Home to Me

by LaVerne Clark

  “Oh!” Her mother’s confused frown was quickly replaced with a hesitant smile. “That sounds nice. But make sure you keep your phone on you, and let me know where you’re going and when you expect to be home. You never know about people these days.”

  Lucy laughed. “I’m pretty sure this guy is all right, Mum. Sam has met him, and you know what his radar is like. If he’d detected any weirdness, he would have acted on it and warned him off.” Her laugh trailed off, and her breath hitched at the memory of Sam’s reaction to Jeff flirting with her. She wondered what he’d think about the latest development, or even whether the thought would bother him at all. Suddenly, tiredness sat heavy on her shoulders, robbing her of the last vestiges of energy.

  Her mother leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “Off to bed with you now, darling. You look shattered. You’ll want all your beauty sleep to impress this young man on Thursday.”

  Lucy rose, glad of the reprieve, and pasted a smile to her lips. “Night, Mum. Sleep well.”

  Chapter Ten

  Sam parked across from the red-brick house where he’d spent so many of his teenage years and steeled himself. Coward that he was, he’d avoided Lucy on the pretext that it was the best thing for her when in actual fact it was for his own benefit. Thoughts of her had found themselves deeply rooted in his mind, in everything he did. In quiet moments, he’d close his eyes and she was all he could see. His pillowcases still held her scent, and he’d drift off, dreaming of her. He was haunted by the memory of her in his bedroom. There was no escape, but worst of all—he didn’t want to exorcise the ghost.

  And there lay the problem.

  He had to set her free for her own good. If he allowed himself the luxury of declaring his true feelings, he risked losing what they already had. He had no doubt Lucy would argue passionately against him, but it didn’t alter the facts. Yes, she’d been victimized, but she’d also worked hard to overcome the deep wounds they’d left behind. Part of the reason she thought she was in love with him was because he’d helped her. He’d never hurt her—not in a million years and she knew that. If they stayed together, over time she’d come to tire of him. Grow out of her need for him as she grew in confidence, and then she’d start to resent him. Everything good in their friendship that they’d built over the years would die.

  And that he would not allow to happen. Ever.

  He unclipped his belt and slid out of the Jeep, pocketing his keys as he strode to the front door. He knocked, then wiped his damp palms over the butt of his jeans and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the sound of footsteps hurrying to the door came from inside. The door swung open, and his heartbeat settled back into its normal rhythm.

  “Hi, Janet. Thanks for inviting me for dinner.” He gifted her a bigger than usual smile, hoping it covered the disappointment she wasn’t Lucy.

  Janet gave him a knowing smile, apparently not fooled for a moment, and pulled him in. “You don’t ever need an invitation, silly boy.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek, then leaned back to look up at him. “We’ve missed you.”

  We. His heart leaped. He glanced around, ears straining for the slightest hint of Lucy’s whereabouts.

  As if reading his mind, Janet reached up and patted his cheek. “Lucy will be down shortly, but I’m afraid she won’t be joining us for dinner.”

  “Oh?” He refused to acknowledge why a rock seemed to have lodged itself into the pit of his stomach. He followed her into the kitchen where the smell of Thai chicken curry, normally his favorite, welcomed him. But the rock that had settled grew heavier, and his appetite fled. Aiming for casual, he leaned a hip against smooth marble. “Where is she going?”

  Janet beamed. “She’s going on a date. Isn’t that just marvelous?”

  As if he’d been sucker-punched, all the air left his lungs, and he sank onto a barstool, his hands gripping the edge of the breakfast bar to stay upright. “Marvelous,” he echoed.

  As if that were a cue, footsteps descended the stairs, and his eyes widened.

  Lucy came down the stairs, one careful step after the other, eyes glued to her feet to negotiate the tricky operation. Strappy heels showed off those gorgeous long legs of hers to perfection and set off a new fantasy.

