A Gladiator's Oath

by Tanya Bird

  In other words, she had brought him to life.

  In the evenings, Felix and Fausta invited him to the tavern to drink with them. At first he said yes, going along, losing himself to noise and drink, consuming more than he should in order to numb his mind for just a few hours. Then one evening Felix told him his brooding silence was repelling the women who normally gathered at their table, which meant he was forced to visit brothels instead.

  Remus stopped going to the tavern.

  It was the middle of December when he spotted her at the forum. She was standing in front of the public notice board, her long hair braided down her back, her arms leaner than the last time he had laid eyes on her. He did not need to see her face to know it was her. He had spent enough time studying every inch of that body, the way it moved, responded, glistened. He would know her anywhere.

  He crossed the street, eyes never leaving her, afraid she would disappear if he looked away. She stood holding one arm behind her back as she read, her head tilted slightly. He wished he could read, if only to understand her mind better.

  She turned before he reached her, freezing at the sight of him. He stopped also, unsure if he should approach. Last time she had told him to leave—and she had meant it. But she smiled at him, her dimple on display, her body relaxing. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Everything looked softer, from the colour of her skin to the roundness in her cheeks.

  ‘Good day, Remus Latinius.’ The smile held.

  He took a few steps to close the gap between them. What to say? ‘Thought it was you.’ He looked past her to the notice board. ‘Anything interesting?’

  Her shoulders rose and fell in the sweetest shrug.

  ‘I suppose that depends on your political interests.’

  ‘Didn’t know you followed politics.’

  Her smile widened. ‘I follow Nerva. Does that count?’

  He breathed out a laugh. ‘I hear his name everywhere nowadays.’

  She looked past him. ‘Ever since his heroic display at the Flavian Amphitheatre, his popularity seems to have grown. The people adore him.’

  ‘He has you to thank for that.’

  ‘And I shall remind him of the fact when he returns.’

  Silence.

  ‘What about you?’ he asked. ‘How are you?’

  She crossed her arms. ‘Keeping out of trouble.’

  ‘Sounds boring.’ She uncrossed her arms and pulled her palla tighter around her. He fought the urge to warm her with his hands. ‘And your family?’

  ‘Good.’ She chewed her lip for a moment. ‘How is Nero?’

  ‘Following Felix about the place. I’ve been busy of late.’

  ‘New recruits?’

  He nodded.

  She gave a strained smile. ‘Any with my level of talent?’

  ‘No.’ Disappointment stopped him from smiling back. He had hoped to find her happy. While she did seem more… balanced, the light had gone out in her eyes. ‘Heard Nerva bought Albaus from Jovian Fadius.’

  A small laugh. ‘Jovian charged an amount bordering on extortion. Never mind the fact that he was half-dead at the time of the sale.’

  ‘Course he did.’ He cleared his throat. ‘That was a decent thing for Nerva to do though.’

  She looked away. ‘Yes, I owe him a lot.’ She was quiet a moment. ‘I thought you might have run off to India by now.’

  He shook his head. ‘Someone has to keep the new recruits alive.’

  ‘Yes.’ She studied him. ‘Someone does. But must it be you?’

  It seemed his disappointment was mutual. ‘We all do what we have to.’

  ‘Slaves do what they have to. Last I heard, you were free.’

  There was no mistaking the longing in her tone. Gods, he really wanted to touch her. ‘We dogs and our cages,’ he said, suppressing a smile.

  She reddened and looked down. ‘A little harsh of me, perhaps.’

  Unable to stop himself any longer, he reached a finger under her chin, raising her face to him. ‘You seem different.’

  ‘Well, I can guarantee you that if you asked me to run to the end of the street, I would not make the distance.’

  He did not smile. His thumb travelled along her jaw. ‘You’ve given up.’

  Her eyes closed for a moment and she turned into his hand, inhaling. ‘So have you,’ she whispered, opening her eyes again.

  ‘Mila,’ called a woman behind them.

  His hand fell away and he turned to see Mila’s mother waiting with rolls of fabric beneath one arm. She stared at him.

  ‘It was good to see you,’ Mila said, stepping past him.

