Sins of the Mother

by B K Johnson

  Only three nights later Larry Young returned to Kiki’s. This time the Doer had prepared for this eventuality. Any stroke of luck would have to be taken advantage of as soon as possible, as it might not happen again any time reasonably foreseeable. Therefore, the Doer made sure weapons were available. Actually, one appealed more than any other to the Doer– the ice pick. Its sharpened tip was corked and carried in a pocket of another silk suit, this one silver. When Larry took his customary seat, the Doer was right there to request a seat next to him. Larry motioned to the available seat, smiled, and then ordered another round of drinks.

  It was just 10 minutes before Lani would take the stage. Action would have to be taken quickly, as the overhead lights would soon be dimmed, and the stage lights heightened to full brilliance. Everyone in the bar would be focused upon Lani, and would stay that way for the full 15 minute performance. The Doer waited for the drinks to be served and toasted Larry with the left hand, surreptitiously removing the ice pick from its pocket and uncorking it with the right hand. As soon as the lighting changed, the Doer motioned for Larry to come closer while thanking him for the drink. Swiftly the ice pick was jammed fully into the ADA’s left ear, while Mr. Young heard the last words he would ever hear: “You wouldn’t listen before. Now you will never listen again.” The Doer saw the light go out of the victim’s eyes, knowing the ice pick had done its job perfectly. Casually but forcefully removing the weapon, wiping the blood off of it with a napkin and pocketing that evidence, the successful murderer got up and walked out of the fully darkened bar.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Tommy awoke with chills, perspiration dripping from her forehead. She knew the nightmare had her in its grip once more. Her mind processed the horrific scenes, one after the other. Her arrival home, exhausted from a long trial, her husband out at another lengthy evening meeting. Their nanny Margarita, brought her smiling year-old baby girl, Cecilia Oak Borden, to the door and lovingly placed her in Tommy’s arms. Margarita got her coat on and left the home, first planting a sweet kiss on Cecilia’s forehead. The baby, known as Cece, giggled and reached up to touch Margarita’s cheek. Then her attention gravitated to her mommy.

  Tommy was really exhausted. She played with Cece for just about half an hour, and then put her down in her crib with a bottle. She repaired to the kitchen and poured herself a large scotch and water, and downed it in just a minute. She prepared another drink, heavier on the scotch this time, and went to sit in her recliner. She relaxed into its soft cushions, taking measured sips from her drink.

  When she woke it was hours later, and Robert was yelling in her face, “What have you done, what have you done?” He grabbed her arms and pulled her up from her chair, knocking over the drink on the end table. He dragged her into the baby’s room and forced her to put her hands on Cece’s clammy little form. Their baby was naturally dark skinned, since Robert was black, but Cece’s skin had turned a vicious purple. She lay face down in the crib and was not breathing at all. Robert kept yelling at Tommy, calling her a drunk and telling her she had murdered their only child.

  In the nightmare, Tommy went through all of the phases of denial, sorrow, guilt, anger and total depression once more. She had been arrested by the police, who suspected that Cecelia had been smothered. It took two different coroners examining their poor little girl’s body before the ruling came in that Cece had been a victim of SUIDS, sudden unexplained infant death syndrome. The stigma never lifted from Tommy ‘s shoulders, and there were still people to this day who thought that even if she had not murdered their child, she was at least guilty of neglect for having been drunk while her daughter succumbed to the fatal illness.

  Tommy had been brought before the Bar Association to defend herself. Though her license had been suspended for six months while a lengthy investigation ensued, she still held her license to practice law at the conclusion of the Bar’s investigation. Having been the victim of such outrageous charges, however, Tommy vowed never to practice law again. How could anyone think she would have willingly, or even negligently, caused her darling daughter’s death? Not getting any favorable answer from her own mind, she wallowed in despair, self-pity and self-flagellation, finally drinking herself into lethargy and bouts of insanity.

