by Lara Swann
The question isn’t quite in her voice, but I hear it anyway, and I make a non-committal sound. I don’t really want to follow where my mind goes at that comment.
I got over my childhood and family situation a long time ago and it’s not something I make a habit of dwelling on - but around something so different here, it’s hard not to compare a little.
“Out here, though, this is what it’s all about - family.” Kelsey continues, when she seems to realize I’m not going to say anything more. “At least for us.”
“Mm.” I nod. “You can tell.”
It’s true, too. The kids here today seem to be the heart of everything going on - and I think I might have had more conversations about Maya and parenting today than…well, maybe in the whole time since Maya was born. Which seems like maybe I’ve been doing this wrong, when I think about it like that, but what else was I going to do?
There was no one to have those conversations with.
Maya has been the light of my life for all of her loud, vibrant eight years of age, but I won’t deny that I’ve felt so alone with her at times. Which makes it strange to be around so many parents now, casually talking and laughing about their kids and those everyday struggles…and I guess this is what everyone else has. How they do it. I’ve just…never been part of it.
I’ve never thought much of it, either. Sure, I knew I had no support system - with friends childless and dispersed around the world, family not worth thinking about and Maya’s Mom…well, best not go there - but I’m used to all that. It’s how I’ve lived my whole life.
Now though…I look around at all these people, and I wonder.
Is this what I could have had? If I’d grown up in a different family? If I’d met a different woman? If I hadn’t been so totally fucked up when I met the one I did?
I’m not sure whether it’s a pang of jealousy or longing or something else entirely that goes through me at the thought, but for one brief moment it’s hard to deal with.
“Are you okay?” Kelsey asks, and I glance back to see her peering at me.
I shrug in much the same way she did earlier, giving her a half-hearted smile. “Yeah, sorry. Just…lost in thought for a moment.”
She nods, then reaches out to squeeze my arm, and the brief jolt that runs through my skin tells me just how little we’ve actually touched - despite all our banter and friendly conversation. I guess she notices that too because she removes her hand a moment later - but I still feel that touch lingering on my skin, a warm imprint as if she’d left a mark there.
“Thank you for inviting me.” I say, partly to put that out of my mind - but I really mean it too. “And you were right - maybe it won’t be too hard to get to know some people here after all. Mark’s already invited me to check out Ashton’s ‘one and only bar’ - and yes, he said it in exactly that tone of voice. I might even take him up on it.”
Kelsey laughs at the last part, smirking over at me. “You should. The drinks old Thomas makes are a thing to behold.”
“So I’ve heard.” I say, as we approach where Maya is playing with Katy and Lily under a group of old trees.
“Hi Daddy!” Maya says, looking up at us from where she’s sitting on the floor.
“Hey sweetie, are you having a good time?”
She nods, grinning at me. “We’re playing castles.”
I glance around but I can’t see anything remotely resembling a structure, so I guess this is one of those games where everything is in their heads.
“That sounds like fun.”
“We don’t have to go, do we?” She asks, making her eyes big and round in that adorable way that’s impossible to say no to.
“Well…” I glance behind me, where a couple of the guys seem to have started packing up the grill. “Maybe a little bit longer?”
“Yayyy, thank you Mr. Muffin Man.” Lily giggles from the other side of me and I try not to groan as Kelsey stifles a laugh of her own.
Maya doesn’t even have that much respect, rocking back and forth as she joins in. “The muffin man, Daddy! You’re the muffin man!”
Kelsey mouths ‘sorry’ at me and I just roll my eyes.
Yeah. That is definitely going to catch on, isn’t it?
“I’m an incredibly sophisticated small business owner, I’ll have you know.” I tell them in an officious voice, despite doubting they understand a word, and it just makes the three of them laugh even more. I make a show of huffing and shake my head. “I’ll come back in ten minutes, okay Maya?”
“Aww, but—”
“But.” I continue, already knowing I’m going to need this bargaining chip. “If you’re good, then maybe Katy and Lily can come round to play next week. I already talked to their Daddy about it.”
“You did?!” She grins at me, and then at them. “Okay! Ten minutes!”
Then the three of them gather together, obviously dismissing us as they start murmuring together - and I wonder whether they were really playing castles all along, or just scheming about how to manipulate their poor parents.
Uncharitable, I know. But the three of them have just designated me as the muffin man.
“Are you staying around a bit longer?” I ask Kelsey, as we walk a little further away to give the three of them some space. “Or did you want to walk back with the two of us?”
“Yeah, that would be—oh, actually.” She pauses, frowning at something I can’t see. “I just thought of something. I might head into town, actually, I’ve got a couple of things I want to look up.”
I nod, and she sets off to head back to the house almost without saying anything - before turning on her heel a few paces away as if she just remembered the conversation we were having.
“Sorry…I’m a little distracted at the moment.” She gives a slight laugh, a little self-consciously, then offers me a quick smile and a little wave. “I’m glad you had a good time, Liam. I’ll see you guys around soon.”