  He grabbed hold of her arm and she turned, looking up at him. What was he supposed to say?

  I miss you. I love you. Stay.

  ‘Keep well.’ He released her arm, and she glanced down at the spot where his hand had been.

  ‘And you, Remus Latinius.’

  He watched her walk away, eyes down, over to her mother. She was a different person to the fierce girl he had first seen outside a shaky arena all those months back.

  Tertia watched Mila pass her and then turned to look again at Remus. She wore the same guarded expression Mila usually did. He preferred it to the blank one she wore now. He raised a hand, a greeting. She nodded once before following after her broken daughter, back to the safety of tall walls.

  He turned and did the same.

  Chapter 34

  Remus was stretched out on his bed, trying to find the motivation to visit the thermae for a bath, when Felix walked in.

  ‘Brutus wants to see you,’ Felix said, climbing onto the bed on the other side of the room.

  Remus had an arm draped over his eyes to block out the light. ‘Right now?’

  ‘Is there any other time than right now with him?’

  Removing his arm from his face, Remus turned to look at his friend. ‘Do you know what he wants?’

  Felix reached down to remove his sandals. ‘Perhaps he is tiring of your bad mood.’

  Remus groaned as he sat up. The simple act drained him of his remaining energy. ‘What bad mood?’

  Felix laughed and shook his head. ‘I hope you are joking. How much longer do you intend to brood?’

  ‘I’m not brooding,’ he replied, throwing his belt at the dwarf. ‘I’m tired. Some of us work, you know.’

  Felix caught the belt and tossed it back, hitting Remus in the face. ‘I am going for a bath, and then I am going for a drink. Come find me when you are done getting in trouble.’

  ‘Thought you wanted me to stay away from the tavern.’

  ‘You know I am also curious by nature. I want to know what he says.’

  ‘Nosey, you mean?’

  Felix slipped a clean pair of sandals onto his feet. ‘Concerned, actually. If he kicks you out, I will be forced to follow you.’

  ‘You’ll be forced to do no such thing,’ Remus replied, pushing off the bed and wrapping the belt around his waist.

  Felix dropped onto the ground. ‘No, but we both know I will anyway. Loyalty and all that.’

  Remus exhaled, looking at him. ‘You’re a good friend. Perhaps one I don’t deserve.’

  ‘Shut up.’ The dwarf grinned. ‘He is waiting in the arena.’

  Remus nodded and left the room.

  The arena was empty except for Nero and another boy, who were sweeping the sand. Brutus stood beneath the portico, leaning against one of the pillars, watching them.

  ‘You sent for me?’ Remus said, coming to stand next to him.

  The lanista straightened, waving him closer. Nodding towards Nero, he said, ‘You’ve a good eye. The boy works hard. You’ll make a tidy profit from him one day.’

  Remus watched the boy for a moment. The fact that Brutus was referring to him as a good investment did not sit well. ‘The boy’s not a slave. He’ll never be sold again.’

  Brutus sniffed and glanced at him. ‘Very generous. You don’t owe him anything.’

  ‘Not his faul
t he was orphaned.’

  The lanista nodded. ‘You’re a good man, Remus—better than most. You’re also my hardest-working trainer. You’ve proven to be loyal to the school, despite the many other offers you no doubt get.’

  Remus crossed his arms. ‘Thanks.’ He knew Brutus had not sent for him just to pay him a compliment. He waited.

  Brutus’s gaze returned to Nero. ‘I’ve seen a change in you of late. You’ve a way of getting the best from the men you train. You push them hard, know their limits.’

  He pushed them hard because they would die in the arena during their first fight if he did not. He pushed them even harder of late because he needed to push something or everything building inside him would break him apart.

  ‘Ludus Magnus has a reputation to uphold’ was all he said.

  Brutus nodded in agreement, running a hand over his receding hairline. ‘I’m glad you feel that way.’ He rested one shoulder against the pillar again. ‘I can’t be lanista forever, and as I’ve no sons to groom for the role, I think it’s time we started getting you ready.’

  ‘Ready for what?’