  He’d place one of those delicate feet in his lap and ease the sandal off, making sure the straps dragged over the arch of her foot just enough to make her squirm and arch her back the way that drove him crazy. Then he’d run a fingertip over her painted toenails, trace the lines of her ankles and up over the defined curve of her calf and back down again. When she was panting and close to begging that she needed more, he’d spread her legs, kneel between them, and put her out of her misery with his mouth.

  “Sam. What are you doing here?”

  Her sharp voice snapped him out of his fantasy, and he blinked. Clearing his throat, he adjusted his position on the stool and tried to cool the flush of desire he knew had to be burning in his gaze. Not an easy thing to do when he could still remember the taste of her essence on his tongue.

  “I invited him for dinner.”

  Sam gave Janet a grateful smile, and she winked as if she knew of his struggle to voice anything worth comprehending.

  Lucy eyed him, then edged past, the skirt of her dress swirling around her knees in a kaleidoscope of color. A subtle cloud of perfume followed in her wake, and it was all he could do not to grab her by the shoulders and bury his nose in her throat.

  Studiously ignoring him, she rolled her eyes at her mother. “I know what you’re up to.”

  “Oh? And what is that?” Janet arched a brow at her daughter, an innocent expression on her face, but the mischievous look in her eyes spoke of the truth.

  Sam held back the grin threatening. He’d seen that same expression on Lucy’s face too many times to count. While on the surface mother and daughter appeared different, in all the important ways they were the same. A fierce loyalty combined with a strong stubborn streak meant they loved deeply, and he thanked his lucky stars the day they’d decided to include him in their family. But equally, subtlety had never been one of their strengths with everything they felt broadcast on their faces.

  He watched them interact now, their strengths and weaknesses on display. Was it any wonder he’d fallen in love with Lucy when Janet had been his first love? He’d never stood a chance.

  “You’ve invited Sam here to vet my date. Admit it.”

  Sam eyed Janet and caught the tiny twitch to her lips that told him her daughter couldn’t be further from the truth. No. The invitation was for his benefit alone. She wanted him to see Lucy with another man, to prod him into action. If only it were that simple.

  A knock sounded, and Lucy’s attention was diverted. With a final glare over her shoulder at her mother, she flounced off and opened the door. “Jeff. Come in.”

  Sam watched her face brighten with a smile, and something cracked in his chest. He crossed his arms, hands curling into fists on his biceps.

  A vaguely familiar man stepped into the foyer and bent forward to kiss Lucy on the cheek. Sam clenched his jaw and sucked in a deep draught of air to swallow down the threatening growl, reminding himself he was going to have to get used to this sight. It was what he knew she needed. But damn it, he didn’t have to like it.

  “You must be Mrs. Caldwell. These are for you for allowing me to take your daughter out.” Jeff produced a bunch of blue delphiniums from behind his back. “The color reminded me of Lucy’s beautiful eyes. I thought she may have inherited them from you, and I’m glad to see I was right.”

  Sam scowled to see an identical smile to her daughter’s appear on Janet’s face. The guy knew how to charm, he’d give him that. And where he managed to find delphiniums this late in the season, he couldn’t begin to figure. He could really grow to hate this guy.

  “Nice to see you again.”

  Sam shifted his gaze to see Jeff was addressing him, and stared down at the hand offered. Janet nudged him with h
er shoulder. Clasping it with reluctance, his gaze bored into the smaller man’s, his grip just short of punishing. “I hope to hear Lucy has a good time. Make sure she does.”

  Jeff swallowed, his Adam’s apple sliding in his throat. Message apparently received loud and clear. After a final squeeze and a satisfying grimace from the other man, Sam let go.

  “Of course I will.” Lucy hooked one hand through Jeff’s elbow and swung her handbag onto the opposite shoulder, tugging her date toward the door. “Let’s go, shall we, or we won’t have time for dinner before the first act.” Her gaze slid past Sam, her chin at a haughty angle, softening only when it rested on her mother. “Don’t wait up for me. I’m not sure how long we’ll be.”

  “Okay, darling. Have fun. Thanks once again for the flowers, Jeff.”