  She and Robert divorced not long after she was cleared of any wrongdoing. Robert would never forgive her, however. He rarely spoke to her anymore, even when their paths crossed in the city. He had remarried a black woman who was a Jehovah’s Witness and did not drink. They now had a little boy and seemed very happy as a couple. Tommy went through a number of one-night stands, each one more dangerous and despicable than the last, until she finally decided she had to get sober. It took three months in a treatment center and lots of psychiatric help before she not only kicked the booze, but began the long road to recovery. She was just now regaining a sense of self-worth. Her absentee father and one brother did not help in this process. However, three of her four brothers supported her all the way once she was in recovery. They knew she was not responsible for their beloved Cece’s death, but they just had not been able to stand by and watch her self-destruct. Once she took their advice, and sought medical help, they came back into her life in full brotherly mode.

  Trish Adams and Nadine Blanchett had been her mainstays through her torture. They never let her forget that she was their friend, and would always be their friend. They brought her food they had cooked themselves, as well as outtake from various restaurants. They made her shower and get dressed, when they knew she would rather just hide forever under her covers. They forced her to accompany them to movies, shopping sprees, horse races or Giants’ baseball games. Most of all they gave her all the love they could. When she’d come back from having spent a night of mad passion with just another drunk she’d met in just another bar, they never judged her. They just cautioned her and helped her pull herself together, little by little, until she came around and sought psychiatric and institutional help. Their friendship meant the world to Tommy now, and she knew she would never let herself get so despondent again that she would drink herself into oblivion. Attendance at regular AA meetings strengthened her resolve. And Dave encouraged her sobriety from afar.

  Tommy threw the covers off and dragged herself from the last vestiges of the recurring nightmare. She immediately went into her routine, pulling on her sweats. A quick trip to the bathroom to take a leak and wipe a cold wet cloth over her brow, Tommy then took to the streets. It was 4 a.m. and all was quiet. She ran, fast and hard, pumping her legs and her arms with every stride. If anyone had ventured to accost her she would have gladly found her release in pummeling him or her. She ran as long as her legs and lungs held out, and finally had to stop. She walked back to Duke’s and found the door open, as usual at 5 a.m. Having regained her breath, she grabbed a bottle of water from her locker, put on her gloves, and went straight to the bag. Left, right, left, right, she mindlessly beat at the huge bag, trying to move it with every bit of her might.

  Not long after she returned to the gym, Duke came up to her and said, “You had the nightmare again, didn’t you, sweetheart?” Rather than replying Tommy just fell against his broad frame and wept.

  Ashamed of her outburst, she drew herself up and looked him straight in the eyes and asked him, “Will it ever get better, Duke? It’s been five long haunting years. Will the nightmare ever go away?”

  “I am sure it will, Tommy,” he assured her. “You just have to let nature take its course. Your own mind and body will know when to let it go.” Just then a few of the regulars entered the gym for their pre-work workout, and Duke released Tommy from his arms. She patted him on the back, and went out into the street for yet another run.

  This time Tommy took a well-paced jog through the streets, tears streaming from her eyes as she remembered the feel of the baby against her breast as she nursed her infant. For her, nursing Cece had been a given, just the most natural thing to do. And it finally gave her reason to appreciate her milk-producing breasts. Sh
e could smell once again the soft baby scent emanating from Cece’s velvet skin and hear the sweet coos and gurgles her daughter made. Most of all she missed her wondrous little giggle and toothless grin, the big brown eyes sparkling with mischief. When the top two front teeth had first come in, Tommy couldn’t get enough of rubbing her child’s gums trying to assuage the teething pain. But she would never see Cecelia grow into a young girl, never know what it would be like to hold her when she first fell down from a swing, or when she didn’t get an A on a test at school. So much of her daughter’s life had been taken from her.

  Tommy had thrown herself into learning as much about SUIDS as she could. She met with other parents who had lost their children to the disease, almost all of them in the first year of their young lives. She could not believe how arbitrary the disease was, and how many families it impacted. One couple helping to conduct the meetings had lost their infant 15 years before, and they’d actually been put through a trial for murder in the 2nd degree. Once they were acquitted, they had spent their massive fortune on funding research into the syndrome and supporting anyone who had fallen victim to its tentacles. They still counted among Tommy’s friends and had testified in her behalf at the bar association hearing. Thanks in large part to their efforts, more law enforcement agencies became familiar with SUIDS and fewer people already distraught with the loss of their child had to be ravaged by an uncaring criminal justice system.

