CHAPTER IX
HOW ADELE FESTE ARRIVED, AND MR. DUNKLESBAUM SUPPED WITH THE DEVIL.
"There she is!" cried Jill.
"Where?" said I, screwing up my eyes and peering eagerly at the crowdedtaffrails.
"There, Boy, there. Look, she's seen us. She's waving."
Hardly I followed the direction of my cousin's pink index finger, whichwas stretched quivering towards the promenade deck.
"Is that her in blue?"
But a smiling Jill was already nodding and waving unmistakably to thetall slim figure, advances which the latter was as surely returning witha cheerly wave of her slight blue arm. Somewhat sheepishly I took off myhat.
Adele Feste had arrived.
More than fifteen months had elapsed since we had reluctantly seen herinto the boat-train at Euston and wished her a safe journey to herAmerican home. At the time, with an uneasiness bred of experience, I hadwondered whether our friendship was to survive the battery of time anddistance, or whether it was destined to slip into a decline and so,presently, out of our lives, fainting and painless. Touch, however, hadbeen maintained by a fitful correspondence, and constant references toMiss Feste's promised visit to White Ladies--a consummation which we oneand all desired--were made for what they were worth. Finally my sistersat down and issued a desperate summons. "My dear, don't keep us waitingany longer. Arrive in August and stay for six months. If you don't, weshall begin to believe what we already suspect--that we live too faraway." The thrust went home. Within a month the invitation had beenaccepted, with the direct result that here were Jill and I, at sixo'clock of a pleasant August evening, standing upon a quay atSouthampton, while the Rolls waited patiently, with Fitch at her wheel,a stone's throw away, ready to rush our guest and ourselves over the oddfifteen miles that lay between the port and White Ladies.
With us in the car we could take the inevitable cabin trunk anddressing-case. Adele's heavy baggage was to be consigned to the care ofFitch, who would bring it by rail the same evening to Mockery Dale, thelittle wayside station which served five villages and our own amongthem.
Nobody from the quay was allowed to board the liner, and none of thepassengers were allowed to disembark, until the baggage had beenoff-loaded. For the best part, therefore, of an hour and a half Jill andI hovered under the shadow of the tall ship, walking self-consciously upand down, or standing looking up at the promenade deck with, so far as Iwas concerned, an impotently fatuous air and, occasionally, themeretricious leer usually reserved for the photographer's studio.
At last--
"If they don't let them off soon," I announced, "I shall break down. Thestrain of being cordial with somebody who's in sight, but out ofearshot, is becoming unbearable. Let's go and have a breather behind thehutment." And I indicated an erection which looked like a ticket-officethat had been thrown together during the Crimean War.
But Jill was inexorable.
"It can't be long now," she argued, "and if we go away----There!" Sheseized my arm with a triumphant clutch. "Look! They're beginning to getoff."
It was true. One by one the vanguard of passengers was alreadystraggling laden on to the high gangway. I strained my eyes for aglimpse of the slight blue figure, which had left the taffrail and waspresumably imprisoned in the press which could be observed welling outof a doorway upon the main deck....
A sudden and violent stress upon my left hand at once reminded me ofNobby's existence, and suggested that of a cat. Mechanically I held fastto the lead, at the opposite end of which the Sealyham was choking andlabouring in a frenzied endeavour to molest a sleek tabby, which, fromthe assurance of its gait, appeared to be a _persona grata_ upon thequay. The attempted felony attracted considerable attention, whichshould have been otherwise directed, with the result that a clergymanand two ladies were within an ace of being overrun by an enormoustruckload of swaying baggage and coarsely reviled by a sweating Herculesfor their pains. As it was, the sudden diversion of the trolleyprojected several pieces of luggage on to the quay, occasioning anembryo stampede of the bystanders and drawing down a stern rebuke,delivered in no measured terms, from a blue-coated official, who had notseen what had happened, upon the heads of innocent and guilty alike. Thereal offender met my accusing frown with the disarming smile of childishinnocence, and, when I shook my head, wagged his tail unctuously. As Ipicked him up and put him under my arm--
"So this is Nobby," said Adele.
I uncovered and nodded.
