by C. M. Carney
Strengths
Immunities
Weaknesses
Error
Error
Error
“What the what?” Lex told the others of Analyze’s failure. Not only was his primary asset unavailable, but apparently he had also been infected by chaos. That can’t be good. He had no time to worry about that and pulled his hammer free and infused it with Spirit. Around him, the sound of drawing blades and readying weapons rose. “I have a bad feeling about this.”
As if responding to his worry, the approaching Seraphine opened her mouth far wider than any mortal could manage and a sound like a clogged tuba played by a tone-deaf musician boiled forth. A second later the source of the clog became plain as a quartet of barb tipped tentacles exploded from Seraphine’s mouth.
Lex’s eyes widened with understanding as reality sucker-punched him in the gut. “Well bugger me raw, we’re in the Realm of Chaos.” All evidence pointed to it. The weird sky, Analyze’s failure and Species wanna-be Seraphine all pointed to that truth. The chaos rift that had sliced the archon in half had pulled them into the Realm of Chaos. Rage battled despair inside Lex, and he could almost feel Gryph drifting further and further away.
“Errat does not believe we will find friend Gryph here.” Though Lex knew the warborn’s words were not meant for him, it still felt like condemnation.
“No, we won’t. We need to find a way back.”
“I think we have more immediate problems,” Seraphine said and pointed.
The Seraphine doppelgänger raced towards them arms akimbo and legs splayed. The motion was inhuman, almost crablike and deeply disturbing. She advanced and Lex stepped forward, readying his Maul of Holy Might.
Vonn stepped up next to him and unleashed a volley of Order Bolts. The four blades of silver-blue energy blasted towards the approaching monstrosity. The magical knives were unerring, and barring some higher-level countermeasure, they always hit their target.
So of course, this time, they spun off course at the last second, like a hydroplaning drunk driver joyriding through a puddle. Only one missile found its intended target and faux Seraphine grunted in pain as the antithetical energy of Order Magic inflicted a double dose of damage. The second bolt slammed into the ground while another twisted into the air where it exploded like a Fourth of July fireworks show. The last sped backward over their heads in a tight arc and slammed into Lex’s left buttcheek.
Lex squealed in a most unmanly fashion, more from surprise than pain. “What the hell? I thought those things never missed?”
"I suspect it will take some time for us to adjust,” Vonn said, face grim. “And you did ask for a buggering.”
Lex grunted his annoyance at his friend, knowing he was right. Chaos Seraphine retracted her tentacles into her throat and glared at Lex. She was close enough that he could smell the slather dripping down her chin; week old blue cheese mixed with rotten eggs.
I could use a clothespin about now, he thought as the image of the old cartoon solution to foul smells filled this mind.
A gurgling blaarrrgh built inside chaos Seraphine’s throat and she spat one of the barbed tentacles at him with tremendous force. Lex barely got his hammer up in time to deflect the blow and the sharp crack of bone on wood had him fearing she’d broken the weapon’s handle.
But the wood held, and Lex stepped into his swing. Powered by his thick, squat frame, the hammer surged in an upwards arc and activated into the underside of tentacle Seraphine’s chin. Lex activated Crushing Blow and a sickening crunch of bone and a tearing sound of flesh rewarded him.
The Seraphine doppelgänger’s head snapped back, lolling like a heavy weight in a sock against her back, but it did not stop her forward motion. She lashed out with her fist and the bones of her arm exploded through her skin and morphed into a spike. A rush of air flowed over him as the bone spike missed skewering him by mere inches.
Errat brought his axe down and would have bisected her, had she not twisted a full 180 at the waist and spun clear of the blow. Her other bone tipped arm exploded into Simon.
The undead teen’s scream of fear became a joyous cackle on realizing she hadn’t hit him at all but stabbed through the hole where his guts used to be. Simon still possessed Dirge’s instincts, however, and twin daggers flashed out, slicing through the arm, removing it from faux Seraphine’s body.
