“Ok, would it be ok for me to wait for him?” I ask holding my breath.
“Yes, I don’t mind. Please come inside. You’re lucky that he’s here today, because he doesn’t usually train here much anymore. He comes to train here when he wants to visit me,” Grandma says, walking towards the living room.
“Oh my, yes, I’m glad that I was able to catch him,” I say, beaming .
“Have a seat, would you like something to drink?” Grandma says smiling.
“No, thank you. I’m good,” I say, sitting on the sofa.
“Ok, if you’ll excuse me, I need to check on dinner,” Grandma says, clasping her hands in front of her.
“No worries, I’ll just wait here for Alek,” I say, smiling.
Grandma walks away leaving me alone in the living room with all of my memories, my doubts and fears to keep me company.
I look at the myriad of photos with Alek and his sister Nina as we grew up.
Oh my god!
He’s so beautiful!
I still love Alek.
He’s my soul, my heart, my everything.
Did he ever get my letters?
Did he move on?
Chapter Seven
Alek
I walk into the back door after I’m done training. I need to take a quick shower before I go.
I’m so damn lucky that Grandma is still healthy and strong. I love to come and check up on her even if the memories assault me, cutting my soul every time.
I walk into house and down the hall to take a quick shower. I look at the window, the image of Ruby sneaking into my room flashes across my mind.
“Fuck! Will I ever get over her?” I whisper to myself?
I take off my clothes and walk into the bathroom. I take a quick shower, towel off, and I pull on my jeans. I grab a black t-shirt out of the drawer and slip it over my head. I grab my keys, cell, off the dresser and walk out of my room. I walk down the hall and into the kitchen.
“Hey Grandma, I’m all finished up, but I’ll be back tomorrow since it’s Friday,” I say, smiling at her. She’s one of the few people that I love.
I walk over to get a glass, and then I go to get the milk from the refrigerator. I pour the milk into the glass looking at her.
“Alek, I love that you spend time with me, why don’t you stay for dinner? You have a visitor waiting for you in the living room,” Grandma says, smiling. She takes a drink of her coffee, patiently observing me over the rim.
“Who is it?” I ask frowning. I don’t have any friends. I will never have any of the associates near my grandma.
Grandma smiles, setting the coffee cup on the table.
“Alek, it’s that lovely girl, Ruby from next door,” Grandma says, nodding.
“What?” I say, pausing with my glass held up to my mouth. My body tenses up, my chest constricts, and my heart races.
What the fuck!
She’s here?
I don’t have to see her; I could walk right out, and she’d never know.
Oh fuck!
I need to see her.
I want her.
I finish drinking my milk, and nod at my grandma. I walk calmly down the hallway, into the living room and stop to watch Ruby.
Ruby is looking at my graduation photo, tracing my face with her finger. She’s wearing a red dress that clings to every curve.
Oh, fuck!
All I can see are those curves and more curves.
She’s all woman.
I gasp, inhaling deeply, and exhaling catching her attention. She turns to look at me, smiling sets down the photo.
I fucking need to control my heart, my soul, and definitely my damn body.
I squint my eyes looking at her, crossing my arms across my broad chest.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
“Hi Alek,” Ruby says, smiling shyly.
She’s unsure of me, I can see it plain as day.
What the fuck does she want?
“Hi Ruby,” I say, grinding my molars.
I watch her closely as she takes a step towards me. I look at her, completely stone-faced, unable to react. I don’t want to lose control of my locked-up emotions.
My heart shattered when she left.
“I’m so happy to see you. I missed you,” Ruby says sobbing. She runs towards me like she always did.
I react like always, without thinking, taking her in my arms and holding her tight. My body erupts, awakening from the numbing sleep. My blood races down to my cock, flaring with to life with a fiery need.
Ruby wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down. Her lips take mine in a deep hungry kiss.
Fuck, this is not a good idea.
I can’t control myself.
I need her more than I need my next breath.
I take over the kiss, ravishing her mouth like the starving man that I am.
This is my girl, my woman.
My soul knows it.
I move my hands up her back to wrap my hand around her neck, holding her head at the perfect angle to take all I want.
Damn! What am I doing?
She ran out on me.
I pull back, releasing her I walk away to stand at the window, I needed space to gain some perspective.
The hurt.
The anger.
Love.
All of these feelings attack my senses, and overload my mind. It’s so damn overpowering, leaving a bitter taste, rendering me helpless
“Alek,” Ruby says, walking towards me.
My anger takes over, I turn to glare at her resting my hands on my waist, tilting my head, squinting my eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask through clenched jaw.
Ruby flinches as though I struck her, her eyes widen and all color drains from her face. I can see that she’s surprised and hurt.
Really?
“Alek, why are you talking to me like that?” Ruby asks, her lower lip trembles.
I look out the window at the kid playing with his basketball. I stare at the bouncing ball, my mind racing, crazy, I inhale, exhale to control the emotions rushing through my body.
My heart wants to explode, my chest constricts, and I’m so pissed I can’t think straight.
“Alek” Ruby says taking a step towards me.