"And he had a bath this morning, so as to be all nice and clean whenMiss Feste arrived. I did, too."
"How reckless!" said Adele. "You look very well on it."
"Thank you," said I, shaking hands. "And you look glorious. Hullo!You've let your hair grow. I am glad."
"Think it's an improvement?"
"If possible."
The well-marked eyebrows went up, the bright brown eyes regarded mequizzically, the faint familiar smile hung maddeningly on the red lips.
"Polite as ever," she flashed.
"Put it down to the bath," said I. "Cleanliness is nextto--er--devotion."
"Yes, and he's been counting the days," broke in Jill. "He has really.Of course, we all have. But----Oh, Adele, I'm so glad you've come."
Adele drew my cousin's arm within her own.
"So'm I," she said quietly. "And now--I did have a dressing-case once.And a steamer-trunk.... D'you think it's any good looking for them?"
Twenty minutes later we were all three--four with Nobby--on the frontseat of the Rolls, which was nosing its way gingerly out of the town.
"I wonder if you realize," said Adele, "what a beautiful country youlive in."
At the moment we were immediately between an unpleasantly crowded tramand a fourth-rate beerhouse.
"Don't you have trams?" said I. "Or does alcohol mean so much to you? Isuppose prohibition is a bit of a jar."
"To tell you the truth, I was thinking of the Isle of Wight. It lookedso exquisite as we were coming in. Just like a toy continent out of agiant's nursery."
"Before the day is out," I prophesied, "you shall see finer things thanthat."
Once clear of the streets, I gave the car her head.
For a while we slid past low-lying ground, verdant and fresh andblowing, but flat and sparsely timbered, with coppices here and thereand, sometimes, elms in the hedgerows, and, now and again, a parcel ofyoungster oaks about a green--fair country enough at any time, and atthis summer sundown homely and radiant. But there was better to come.
The car fled on.
Soon the ground rose sharply by leaps and bounds, the yellow roadswerving to right and left, deep tilted meadows on one side with ascreen of birches beyond, and on the other a sloping rabble of timber,whose foliage made up a tattered motley, humble and odd and bastard,yet, with it all, so rich in tender tones and unexpected feats ofdrapery that Adele cried that it was a slice of fairyland and sat withher chin on her shoulder, till the road curled up into the depths of abroad pine-wood, through which it cut, thin, and dead straight, andcool, and strangely solemn. In a flash it had become the nave of acathedral, immense, solitary. Sombre and straight and tall, the wallsrose up to where the swaying roof sobered the mellow sunshine and onlylet it pass dim and so, sacred. The wanton breeze, caught in the maze oftufted pinnacles, filtered its chastened way, a pensive organist,learned to draw grave litanies from the boughs and reverently voice theair of sanctity. The fresh familiar scent hung for a smokeless incense,breathing high ritual and redolent of pious mystery. No circumstance ofworship was unobserved. With one consent birds, beasts and insects madenot a sound. The precious pall of silence lay like a phantom cloud,unruffled. Nature was on her knees.
The car fled on.
Out of the priestless sanctuary, up over the crest of the rise, into thekiss of the sunlight we sailed, and so on to a blue-brown moor, allsplashed and dappled with the brilliant yellow of the gorse in bloom androlling away into the hazy distance like an untroubled sea. So for amile it flowed, a lazy pomp of purpl
e, gold-flecked and glowing. Thencame soft cliffs of swelling woodland, rising to stay its course withgentle dignity--walls that uplifted eyes found but the dwindled edge ofa far mightier flood that stretched and tossed, a leafy waste ofbillows, flaunting more living shades of green than painters dream of,laced here and there with gold and, once in a long while, shot withcrimson, rising and falling with Atlantic grandeur, till the eyefaltered, and the proud rich waves seemed to be breaking on the rosysky.
And over all the sun lay dying, his crimson ebb of life staining thefirmament with splendour, his mighty heart turning the dance of Death toa triumphant progress, where Blood and Flame rode by with clouds forchargers, and Earth and Sky themselves shouldered the litter of theirpassing King.
An exclamation of wonder broke from Adele, and Jill cried to me to stop.