She turns again and this time walks away before I even get a chance to say something, leaving me looking after her, feeling a little bemused.
“Hah, is Kelsey running off again somewhere?”
The amused voice asks from behind me and I turn to see Mark walking up, his mouth twisted into a wry smile.
“She said she was thinking of heading into town.”
“Yeah…can never keep her feet still when some idea takes her, that one.” He shakes his head, but the gaze he casts after her is fond. “Flighty as hell - always chasing the next big thing, looking for something more than Ashton has ever been able to offer her - that’s Kelsey for you. But, y’know, that’s what we love about her.”
He turns from watching her, walking towards the three girls before I can respond, and I’m not even sure the words were meant for me. It’s hard not to take them to heart anyway, though.
Flighty as hell. Always chasing the next best thing.
Yeah, I can see that. She’s got that feet-not-touching-the-ground, whirlwind thing about her. Animated, gorgeous and full of enthusiasm for life.
She practically told me it herself too, when she came to interview me - fascinated by my exciting-sounding city life, looking for bigger stories than she’s ever going to find here - but still…until just now, I’m not sure it had registered.
“C’mon, you two, we need to go and help Mama with the food.”
“Aww, but Dad…Maya’s here.” Katy says, pulling me out of my thoughts and prompting me to turn to take my share of being the mean parent.
“Maya needs to go home too.” I say, with a knowing smile at the three of them. “Come on, sweetie, lets go and say thank you to everyone for how nice today has been, hm?”
Maya looks at the other two girls before sighing heavily.
“Okaaaay.” She scrambles to her feet and I hold a hand out to her as she waves at Katy and Lily. “Don’t forget about the dragon-catching net! See you soon!”
They wave back, chattering away as Mark tries to get them into some semblance of order, a
nd Maya turns to me before I even have time to process that comment. Dragon-catching net?
“I will see them soon, right Daddy?” She tugs on my hand.
“Ah…yes.” I say, slightly distracted. “Yes, I’ll talk to Mark, okay sweetie?”
“Any time you want to take them off my hands, you’re welcome.” He volunteers, grinning at me, and I smile back.
“That’s close enough to a plan for me.” I say, then pause before I turn to say goodbye to everyone else. “Oh, and if you’re still offering, I’ll get back to you about investigating that bar, too. After an evening corralling the three of them, I might need something stronger than cupcakes.”
After today, I find myself wanting to accept the invitation - to get to know these people better - and hey, there’s no doubt our kids certainly get along. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone I could kick back and shoot the breeze with - and I’ve certainly never had another parent I could rely on.
He laughs, waving as I head back toward the house with Maya and we say goodbye - to people that now feel surprisingly familiar.
It really was just as easy as Kelsey said. Damn, small towns are strange.
Not in a bad way…but strange all the same.
Kelsey has already left by the time we get back to the house and as I start walking home with Maya, my mind drifts toward her - and her erratic behavior today. It’s clear something is going on with her, but more than that…well, after some of the not-so-innocent flirting, it looks like maybe I got the wrong idea.
The thought makes me want to chuckle to myself. I don’t, because I don’t want to have to answer a dozen questions from Maya about what the joke is, but it is amusing. It looks like the one woman in Ashton that’s somehow ended up in my head, again and again, is the one woman who has no apparent interest in being there.
I guess all of that really just was her being friendly. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but…damn. I’d say I don’t usually read a situation like that wrong, but really, how would I know? I haven’t exactly been in many of them.
“Daddy.” Maya tugs on my hand, interrupting my wandering thoughts as we walk down the street together. “Did you ask Kelsey about the fairy pond?”
“Not yet, sweetie.”
“But Daddy! You said you would!” She says, in her soon-to-be-tantrum voice.
She’s not wrong, either. I did promise her I’d ask. I just…didn’t see nearly as much of Kelsey as I expected today.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. Kelsey was busy today—”
“Fine. I’m going to ask her.” Maya says, folding her arms and muttering under her breath. “If you want to get anything done, you have to do it yourself. That’s what Katy says.”
She glares at me with a look that says I was supposed to hear that and I give an inward groan.
“Does she now?” I mutter to myself, wondering what else Katy might say.
I’m sure I’m going to find out soon enough. Sounds like ‘Katy says’ might be replacing ‘Kelsey says’ in importance. If only, one of these days, it could be ‘Daddy says…’. Then again, maybe it is - just not when I’m around.
The thought makes me smile and I reach over to tug on Maya’s braid, earning another haughty glare.
It’s probably a good thing that Kelsey doesn’t seem to share my interest. My life is more than complicated enough with this one to look after and after what Mark and Naomi said…well, they’re right. She is the kind of woman who looks for adventure and excitement - for bigger things than this town - which is everything I came here to get away from.
So yeah, maybe there’s a little disappointment settling in my gut, and I won’t deny the small blow to my ego either - not that Maya ever lets that get too out of control - but I guess it’s for the best.
