Space Hippie

by Tammy Hobbs

  Space Hippie turns away and plugs some earbuds into her ears. She turns her music up and stares out the green-filmed window, tears streaming down her face.

  Later...

  Starr holds a bag of clean, recycled rags. She demonstrates how to clean the slimy windows. "The trick is, you just have to wipe it. Don't use cleaner."

  She hands a couple of rags to Space Hippie.

  After a few minutes, the windows begin to sparkle. Space Hippie starts on the windshield.

  Chillz leans back and puts his tennis shoes up on the table. "I've been cleaning my shoes with it, too. Check it. It took the grease right off."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Heroes

  GRAY PLANET

  The Luv Shuttle zips into view and slows to a stop.

  Through a sparkly clean spot on the windshield, we see Chillz kicking the footbag around. He drops it and rushes to the window. The look on four of the hippies' faces tells us that something is wrong.

  A gray planet sits nearby.

  LUV SHUTTLE

  Space Hippie looks at their faces, and then out the windshield.

  "What's wrong?" she asks.

  Starr presses her face against the window. "This is Lamadre? It can't be!"

  Chillz checks a computer screen. "There's no doubt about it."

  "No!" A tear rolls down Starr's cheek. She plops down with less than her usual grace. "We played our first gig here," she chokes.

  Rainbow hugs her comfortingly. "We're going to catch him!"

  Space Hippie looks from face to face and at all of the computers and equipment. "But... Why us?"

  Starr's sobbing and everyone else is quiet, so she tries again, a little louder. "Why do WE have to catch him? Aren't there some alien police or something that can do it?"

  Herb says simply, "We're it, man."

  "But... All those aliens!" Space Hippie pleads. "All their technology!" She motions to the computers. "They can't do something?"

  Herb shakes his head. "Politics."

  Space Hippie twirls her hair and stares at him, waiting for more of an explanation, but he says nothing.

  Rainbow goes to get some tissues for Starr. "We've been sending messages like crazy. The Nommese Nationals don't want to get involved." She rolls her eyes. "They say it's an Earth matter."

  "But it affects all of us!" Space Hippie exclaims, outraged.

  "Yes, I know. I tried to tell them that."

  Starr blows her nose. "The Stubits and Erbits are too busy fighting a war," she says, sounding a little stuffy. "They say they can't spare any spaceships."

  Chillz throws the footbag angrily at the floor. "And the Suspelons won't return our messages. I heard that they think we're making this up."

  Rainbow lets go of Starr and leans forward with her face in her hands and massages her temples. "Yes, they think it's a conspiracy to get their money. And the Hedonauts have already given up hope. They're holding massive end-of-the-Universe parties now."

  "But there's still hope!" Space Hippie tells her emphatically.

  "The Republonians say they want to help," Chillz throws in, looking disgusted, "but they need political approval before they take action-"

  "That could take years," Rainbow cuts him off.

  Starr hiccups. "The Democites are arguing over which type of lasers to use, and they're in a deadlock."

  "That could take decades," says Rainbow knowingly. "It did last time."

  "And the Rongnockers offered to take care of it... For a price. Which we don't have." Chillz punches his inflatable chair in frustration, but his fist just bounces back.

  Space Hippie drops her hair and stares speechless for a second. "But... You're celebrities! People say they'll do anything for you!"

  "Pretty talk," says Herb grimly. "Abbita babbita ba!" He takes off his bandana, throws it on the passenger seat, and runs his hand through his long hair. "Ibbita bibbita ba..." Tears begin to well up in his eyes. He looks angrier than Space Hippie's ever seen him.

  Space Hippie courteously looks away, right into Chillz' face. She quickly looks at the floor. "So... That's it? Isn't there anybody else?"

  Rainbow answers, sounding defeated. "There are about 500 more civilizations in our Galaxy, but they don't have the technology to deal with this."

  "We're it, man." Herb's voice matches his age for a change. "Weedoobit-oobit." He sounds tired.

  Chillz takes a deep breath. He's resolute. "Nobody's gonna save the world for us. We're gonna have to do it ourselves."

