would have thought she’d be happier if she never saw me again. “It would be pretty hard to prove that my father intends to marry me off against my will. I’d need concrete evidence.”
Four squeezed my hands, determination filling her big brown eyes. “Then get some.”
I suddenly felt like I’d been hit with a thunderbolt and brought back to life stronger than ever. I never realized how much I’d given up by giving up. I’d alienated good people while allowing bad ones to push me around. No more.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Lou shouted before I could respond to Four. She’d suddenly appeared next to us, her gaze moving back and forth between us. I hadn’t realized until now that Four and I had stopped skating. We now stood off to the side, still standing close and still holding hands. “I spent two hours on the phone convincing Jamie that you two weren’t going to run off together after you kissed, and here I find you looking like you’re about to do it again!”
Shock and guilt had Four and me pulling away from each other and carefully swiveling on our skates to face Lou.
“Jamie told you?” Four questioned, looking peeved.
“About your little foursome in the science lab? Yeah, he told me. I’m his bestie, duh.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
What a brat.
“It wasn’t a foursome,” I argued. “We didn’t have sex with each other.”
Lou waved me off. “Potatoes, po-tah-toes.” The look she gave us was stern. “What did I just walk in on?”
“Nothing,” Four answered sighing. “We were just talking.”
“Great,” Lou chirped. “Then fill me in.”
“We were talking about why you told Jamie about Sean,” Four snapped.
I blinked in confusion because that definitely wasn’t what we were discussing—far from it—and Lou was right… I did want to kiss Four if only to thank her for helping me see. Besides, who the hell was Sean, and what did he have to do with Jamie?
“I didn’t,” Lou denied. “Jamie already knew. I just told him that you knew, too. Oh!” She snapped her fingers. “And that Wren and Ever might be brothers.”
“Whoa!” I interrupted before Four could lay into Lou. It was a good thing too because that would be the fight of the century. “What are you guys talking about?” My gaze darted back and forth between them.
“Long story,” Four and Lou said at the same time. They immediately returned to glaring at one another. I almost laughed because one would think they were sisters the way they constantly fought.
“Well, then, I guess you better start from the beginning.”
It was dark and pretty late when we stumbled onto the beach a few hours later. The things Lou and Four divulged when we’d gone back to the hotel had me reaching for the whiskey Four had snuck out of the manor. I couldn’t stop giggling at the name she’d given the McNamara’s mansion.
Apparently, Ever wasn’t a McNamara at all.
He was a Kelly.
And he didn’t know that his biological father was still alive.
He’d also been a very bad boy joining Exiled to find his mom. I’d glimpsed the tattoo on his back once or twice but didn’t know and hadn’t cared what it meant. I thought his mom leaving was his only demon and was too wrapped up in my own to ask.
Some friend I was.
Unlike Jamie… he’d risked his life for his friends. And all the while, I’d been hating him without ever knowing how close I’d come to losing him. I wasn’t the only one with secrets, after all.
At least now I knew where the hell Wren and Lou had come from. From the outside, it seemed like they’d just popped up one day and fit themselves right into our lives. And oh, how well they fit. As often as Lou made me want to pull out my hair, I couldn’t imagine life without her challenging me every step of the way. Wren was too much like a steel vault. I couldn’t get a detailed reading, but I had the feeling he was a good guy. He had to be after caring for Lou for years while believing they could never be. If Wren and Lou could beat the insurmountable odds they once had stacked against them, then maybe Jamie and I could have too if I hadn’t planned to leave Blackwood Keep forever.
As we approached the familiar blue beach house on stilts where Vaughn held all his parties throughout high school, I tried not to think about how I hadn’t heard from Jamie all day. It was thoughtful of him to send Four and Lou to keep me company, but a “thank you, ma’am” after he wham-bammed me all night would have been nice.
I glanced over my shoulder as we climbed the wooden stairs and saw Four texting furiously on her phone. She was the only one who’d opted out of drinking since she was driving Ever’s G-Wagon.
“Hey, Bee, open the door, will ya? I think I’m wasted,” Lou announced.
I frowned because I’d had more to drink than she had, and I was nowhere near as wasted. Tipsy maybe. Glancing at the door, I wondered if I’d been led into some kind of trap. Lou watched me expectantly while Four fought a grin. If they had been anyone else, I would have got the hell out of there, but I trusted them. I may have been in social exile for the last five years, but I still recognized good people when I saw them. Taking a deep breath, I decided I could handle whatever was waiting for me on the other side of that door.
Pushing it open, I stepped into the dark house and looked around. I could make out the outline of a couch and maybe a lamp or two. Moving farther inside, I jumped when the door behind me slammed shut. Whirling around, I saw the shadow of a man looming over me. Panic speared my chest a second before there was a click, and then a flashlight illuminated his grinning face.
“Hello, Clarice,” my stalker greeted in a raspy voice.