"Just for a minute, Boy, so that she can see it properly."
Obediently I slowed to a standstill. Then I backed the great car andswung up a side track for the length of a cricket-pitch. The few cubitsthus added to our stature extended the prospect appreciably. Besides, itwas now unnecessary to crane the neck.
At last--
"If you're waiting for me to say 'Go,'" said Adele, "I shouldn't. I'mquite ready to sit here till nightfall. It's up to you to tear me away."
I looked at Jill.
"Better be getting on," I said. "The others'll be wondering where weare."
She nodded.
We did not stop again till the car came to rest easily before the greatoak door, which those who built White Ladies hung upon its tremendoushinges somewhere in the 'forties of the sixteenth century.
* * * * *
"It is my duty," said Berry, "to inform you that on Wednesday I shallnot be available."
"Why?" said my wife.
"Because upon that day I propose to dispense justice in my capacity of aJustice of the Peace. I shall discriminate between neither rich norpoor. Beggars and billionaires shall get it equally in the neck.Innocent and guilty alike----"
"That'll do," said Daphne. "What about Thursday?"
"Thursday's clear. One moment, though. I had an idea there was somethingon that day." For a second he drummed on the table, clearly cudgellinghis brains. Suddenly, "I knew it," he cried. "That's the day of thesale. You know. Merry Down. I don't know what's the matter with mymemory. I've got some rotten news."
"What?"
Daphne, Jill, Jonah and I fired the question simultaneously.
"A terrible fellow's after it. One Dunkelsbaum. Origin doubtful--very.Last known address, Argentina. Naturalized in July, 1914. Strictlyneutral during the War, but managed to net over a million out of cotton,which he sold to the Central Powers _at a lower price than Great Britainoffered_ before we tightened the blockade. Never interned, of course.Well, he tried to buy Merry Down by private treaty, but Sir Anthonywouldn't sell to him. They say the sweep's crazy about the place andthat he means to have it at any price. Jolly, isn't it?"
There was a painful silence.
Merry Down was the nearest estate to White Ladies, and was almost asprecious to us as our own home. For over two centuries a Bagot hadreigned uninterruptedly over the rose-red mansion and the spreadingpark, the brown water and the waving woods--a kingdom of which we hadbeen free since childhood. Never an aged tree blew down but we were toldof it, and now--the greatest of them all was falling, the house of Bagotitself.
One of the old school, Sir Anthony had stood his ground up to the last.The War had cost him dear. His only son was killed in the first months.His only grandson fell in the battles of the Somme. His substance, neverfat, had shrunk to a mere shadow of its former self. The stout old heartfought the unequal fight month after month. Stables were emptied, roomswere shut up, thing after thing was sold. It remained for a defaultingsolicitor to administer the _coup de grace_....
On the twelfth day of August, precisely at half-past two, Merry Down wasto be sold by auction at _The Fountain Inn_, Brooch.
Berry's news took our breath away.
"D'you mean to say that this is what I fought for?" said I. "For thisbrute's peaceful possession of Merry Down?"
"Apparently," said my brother-in-law. "More. It's what Derry Bagot andhis boy died for, if you happen to be looking at it that way."
"It'll break Sir Anthony's heart," said Daphne.
"But I don't understand," said Adele. "How--why is it allowed?"
"I must have notice," said Berry, "of that question."
"Have you ever heard," said Jonah, "of the Society for the Prevention ofCruelty to Alien Enemies?"
Adele shook her head.
"I think you must have," said Jonah. "Some people call it the BritishNation. It's been going for years."
"That's right," said I. "And its motto is 'Charity begins at Home.'There's really nothing more to be said."
"I could cry," announced Jill, in a voice that fully confirmed herstatement. "It's just piteous. What would poor Derry say? Can't anythingbe done?"
Berry shrugged his shoulders.
"If half what I've heard is true, Merry Down is as good as gone. Thefellow means to have it, and he's rich enough to buy the county itself.Short of assassination, I don't see what anybody can do. Of course, ifyou like, you can reproduce him in wax and then stick pins into theimage. But that's very old-fashioned, and renders you liable tocremation without the option of a fine. Besides, as a magistrate, I feelit my bounden duty to----"
"I thought witchcraft and witches were out of date," said Adele.
