by C. M. Carney
Lex almost berated the undead teen for his foolish jealousy, but then the true heart of the question sunk in. Why indeed? He turned back to his own double, and an idea filled him. “Cuz the Princes have no sway over the dead.” For a moment, surprise crossed faux Lex’s face, but a cocky grin soon replaced it.
“For now, but all things change.”
Lex took advantage of his double’s choice of words to change the subject. “What do you want with Harlan’s Watch? I get that it’s a nice place to visit, maybe raise a couple of kids, assuming you chaos pricks do that kinda thing, but I don’t get the interest.”
“It is but a stepping stone.”
“To what?”
“We want what was ours at the beginning,” chaos Lex sneered. “We want that which was stolen from us.”
“And what’s that?”
“Everything.”
“Well, that’s just greedy,” Lex said, putting as much fatherly disapproval as he could into his tone. “Did nobody teach you to share?”
A wicked grin crossed faux Lex’s face and all around him, the other chaos doppelgängers started to howl. Mouths opened far wider than should have been possible. The air grew heavy as a nauseating wave of raw chaos rippled over them. Bile rose in Lex’s throat, forcing him to spit away the sour taste. Next to him, Seraphine gagged, while Errat, whose people only needed air for speaking, closed his mouth. Simon sniffed the air casually, like a dog confused by his own fart.
Lex’s face screwed up, and he waved a hand back and forth. “Okay, enough of that. Here we are having a civil conversation and you gotta foul the mood.”
Surprisingly, the noise ceased and the weight of several dozen pairs of eyes bore down on Lex. He shuffled his feet, coughed into his fist and held faux Lex’s gaze. He lasted several seconds before the vileness oozing from his clone forced him to lower his gaze. Lex turned and whispered harshly at Vonn. “How’s it going, pal?”
“It isn’t,” the rogue said over his shoulder. “I’ve never seen a rune lock like this one. Each time I get close to solving it, the bugger changes itself and locks me out again. I don’t think I can open it.”
“That’s not the news I was hoping for buddy.”
“And you suppose adding the weight of your worry onto my shoulders will make this happen any quicker?”
“No. Sorry man. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’” Seraphine sidled up to Lex and whispered.
“They’re stalling.”
“No shit. What the hell do you think I’m doing?”
“But, why?”
“Cuz the longer I keep them blabbing the longer they’re not eating us or impregnating us with chaos spores or…”
“I know why you’re stalling you dolt. I wanna know why they are?”
Lex glanced down to see the worry in her face. It was still odd seeing her expressions, her mannerisms on Furrick’s face, and it was a testament to how freaking weird the day had been that Lex had grown accustomed to the oddness. He opened his mouth to answer but realized he didn’t have one.
“Umm. Yeah, I got nothing.”
“Errat knows why they wait.” He looked down on Lex, strain pulling at his face. “A Prince is coming,” The dry tone was as frightening as the words.
“The who is whatting?” Lex asked, his voice cracking. Errat nodded towards the crowd of chaos.
Faux Lex took a single step forward and began to shake. A deep orange glow pulsed through his eyes and then hairline cracks began to appear on the skin of his face. They pulsed and expanded like a network of tributaries feeding into a river basin during flooding season.
The Lex copy bent over with a grunt and his body began to swell and expand, splitting his robes like the Incredible Hulk. It looked skyward and roared. Skin ruptured and tendons tore as bones shifted and grew.
The doppelgänger’s head split down the middle, from forehead to neck and then reformed as a pair of heads. For a moment they still resembled Lex, but then massive incisors pushed through the gums, hair exploded from ears and faces, and a curled horn grew on the outside of each head.
The body expanded and grew taller. The creature’s arms grew longer, and a pair of barb-tipped tentacles burst through the flesh near the elbows. With a vicious snap, the creature’s knees bent backward, and a pair of sharpened cloven hooves pushed through leather boots.