  Later...

  Herb's at the wheel. Everyone else is sleeping.

  Except Space Hippie, who is only pretending to sleep. She's sobbing quietly on her pillow.

  Herb's eyes flicker to the mirror. His eyebrows raise. He opens his mouth, hesitates, closes it. He clears his throat and hoarsely whispers, "Space?"

  She gets very quiet and pretends to sleep.

  He opens his mouth, hesitates, and closes it again. He wipes some slime off the windshield with a paper towel.

  The windshield sparkles where he wiped the slime away.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Fluff-ly Love

  LUV SHUTTLE

  A blorch-notch, a space creature the size of a small car, has attached itself with a loving kiss to the back of the Luv Shuttle. It's plump, ugly, and hairless, with seven eyes and a sucker-mouth as wide as a watermelon.

  Space Hippie stares in wide-mouthed horror. "Is it trying to eat us?"

  Rainbow's disgusted. She wrinkles her face and turns away. "Not likely. It's not even angry."

  "How can you tell?"

  "They turn red and swell up when they're angry."

  Squelching sounds come from the rear glass.

  Rainbow peeks at the creature again out of the corner of her eye. "Weird," she says thoughtfully. "I've never seen one act like this before. It's almost like it's in love."

  Space Hippie sinks down into her seat, twisting her hair again.

  From the front of the bus, Herb distracts them with, "Uh-oh."

  Rainbow flinches. "What's wrong now?"

  "That thing isn't pushing its own weight. It's slowing us down, man. We're gonna have to stop for fuel. Tug-glug-glug."

  Rainbow, Chillz, and Starr groan.

  Chillz throws a comic book at the creature. "We're never gonna catch him at this rate!"

  Space Hippie sinks all the way down to the floor.

  Later...

  An assortment of other space creatures have also attached themselves to the windows of the Luv Shuttle. Several more are riding on top. A few are hovering around the van as it creeps along.

  Chillz is in a rage, frantically honking the old horn. "Move! Moo-oove!"

  Starr's shoulders shake as she tries to keep from laughing, "This is getting ridiculous."

  Four furry little fluffball creatures hug the windshield and make happy sounds.

  Chillz turns on the windshield wipers with an evil grin.

  The flufflings go flying.

  "Chillz, stop," orders Rainbow firmly.

  More fluffballs come. Chillz makes the wipers go faster.

  "Stop!"

  She and Chillz struggle over the wiper controls. Starr helps dislodge him from the driver's seat.

  He stomps to the back of the bus, pouting.

  Rainbow frowns at him. "Starr, you drive. Spacey, come here."

  Space Hippie comes forward a little from the back of the bus, but hides behind an enormous lava lamp.

  The gang can see her apologetic expression, oddly distorted through the lamp. She starts to twist her hair again. "I can't help it!"

  "It's okay. You're not in trouble. But we've got to get this under control. Let's start with some meditation."

  Still later...

  There is very little slime growing. Most of the inside of the bus is sparkly clean.

  Chillz is driving again.

  The other four hipp
ies are sitting cross-legged with their eyes closed listening to soothing music coming from the camper's speakers.

  Only two space creatures remain attached to the Luv Shuttle.

  Chillz turns on the blinker and then veers toward a nearby planet. The planet is blue-speckled with lakes and one small ocean.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Our Secret Weapon

  PLANET BLORP

  No buildings, no beings, all nature.

  The hippies park close to a lake and pile out of the bus.

  Space Hippie looks around. "I thought you said we were going to get fuel here?"

  "We are." Starr stands in the bus door handing empty plastic jugs to the band members. She tosses a couple to Space Hippie. They take them to the lake and begin to fill them with water.

  Space Hippie holds hers just under the water. Glug, glug, glug. "I thought the Luv Shuttle was solar-powered."

  Chillz puts the cap on a jug. "Those are just for auxiliary power. We use water to fuel the engine and the rockets."

  Ten jugs later, they start to pile back into the bus.

  Rainbow calls, "Time to go."

  Space Hippie hands her water to Starr, but she stays outside.