"Not at all," said Berry. "Only last week we bound one over fordiscussing the housing question with a wart-hog. The animal, which, tillthen, had been laying steadily, became unsettled and suspicious andfinally attacked an inoffensive Stilton with every circumstance ofbarbarity."
"How awful!" said Adele. "You do see life as a magistrate, don't you?And I suppose somebody kissed the wart-hog, and it turned into a Frenchcount? You know, it's a shame about you."
Berry looked round.
"Mocked," he said. "And at my own table. With her small mouth crammedwith food, for which I shall be called upon to pay, she actually----"
"O-o-oh!" cried Adele. "It wasn't. Besides, you shouldn't have askedme."
"I can only say," said Berry, "that I am surprised and pained. From thebosom of my family I, as the head, naturally expect nothing but thefoulest scurrility and derision. But when a comparative stranger, whom,with characteristic generosity, I have made free of my heart, seizes amoment which should have been devoted to the mastication of one of mypeaches to vilify her host, then indeed I feel almost unsexed--I meanunmanned. Are my veins standing out like cords?"
"Only on your nose," said I. "All gnarled, that is."
"There you are," said Berry. "The slow belly reviles the sage. The----"
Scandalized cries from Daphne and Jill interrupted him.
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," said his wife, pushing back herchair. "And now let's all have coffee on the terrace. That is, unlessyou three want to stay."
Jonah, Berry and I shook our heads, and she took Adele's arm and led theway out of the room....
It was a wonderful night.
While Nature slept, Magic, sceptred with a wand, sat on her throne.
The sky was rich black velvet, pricked at a million points, from everyone of which issued a cold white brilliance, just luminous enough toshow its whereness, sharp and clear-cut. No slightest breath of windruffled the shadows of the sleeping trees. With one intent, Night andthe countryside had filled the cup of silence so that it brimmed--a featthat neither cellarer can do alone. The faint sweet scent of honeysucklestole on its errant way, 'such stuff as dreams are made on,' so that thesilken fabric of the air took on a tint of daintiness so rare, fleeting,and exquisite as made your fancy riot, conjuring mirages of smoothenchantment, gardens that hung luxuriant beneath a languorous moon, theplash of water and the soft sob of flutes....
For a long moment all the world was fairy. Then, with a wild scr
abble ofclaws upon stone, a small white shape shot from beneath my chair, tookthe broad steps at a bound and vanished into the darkness. The welter ofbarks and growls and grunts of expended energy, rising a moment laterfrom the midst of the great lawn, suggested that a cat had retired tothe convenient shelter of the mulberry tree.
The sudden eruption startled us all, and Berry dwelt with some asperityupon the danger of distracting the digestive organs while at work.
Menacingly I demanded the terrier's immediate return. Upon the thirdtime of asking the uproar ceased, and a few seconds later Nobby camepadding out of the gloom with the cheerful demeanour of the labourer whohas done well and shown himself worthy of his hire. Wise in hisgeneration, he had learned that it is a hard heart which thepleasurable, if mistaken, glow of faithful service will not disarm.Sternly I set the miscreant upon my knee. For a moment we eyed oneanother with mutual mistrust and understanding. Then he thrust up a wetnose and licked my face....
For a minute or two there was no noise save the occasional chink of acoffee-cup against its saucer. Then--
"Since you ask me," said Berry, "my horoscope is of peculiar interest."
"What's a horoscope?" said Jill.
"A cross between a birth certificate and a conduct sheet," said I,nodding at Berry. "His is a wonder. You can get a copy of it for threeand sixpence at Scotland Yard."
"I was born," said my brother-in-law, "when Uranus was in conjunction,Saturn in opposition, and the Conservatives in power. Venus was allgibbous, the Zodiac was in its zenith, and the zenith was in Charles'sWain, commonly called The Cart. My sign was Oleaqua--The Man with theWatering Pot. When I add that a thunderstorm was raging, and that myfather had bet five pounds I should be a girl, and had decided to callme 'Hosannah,' you will appreciate that it is no ordinary being who isaddressing you. A singularly beautiful infant, it was at once obviousthat I was born to rule. Several people said it was inevitable, amongthem an organ-grinder, who was ordered out of the grounds, to whichduring the excitement he had gained access. He didn't put it that way,but he explained at the police court that that was what he had meant."