  ‘To be the next lanista of Ludus Magnus.’ He looked rather pleased with himself, no doubt expecting to see the same reaction in Remus.

  Aware that some form of a response was necessary, Remus said, ‘I don’t know what to say. I’m honoured you’d consider me.’

  Brutus frowned. ‘Thought you’d be a bit happier.’

  He hesitated. ‘I’m happy, just not sure I’m the right person for the job.’

  The lanista laughed. ‘I’ll admit, I’ve had moments of doubt myself. When you jumped into that arena to save the slave girl’—he shook his head—‘I questioned everything I thought I knew about you. At the same, it was a reminder that fighting’s in your blood. There’s a reason you’ve never walked away from it. I’ve no doubt any future sons of yours will one day take to the sand too.’

  Was that the reason he had never walked away? He turned to look at Nero, the closest thing he had to a son. There was no way he would let that boy fight in the arena. Brutus was wrong. ‘I’ve not tried any other life but this one, so I can’t tell you if that’s true.’

  ‘And why would you? You were born into this life.’ Brutus stretched his neck. ‘It was in Lady Prisca’s blood too. Couldn’t cleanse herself of it. Fighting is a disease. In the end, it killed her.’

  The mention of Prisca took him by surprise. Before he could reply, Brutus whistled and Nero looked up. The lanista gestured to a patch of sand he had missed. Remus looked down. Whistling was for dogs.

  ‘When Lady Prisca came to me, I thought she was crazy.’

  Remus looked up. ‘What do you mean, when she came to you?’ A pause. ‘When did she come to you?’

  Brutus met his gaze and shrugged. ‘Someone had to train her.’

  Everything went still for a moment. ‘Someone had to train her,’ Remus repeated. The world moved again. ‘You trained her?’

  Brutus picked at his teeth. ‘She was out of shape. We had to be careful, of course. Discreet.’

  ‘You trained her?’ Remus asked again, hoping he had heard wrong.

  Brutus frowned. ‘Is that so surprising? Have you forgotten what I did before I became lanista? I trained your father up until his last fight.’

  Remus had visited every school in the city looking for Prisca’s trainer. It had never occurred to him that Brutus would keep a secret like that, would betray him in that way.

  ‘Don’t tell me you were still attached to the woman. That was years ago.’

  Remus continued to stare. ‘You didn’t think to tell me about that?’

  A smile flickered on Brutus’s face. ‘You mustn’t understand the term discreet.’

  ‘Mila was sentenced to death for her murder.’

  Brutus rolled the name around in his head, trying to figure out who he was talking about. ‘Ah, we’re back to the slave girl.’

  Remus’s hands went into his hair. ‘Yes, the slave girl. This information might have saved her life.’

  ‘You saved her life. Now she’ll forever be in your debt,’ he replied, giving Remus a knowing look.

  ‘If you’d told Jovian Fadius that his wife kept her identity a secret—’

  ‘He’d have thrown me into the arena too! I’m beginning to regret mentioning the fact at all.’

  Nero had stopped raking the sand and was standing watching them. The boy was finely tuned to conflict.

  ‘Do you want to stand here arguing about this, or do you want to focus on becoming the next lanista of Ludus Magnus?’

  Remus took a moment to picture himself as lanista. His father would have jumped at the opportunity, not because it was the only life he knew, but because it was the only life he wanted. Remus was different. He had once imagined another life. Perhaps he still did. He imagined telling Mila the news, the disappointment in her eyes, accompanied by a weak smile. At that moment, he had everything she wanted—the freedom to choose.

  ‘Your silence is making me rethink my decision,’ Brutus said. ‘I suggest you get yourself together before I change my mind.’

  Remus took a few steps back and looked over at Nero. There was that look again, ready to go, to do whatever was needed. The boy would follow him anywhere. Even to India. ‘No thanks,’ he said, turning back to Brutus. ‘Never planned on staying here as long as I did. I should’ve left years ago. I’ll not waste your time by giving my word when I can’t keep it.’

  Brutus’s face hardened. ‘Leave? What are you talking about? Ludus Magnus has been your home since you could crawl.’

  He nodded. ‘It has. But now I’m free to pick another home.’