  Chillz waves her in. "Um, we kinda hafta hurry, Space."

  Space Hippie takes two steps backwards. "I'm not going."

  Starr exchanges a glance with Chillz. Chillz sets down his water jugs and jumps out of the bus. "Not funny."

  He edges toward her a little.

  "Not a joke." She edges back. "Look, I've thought about this... You guys don't need me."

  Rainbow sighs. "Space..."

  "I'm just slowing you down. The slime, the flufflings, the fuel-"

  Chillz starts to run at her. "We don't have time for this. Get her!"

  The band members chase her down and tackle her (even Herb).

  Carrying her back to the Luv Shuttle, Chillz tells her seriously, "We need you."

  She struggles half-heartedly to break free, and her sandal falls off. "What do you need me for? I'm just messing everything up. You'll travel faster without me."

  "Believe me, if I thought we didn't need you, I'd boot you right out."

  "Thanks," she answers sourly.

  "What he means," Starr tells her gently, handing her the sandal, "is that we all know how important this mission is. We'd all do anything necessary to stop Petrol. We have to."

  "But you don't need me! You're all talented. I'm just..."

  Herb whispers, "Our secret weapon."

  "Look," Starr says sincerely, "there's not anything that special about the rest of us."

  "Oh, no," retorts Space Hippie, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're just super-smart. And beautiful and not green. And rich and famous. And successful astronauts-"

  Chillz tries to cut in, "Space-"

  "And you probably all have families at home. Ones who don't want to try to destroy the Universe-"

  "Stop it!" bellows Rainbow. Her eyes flicker to the photos on the wall. She turns away.

  Silence for a while.

  Starr sits and hugs her knees. "We're just ordinary people. We don't have any superpowers. We can't control animals or make things grow or..."

  "Bring things back to life," Chillz finishes for her.

  Starr nods. "We're just people. We're scared, too. We don't even know if we can do anything to Petrol when we get to him. He's goop. But we do know that if we don't get there, we can't do anything at all. We're just a band in a bus. The only thing that makes us special is... Well..." She shrugs.

  "We decided to do something," Chillz finishes again. "And that's the difference between us and the other 6.5 quintillion beings. But you, you're different." He touches his nose to hers. "You have powers. Maybe we can use them. You're..."

  "Our... secret weapon?" asks Space Hippie hopefully.

  "Our secret weapon!" Herb repeats gleefully.

  Chillz releases her.

  Later...

  Two confused flufflings hover near the window. Space Hippie stares at them with intense concentration.

  Rainbow's coaching her. "Okay, now slowly stop the flow again."

  Space Hippie tightens her fists. One eyebrow lowers.

  The flufflings begin to travel away from the bus.

  "Good! Good." Rainbow pats her on the back. "Now bring them back."

  Space Hippie reaches one shaking hand forward.

  The flufflings stop, confused.

  "Pull them in," commands Rainbow.

  "I'm trying."

  Both flufflings start to go away again.

  Chillz panics. "They're leaving!"

  "I know! I'm having trouble re-starting..."

  She reaches both hands forward.

  She begins to shake.

  There's a loud popping sound, then a swoosh. The bus shakes.

  Both flufflings charge full force into the bus.

  "Uh-oh," Space Hippie whimpers.

  A gizmo at the front of the bus beeps. Slowly at first... Then faster... And faster...

  Herb yells, "Incoming!"

  Four clouds of flufflings from four separate directions rush toward the bus at once.

  "Brace yourselves!" Rainbow warns.

  The flufflings hit the bus, sounding like a storm of pillows. The bus shakes slightly, but it's not damaged.

  The noise from the cooing flufflings is so loud that the hippies cover their ears. They can't see out the windows.

  They let out a collective sigh of relief.

  Rainbow yells over the noise of the flufflings, "Everyone okay?"

  They are. Starr begins to giggle, then the other band members join her in laughing.

  Whoomp!

  An enormous blorch-notch splats into the back of the bus, dislodging many of the flufflings and knocking the hippies off of their feet.