"To whose good offices," said Jonah, "do you ascribe your pretty ways?"
"Uranus," was the airy reply. "From that deity came also meekness, anunshakable belief in human nature, and the fidgets."
"You ought to have been called after him," said Adele.
"My godfathers thought otherwise. In a fit of generosity they gave me myname and a pint pot, which the more credulous declared to be silver, butwhose hallmark persistently defied detection. Then the fount dried up.And now let me read your hand. Or would you rather I taught you thethree-card trick?"
"It's too dark," I protested. "Besides, she's going to sing."
"Who said so?" said Adele. "I was going to suggest that you told us afairy tale."
"A song for a tale," said I.
"Done."
"There was once a princess," said I, "with eyes like brown stars and avoice like the song of a silver brook. One day she was sitting all aloneby the side of a shady trout-stream, when she heard a bell. For a momentshe thought she was dreaming, for she was rather tired. Then she heardit again--a clear tinkle, which seemed to arise from the heart of thestream itself. This surprised the princess very much, because no bellswere allowed in her father's kingdom. The old man was a bit of anautocrat, and one morning, when he had been rung up seven times runningby subjects who wanted quite a different number, he just passed a lawprohibiting bells, and that was that. Well, while she was wondering whatto do the bell rang again rather angrily, and, before she knew where shewas, she had said 'Come in.'
"'At last,' said a voice, and a large frog heaved himself out of thewater and sat down on a tuft of grass on the opposite bank. 'I shan'tknock next time.'
"'I didn't hear you knock,' said the princess.
"'I didn't,' said the frog. 'I rang. How's your father?'
"'Full of beans,' said the princess. 'And yours?'
"'That's my business,' said the frog. 'Are you married yet?'
"'No such luck,' said the princess. 'And, what's more, I never shallbe.'
"'Why?' said the frog. 'Half the kingdom goes with you, doesn't it?'
"'Exactly,' said the princess. 'And there's the rub.'
"'Where?' said the frog, looking round.
"'Well, I'm all right,' said the princess, 'but who wants half aone-horse kingdom that's mortgaged up to the hilt and a bit over?'
"At this the frog looked so wise that the princess felt quiteuncomfortable, and began to think he must be a waiter at the Athenaeumwho had had a misunderstanding with a witch. Suddenly--
"'Which of your suitors do you like best?' said the frog.
"'Albert the Watchguard,' said the princess. 'He's a bit of a fool, butyou ought to see him dance.'
"'No, I oughtn't,' said the frog. 'It would be extremely bad for me.Listen. Tell Albert to come down here with a sieve to-morrow morning. Hemay be a bit of a fool, but, if he doesn't apply for you before lunch,he's a congenital idiot.' And with that he took a short run and divedinto the stream.
"The princess did as she was bid, and at eleven o'clock the next morningAlbert the Watchguard appeared, complete with sieve, upon the bank ofthe trout-stream. Twenty-five minutes later, with a cigarette behind hisear and _a nugget of gold in each boot_, he made formal application forthe hand of the princess and half the kingdom--a request which wasimmediately granted.
"Two days later they were married.
"What Albert the Watchguard said, on learning that his half of thekingdom did not include the territory watered by the trout-stream, isnot recorded.
"If you remember, he was a bit of a fool."
"Good for you, old chap," said Daphne.
Jill's hand stole out of the darkness and crept into mine.
Berry turned to Adele.
"A blinking wonder," he said, "is not he? Fancy turning out a comiccameo like that on demand. But then for years he's been on the staff of_Chunks_. He does the _Gossipy Gobbets_ column."
Adele laughed musically.
"It was very nice of him to do as I asked," she said. "And as abargain's a bargain...."
She rose and turned to the open windows....
I saw her settled at the piano, and then stole back.
A moment later the strains of her beautiful mezzo-soprano floated outinto the darkness.
It is doubtful whether _Printemps Qui Commence_ ever enjoyed a moreexquisite setting.