The false Seraphine howled in rage and spun away from Simon. Their Seraphine, the one stuck in Furrick’s body, zipped between them and ducked low, slicing through both of the dollar-store copy’s hamstrings. The chaos creature howled in pain and fell back, the twisted legs incapable of supporting her weight.
With a mighty barbarian roar, Errat brought his axe down for the killing blow. The blade of his double-headed axe sliced clean through the pale, soft skin of faux Seraphine’s neck, separating the head from the body.
“Ha, ha, take that,” Simon’s chortled in triumph, but it was short-lived for the detached arm lurched up and stabbed him in the back. He laughed and screamed in equal measure as the sharp bone stabbed into his rotting flesh. “Oh man, the tickle is almost worse than the pain. Get it off, get it off.”
“Lex, get ready.” Vonn grabbed the arm and wrenched it free, tearing a chunk of Simon’s shoulder meat with it. He speared the writhing arm to the ground with his vorpal blade and Lex unleashed Flames, careful to direct the spell into a focused jet for fear of hitting Vonn. The flames ignited the arm, and it writhed for a few seconds trying to unpin itself from Vonn’s blade, but it was a losing cause and soon the arm was nothing but charred bone.
Every time Lex used the spell his mind fell victim to Fire Magic psychosis. This time was no different, but with an effort, Lex cut the flow of mana to Flames. Fire Magic was as addictive as heroin, but with Yrriel’s help, he’d been training his mind to deal with the side effects. He looked to Vonn, the barest twitch of a mad grin crossing his face. The rogue nodded his approval.
A keening noise flowing over them in undulating waves interrupted the moment. Lex’s eyes snapped down to Seraphine’s decapitated head, whose wide mouth flared with spastic tentacles. The sound seemed greasy like he'd gone swimming in an oil slick fouled ocean. He wanted to bathe and throw up in equal measure.
“Somebody shut her up!” Vonn yelled. “She’s summoning help.”
15
Lex clenched his teeth so hard at the high-pitched wail that he feared they might crack. He had no idea how a decapitated head could shriek without lungs but suspected it would not be the last time something flaunted logic in the Realm of Chaos.
Lex feared blood would flow from his tortured eardrums, when Errat brought his axe down, splitting the head in half. A blessed silence fell over the square.
Lex doused the body parts with flammable Barrow oil and ignited them with a short burst of Flames. The rank odor of charred meat reached his nose and he turned to Vonn, his breathing ragged, his eyes wide in alarm.
“What in the hell is going on?”
Before Vonn could answer, a keening howl rose from the surrounding streets. It flowed over them, echoed off the walls of the surrounding buildings and came back to them, heightened. A moment later, answering howls came from multiple other directions.
“We can’t stay here,” Vonn said, face stoic.
They sprinted to the nearest building where a cobbler’s sign hung. Lex paused, his hand hovering over the door handle, and looked to Errat. The warborn peered through the curtained window, eyes widening. He shook his head no, and they backed away. A moment later, a low, mad chortle rose inside the building. Without a word, the group rushed towards the closest alley.
They reached the shadows behind a stack of old crates as several dozen figures emerged from the avenues and storefronts on the far side of the square. Like the initial appearance of the Seraphine clone, they showed no obvious signs they were copies, but then as one, all of them raised their noses to the sky and sniffed the air like predators.
“Well t
hat is super creepy,” Simon muttered in a low voice. Lex glared at him and after a moment the teenage lich lord lowered his gaze, suitably chastised. More chaos copies emerged all along the edges of the square.
We’re all gonna die, Lex thought, but then forced the negative thoughts from his mind. What would Gryph do? Lex knew the answer was Gryph would come up with an amazing solution by melding his skills in unique and interesting ways. Gryph’s unofficial mantra was the intelligent application of power trumps actual power.
Sadly, that was not how Lex’s mind worked. His method tended to involve making shit up on the fly and hoping they didn’t all die. It wasn’t the most efficient method and if he wanted to lead this group, he’d have to do better.
For the record, he said to himself. I never wanted to be the leader of this group. It just happened somehow, and no grown-up has come along to replace me. He turned to Vonn, eyes fearful. “You sure you don’t want to be the boss man?” He kept his voice a low whisper.
