by B. B. Reid
“Yes.”
“Look at me, Barbette.”
The willpower it took to open my eyes when he was making me feel this good was great. The adoration in his eyes when my gaze found his, however, made it worth it.
“Do you know that I never stopped loving you?”
I gasped, and it had nothing to do with the orgasm rippling through me. It was the first time I’d heard those words from him, and I never realized how much I craved them until now. If I were honest, I always knew. Jamie hadn’t given me a little of himself at a time. He’d been all in from the very first.
“I…” The words were right there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t bring myself to utter them. Not until I knew for sure that I wouldn’t break his heart again. I just couldn’t relive the pain I saw in his eyes the first time I cut him deep. Cradling his face in my hands, I kissed his lips through the tears soaking my face. “I know.”
Halloween… Five Years Ago
“MAKE SURE YOU HOLD YOUR brother’s and sister’s hands whenever you cross the street,” my mother scolded. It was Halloween, and we were in Blackwood Keep, visiting my uncle and aunt before we left Boston for good.
As if having my heart broken the first time wasn’t bad enough, my father informed us shortly after that he was moving back home and taking us with him—to fucking Scotland.
Anger whipped through me at the thought of leaving everything I cared about behind.
“I’ve got it, Mom. Can we go now?”
I was still grounded for sneaking away a month ago. The only reason my parents were letting me loose was so that I could take my two-year-old siblings trick or treating. They were reluctant to trust me again, and my anger management issues these last few weeks hadn’t exactly helped my case.
She nodded, so I took Adan’s and Adara’s hands. I hated to admit it, but they looked fucking adorable in their Peter Pan and Tinkerbell costumes. My mother had made me wear the Captain Hook costume and took about a thousand pictures of us together as she cried and gushed.
Dad had driven us to the next neighborhood over where the houses were closer together. I couldn’t help but think about how easy it would be to sneak over to Bee’s place.
She was so close that I felt like I could reach out my hand and touch her. Against my will, I kept scanning the street, hoping to spot her. She loved Halloween and horror movies. Every year, she dressed up. Last year, she’d gone as Freddy Krueger and sent me pictures. They were still decorating my bedroom wall, even though I hated her guts.
“Candy! Candy!” Dara demanded. She was tugging against my hand, no longer content to walk. Screams and laughter filled the night as kids of all ages ran up and down the street. I led the twins down the sidewalk of the first house with their porch light on and rang the bell.
“Trick or treat!” Adan and Adara sang when a woman answered.
“Well, aren’t you three simply the cutest!”
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I felt stupid as hell wearing this costume, but at least I was out from under my parents’ scrutiny. My brother and sister, not yet masters of small talk, simply held up their buckets, waiting for her to fill them with candy.
We were walking away from our fourth house—Adan and Adara, struggling to carry their haul—when I heard my name called. I turned to see Jason dressed as a werewolf and jogging toward me.
“Hey, man! I thought that was you,” he greeted excitedly. “When did you get in?”
“A couple of hours ago.” I was about to ask him if he’d seen Ever since he hadn’t been home when we arrived, but Jason beat me to it.
“Sweet. Someone from Brynwood is throwing a costume party tonight, and Ever wants to crash it. You should come with us.”
“I don’t know,” I hedged, even though every molecule in me wanted to go. “I’m still sort of grounded.”
“Oh, right. I heard you ran away from Boston, and your parents freaked out or something? What was that about?”
“Nothing.” I couldn’t tell if it was the truth or a lie. I just knew I had no interest in setting the record straight. In fact, I preferred that Jason thought I ran away than to know the truth. I’d fallen for a thieving bitch who stole my heart and refused to give it back. My eyes drifted closed as embarrassment coursed through me. I’d actually begged her to be with me.
“Well, if you change your mind, the party is at 678 Fitch Lane.”
678 Fitch Lane.
Shit. Why was I trying to remember that?