Lex took several steps back as the horrific beast reached a full eighteen feet. One of its heads grinned at Lex, while the other hissed. All four eyes seethed with deep-orange energy and Lex's mind began to lose cohesion.
Lex understood that the use of Chaos Magic always led to madness. The mortal mind demanded order, required rules to function. It was simply ill-equipped to resist the ravages of infinite randomness. The Round Table had put Gryph on trial for exposing the Realms to chaos, and they’d all experienced a taste of that madness. But that had been a thimbleful compared to the endless ocean that now roiled over Lex and his friends.
“Stop, the mortal’s weak mind will fracture before we can ask him the question,” a voice that sounded a bit like Lex’s own, barked. In an instant, the creeping madness disappeared, and Lex bent over at the waist as bile rose in his throat.
“What question?” a near-identical voice asked. Both of the chaotic prince’s heads eyeballed each other like a pair of back-alley thugs about to throw down.
“You forgot it already?”
“Forgot what?”
“The question.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then what is the question?”
“Gimme a minute.”
“You know nothing.”
“I know plenty. I know honey tastes blue and the sun is just a candle on the desk of a Next Realm wizard and I even know the question whose answer is the reason for all things. Is that the question?”
“No, not that question. The question for him.” The arm on the opposite side of the head speaking rose and pointed at Lex. Both heads turned to Lex and then back at each other.
“The NPC?” the other head said. The other arm pointed at the Prince’s own chest. “I thought we were the NPC. Isn’t that why we’re here?”
“No, we copied the NPC.” Both heads paused and looked at Lex again. “He’s there.” The beast pointed at itself and then at Lex. “We’re here. Are you forgetting that we are an individual?”
“No, we’re not. There’s two of us.” The beast pointed at Lex and then tapped its own chest.
“Three actually, at least usually, for now.” The other hand pointed at Lex and then tapped its own chest twice.
“Why do we need three? Two is plenty, at least usually, for now.”
“Cuz we copied the NPC’s body and mind so we could answer the question.”
“What question?”
“The question. The one we came here to answer.”
“Oh, right, that question. Do you know the question?”
“Course I do.”
“Then why don’t you ask it?”
“Cuz that’s your job. If I did your job every time you forgot what that job was, well … then … why would I need you?”
“You need me?”
“No more than you need me, but here we are.”
The forgetful head brought the opposite hand to its chin as if it were deep in thought. “I wish I could remember the question.”
“I wish you remembered as well.” A hand covered its mouth like a giggling teenage girl. “Cuz, it’s really good.”
“Hmmm, what if I cannot remember the question?”
“Then we’ll eat him and then you’ll know again.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely.”
Lex’s eyes went wide as both heads turned on him. The forgetful head licked its lips with a long, serpentine tongue. “I don’t know what the hell is going on here,” Lex said averting his gaze as the two heads continued their nonsensical debate. “But Vonn, you need to hurry the hell up.”
“I. Am. Trying!” the rogue spat back.
&n
bsp; The knowledgeable head turned to the forgetful one. “Before we feast, try one more time to remember. The others will show up any minute unless they already have.” The head looked around, then down on the chaos spawn and then back at its other head as if expecting the others to jump out of nowhere.
“I hate the others.”
“As do I, but still, they will come.”
“Why?”
“Cuz they also want to know the answer.”
“What answer?”
"To the question. Surely, you remember the question?" the knowledgeable head said.
Lex was certain the others were the other Princes of Chaos. What the hell do they want with me?
The forgetful head raised the opposite arm, as if to say ‘Ah Ha’ but then lowered it again, its lips pursed like a child trying to remember what their mother had just asked them.
“Vonn!” Lex backed up, and the others followed, Errat still feeding mana to his shield. One of the knowledgeable head’s eyes snapped most unnaturally to Lex. “Pretty sure I’ve got about three seconds to live.” Lex tore his gaze from the Prince and knelt down next to Vonn, placing a shaking hand on his friend’s shoulder. He sent a silent plea into the Aether.