Vonn understood the request and smiled warmly. “I have spent most of my life alone. I am no leader. You are, you only need to believe it.”
“Any hints on how to do that?” Lex asked. Vonn didn’t answer, he only shook his head no. “Well, you’re useless.”
“I aim to please.”
Lex turned back to the approaching horde of chaos freaks and his eyes snapped to a dozen points around the square. They were coming from everywhere except for the alleyway behind them.
He spun, gazing down the alley. It was wide and turned left after two dozen feet. If it emptied onto another street, it might provide an escape. Or, it would be a dead-end where they met their doom. Lex was about to order Simon to investigate when the shutters of a second-floor window opened above them. A pair of chubby arms poked out, bearing a battered clay bowl. For a moment, Lex just stared up, but then the arms upended the pot and realization hit him.
“Shit,” he said in a harsh whisper and rolled out of the way. The contents fell towards them. His warning was enough for the others, apart from Simon, to step aside. Their speedy reaction time the result of frequent battle.
Simon’s eyes widened as the night soil cascaded down onto his upturned face and then onto the cobbles below. For a moment Simon stood there, mouth agape, a stunned look on his face. After a second, he howled in surprise and disgust.
Errat covered Simon’s mouth with one of his catcher’s mitt sized hands, but the damage was done. Dozens of eyes snapped to their hiding spot and for a lone heartbeat, the world turned silent, before exploding in rage and motion.
Simon screamed in horror behind Errat’s hand and the chaotic townsfolk rushed towards them like a stampede of wildebeest. Lex’s eyes darted to Vonn and then back to the town square. The enemy was coming from all directions, leaving them with only one option.
“Run!” Lex yelled and rushed into the alley, pleading with the universe for a way out.
They ran to the corner and turned, confirming Lex’s worst fear. The alley continued about fifty feet before ending against a tall building. Thick, high walls made from well-hewn stone rose several stories high. The remnants of a fallen fence lay scattered about the ground and a smashed feeding trough suggested that this had once been a pen for animals.
Lex skidded to a halt, scanning for a way out. A door, a window, a coal chute, a manhole cover into the sewers, anything. He found nothing and his mind began to unravel. He took a deep breath and a sensation of calm filled him. He stepped over a dry pile of what looked to be old horse manure. His mind, perhaps scrambling for something, anything, sent foolish words to his mouth unbidden.
“Watch out for the horse droppings.” He cocked his head to the side and a small chuckle pushed past his lips. They were all about to die, so a bit of old horse shit was the least of his concerns.
“Thanks for the warning,” Simon howled, his voice cracking and nearly in tears. The teenage lich lord was spastically trying to wipe the chamber pot’s contents from his face and shoulders and was not having much luck. Even in a world full of stench, the undead teen was ripe.
Lex shrugged by way of apology and then caught Vonn’s eye. There was fear in the rogue’s eyes, but he also saw something else. Faith. Lex inhaled and then nodded. “Everyone spread out. Find us an escape route.”
The team scattered, moving old crates, kicking aside piles of dry hay, searching the walls, the ground and in Lex’s case, the sky. He berated himself. What was he looking for? It wasn’t like the town was big on fire escapes. Over the sound of his thundering heart, the sound of death approached.
“Over here,” Seraphine said, and the others rushed to her. She shifted a rotting plank aside to reveal a door. Well not a door exactly, more of a chalk outline of a door, complete with a doorknob and a lock. Lex suspected it was the work of some bored kids, when Vonn spoke up in an excited voice.
“A faux door.” The half-elf knelt and removed his lock pick kit. Without looking he spoke. “I’ll need a few minutes.”
Lex nodded and realized Vonn wasn't looking. Scowling at his foolishness, Lex barked orders. “You heard the man, let’s buy him some time.” The others nodded and turned back towards the entrance of the alleyway. If they would die, they’d do so fighting. Lex swallowed, surprised to realize he was proud of this motley crew of rejects.