  "Maybe," says Rainbow from the floor, shoving Chillz' foot out of her face, "we should take a break for a little while."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Dream

  LUV SHUTTLE - OUTER SPACE

  Herb's sleep-driving again. The rest of the hippies lie asleep in hammocks and on bean-bags.

  Space Hippie is tossing and turning.

  SPACE HIPPIE'S DREAM

  Space Hippie is with the band in the Luv Shuttle. But the Luv Shuttle is now an enormous, glossy red race-car with flames painted on the sides.

  The band members are all impossibly beautiful. They're all wearing sexy, tight-fitting astronaut outfits.

  Starr is shoveling a mountain of money off to one side. She moves like a supermodel on a runway.

  Chillz sits nearby at an elaborate desk covered with a teetering pile of letters. He is busily scribbling with a fancy feather quill.

  Chillz, Starr, and Rainbow speak with haughty accents.

  Starr grunts. Her shovel is stuck in the money. "My dear, can you spare a moment?" she asks Chillz. "I need help with this."

  "Sorry, darling. I'm too busy answering fan mail. Maybe that new girl can help you."

  Space Hippie is neon green and has the face and clothes of a hag. "Me? You want me to help?" she asks hopefully.

  "Oh, no, Sweetie. I couldn't possibly trust someone like you with something like this. Besides, our flawless leader could use help sending out messages."

  Rainbow places her arms protectively over her holographic keyboard. "Of course not. This equipment is far too important. Maybe she can drive."

  Herb answers in his normal voice. "No way, my good chums. She might, uhm, wreck my precious mobilization unit or something.... Man."

  Chillz stands up dramatically. "I know! She can kill the bad guy for us."

  Human Petrol sits on the hood, looking skinny and helpless.

  "B-But..." stammers Space Hippie, "But that's my father."

  Starr tuts and rolls her eyes. "See, she can't even handle that."

  "No, no! I'll do it. Just give me a second." Space
Hippie looks at Petrol with intense concentration.

  He begins to grow... And grow...

  As he grows, he turns into an enormous fluffling.

  He grows until his fluff takes up their entire view. The hood creaks.

  "What have you done?!" shrieks Rainbow.

  "But all I know how to do is make things grow!"

  Petrol gets so large that the Luv Shuttle eventually disappears into his fluff.

  The hippies all scream.

  Their screams echo and turn into an alarm as she wakes up.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The Choice

  LUV SHUTTLE - OUTER SPACE

  A loud alarm shrieks.

  Rainbow is already rushing to the controls at the front of the bus. "Up! Everybody up!"

  Bodies stir. "Up!" she repeats frantically.

  Space Hippie wakes with a start. "Fluffling!"

  Starr's next. "What's wrong?"

  "We're there!" Rainbow motions toward the windshield.

  Starr pokes Chillz hard in the ribs. "Get up!"

  "Ow! Alright, already!"

  Space Hippie sits, relieved her dream isn't real, but confused. "We're where?"

  Rainbow shuts off the alarm. She points out the windshield again. A black blob is far off in the distance, but slowly looking larger as they close in. "He's stopped," she says.

  Starr runs to a holographic computer screen. "Why?"

  "No clue."

  Starr reaches through the screen and shakes Herb gently awake.

  Frustrated with the lack of action and wanting to feel involved in the action, Space Hippie calls out, "Pedal to the metal!"

  "We're already at full speed," Rainbow explains. "We have been this whole time."

  "Yah, this isn't Trek Wars," adds Chillz a little haughtily. "We don't have that kind of technology."

  Herb hollers, "Arm the phasers!"

  Starr touches her computer screen. "Already done. Cloak us!"

  Space Hippie's baffled. "But you just said-"

  Chillz drags her over to the passenger seat. "Help me with this lever! It's a little tricky."

  Together, Chillz and Space Hippie move a dual-sided lever to lift a seat cushion. A big red button labelled "Cloak!" lies underneath.

  "That's a weird place to put a control."

  "We didn't want to accidentally set it off."

  Chillz pushes the button.

  OUTSIDE...

  Two robotic arms reach out from under the Luv Shuttle, tape the windows, spray paint everything else matt black, and remove the tape.