In answer, the blessed clicking sound of a tumbler greeted his ears. Vonn flinched back as the outline of the door flashed. “It wasn’t me,” Vonn said, his voice a mix of surprise and joy. A puff of dust spat out from the outline and the door opened on silent hinges.
Beyond the door was a dark space. A burly figure took a single step through the door and Lex’s eyes widened in surprise and fear. The figure was nearly seven feet tall and had the head, horns, and legs of a bull. It also had a heavy pair of breasts barely constrained by a chainmail bikini top.
“What?” Lex sputtered up at the minotaur woman. As the shock hummed through his nerves all he could think about was, Why does a female minotaur have horns? Before his brain could come up with an answer, a human head poked around the massive minotaur woman’s shoulder and spat a wad of tobacco past his two teeth.
“You gonna stand there all day dwarf. Or you comin’ in?”
“Gaarm?”
17
Gaarm motioned Lex and the others through, taking care not to let his gaze fall on the two-headed Prince of Chaos. The burly man pulled the door shut. A moment later the seam disappeared becoming nothing but a drawn outline of a door again.
The two heads of the Prince still argued with each other and did not notice their quarry’s escape. Others among the chaos spawn did notice, but most, fearing the Prince’s ire, remained silent. Only one among them, the chaos spawn copy of the half-elf rogue named Vonn, made any attempt to warn their master.
“Uh…” the chaos Vonn said, pointing down the alley as the door closed, becoming a drawing of a door once more. “My Prince(s)?” The two heads of the NymerTerroch, the Prince of Madness, paid their servant no heed as they continued their debate.
“Wait,” the left head, the forgetful head, the head known to chaos scholars as Nymer, the Prince of Forgotten Truths, said. Without looking, the beast’s right arm pointed to the now empty alley. “If we are he and he knows the answer, then we know the answer, so why do we need him?”
“Because you don't remember the question,” the right head, the one known as Terroch, the Prince of Unknowable Answers, responded.
“Right, I get that, but if we are he and he knows the answer, then we know the answer. Why must I remember the question then?”
“Because without the question, knowing the answer isn’t knowing at all.”
“But you know the question. So, if he who is we know the answer, then that means…”
“I know the question and the answer.”
“Exactly. Now tell me the question and then I will ask the question and you can tell me the answer.”
“Makes perfect sense. Why did it take us so long to figure that out?”
“Cuz I forgot the question. I’d say I am sorry, but I’m not so I won’t.”
“Perfectly understandable. So, I’ll tell you the question and then you ask the question and I’ll answer the question.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Nymer stretched his neck back and forth like a football player loosening up before taking the field, while Terroch extended their left arm, trying to crack their knuckles. The right arm remained where it was, as it was controlled, mostly, by Nymer. Terroch snapped the fingers on their left hand and cleared his throat. Nymer apologized, immediately took his apology back, and then extended his arm. Terroch cooed as he cracked their knuckles.
“Ready?” Terroch asked.
“Yes,” Nymer affirmed.
“The question is ‘Where is Odymm Tal?’”
“Ooh, ooh I remember the question now,” Nymer said gleefully. “You ready?” Terroch nodded. “Okay, here it goes. Where is Odymm Tal?”
“The answer is ‘I don’t know.’” Terroch’s face went sour and he pouted. “Aww.”
Had Lex and the others still been there to witness the last act of this play of insanity, they would have seen the shoulders of both Princes slump in defeat before their failure turned to rage.
“He doesn’t know where Tal is,” Terroch said, his voice beginning to edge towards fury.
“Nor do we it seems,” Nymer agreed, his voice tinged with rage.
“Well, why doesn’t he or we know?” Terroch’s jaw grew tight and the sound of grinding teeth filled the alley.
“I think we are early?”
“For what? Knowing what the NPC doesn’t know, or for the meeting and the leaving?”
“Both.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Cuz the NPC doesn’t know yet and the other Princes are not here yet, but we are here. That is what early means.”