“I’ve got to get back.” It was the only goodbye I offered him before grabbing my brother and sister and walking away. I wasn’t going to that damn party. I was still upset with Ever for lying to me. He had to have known Bee had lost interest. They were best fucking friends. Why hadn’t he warned me? Neither of them knew me very well if they thought I’d just take being ignored lying down. I was used to having the upper hand and would fight tooth and nail to keep it. Shaking my head, I accepted the fact that it wasn’t just my heart that was broken but my ego. I still wasn’t sure which I hated Bee for crushing more.
Hours later, my parents had gone to bed. Rather than spend the night tossing and turning, I snuck out of my uncle’s house to get those answers.
If Ever was at that party, it was a good chance Bee would be too.
As much as I wanted to hate her, I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving without holding her one last time or saying goodbye. Maybe we didn’t have to at all. I seriously doubted that an ocean could keep me away from her. Up until a couple of months ago, we’d been writing each other nonstop. There was no reason that it had to end.
The party was in full swing when I walked through the door. Getting in had been easy enough. Since I was a freshman in my high school back home, and this wasn’t my first party, I knew how to look like I belonged. I could also beat the shit out of anyone who said I didn’t.
I didn’t make it three feet inside before I was grabbed. I inhaled sharply when I looked down and noticed the red, furry devil horns resting on strawberry locks. My hands went around her small waist when she swayed into me.
“Bee?”
Disappointment weaved through me when she looked up and smiled. Although pretty, it wasn’t the face that haunted my dreams. I couldn’t tell if this girl had lost her balance or was just that eager. Either way, the amount of alcohol seeping from her pores told me she was certified jailbait.
“Nice costume,” she slurred with a hiccup. “Are you Jack Sparrow? You’re even hotter than Johnny Depp.”
I didn’t give her an answer before I pushed her aside. The small house was packed wall to wall, making it harder to navigate through. Eventually, I ended up at the sliding glass door leading to the pool out back.
There was a shitload of people out here, too, so I stood in place, letting my gaze scan the crowd. I was ready to head back inside and check upstairs next when I spotted Ever standing by the hedges. He was speaking to someone I couldn’t see, deeply engrossed in whatever they were saying. The crowd parted a little, and I could see that it was a tall girl with platinum blonde hair, wearing a white, blood-splatted wedding dress, a black leather jacket, and combat boots to match. Thanks to Bee making me watch Bride of Chucky with her, I didn’t have to wonder who the girl was supposed to be. I snorted knowing Ever must have been trying to win the bet we’d made over the summer to see who could lose their virginity first. It was one bet I wouldn’t care if I lost. I wanted my first time with Bee to be special and not rushed because of some dare.
As I made my way across the backyard, I wondered why he suddenly looked so worried. My cousin had rarely cared about anything lately other than giving his parents, teachers, and the Blackwood Police Force a hard time.
I started to call out to him, but then he leaned forward, and the girl rose onto her toes to meet him halfway. Pride swelled in my chest because I knew I was about to witness Ever’s first kiss. I almost wish I had a camera so that I could capture it and tease him about it later. My first kiss with Bee had be
en my first ever, and even though we’d fumbled through it, it hadn’t taken either of us long to get the hang of it. My heart sped up, and my blood rushed south in anticipation of kissing her senseless once I found her. After I left for Scotland, it would be a long time before I had the chance again.
“Jamie, you made it!” Jason called out as he suddenly appeared by my side.
The pair broke apart before their lips could meet, and when their heads swung my way, the first thing I noticed was the alarm in his gold and her bright blue gaze.
No.
I blinked and then blinked again.
I didn’t trust what my eyes were telling me.
The two people I trusted most in the world wouldn’t betray me like this. Looking away, I took a deep breath that shuddered out of me when I exhaled. I only hoped that when I faced them again, it wouldn’t be Barbette that Ever had just been ready to kiss.
Please, don’t be her.