If all that comes from my enigmatic new neighbor is a fun playmate for my daughter and a pretty great friendship…well, those are the things I probably should have been looking for anyway.
Chapter Ten
Kelsey
It took a few days before I did anything about what I heard in the town archives.
Hell, it took almost that long just to start thinking about it. To get over the shock enough that I could face the idea that something might actually have been going on in Ashton for all these years. Something big, and important, and scandalous.
Maybe.
I’m still not sure. It’s hard to believe anything I heard is actually real - and by the time I slipped out of the haze of uncertainty that it left me in, I had a hard time remembering exactly what it was that I’d heard. I only realized that when I made myself actually sit down at the small table at my house and try to write it down - to try to make sense of any of it.
Even that made me feel ridiculously guilty, just the idea of writing any of it down - of creating something physical and real with that kind of accusation. Almost like it’s some kind of treason. Suggesting anything like that about the Mayor I’ve loved and respected for almost all of my life…it’s hard to get my head around.
I think the main reason I started trying to put it down on paper was actually to start poking holes in it - to come up with other explanations, to laugh at myself for my overly dramatic assumptions - but then…I couldn’t actually remember what was said. Not word for word. The only things I could write down were the ones that stuck out in my mind - the assumptions I’d drawn, impressions I’d got and the guesses I’d made about what their comments meant. I’m not sure any of it was exactly spelled out.
It wouldn’t be. Not with that kind of thing. Not if they were trying not to say anything incriminating out loud…or not if it’s all actually in your head, either.
Infuriating.
Even the fear and tension that had been so vivid and real had faded, becoming a distant memory, a dream of some kind. Something I could laugh at, almost. Maybe.
I cursed myself for not recording it - my small, slightly old fashioned tape recorder goes everywhere with me - but at the time I was so caught up in it all that it never occurred to me.
Some journalist you are.
I wish so much that I had that record, now. For my own benefit as much as anything else. Just to prove I’m not slightly crazy here.
In the end, all I’m left with is the comments about the Mayor giving money to someone else, his concern that people were going to find out something is going on, that mention of the sewage project - and the implication that Margaret’s accident might not have been an accident. Oh, and that they didn’t seem to want anyone to overhear the meeting.
All enough to make me feel suspicious, but it’s hard to tell how much I might be reading into things. Especially that part about the accident…could I have been feeling scared enough that I started jumping to conclusions? Is the Mayor really being blackmailed, the way they made it sound?
It’s that part that finally makes me think I can’t let this go. Whatever I might be misremembering or assuming…it’s the tone of his voice that I can’t stop thinking about. I’ve never heard it like that. Exhausted, desperate…afraid.
There must be something going on here. And as much as I don’t want to think badly of him…if there really is…I can’t leave it at that. I can’t just dismiss this. I have to find out more, check it out and work through it all. Maybe it’s nothing, but in the end I decide that I need to know it’s nothing before I drop it.
Once I make that decision, everything else disappears. I push away my back-of-mind insecurities that maybe I’m making a thing of this because I’ve always wanted to have something huge to report on - and get on with just doing it.
After all, if I look into it and there’s nothing there…well, I think I’ll be more relieved than anything.
I still feel guilty as I start, though, and it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake. I have no idea what anyone would say if I tried to tell them what I’d heard, but I can’t imagine it going well. So I don’t. Instead, I continue working on my travel pieces - the ones that not too long ago,
I was so excited for, and now struggle to focus on - and start looking into this on the side.
The sewage project they talked about is the only real thing I have to go on - unless I want to investigate Margaret’s accident, that is, which I feel far too uncomfortable about for now - but as I offer to help Amanda out with her research, and think about it some more, little things start coming back to me, too.
Liam’s incredulity about it, just after he moved here…
“…turns out we have a major problem with the sewers here…put it to a vote and agreed to increase property rates to raise the money...”
“You voted…to increase them?”
“…Sounds strange to me...”
“Does this sort of thing happen around here often?”
“You’d be surprised…Ashton is a pretty unique place.”
I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now, with the way the Mayor and that other man were talking, I wonder if that’s what this is about. The money we raised to pay for the sewage project. It makes me physically uncomfortable to consider - the idea of anyone taking advantage of the good nature of everyone living here - but…it adds up.
And with everything they said, it doesn’t sound like a one off, either. Margaret’s accident was three years ago - long before we even knew the sewage was a problem - and like I told Liam, this sort of thing does happen more often than you’d guess.
Just how often have we volunteered for higher property rates to pay for town problems?
It’s even more uncomfortable that I don’t even know. I’ve never thought about it too much - it always felt like a good thing, to me, that we were all willing to.
I find myself wishing that I’d kept better records - and it’s not until I go around to my parents’ for the family barbecue that I remember that Dad does. That manages to distract me for most of the barbecue - and I feel awful about it, too. I really wanted to be around for that, particularly after I invited Liam and Maya along, but I ended up far more absorbed looking through Dad’s records than I expected.