“Makes sense.”
“This whole thing has been a waste,” Nymer whined, and he stomped their left hoof, its sharp edge cracking the cobblestones beneath it. “If we do not find Tal before the leaving we may never enjoy the leaving.”
“Are we sure he doesn’t know?” Terroch asked, pointing towards the spot where Lex no longer stood.
“Well, we don’t know, so how can he know?” Nymer countered.
“We could eat him and see if he remembers anything we forgot.”
“A win-win idea. If he knows we will know and if he doesn’t, then we get a tasty treat. I haven’t eaten dwarf in some time.”
“He’s an Ordonian.”
“Really?”
“That’s what it says.”
“The Realms are an odd places.”
“Yes, they are.” A thoughtful look crossed Terroch’s face. “Do you want to stomp him into pate or choke him down whole?”
“Hmm, well if we choke him whole then only one of us gets to feed.”
“Technically inaccurate. We share a stomach.”
“But,” Nymer said. “We each have different taste buds, and sharing is caring.”
“Fair enough. We tear him in half and then we can each stomp or chomp as the mood takes us. It will give us something to do before the others arrive.”
“Deal.” Nymer extended the left hand and Terroch extended the right. Realizing that shaking their own hands was unwieldy in their current configuration, Nymer morphed his hand and shook Terroch’s firmly.
“It is a pleasure doing business with you.”
“And you.”
Both heads turned towards the end of the alley to find Lex and the others were no longer there. Nymer’s mouth hung open in confusion but soon closed as deep-orange fury flowed through his eyes. A moment later, Terroch did the same. The now livid chaos Prince exchanged confused looks with themselves before glaring down on chaos Vonn.
“Where’d they go?” both heads asked.
“Uh.. through the door,” chaos Vonn said and pointed to the drawing of the door on the far wall.
Both heads squinted at the wall. “That’s no door. It's just a drawing of a door.” Their he
ads were mistimed, making their comments sound off, like a poorly dubbed television show. Chaos Vonn shrugged and said nothing.
A wave of creeping madness poured from the dual-headed Prince and flowed through the town. Faster than any mortal eyes could hope to follow, the Prince exploded into a maelstrom of violence. First to feel their wrath was the Vonn copy, who was torn apart by the Prince. Within seconds, the remaining chaos spawn were dead and splayed about the square as a massive bit of surreal art.
Both heads of the NymerTerroch roared at the endless void that was the sky in the Realm of Chaos and then abruptly calmed.
“Terroch?”
“Yes, Nymer.”
“Why are we so angry?”
Terroch did not answer with words but pointed into the alley where Lex and the others had stood. A pathetic whimper, like a puppy begging for a treat, pushed past his lips.
“Yes, but why do we care? He knows nothing that we already know we don’t know.”
Another whine pushed past Terroch’s lips.
“Yes, it is rude,” Nymer agreed. “But we are a Prince(s) of Chaos, it’s not like we care about rules and decorum.”
“Oh, right,” Terroch said cheering up. His glee was short-lived, and confusion painted his face. “Why are we here still?”
Nymer opened his mouth to answer but then shut it again, a forgetful look crossing his face. A moment later he spoke. “I cannot remember.”
“Want to go somewhere else?”
“Very much. Where would you like to go?”
“All the places,” Nymer suggested.
“No, that sounds boring,” Terroch whined.
“You need to think positive. Live life a little.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh, right, no we don’t.” Nymer tapped his chin with five fingers and a pair of tentacle barbs. “So, where do you wanna go then?”
“Nowhere,” Terroch suggested.
“Oh, I forgot about Nowhere. I like it there.”
“Same here.” Terroch’s happy grin would have been infectious had there been anyone around to infect.
“Okay, see you there,” Nymer said and his head turned, and his foot stepped away from Terroch. Terroch did the same, and a horrific flesh rending sound rose as the Prince of Chaos tore itself in half, releasing torrents of blood and dropping gobbets of flesh.