I turn to glare at her shaking my head, I raise my right hand up, in a stop gesture.
“Stop, don’t take another step. I can’t do this. I have a dinner engagement at six, so we can talk later. Of course, that is if you don’t run away, I won’t hold my breath I’ll see you again” I say, walking away from her.
Ruby’s tears roll down her cheeks, and she blinks rapidly to clear her eyes. She moves her hands up to wipe the tears.
“Alek, I’m here for my mother’s funeral. I was hoping you would be there,” Ruby says, looking at me.
I stop, I turn to glare at her fisting my hands at my sides to keep from reaching out and comforting her.
“Why would you want me there Ruby? You just packed up and left without a word. I can’t do this. I’m not. I’m not the same boy you left behind. I’m a man that has no heart,” I say walking out of the front door.
“Alek,” Ruby yells, running out the door after me.
I walk over to my car, open the door, and turn to look at her across the car.
“Ruby?” I say raising my eyebrow.
“I have so much to tell you, I miss you, can’t we just talk for a minute?” Ruby says, her lower lip trembles, crossing her arms.
“I don’t want to hear it Ruby. I stopped caring a long time ago. In fact, my heart is now hard, dark, and devoid of all feeling. I’m nothing more than a dead man walking,” I say, clenching my jaw.
I pull my eyeglasses from the inside door panel and slide them on. I nod at her and slide onto the black leather seat. I turn the key in the ignition, and I drive away looking in the review mirror, unable to help myself.
Fuck!
I can’t ignore her.
; I love her.
I’m a mess.
Chapter Eight
Ruby
I stand in front of Alek’s house, looking at his cold blue eyes. He’s so much taller, harder, bigger. He looks amazing, I feel my heart skip a beat, gasping I look at him.
I’m so confused.
Why is he acting like this?
I love him.
He’s leaving without talking to me. I can’t believe it because I thought that he loved me, just like I loved him.
What does he mean that I left without a word?
Really?
I left him a letter and I mailed a lot of letters over the years.
Yeah, I know it was old school, but he didn’t have a cell when I left, or I didn’t think he did. He did have a lot secrets, especially about his father and why he was always training. I’m so confused.
Did he ever get my letters?
I watch Alek leave, my heartache taking my breath away, I gasp for air. I move my hand up to wipe off my tears. Sobbing, and trying to breathe, I walk over to my car. I get inside, lean my arms on the steering wheel leaning my head on top of my arms, I let out the flood of tears that have been threatening for far too long. Giving ample voice to my heartbreak.
Chapter Nine
Alek
I know that I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t stop the insane need to be here for Ruby.
I stand at the side of the cemetery, a few graves away, looking at upper echelons of high society, the Governor’s tribe that are in attendance. The Governor’s tall blonde girlfriend stands next to him.
Ruby stands next to that bastard. She’s wearing a black dress, black wool coat, eyeglasses, a black hat, and gloves. Her face looks pale, and her lower lip trembles.
I know that she’s hurting, and I hate seeing her like this. She looks all alone even if her father is there with her. She bends down, her right hand grabs some soil. She stands over the open trench, and slowly releases the dirt watching it fall on the coffin below.
Yeah, it’s very symbolic.
My father always did say that we’re only dirt. He always quotes the bible verse before giving me the assignment to kill.
For you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Genesis 3:19
Ruby turns away and walks to the car, not turning back. I watch her stumble, steady herself, and continue to the waiting car.
I want to run to her, hug her and give her all of my love and support, but I can’t.
I’m a fucking bastard that can’t forgive what happened in the past. We were way too young, but I know that it’s a real love. Yet, I pushed her away, and I’m still resisting.
What can I say, I’m a stubborn motherfucker.
Her pain, her tears cut me deep into my soul. Yet, I can’t make the first step to go to her.
I sigh, close my eyes, clenching my jaw to keep from shouting, to stop myself from becoming a fool.
I have to admit that my training, my broken heart, and dead soul is all I am. I’m darkness, I’m dead. I’m a soldier, an assassin.
I’m not good for her. I’m not worthy of her love.
I turn, I walk away from Ruby.
Chapter Ten
Alek
“Chernaya smert’, you’re required to come home,” Dima, my father’s loyal soldier says as his voice comes over the cell.
“Yeah, I can’t,” I say, looking at my song that I’m writing.
“Chernaya smert’, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but your father is not going to make it. He was shot and needs to talk to you,” Dima growls.
“Who shot him?” I ask pacing anxiously around my room.
“A rogue solider,” Dima growls.
“What?” I ask calmly, in my usual mechanical disposition.
My heart skips a beat, my chest constricts, and I gasp for air.
What the fuck!
My father is shot?
I thought that I wouldn’t give a damn, much less feel any pain if he was shot down for his sins. I need to get over there and see him. I don’t want him to die.
“Chernaya smert’” Dima yells, effectively pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Right, I’ll be there,” I say, nodding.
“Toropit’sya (hurry),” Dima says.
“Da,” I say, closing my eyes. I end the call and I run to my closet.
