I Am Unbreakable: (Josh and Izzy, #2)

by Angela Mack

  After a few minutes, I realised we were going in the opposite direction to Izzy’s house. In my haste to reach the bus before it had left, I hadn’t even checked we were on the right one.

  “I think we got on the wrong bus,” I chuckled, sitting up straighter in my seat to get a better look at where we were heading.

  “Nope. This is the right one.”

  “Are we not going home first?” Home. Such a strange word.

  “No. I told you, we’re going out for dinner."

  “What, now? But it’s like, half three in the afternoon.”

  “They’re expecting us early,” she smirked.

  “They?”

  “Yep.”

  “You’re not going to tell me where we’re going, are you?” Her lips tucked into her mouth, smothering a laugh. She looked a little tense too, though, like she was nervous.

  About twenty minutes later, we got off at a stop along a country road. All I could see were trees and fields, but it looked familiar. I frowned, trying to place my surroundings. Izzy was being incredibly quiet and as we rounded a corner, a house loomed at the end of a long driveway.

  “Is this”―what was that guy’s name?―“the house from that party? The one with Ellie?” Why the hell would we be back here?

  “Yes. This is Jeremy’s house.” She was staring at the ground, watching her feet move, one in front of the other.

  “And why are we at Jeremy’s house?” A pang of jealousy rippled through me as I thought back to his birthday party, remembering when he and Izzy were dancing together. Izzy’s cheeks coloured―I hoped she wasn't remembering the same thing as me. I hoped she wasn't wishing that it were him that had saved her from Ellie, instead of me.

  “Superintendent White is his Dad, remember?”

  “Okay…” I felt like I was being thick. The pieces of the puzzle weren’t quite fitting together.

  “Tracey and Ollie kind of moved in with them.”

  “No.” I stopped dead, tugging her to a stop with me.

  “Josh―”

  “No,” I repeated, letting go of her hand to fold my arms.

  “Mum, Dad and Georgie are already there waiting for us. Come on. Please?” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Of course, everyone else was bloody in on this too.

  “He hasn’t done anything wrong and―”

  “Hasn’t done anything wrong!” I shouted. “Are you shitting me?” Izzy sighed, closing the gap between us. She braced her palms on my chest, trying to look me in the eye. I remained rigid, arms still folded, avoiding her gaze.

  “Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on him, babe? He’s always stood by you. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t you think it’s time you forgive him?” I huffed, feeling myself caving. She always knew exactly what to bloody say. And I knew better than anyone how someone else’s forgiveness for your mistakes could make all the difference, how it could help you forgive yourself.

  “Fine,” I relented, reaching out for her hand again. “But if anyone starts talking about Big Mike, I’m out of here.” My hands tensed but I managed to stop myself from unintentionally crushing Izzy’s fingers.

  “No one is going to talk about Big Mike. Promise.” I was irritated that I was being forced into something I didn’t want to do, even though deep down I knew Izzy was right; I was giving Ollie a hard time. And although I’d never admit it out loud, I missed him. We’d never gone more than a week without speaking before, and I missed my best mate.

  “Izzy! Josh! Come in, come in.” Superintendent White greeted us at the front door, ushering us into his home. I’d forgotten how fucking incredible this place was. Envy hit me again as I realised that Ollie was now living here, but then I immediately felt like a complete shithead. He had gone through enough himself; he and Tracey deserved some happiness too.

  “It’s nice to see you Superintendent Wh―”

  “Bill! Call me, Bill,” he grinned, leading us towards the ginormous, open plan lounge-kitchen-diner. Sammy and Charlie were perched on stools around the kitchen island. The backdoor was open and I spotted Georgie in the garden, standing on the middle rung of a fence, leaning over to pat a horse. Tracey stood next to him, holding him by his waist to make sure he didn’t fall (or launch himself onto the horses back, more likely).

  “Hey Izzy, great to see you!” I turned and watched as Jeremy sprung up from a giant, grey leather corner sofa, switching the TV off as he stood. He went over to Izzy and kissed her on the cheek. She blushed furiously. Given that I was standing literally right next to her, and was still holding her hand, the guy had balls. I’d give him that.