It was a wonderful night.
* * * * *
If we had driven straight to Brooch the incident would not haveoccurred.
We had lunched early, for Berry and I were determined to attend the saleof Merry Down. Sir Anthony, who was sure to be there, would needcomforting, and we had, moreover, a feeling that we should like to seethe last of an old friend. Once the place had passed into the power ofthe dog, we should try to forget. It was Adele's suggestion that sheshould accompany us. "I'd like to see Brooch," she had said, "and I wantto get a new piece of silk for my wristwatch. Besides, I can sit in thecar while you and Berry are at the sale. That'll save your taking thechauffeur." We agreed readily enough.
Because Adele was with us we started in good time, so that we could goby way of Hickory Hammer and Three Horse Hill. That way would bring uson to the London road at a point five miles from Brooch, and, while theview from the hill was as fine as any in the neighbourhood, HickoryHammer was not only extremely ancient, but generally accounted one ofthe most picturesque villages in the whole of England.
I was driving, with Nobby beside me, while Adele and Berry sat on theback seat. Our thoughts were not unnaturally dwelling upon the sale, andnow and again I caught fragments of conversation which suggested that mybrother-in-law was commenting upon the power of money and thephysiognomy of Mr. Dunkelsbaum--whose photograph had appeared in thepaper that very morning, to grace an interview--with marked acerbity.Once in a while a ripple of laughter from Adele came to my e
ars, but forthe most part it was a grave discourse, for Berry felt very bitter, andAdele, whose father's father was the son of an English squire, had takento heart the imminent disseizure with a rare sympathy.
It was five minutes to two when we slid out of Lullaby Coppice and on tothe London road. A furlong ahead the road swung awkwardly to the left--abend which the unexpected _debouchement_ of a by-road rendered averitable pitfall for the unwary motorist. I slowed for the turncautiously, for I knew the place, but I was not surprised when, onrounding the corner, we found ourselves confronted with a state ofaffairs presenting all the elements of a first-class smash.
What had happened was transparently clear.
Huddled between a trolley and the nearside bank, which was rising sheerfrom the road, was a large red limousine, listing heavily to port anddown by the head. Both vehicles were facing towards Brooch. Plainly thecar had sought to overtake the trolley, which was in the act of emergingfrom the by-road, and pass it upon the wrong side. The former, ofcourse, had been travelling too fast to stop, and the burden which thelatter was bearing had made it impossible for the other to pass upon theright-hand side. Three sturdy oaks, new felled, one of them full fiftyswaying feet in length, all of them girt by chains on to the trolley'sback, made a redoubtable obstruction. The chauffeur had taken the onlypossible course and dashed for the narrowing passage on the left. Asecond too late, the car had been pinched between the great wain and theunyielding bank, like a nut between the jaws of the crackers. But forthe action of the carter, who had stopped his team dead, the car wouldhave been crushed to flinders.
The two occupants of the limousine were apparently unhurt, for, when Ifirst saw them, they were standing in the middle of the road, lookinganxiously in our direction. The next moment they were signalling to usviolently, spreading out ridiculous arms, as if the tree-trunks were notputting our passage of the road for the present out of the question.
As I brought the Rolls to a standstill, I heard a stifled cry. The nextmoment Berry's voice hissed in my ear.
"Talk of the devil.... Look at the cove on the right. _It's Dunkelsbaumhimself._"
A lightning glance showed me the truth of his words. The original of thephotograph over which we had pored that morning was standing before usin all the grossness of flesh.
Almost before I had recovered from the shock, the other--a long sallowcreature with a false grin and a cringing air--was at my elbow.
"You mutht eckthcuthe me," he lisped, uncovering, "but could youpothibly give uth a lift ath far ath Brooch? Thith gentleman"--heindicated Mr. Dunkelsbaum--"hath a motht important engagement there athalf-patht two, and, ath you thee, we have been unfortunate. Tho, if youcould thee your way to accommodating uth, we thould be greatly obliged."