I take off my sweat pants and t-shirt. I pull on my custom-made black slacks with a black dress shirt, slide on the black leather gun holster, and suit jacket.
Father always wants me to wear a suit when I’m around him and his soldiers. I grab my Glock, slide it into my holster.
In a few minutes I’m pulling into my father’s garage next to the huge mansion. I get out of my car and walk towards the hidden entrance to the underground compound.
I have access to everything. I have been ready for years to take over immediately, if the situation calls for it. But I pray it’s not soon.
I walk down the stairs and enter the underground compound. I walk down the hallway, I push the door, and enter my father’s the room.
The doctor is at his side. I walk into the room and stop at the foot of the bed.
The doctor turns to look at me, nods, and continues to monitor my father’s condition.
“Dr. Kozlov, how’s my father,” I ask, looking at my father lying in the bed. He looks white, no gray, he looks gravely ill.
My heart speeds up, the blood rushes through my head, I close my eyes. I need to control myself; this is what I’ve trained for ever since I was a small boy. I inhale and exhale taking control of my senses. I’m the chernaya smert’. I grind my molars looking at the doctor.
“Chernaya smert’, we need blood, he’s lost a lot. He’s in a critical condition and I’ve done everything that I can. We need to pray that he pulls though.” Dr. Kozlov says, looking up at me.
“Right, I can give him blood. I understand all too well about my father’s condition Dr. Kozlov,” I say, looking at my father.
“Let’s start now, the sooner we start the sooner we can save your father,” Dr. Kozlov says, nodding resolutely.
I give my blood to save my father, and the soldiers that have the same type donate as well. I wait around the room, looking at my cell. I stop at the end of the hall sliding my cell into my pockets.
Fuck!
I can’t tell Nina yet, because I don’t want to scare her. She’s with my aunt Irina and cousin Marisha. I’ll wait until I know if father will recover or if he might make it. She doesn’t need to know how he was injured. Father has kept her oblivious to what the family business actually entails.
I run my hands through my hair, closing my eyes. I open my eyes to look at the cell for my time.
It’s been twenty-four hours and Father is not getting any better. I’m fucking scared that he won’t pull through this time. Yeah, I hate his guts most of the time, but still he’s still my father. I only have Nina, Grandma, and Father in my life.
The doctor walks out of the room, looks to the left and then to the right. He sees me and walks towards me rubbing his hands.
I look at him stone-faced, taking in his nervous twitch.
“Chernaya smert’, Capo Nikolaev would like to speak to you,” Dr. Kozlov says, sighing.
I nod, and walk past him, and I open the door. I walk into the room, over to my father. I stand next to his bed watching him.
A few minutes later he opens his eyes, closes them, and then tries again.
“Alek, I’m not going to make it. My son, I’m proud of you and Nina. I love you. You’re my heir, you’re Capo Nikolaev now. You’ve been trained to rule,” Father says, wheezing. His eyes close, breathing shallow.
“Father, don’t worry I’m ready to take up the mantle.” I say taking his hand.
My father opens his eyes, nods, and gently squeezes my hand.
“You will be the boss, the Capo,” Father says, inhaling and exhales one last time releasing my hand.
“Father,” I yell, falling to my knees bu
rying my face into my hands.
I cry and pray, until Dima comes into the room placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Chernaya smert’, we need to make the funeral arrangements,” Dima says, softly.
I look up at my father, nod, and push off the floor. I run my hands through my hair, then wipe my face.
“Dima, call me Nikolaev. No one needs to know that I am Chernaya smert'. I’m ready,” I say, nodding.
“Nikolaev, of course,” Dima says, nodding.
Later that day, Nina arrives along with my aunt, cousin, and grandma. Her huge blue eyes are full of tears, she looks so young and fragile.
Nina is torn and runs to me. I hug her crying with her.
“Nina, I’m going to take care of you, don’t worry about a thing.” I say, softly holding her tight.
“Thank you, Alek, I know that you will,” Nina says, sobbing.
My father’s burial takes place on our estate.
Immediately after the funeral the USA Lord Czar Volkov, summoned me for a meeting.
I mean that I was summoned nicely, not, but in reality, I was escorted at gunpoint with Boss Maksim Kuzim and his soldiers.
Yeah, the Lord mandates over the Boss and the Boss monitors the Capos, which means my father.
So, what do they want with me? I can only guess but my father is in his resting place and I just got home from burying him.
And already fuckers are here asserting their control over me.
Fuck, this is so damn painful. I didn’t think that I would mourn my father’s death, but I am.
It’s so fucking painful, a shock.
I knew that could happen, but I believed it would be much later in life.
I hate this life, I hate that my soul is dead, and that I’m hollow inside.
I walk into Lord Volkov’s office located in San Francisco. I look around the office, that’s decorated in contemporary black and silver. Lord Volkov is standing next to a tall stone-faced man at his desk.
I’ve never seen him before, but he looks important because Lord Volkov and the Boss Kuzim appear to admire him, almost like a god-like devotion. Fuck! He must be someone important, probably, an Elite. Right.
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