“Jamie…”
The moment I heard Bee softly gasp my name, I knew my prayer wouldn’t be answered. I stepped back, refusing to look at either of them. My hands shook, and it was all I could do not to ball them into fists. Only God knew what I’d do then. When I turned to go, I felt gentle fingers circle my arm, begging me to stay. The way I felt, those fingers might as well have been claws, ripping at me.
“Jamie, please wait! I can explain!” Barbette broke down sobbing before I could even tell her to go to hell. She was a far cry from the girl who’d turned me away so coldly a month ago. For a moment, I had hope that I hadn’t lost her after all until I realized that no longer mattered. She’d betrayed me in the fucking worst way. “Please, please let me.”
“There’s no need to explain.” Snarling, I snatched my arm away from her. “You wanted him. You got him. Congratu-fucking-lations.”
“Jamie,” Ever called out, seeming to finally free himself from the shock that had kept him frozen. He moved away from the fence, and I toyed with the idea of tackling him to the ground before discarding it. Bros before hoes, right? “It’s not what you think. I—”
He reached out to touch me, and I flipped the fuck out. “Stay away from me! Just stay the fuck away!” My fist connected with his eye and then again with his lip. I guess Bee meant more to me than I was willing to admit at the moment. I turned and pushed through the crowd that was now watching before either of them could see the tears that had fallen.
I was tempted to turn back and burn that house down with them in it so that they could truly be together forever.
Barbette hadn’t just been the first girl I’d fallen for. She’d been the only one I ever wanted to know the real me. With her, I never had to hide or pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I believed her when she showed me that it was okay to care. To love. To feel.
And with one almost-kiss, she’d taken it all away.
There was nothing she could tell me to replace what she’d stolen from me, so with God as my fucking witness, I swore I’d come back one day and make her pay.
Present
“WHO’S GOT THE BEERS?” VAUGHN asked for the fifteenth time. We’d just finished loading Four’s recently acquired dirt bike onto the utility trailer attached to my Jeep. Her first race was in the morning, and I wasn’t about to miss it. Four had told me so after claiming that I’d practically twisted her arm. The only ones who couldn’t be there were Tyra because she couldn’t get the weekend off, and Wren and Lou, though neither had provided an explanation. Wren was up to something, and Lou was growing impatient. I just hoped for his sake that he came clean soon.
Even though we had plenty of water and sand in Blackwood Keep, we were driving down to Atlantic City for some fun and sun since the town Four’s race was being held would be less than an hour away. It also helped that we had a NaMara in A.C. The only thing filthy rich assholes such as myself loved more than acquiring money was never having to spend it.
“I told you already,” Bee snapped. “The cooler’s in the hatch, where you’ll be riding duck taped if you ask again.” She’d styled her hair in two French braids that swept her breasts and made her look hot as fuck. The white cutoffs that molded to her ass and thighs looked even shorter on her because of those legs that just went on and on…
Damn. Today’s T-shirt, selected by yours truly, was a black number with a single slice of pizza printed in white on the front. Mine was also black with the entire pie minus her slice.
Crossing her arms, she stared Vaughn down, oblivious to me lusting over her. Vaughn grinned and draped his arm around her shoulders. “Missed you,” he flirted.
Bee playfully rolled her eyes before shrugging him off. Thank God. It was too early in the fucking morning to be rumbling with my best friend. I was pretty sure I was still hungover from last night, too. I tried not to dwell on the fact that I also hadn’t slept much after telling Bee I loved her and getting zip in return.
She’ll say it when she’s ready.
I clenched my teeth, wondering when the hell that would be. She already had my heart and soul in her back pocket. The only things I had left to give were my balls and my ego. I’d needed the former to tell her that I loved her, but after she hadn’t said it back, the latter was now in serious need of repair.
I lost my train of thought, staring at Bee’s ass as she climbed into the front passenger seat. I can wait a little longer. Ever started to follow Four and Vaughn into the back seat when I stopped him.
“What’s up?” he asked after following me out of hearing distance of the Jeep.
“I wanted to thank you for being there for Bee when I was… being an idiot.”