Before I could reply--
"We can get there by half-past two," said Berry, speaking slowly anddistinctly, "if--_if we go through Ramilly._"
Now, Ramilly was a great enclosure, and could be entered from theby-road down which the trolley had come. _But it was not on the way toBrooch._
With the greatest difficulty I repressed a start. Then I leaned forwardas if to examine the dash, but in reality to conceal my excitement....
_Apparently guileless, my brother-in-law's protasis was nothing lessthan a deliberate direction to me to postpone Mr. Dunkelsbaum's arrivalat Brooch until Merry Down was no longer in the market._
My heart began to beat violently....
Berry was speaking again.
"Wait half a minute, and we'll change over." He turned to Adele. "Willyou sit in front with Boy?"
As the change was being made, Mr. Dunkelsbaum advanced.
I have seldom set eyes upon a less prepossessing man. To liken him to avicious over-fed pug is more than charitable. Smug, purse-proud andevil, his bloated countenance was most suggestive. There was no pityabout the coarse mouth, which he had twisted into a smile, two deepsneer lines cut into the unwholesome pallor of his cheeks, from underdrooping lids two beady eyes shifted their keen appraising glance fromme to Berry and, for a short second, to Adele. There was about him not asingle redeeming feature, and for the brute's pompous carriage alone Icould have kicked him heartily.
The clothes were like unto the man.
From beneath a silk-faced overcoat, which he wore unbuttoned, the richcontour of a white waistcoat thrust its outrageous way, spurning thedecent shelter of a black tail-coat and making the thick striped legslook shorter than ever. A diamond pin winked in the satin tie, and ablack bowler hat and patent-leather boots mercifully covered, the onehis crown, and the others his short fat feet.
My gentleman raised his hat and removed a cigar from his mouth beforespeaking in a thick voice and with a strong foreign accent.
"My segretary 'as tol' you of my agsident, yes. I voz much oblige' vor alif' to Brrrrooch. These gattle"--contemptuously he pointed to thewaggoner and his great beasts, to whose common sagacity he owed hislife--"should not allowed be on der roats, no. Ach, so. It voz allwrong."
"Quite so," said Berry. "I think they're worse than pedestrians. If Ihad my way, nothing but high-powered cars would be allowed on any highroad. If people can't afford cars, let them keep to the lanes."
"So 'ave I say often. What vor are der baths an' lanes else? Bah!"
By now Adele had taken her seat in front, and my brother-in-law, who haddescended, was ushering Mr. Dunkelsbaum into the place she had left.With a grunt the fellow made to hoist himself in, when Nobby took aflying leap from the front seat and planted himself in the intruder'spath, barking furiously.
Immediately withdrawing the foot which he had set upon the carpet, Mr.Dunkelsbaum descended anyhow on to his secretary, who was not expectinghim and so too late to recede. The scream of agony which the unfortunatecreature emitted, no less than the convulsive way in which he clung tothe wing, while standing upon one leg and protesting with a horribleleer that he was unhurt, gave the lie to his words.
His employer spoke at once and to the point.
"Den, if you 'ave no 'urt, what vor 'ave you yell in mine ear-'ole?Bah!" He turned to me. "You vill blease gondrol der 'ound."
Mastering a desire to do the man violence, I leaned out and over theback of my seat and, taking Nobby by the scruff of his neck, hauled himstruggling and growling across the barrier. Adele received him tenderlyand endeavoured to soothe him. But the Sealyham was mourning a lostopportunity and would not be comforted.
Bluntly commanding his creature to stay with the car and arrange for itssalvage, Mr. Dunkelsbaum once more heaved himself into the Rolls andsank upon the back seat. Berry followed, and a moment later I had let inthe clutch and turned up the by-road.
By the time we had reached the entrance to the enclosure it was tenminutes past two, and, as Berry got out to open and hold the gate, I sawour passenger bring out a handsome timepiece and, after a glance at thedial, replace it in some uneasiness.
"Your dime voz der same as London?" he inquired.
"Five minutes ahead," I replied maliciously.
"Ach!"
"We shall do it all right," I said airily, "Your appointment's at three,isn't it?"
Mr. Dunkelsbaum went a rich green colour, half rose from his seat, andclawed at the air before replying.