  “Jeremy,” I all but growled my greeting, holding out my hand.

  “Oh, hey, Josh.” He acted all surprised, as if he hadn’t seen me at first. Yeah right. He grasped my hand and we locked eyes, each of us tightening our grip. I didn’t back down. Who did this dipshit think he was? I squeezed tighter, surprise flickering across his face. I released when I realised that the rest of the room had gone silent―we’d been ‘shaking hands’ for an abnormally long time. Jeremy laughed, slapping me on the back.

  “You got the girl in the end, Josh. Don’t worry, I’m just being friendly,” he smiled. Bill and Charlie laughed but I frowned, not responding. Just being friendly, my arse.

  “Where’s Ollie?” Izzy asked, letting go of my hand to slip her arm around me, her hand sliding into the back pocket of my jeans. She squeezed a little, making me jump. She kissed me on the cheek before standing on her toes to whisper in my ear.

  “Only you.” I smiled at her, kissing her on her forehead. OK, I guess I could stop trying to mark my territory. Jeremy was right after all; I had got the girl.

  “In his room upstairs, I think.” Tracey held her arms out wide, before crushing me in a hug. “I’ve missed seeing you around, Josh.” I felt like a dick again. I'd never thought of Tracey as a mother-figure for me, I didn’t know why, but I did consider her a friend. She’d looked out for me in the ways she could.

  “Plus, DeeDee is driving me insane,” she rolled her eyes and I laughed.

  “I definitely don’t miss her at all,” I replied, hugging her back and lifting her off the floor briefly. “As I’m not back to school full time, I should speak to Martin about getting my old job back.” Tracey beamed, about to respond when Charlie interrupted.

  “Actually Josh, there’s another job offer for you to consider,” he grinned, sipping beer from a tall glass. I raised my eyebrows but all he did was lift his chin.

  “We’ll discuss it another time.” I shrugged, curious about what he had to say. I'd find out soon enough.

  “Well, I hope I at least get to see you over here more often.” Tracey squeezed my shoulder. “You’re welcome any time.”

  “Why don’t you go find Ollie?” Izzy said, giving me a little shove. I rolled my eyes at her; she couldn’t be any more obvious if she tried. She sat next to her mum, and I scowled when Jeremy sat the other side of her. I hesitated, not wanting to leave Izzy with that prick. She looked up, catching my frown. ‘Only you’ she mouthed at me again and winked. My lips twitched and I ducked my head, walking from the room. I’d have to get used to Izzy getting attention from other blokes. Wherever she decided to go to university, she was bound to get lots of admirers. I swallowed, struggling with the idea. She was beautiful, inside and out, and I was still amazed that she’d chosen me to love. It wasn’t hard to imagine some nerdy professor-type sweeping her off her feet. I sighed. I’d make the most of the time I had left with her.

  I reached the top of the stairs, my eyes widening as I took in the large corridor in front of me. I counted at least ten different doorways―fuck, this place was a bloody palace! I shuffled down the corridor, gazing at the photos lining the walls. There were lots of Jeremy with various trophies, football ones by the looks of it. There was one of Bill in his Superintendent uniform, and then there was one of Bill and a very young Jeremy sitting on a bench at a park. A blonde woman sat next to them, her arms wrapped around the p
air of them, laughing. She was very pretty. Jeremy’s mum perhaps? I wondered what had happened to her.

  I stopped at the first door, sighing at the idea of opening all of them to try and hunt Ollie’s bedroom down. Fuck that.

  “Ollie!” I shouted. I waited―nothing. “OLLIE!” The third door on the left opened and Ollie poked his head out. He almost fell over when he realised it was me standing in his hallway.

  “Josh?” I strolled over to him, trying to act casual when actually, I was starting to feel awkward for how shitty I’d treated him.

  “Hey.” Ollie opened his door wide, stepping back to let me in. There was a massive bed in the middle of the room and a ridiculously big flat screen on the wall opposite. There was an open doorway on one side of the room, leading off into a bathroom. Another doorway on the opposite side led off into another room full of rails of clothes. But it wasn't the impressive size of his bedroom that shocked me, it was the state of it. It was a complete mess―a total shit show. There were discarded clothes scrunched up all over the bed and floor, several dirty plates and glasses piled up in various places, and his curtains were drawn, making the room dark and gloomy. Ollie had always made an effort to be neat and tidy for his mum. Even at his old council house that was falling apart, his room had never looked like this.