“We can do this, boys. Errat cast your shield. The rest of you ready any distance attacks you have.” Lex summoned mana to his hands, and they began to glow with the silver-blue light of Order Magic. His mind grew calm under the structured influence of the magical sphere.
The mad screaming ceased, leaving only the sounds of dozens of approaching feet. Lex bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet, ready as he’d ever be. A moment later a wall of people rounded the corner and stopped to stare. It was both surprising and unnerving. He’d expected a writhing mass of tentacles, spikes or multiple limbs, but instead, they looked like normal, everyday people.
They stopped and waited. The group was a dozen deep and seemed more like an organized protest wishing to air well thought out grievances than a murderous bunch of psychos. It made the whole situation much more unnerving.
“Uh, Vonn, how’s it going back there?”
“Quit distracting me,” the rogue responded, his voice tight.
Lex nodded, once more feeling the fool. The front line of the mob remained unmoving but then deeper in the pack a voice rose, one that sounded oddly familiar. “Move aside, let me through.” The crowd flowed around the speaker as he moved towards Lex.
They must be short, he thought, and then the front rank parted, and Lex knew why the voice was familiar. One’s own voice was an odd thing. It’s with you all day, every day, but it never sounds the same in your own head as it does to others. So, while Lex stared at himself, he still didn’t quite connect the voice he was hearing with his own.
“Sup, dude?” the Lex doppelgänger said with a fool’s grin before leaning on the shaft of his hammer.
16
A swarm of odd emotions and idiot thoughts moved through Lex as he gazed upon himself. Am I really that short? No wonder everyone thinks I'm a dwarf. Is that how my face always looks? Any one of these would have been a decent quip to make, perhaps allowing Lex to regain a bit of the upper hand against the overwhelming odds arrayed against them. So instead he said…
“Wha …?”
Chaos Lex smiled and sucked at his teeth, a quirk that made him look exceptionally douchey in Lex’s opinion. He gazed to his left where a Vonn duplicate stood. On his other side stood the chaos versions of Furrick and Errat. They were all staring at Lex. The Lex copy looked past Errat’s shimmering Aether Shield at the dead-end alley behind Lex and his group.
“Running down the dead-end alley. Kinda a rookie mistake, don’t ya think? Like the hot, dumb sorority chick going upstairs after learning the murder’s phone call came from inside the house.” He mocked walking upstairs with the first two fingers of his right hand. A chill rushed through Lex on seeing the doub
le's missing knuckle on his middle finger.
How did they copy me?
“I bet you’re feeling really foolish about now,” chaos Lex said.
“Kinda,” Lex muttered in agreement, but foolish was not the emotion that crushed his soul. He was feeling despair. He was feeling like the stupidest man in all the Realms and Lex had met some spectacularly stupid people since arriving in this world of magic and mayhem.
“I cannot believe you agreed to work with this guy,” chaos Furrick said, eyeing Seraphine.
“He’s got more going on than meets the eye,” Seraphine said, her voice full of equal measure snark and surety. Had they not been facing imminent death, the sentiment would have warmed Lex’s heart.
“Hello brother,” chaos Errat said, his grin disturbing.
“You are no brother to Errat. You are an imperfect copy and I can sense your wrongness. You are already unraveling. You will not hold my form for long.”
Chaos Errat’s eyes widened and Lex saw anger moving in them. Errat held his doppelgänger’s gaze and pride and hope filled Lex. Ever since Errat survived the Phage, a virulent chaos plague, the warborn had possessed an odd connection to the lower sphere of magic. He could sense its energies and had some measure of resistance to its deleterious effects.
“I will last long enough to kill you, brother, and as a reward, my Prince will send me to your Realm, and I will bathe the name Errat in blood.”
Chaos Furrick eyed Seraphine like a child examining an ant, moments before torturing the insect with a sun-powered magnifying glass. “I had hoped meeting you would give me greater insight into being you, but you are not you, nor am I you. You are of no help.”
“Come closer and I’ll show you how to be me,” Seraphine responded, spinning her blades to a blur.
Next to her, Simon’s voice raised in panic. “Wait, why don’t I have a double?”