“Jamie! Ugh! I’m going to kill you!” My fist balled as I flew toward him. I was very much looking forward to seeing blood pour from his pierced nose onto his lush upper lip. Before I could land the first punch, however, light flooded the entire room.
“Surprise!”
I paused mid-swing and looked around in shock. Ever, Vaughn, Wren, and Tyra stood at the helm of the room filled with people, half of whom I didn’t recognize. I had no doubt they were all friends of Jamie’s.
I stood there, not knowing what to do or say. No one had ever done anything like this for me. It was more than I could have hoped for, more than I deserved.
“I hope we didn’t scare you too much,” Tyra apologized as she walked up to me with a gentle smile and a tiara in her hand. She was so tiny that I had to bend down a little for her to place it on my head. “I told Jamie not to scare you like that.”
“It’s fine,” I whispered with a grin.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to hang out,” she said when she was done positioning the tiara. “Someone had to make sure the guys didn’t screw up your party or invite strippers.”
I didn’t get the chance to respond before I felt Jamie locking his arm around my waist and pulling me back until my ass rested against his groin. At five foot ten, I used to hate being taller than most girls, but being in Jamie’s arms always made me feel like my height was just right—especially when we played together.
“Happy birthday, baby.”
“But my birthday isn’t until tomorrow.” It was all I could think to say. Jamie was destroying me in the best possible way.
Wordlessly, he lifted his phone and showed me the time.
12:01.
I sucked more air than I needed into my lungs.
I was eighteen today.
I was free. Or at least… I would soon be.
Jamie pulled me deeper into the house, where he introduced me to his friends. I was in awe at how many he’d made in the year he’d been here. Most of the kids here attended some of the public schools nearby, which meant Jamie had been busy.
I pursed my lips, wondering just how popular he’d become. I looked around, searching for the jealous gazes of scorned lovers and was surprised to see that there were only three other girls besides Four, Lou, and Tyra in attendance. The girls didn’t keep me in suspense as to who they were either as they flanked some short Latino, who introduced himself as Matty before introducing me to his extra limbs. By the time he’d finished speaking their names, I’d already forgotten them as I watched the trio and their fuck-me smiles drink in the sight of Jamie.
“Well, aren’t you a peach,” Matty gushed, “and I do mean a peach. Your ass is amazing, girl.”
“Uhhh, thanks?”
He batted his long lashes, making me giggle. “You’re welcome.”
“Back off,” Jamie warned. “I don’t give a shit if you are gay. Stop staring at my girlfriend’s ass.”
My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. Girlfriend?
I ignored the butterflies taking flight in my stomach and wondered when Jamie and I had discussed that? We’d spent the last week alone together and talking wasn’t even in the top three of the things we’d done with that time.
I could never allow myself to become Jamie’s girlfriend, knowing I was still planning to leave town.
“Cute,” Matty complimented as he gestured to our shirts.
Already knowing what mine said, I glanced at Jamie’s. I was just now noticing that he wore the same white T-shirt with bold black lettering except his read “I’m with her,” and there was an arrow pointing right at me.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break Jamie’s heart again. What choice did I have? I had to tell him.
Jamie glanced down at me, and whatever he saw in my eyes made him lower his head and kiss me with every ounce of passion he possessed. He’d taken the fateful words from the tip of my tongue and devoured t
hem.
I could hear Ever’s voice in my head pleading with me not to run and Four telling me to find a way to stay. And Jamie… all I could feel was his heart pounding inside his chest. I recognized that long-lost rhythm because it matched my own.
When Jamie finally came up for air, he searched my gaze. He seemed satisfied with whatever he saw and pecked my lips. “And that’s a promise,” he whispered.
“A promise?”
Skimming his lips across my cheeks, I enjoyed each caress of his breath across my flushed skin until he gently nipped the shell of my ear. “That whenever you’re hurting, I’ll kiss it better.”
I had just barely caught my breath when Jamie stole it away again. How could I possibly walk away from him now?
I knew right then that I wasn’t going anywhere.
This town was no longer big enough for my father and me, but one way or another, he’d be the one to go—not me.
I didn’t get the chance to respond before I was pulled away by Tyra for birthday cake, which Vaughn carried from the kitchen, and I snickered at all the little bumblebees and their crowns before everyone began to sing.
I knew what I wanted long before I was told to make a wish, so closing my eyes, I blew out the eighteen candles.
“Did you enjoy your party?”
My eyes were closed, my head tipped back, and my lips, which Jamie had kissed until swollen, were parted as he moved in and out of me slowly from below. Dawn was creeping in outside the open window. I could hear the waves crashing in the ocean and feel the cool breeze whispering over my skin as I rode him.
“Yes.”
“Did you feel like a princess?”
Tonight wasn’t the first party I’d been to, but it was the only one I’d ever enjoyed. Before, I was too afraid of damaging my reputation and embarrassing my father, but tonight, I’d sung, danced, drank, and laughed. It all felt new to me. As if I were learning how to walk for the first time. I now had friends who felt more like family, and they were people who gave me no choice but to fight because I could never let them go.