  I looked to him for an explanation, but he was staring at his bare feet, hands shoved deep into the pockets of a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms. There were food stains on them and his grey t-shirt, which I was sure was supposed to be white, hung off him. He looked thinner, scrawnier. It was hard to tell in the dim light, but he looked like he had bags under his eyes, and the hair along his jawline was too long to be called stubble.

  “I…” I didn’t know what to say to him. “Izzy said she’s not seen you in school?” He shrugged, still looking at his feet.

  “I dropped out,” he murmured.

  “What?” No way. Ollie was meant to be going places. He shrugged again.

  “But it’s always been your dream to get away, to go to university. You were going to be an accountant or something and earn a shit ton of money!” Another shrug. A terrible feeling churned in my stomach. Was this my fault? We stood in silence, neither of us sure what to say.

  “I’m sorry I let you down,” he said after a while. He was so quiet that I'd almost missed it.

  “You didn’t let me down, mate. I’m sorry I’ve been such a douchebag to you.” I edged towards him, but he stepped back.

  “I did! I let you down in so many ways.” He began pacing back and forth across the room, tugging at his hair. He always used to wear it buzzed close to his head, but it was hanging down near his eyes now.

  “It was so fucking stupid not to tell anyone. I should have made you tell someone. Maybe if I’d told someone what was going on, Ryan would still―” he coughed, choking on his words. He stopped pacing, finally looking at me.

  “You weren’t there.” I frowned, not understanding. “You weren’t at the funeral.”

  “I’d already said goodbye.” I hadn’t spoken to Ollie since I'd told him to get out of my room at the hospital, so he didn’t know anything about the In Between. He accepted my answer though, nodding.

  “I’m so sorry, Josh. I should have saved him. I should have done more. He was like a little brother to me too.” He broke down, shoulders heaving as he sobbed into his hands. I strode over to him, throwing my arms around him. He sagged in my arms and I tightened my grip, keeping him upright. Hot tears streaked down my face. I had never been embarrassed about crying in front of Ollie; he’d seen me at my lowest and I’d seen him at his. We’d both witnessed how shitty each other’s lives could get, but we stood by each other no matter what.

  When a bailiff turned up on his doorstep, it was me and Ollie that had chased him off as Tracey wept. When I was so battered I could barely walk, it was Ollie that had come over to make dinner for Georgie and Ryan. When Ollie’s dad got so addicted to drugs that a dealer he owed money to smashed up his house, it was me and Ollie that had packed all his dad’s gear up, throwing it out on the street. I’d had his back as he screamed at his dad to get lost, to leave him and his mum alone, even though it killed him to say it. I’d held him as he cried when he realised his dad had actually listened; he wasn’t coming back. It had always been me and Ollie versus the world.

  When Ollie’s sobs quietened, I pulled back, holding him steady by the shoulders.

  “You have not let me down. I have let you down by taking out all my shit on you. I wish I’d have told someone now too, but who knows, maybe things would have been worse.” We both shuddered as we imagined what could be even worse than death, the horror stories about care homes and foster families flashing through our minds.

  “So, you forgive me?” he asked hopefully, eyes searching mine.

  “I told you. There’s nothing to forgive, mate.” I stepped back after quickly embracing him again, swiping my hands across my face, trying to pull myself together.

  “Even for getting Izzy so drunk she ended up in hospital?” He smirked and a little bit of his usual, teasing self flicked across his face. I shoved him hard, so hard he fell to the floor, but I was grinning as I did it.

  “Even for getting my girlfriend drunk.” I rolled my eyes at him. “And for making me stand in this shithole of a room,” I added, laughing. He had the decency to look embarrassed and scrambled up from the floor, bending down to gather up clothes before cramming them in a laundry basket.

  “So, when did this happen?” I gestured at the room around us, wondering how long he and Tracey had been living here.