  Now Tommy shifted gears as she began to be grateful for all of the love and friendship she had been shown throughout her struggle. She picked up her pace and ran as fast as she could, beating the sidewalks with her tennies and pounding the pavement of the streets.

  She turned toward home again and continued at a breakneck pace until all of the angst and fear and loathing seeped right out of her pores in tandem with her sweat, dripping onto the pavement. Until all that was left was her soul.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Once Tommy showered, she went down to her office to review her notes on the Gage matter. She’d already had two meetings with Geoffrey, who seemed shocked to learn that his beautiful wife was enjoying the company of women. Geoff couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it, even though Tommy had managed in the last few weeks to get a few snapshots of Samantha and Daniella in compromising positions. The most heated, however, was just a kiss with Daniella stroking Samantha’s bottom. Geoff told Tommy he would have to have footage of the two women actually making love in the nude in order for him to invoke the provisions of his prenup agreement with Samantha. To that end, Tommy would need to install a videocam in the master bedroom of the Gage mansion and monitor it every other day.

  Tommy’s office phone rang and she debated answering it. Her bout with the nightmare had left her feeling tired and morose, but she knew she would have to bring herself out of the doldrums. Both Trish and Nadine were otherwise occupied today, so that left her to her own devices. She reached for the phone and was surprised to hear Rod Jefferson on the other end. Rod was a very sexy man four years Tommy’s junior. They dated occasionally, and Tommy never failed to have a great time with Rod. He was totally into active sports and was a very attentive lover as well.

  Rod asked Tommy if she was interested in sailing on the bay, and Tommy was more than excited to agree to accompany him. He’d borrowed his friend Matt’s 40’ sailboat for the day and wanted an extra hand to maneuver the sails. Rod had his own sailboat but it was in Hawaii.

  He arranged to pick Tommy up at 10:00 a.m. It was a gorgeous day in San Francisco, blue skies with only a few small white-floating clouds. The temperature was a comfortable 73 degrees, but Tommy was aware that once on the water, the breeze would pick up and be frigid. She went back upstairs to the loft and slathered sun block all over her body. She put on her cutoff jeans and deck shoes, and a lime green t-shirt. She had a great lime green sweater that matched perfectly, and she threw it over her shoulder for when it got cold. She put her hair in a ponytail and looked at the image of herself in her mirror. The green of the shirt brought out the green of her eyes and they glowed brightly like a cat’s. She thought that was great, because it took away all attention from the bags under her eyes brought on by her restless night and early morning.

  Underneath, Tommy wore an orange string bikini. She was secretly hoping that Rod was horny and that the day would culminate with some much needed sex. She realized it had been three months since her last liaison, and with following Samantha all over the place on her escapades, Tommy’s libido was escalating dangerously. Thank God she’d kept on taking her birth control, so she was protected from unwanted pregnancy, which was a fact she’d previously communicated to Rod. What she hadn’t told him was that she knew she couldn’t go through bearing, and then losing, another child again.

  She grabbed a large beach towel, her purse and a sun visor, and ran out the door to wait for Rod at the corner to keep him from having to hunt for parking. She didn’t have to wait long for him at all. Within minutes Rod’s 2019 Champagne Mercedes rounded the corner and as he pulled over to double-park, Rod whistled appreciatively at Tommy. She grinned back at him and figured it was a good sign for the rest of their day.

  When she got in, he immediately leaned over to caress her arm and give her a long, soulful kiss. “I’ve missed you, Tommy,” he breathed in her ear.

  “I’ve missed you, too, Rod. Where have you been?”

  “I took a scuba diving trip to Thailand,” he responded, “and instead of being gone for only a few weeks, I was having such a great time I stayed for 2 months. I just got back on Tuesday.”