  “It’s my pleasure. Have a good evening.”

  The door closed with a heavy thunk, but Sam continued to stare after them, his arms tightly crossed, his stomach tied up in knots, and his head full of regrets.

  “Come away from the door, darling boy. You’ll set it afire the way your gaze is burning into it.” Her voice softened when he glanced up. “She’ll be all right, you know. Jeff seems like a good guy. He’s exactly what she needs.”

  Sam clenched his jaw to stop himself yelling, “No.” Jeff wasn’t what she needed. He was. But he couldn’t. It would be selfish. Lucy was only doing exactly what he’d told her to do. He’d been the one to distance himself, to push her away. Did he want her to sit around and pine for him? She needed and deserved someone who could give her all the happiness she was due, unreservedly.

  Janet led the way back into the kitchen, and Sam followed, unlocking his jaw with difficulty and sniffing appreciatively. “Is that chicken curry?”

  “It is.” She smiled and lifted the lid off a simmering pot to stir it. “It’s still your favorite, right?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He swiped the spoon out of her hand and popped it into his mouth, closing his eyes in bliss as the perfect blend of lime, chilies, coriander, and sweet coconut coated his tongue. “You must love me.”

  “Sometimes I wonder why.” She pulled a fresh spoon out of the drawer and bumped him with her hip. “Leave it alone, you big Gannet, or you’ll ruin your appetite. Go and pour the wine. There’s a lovely Nelson Chardonnay in the fridge.”

  He obeyed and felt the tension drain from his body as the glasses filled. Some of the best nights of his life had been played out here in this house, this kitchen in particular. He watched the woman he’d so often wished was his mother bustle about the kitchen. His own had been remote and too preoccupied with misery after the divorce to notice her son’s.

  Looking back with an adult’s view of the world, he conceded it may well have been because she was so busy trying to keep herself together after the divorce with all the nasty emotions and accusations flying around, but for a child who’d needed reassurance he was still loved regardless, he’d been forgotten about. Then the Caldwells had stepped in and saved him from the resulting delinquent path he’d been bound on—and he’d been trying to pay them back ever since.

  Janet piled one bowl high with curry, the other a more modest amount, and scraped the rice into a separate bowl. As was his habit, Sam picked them up and took them through to the dining table. Janet followed with the wine, then sat across from him, their movements synchronized over many a night just like this one. The only difference; Lucy wasn’t there to share it with them.

  And just like that, his good mood evaporated again.

  “What do you think you’re doing, Sam?”

  He glanced up at the soft tone. Janet stared at him, her gaze all-seeing. With a wry smile, he speared a piece of chicken. “I’m eating my meal.” Shoving it into his mouth, he methodically chewed, trying to ignore the fact his appetite had fled. Of course, Janet knew him too well to fall for his pathetic attempt at diversion.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about, darling.” She reached across the table and laid her hand over his wrist, stilling his hand from poking more food around his plate. “Why did you break it off with her? I’ve never seen either of you so happy as when you were spending time together. And equally, I’ve never seen either of you so miserable as now.”

  Sam dropped his fork, giving up all pretense of eating, and sat back with a sigh, scrubbing a hand through his hair. Where to start? Something told him Lucy had never told her mother the real reason she moved back home and the effects it had on her. How could he explain what had happened between them and why without it sounding sordid? But then how could he not explain? The reasons for why he’d broken it off were inextricably tied to those sordid details.

  Janet waited and ate her dinner, her gaze unwavering.

  Taking a fortifying sip of wine, Sam met her stare and sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but before you get angry, just remember I’ve only ever had Lucy’s best interests at heart. Don’t forget, she means the world to me too.”

  “I’ve never once doubted it, Sam.” She cocked her head to the side. “But I have to admit you’ve got me intrigued—and a little worried.”

  Sam grimaced, slugged back the rest of his wine, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Lucy came to me for help. She wanted me to help her find a man to help her rediscover her sexuality.” He watched Janet’s fork halt halfway to her mouth. He sighed. There was no going back now. “Apparently, I was the only man she trusted with such a task. Said she was sick of being called frigid, or feeling frightened and freezing anytime a man got close to her.”