I wouldn’t make the excuse that I couldn’t have known. Bee had just been betrayed by the two people she trusted above all to protect her. Of course, she was afraid to tell me what was happening. She’d felt ashamed and utterly alone, and I’d selfishly piled all of my feelings on top of hers as if they’d mattered more. If I had been more patient and less a puppet to my emotions, she would have come to me—eventually. Instead of waiting, I pushed her away and shut her out. The way I’d handled things made me think Bee was on to something.
If you knew the match you were holding wouldn’t just flame but would start a fire so wild nothing on earth could tame it, would you light it?
Too often, I’d given in to my emotions. If I had known Bee’s fate back then, I might have taken her and ran. How far would a thirteen- and fourteen-year-old have gotten? It couldn’t have been very far. Or maybe I would have stayed and started a war with her father that I couldn’t win. They were two possibilities with the same tragic ending.
Bee could try to shoulder the blame all she wanted, but for the rest of our lives together, the burden of those five years we lost would be mine and mine alone to carry.
“I’m not going to say you’re welcome because I didn’t do it for you,” Ever replied. “I did it for Bee, and I didn’t give a shit how you felt about it.”
I simply stared at him for a few seconds. Four had turned him into such a sap that sometimes I forget how huge a prick my cousin could be.
“If you say so.” I knew Ever well enough to know he’d been torn. However, my feelings for Bee wouldn’t allow me to be upset over the fact that Ever had been willing to sacrifice our relationship to protect her. She’d always come first. “Just tell me one thing,” I demanded.
“What?” he growled irritably.
“Whose idea was it for the two of you to kiss that night?” I asked, referring to the Halloween I’d caught them about to kiss.
“Mine.”
I pinned him with my stare for the longest time but never once did his golden gaze waver. Bee had given me the exact same answer when I asked her. Knowing they were protecting each other from losing me forever, I accepted the fact that I’d never know, and maybe it was for the best. The only truth that mattered now was knowing neither of them harbored secret feelings.
“Gee, thanks, man. I hope I can do the same for you someday.”
Ever’s sour ex
pression almost folded me in half.
Thanks to those two and their “bright ideas,” I now knew how Four looked naked, how she liked to be fucked, and the sounds she made when she came. Of course, that meant Ever now knew the same about Bee.
I started to knock his teeth down his throat on general principle when the sound of a car approaching stole our attention. I sighed when a silver BMW came into view. The windows were tinted, but I already knew who was inside.
“Before we go, there’s one more thing I need you to do for me.”
Ever didn’t respond as he watched the car door open, and the driver stepped out. “What the hell is Portland doing here?” Ever snapped.
Jason was watching us warily as he slowly made his way over. He had every right to be cautious, especially with the way Ever was tracking his every move.
“He’s here to talk.”
“Talk? Talk about what? You do know he’s the one who told Elliot where Bee was on graduation day?”
I clapped his shoulder. “Then I won’t have to explain the split lip.”
Jason stood in front of us now with his shoulders hunched forward and his hands shoved in his jeans.
“’Sup, Jason? How’s the lip?”
His gaze flickered my way before resettling on Ever. “Can we talk?”
“What. The fuck. For?”
“For my sister,” Jason responded, nostrils flaring. “The one you slept with and then ignored.”
Any second now, this thing was going to go south. I could already hear the Jeep’s doors opening behind me and footsteps closing in.
“He’s also the reason she’s still alive,” I pointed out. Four came to stand at Ever’s side, and I could feel Bee standing at mine. Warmth flooded my chest when she slipped her soft fingers through mine.
“If he hadn’t—”
“Jason,” Ever interrupted. He stepped forward, and I braced myself to play the referee until I realized the anger was gone from his eyes. My friends and I, as well as Jason, seemed to be experiencing the same amount of shock. Ever could be cold, callous, and cruel even when he was dead wrong. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have slept with her. You were my friend, and I didn’t think about who she was. I was too selfish and messed up to care that she was your sister. I know it won’t change a damn thing, but I’m truly sorry.”