  Brutus’s eyes were slits, his jaw clenched. ‘Don’t be foolish, boy. This is a one-time offer.’

  ‘Sorry to disappoint you.’ Remus glanced at the barracks. ‘What about Felix? He has a good mind for business.’

  The lanista’s eyes widened. ‘Felix? You want me to leave the greatest gladiator school in Rome in the hands of a dwarf?’ He emitted a cruel laugh. ‘He’s half a man, hired out to wealthy families and sent into the arena to give people a good laugh.’

  Remus’s fingers curled into fists. ‘He’s proven himself a good trainer.’

  ‘He’s a joke. People tolerate him for your benefit. He’s like the three-legged dog at Ludus Dacicus that has outlived most of the men trained there.’

  He could not listen anymore. He turned and called to Nero, ‘We’re leaving.’

  The boy dropped the rake and came at a run. ‘Where are we going?’ he asked, stopping in front of them.

  ‘To get our stuff and get out of here.’

  Brutus took a menacing step towards him. ‘I’m warning you, if you leave, there’s no coming back.’

  Nero stepped in front of Remus, his narrow chest pushed out the way he had seen older men do. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Let’s go,’ he said, giving the boy a push to start him walking. He felt Brutus’s gaze scalding his back.

  ‘You don’t come back. Hear me?’

  He heard. Nero went to turn, and Remus gave him another shove. ‘You need to pick your battles more carefully,’ he said, suppressing a smile.

  Chapter 35

  When Nerva returned for the Kalends festival at the end of December, Mila felt a flicker of life return to her. The house felt warmer with him in it, and her domina more bearable.

  As he stood in the atrium, before the household’s gods, kissing his mother’s cheeks and pretending all was well between them, Mila lingered in the triclinium, peering in. She knew she would have to wait until he escaped his obligations later in the evening. Still, he looked around for her, catching her eye in the shadows and winking as a slave fussed around him. She needed tacky jokes, pointless discussions, laughter, and dare she admit it, a sparring partner. If she could just hold a sword again, maybe it would all be enough.

  ‘You seem different,’ he told her that evening.

  Remus had s
aid the same thing.

  They were leaning against the wall in the garden, her refuge spot, playing bocce with stones.

  ‘I have grown up. I thought you would be relieved.’

  He picked up the cup sitting between them and took a large gulp of wine before passing it to Mila. She finished what was left and placed it down again.

  ‘I might be if you still resembled yourself.’

  She shrugged. ‘You cannot have everything.’

  He studied her for a moment. ‘You are not… no.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Impossible.’

  ‘What?’ she asked again, shoving him. ‘I am not what?’

  A mischievous smile. ‘You are not lovesick?’ When she did not immediately deny it, he burst out in laughter. ‘You are! You are pining for your gladiator!’

  ‘Shhh.’ She wished there was more wine. ‘Do you want your mother to come out here and beat me?’

  ‘Even in the dark, I can see your cheeks burning. I cannot say I blame you. He is handsome in that rugged, bearded sort of way.’

  She pulled her knees up. ‘He also jumped into the arena during my execution, so it is not all about the beard.’

  ‘I too jumped into the arena.’

  ‘With a scroll.’

  ‘As a senator of Rome, I do not make a habit of carrying a sword around with me.’

  She rested her wrist on top of her knees. ‘How did you get into the Fadius household to retrieve that scroll unarmed?’

  He shrugged. ‘Like any civilised man, I bluffed my way with words once I was certain Jovian was not at home.’

  ‘Well, it worked, so I suppose I should stop teasing you and start thanking you.’

  ‘I should be thanking you. I have never received so many dinner invitations from Rome’s elite.’

  ‘You hate dining with Rome’s elite.’

  ‘True, but I enjoy knowing they want to dine with me.’

  Mila rested her head on the wall, looking up at the sky. Not one star was visible behind the thick cloud cover. ‘He wanted to marry me.’

  Nerva breathed out, watching the puff of steamy air leave his mouth. He glanced at the house where everyone had retired to their beds. ‘He said that? Actually spoke the words “I want to marry you”?’