  Janet’s fork clattered to her plate; the hand that had been holding it crept to her mouth. He’d give it to her. Although her eyebrows had disappeared into her hairline, she didn’t interrupt, just nodded for him to continue, then grabbed her glass of wine and took a hearty gulp, eyes suspiciously shiny.

  “Yeah, I know. I didn’t fancy the idea of her doing that either. Which was why I flatly refused her request. Told her if she was determined to go through with such an extreme scheme, the only man I’d trust to help her out was me.”

  Sam dropped his gaze at her sharp inhale, unable to bear whatever look of censure was in her eyes, and swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Janet. I convinced myself I was being noble and it was all about Lucy. Turns out I was lying. I just jumped on the perfect excuse as soon as it was presented. It was totally selfish.” He lifted his chin and squared his shoulders. “I refuse to carry on being selfish, and the only way to do that is to let her go.”

  “Oh, you silly boy.”

  Janet shook her head, and he stared at her in confusion. He’d expected her to be angry. At the very least disgusted. He’d taken advantage of Lucy’s predicament, just like the men he’d warned her against. Her precious daughter. He’d known about her crush on him and played on it to get what he’d wanted. And God knows he’d wanted her. Who’d been there to protect her from him?

  But it didn’t look like any of that was going through Janet’s head. Instead, she was smiling at him, tears glistening in her eyes. “You love her, don’t you?”

  Sam’s head buzzed, and his stomach flipped at the words. He frowned. Love? “Of course. I’ve always loved Lucy. She’s like a sister to me.”

  Janet raised an eyebrow, the expression so like Lucy’s that his breath caught in his chest. “I don’t know who you’re trying to kid more, darling boy—you or me. But if I was to hazard a guess, I’d suggest it was you.”

  He opened his mouth to refute her words, then closed it again with a click. She was right.

  “Since you love her, why are you so determined to push her away? Doesn’t it upset you to see her going out with another man?”

  “It kills me.” The answer was immediate, the words torn from the depths of his soul, the taste of their truth bitter on his tongue. “But I had no choice.”

  Janet wrinkled her brow. “Why? She loves you too. She always has.”

  “That’s the problem, don’t you see?” He gripped the table and leaned forward, willing her to und
erstand. “It’s a habit. I’ve always been there. I’ve been a protector, another big brother from her adolescence onward. Someone to look up to and adore without complications. She doesn’t see me clearly enough, but over time, she will. The gloss will rub off, and when she discovers I’m not as golden as she thinks I am, she’ll start to resent me. I couldn’t bear that.” He closed his eyes and rubbed at the spot between his brows where a headache had started to pound. “No. Better that we end this now on good terms before it sours. Better to have her in my life in a limited capacity than not at all.”

  “Oh, Sam.” Compassion colored her tone. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as she continued. “There have been times in your life when I could see you’re making a terrible mistake, and always I’d stay silent. I firmly believe everyone needs to learn from them, but in this instance, I can’t. It’s not just you who is being hurt this time.” She reached across the table and wrapped his hand in both of hers, squeezing until he met her gaze. “You need to trust her. Trust in her ability to know her own mind. She’s not a child anymore. Don’t make the decision for her. That is what will cause resentment.”

  Her words penetrated his tired brain. Hope bloomed, and he stared into her eyes, seeing not just the woman who’d brought him into the fold, but the echo of his best friend.

  His heartbeat slowed, and warmth suffused him, spreading throughout his body and leaving his extremities tingling. The negative thoughts and guilt that had eaten away at him for far too long lifted and took flight. For a split moment in time, he swore he felt Jordan’s presence, a phantom cuff to the head making him grin. He stilled to concentrate on it, to hold onto it, but it was like trying to hold water. But just like water left a trace of damp behind, the feelings of love and approval lingered, and his soul rejoiced.