  “Well, it certainly is good to have you back.”

  Rod accelerated the car forward and concentrated on driving through the weekend traffic to the marina. This gave Tommy an opportunity to check him out without his being aware of the intensity of her study of him. Rod was a very tanned Caucasian, with lots of dirty blond hair highlighted by his months in the sun. He had adorable crinkle lines around his deep blue eyes, because he was forever smiling. His was one of those smiles that reached all the way up and into his eyes, letting you know he was sincere.

  Just a shade under 6’2” tall, and about 215 pounds, his body was a minor work of art. Long muscular legs with strong thighs, broad shoulders with biceps straining at his white t-shirt, washboard abs and well-defined pecs and a small waist. Tommy shivered in expectation of the day and allowed herself to remember just how well-endowed Rod was. He was one of the few Caucasians she had dated who had a penis as large as her ex-husband’s. What was great about Rod was he didn’t ever use it like a weapon, or like it was the only way he could bring his companion to orgasm. He was inventive and inexhaustible as a lover, and oral sex was his forte. He really had made Tommy feel like he enjoyed every minute of going down on her, and that was what brought her to orgasm more quickly than the pure physical response. She heard Rod talking to her through the haze of her memories and jerked herself back to paying attention to him. “Here he is in the flesh,” she thought, “and I am immersed in the past.”

  Rod found a spot at the marina only a few slips away from the Shiver Me Timbers, Matt’s boat. They boarded and he expertly guided the sailboat away from its slip and into the waters of the bay. Tommy did her part helping with the sails, and once they were clipping along they both began to really enjoy themselves. The breeze did pick up and lower the temperature a good 10 degrees, but it wasn’t at all uncomfortable. Tommy not only didn’t reach for her sweater, she peeled off her shirt and luxuriated in a warmth brought on by Rod’s gazing at her breasts. He, too, took off his shirt and Tommy relished taking in the reality of his amazing physique. Lust stirred in her as well, as she admired the swelling which bulged in his shorts. She removed her bikini top and enjoyed Rod’s lascivious gaze on her breasts. It wasn’t long before they were kissing, touching and fondling each other.

  Both of them were getting carried away, when Rod put his hands on her shoulders and said, “Whew. We’ve got to get docked somewhere. We can’t pay attentio
n to the sailing while we’re so busy getting reacquainted with each other.” Tommy nodded her acquiescence and Rod brought the Shiver Me Timbers around Angel Island and found a deserted spot to moor the boat. As soon as he’d finished tying it down, he lifted Tommy up and started to carry her down to the bunk.

  “No,” she demanded. “Let’s make love right here on the deck.”

  “That’s fine by me,” Rod grunted, and stripped out of his shorts. He was already hard and pulsing with desire. Tommy placed her towel down on the deck and peeled off her cutoffs and bikini bottoms.

  She laid down and opened her arms to bring Rod to her. First, he removed the rubber band from her hair, freeing it up to his touch. He kissed her mouth, then her chin, neck and each breast, working his way down to her pubis. Gently he caressed her as he put his mouth on her and began to lick her clitoris. The fire of excitement she had already been fanning with her fantasy, along with the exquisite feeling of being naked under the blue skies on a boat with such a stud, was more than enough to make Tommy immediately responsive. Normally it might take 5 to 10 minutes for her to have an orgasm from a man going down on her, but today, with this man, it felt like just one moment suspended in time. As soon as her vagina gave off the pulsating signals, Rod thrust his whole length into her. He came convulsively, and with his last thrust, Tommy joined him in climax.

  Their desire slaked, they lay down in each other’s arms and stretched out, still naked. Gentle waves undulating beneath her, a light breeze wafting through her hair and over her nakedness, a handsome man lying by her side on the deck of a sailboat, all these seduced her senses. She almost forgot she was likely to burn if she laid out uncovered any longer, sun block or not. If she allowed the sun to have its way with her the way Rod had, she would be burnt to a crisp within the hour.