  “Mate, I’ve got so much to fill you in on,” he said, flinging open his curtains and flopping down on his bed. Me too, I thought. And I knew in a heartbeat that even if he didn’t fully understand it, he wouldn’t question it at all. He'd want to believe that it had all been real, that the In Between existed, because that was what I believed. He wouldn’t doubt it, because that was what best friends did; they had each other’s backs.

  “Oh, and I’m sorry about Big Mike,” he sighed, looking regretful.

  “What do you mean?” I frowned. Why would he feel sad about Big Mike dying? He knew as much as me that fucker deserved it.

  “Hasn’t anyone told you? They found a donor.”

  Chapter 29

  Isabel

  Josh had been quiet the entire evening. Maybe it had been a mistake making him talk to Ollie, but they had seemed OK when they’d come downstairs for dinner. They were talking at least. But although Josh smiled in all the right places and responded whenever someone spoke to him, it was like he was on autopilot. He was a shell of himself and he seemed to have been avoiding looking at me all night. Maybe he was annoyed at me for forcing him to speak to Ollie after all.

  It was dark outside now, almost 10 p.m., and Georgie was squished in the middle seat between Josh and I in the back of the car. His head kept lolling to one side, almost touching my shoulder as he drifted in and out of sleep. Dad was driving and he used one hand to steer the car, his other clutching Mum’s as it rested on her knee.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh interrupted the silence. I saw Dad’s eyes connect with his through the rear-view mirror. Mum twisted in her seat, searching Josh’s face. She sighed.

  “We only found out today. We were going to tell you when we got home. I thought it might be better that we told you in private.” I looked back and forth between the two of them.

  “Found out what?” I asked Mum. She kept her gaze on Josh, waiting to see if he would respond to my question. When he turned to stare out the window without saying anything, Mum looked at me.

  “They found a donor liver for Big Mike.” Oh, shit. Josh’s jaw quivered as he ground his teeth. Other than that tiny movement, he was completely still. I reached over the top of Georgie’s head, laying my arm along the top of our seats. I stroked the back of Josh’s neck, twirling my fingers at the bottom of his hairline. He didn’t turn away from the window, but he didn’t
move away from me either.

  “So, he’s going to live?” Georgie’s quiet voice echoed in the car.

  “Yes, son,” Dad replied. Little creases appeared at the corner of Dad’s eyes as they flicked back to the rear-view mirror.

  “That’s good.” Georgie nodded to himself, laying his head on my shoulder. Josh whipped his head around, staring at his brother. He opened his mouth to argue, but Georgie continued.

  “I hate him. And I think I do want him to die. But I don’t want to be a murderer.” How do you respond to that? Mum was still facing us, so I saw her eyes begin to water. She reached out to squeeze Georgie’s knee. I dropped my hand from Josh’s neck, wrapping my arm around Georgie instead.

  “Georgie, listen to me.” Josh turned as far around in his seat as he could, hunching over to face Georgie. Georgie didn’t lift his head, watching Josh from the corner of his eye.

  “Even if that...if Big Mike did die, you would not be a murderer. You are a fucking hero, do you understand me? We haven’t talked about that day, and I should have said this to you sooner. Georgie, you are my hero. You saved my life, brother. You literally took down a giant, bloody grown man, something I haven’t been able to do for years.” Georgie sat up and Josh reached out to take one of his hands. “Thank you. Thank you for saving my life, Georgie. I don’t want to ever hear you call yourself a murderer, ever. No matter what happens. OK?” Georgie nodded at Josh, his face frozen. “You are a fucking legend, OK? You are the bravest person I know.” Josh enveloped him in a hug, Georgie’s face pressed into his side. Josh watched me over Georgie’s head, a tear rolling down his cheek.

  ‘I love you,’ I mouthed to him, not knowing what else to say. When I thought of Big Mike, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness; how truly sad it was that Josh and his brothers had gotten stuck with such a pathetic excuse for a human being, let alone a father. I wasn't sure I had it in me to hate someone so deeply, so completely, that I wished for their existence to be wiped off the planet. But I certainly wouldn’t be upset if Big Mike did die, or if we never heard or spoke about him ever again. Josh and his brothers deserved justice for everything that had happened to them, whatever form that justice might take.