"Three?" he raved. "Three? No, no! Alf-pas' doo, man, 'alf-pas' doo! 'Oo'as say it voz three? In a quarder of an hour ve mus' be dere. It isfital, yes."
Adele began to shake with laughter.
"Right oh," I said casually. "I dare say we can manage it." The gate wasopen, and I let in the clutch with a bang. With a startled grunt, Mr.Dunkelsbaum was projected violently on to the seat he had left. As Islowed up for Berry to rejoin us, "But I may have to go rather fast," Iadded.
"Like der devil," was the reply.
The going was good, and the road was unfrequented, so I let the car out.We tore down an avenue of firs, great rugged banks of rhododendronssprawling on either side, scudded into a beechwood--pillars allsilver-grey, set in a ruffled mass of whispering green, swam throug
h asea of bracken, rippling and feathery. And all the time I was racking mybrain....
To the best of my recollection, we had another three miles to coverbefore we should emerge from Ramilly on to the King's highway. But atthe very point at which we should leave the enclosure there werecrossroads and, I was sure, a finger-post announcing the way to Broochin a plain manner which there was no mistaking.
In the face of this direction, which our passenger would be certain tosee, it would be impossible to take another road, and, though we shouldundoubtedly reach _The Fountain_ after the appointed hour, it was quitepossible that the proceedings might not be punctually conducted, andthat the essential business of the sale would not have been completedbefore our arrival.
Of course, there was nothing to prevent us from throwing off the mask,stopping the car, and politely intimating our inability to carry Mr.Dunkelsbaum any further. But his reception of such an open declarationof war was certain to be unsuitable for Adele's eyes and ears, and thesubsequent action which a man of his calibre would undoubtedly takemight prove troublesome, if profitless.
Again, our eventual arrival at Brooch, however belated, would be betteravoided. Berry and I were well known in the town, as was also our closefriendship with Sir Anthony. Our identification, therefore, would beonly a matter of time, and since, in the absence of a burst or apuncture, our progress to Brooch could only be delayed by pretendedengine trouble, the suspicions which this would be sure to arouse in ourpassenger's mind would very soon be confirmed.
Sooner or later the fellow would gather that he had been befooled, but,provided that we preserved our incognitos, that did not matter. If wecould possibly leave him uncertain whether we were as cunning asserpents or as simple as doves, so much the better.
In no sort of order all these reflections elbowed and jostled oneanother before my mind's eye, which was itself searching feverishly fora solution. Then we floated round a long curve, and I saw the splash.
We were at the top of a short steep hill in the midst of a dense wood oftender years. At the foot of the hill our road was overrun by afair-sized stream, so that while there was a little foot-bridge,vehicles that were wishing to pass this way must do so by way of theford. Beyond the water the ground rose sharply again, making the wholeplace a bottom or hollow, such as was commonly encountered in this partof England.
I slowed up, and we slid down the hill at a reduced speed.
With the utmost caution I put the Rolls at the splash, making no attemptto disguise my uneasiness. Mr. Dunkelsbaum would naturally conclude thatI was anxious lest the water was deep. As a matter of fact, I wasfearful lest the ford should prove shallow.
But luck was with us.
Very gently the great car entered the brown water, which was flowingslowly and steadily over its gravel bed. With my heart in my mouth, Iwatched the water rise.... It was half-way to the running-board. It waslevel--above.... It was lapping the spare wheel, and--we were in thedeepest part. Quick as a flash I changed into top and let in the clutchwith a bang. Instantly the engine stopped, and the car came to rest inmid-stream.
I took out my handkerchief and wiped my face.
There was an electric silence. Then--
"What's the matter?" said Berry.
"Flooded out," I said shortly, hoping that Mr. Dunkelsbaum was not anengineer.
As I spoke, I heard a choking sound at my shoulder. I turned sharply,and there was my gentleman in a terrible toss. His eyes were protruding,and he could hardly speak.
"To Brrrooch!" he screamed. "To Brrrooch! Ve mus' go on. I 'ave say itis fital. Sdard der gar, man, sdard der gar! What vor do you vaid?"
"I'll try," I said coolly. "But you'll have to get out. Our only chanceis to make her as light as possible."
With a saintly look Berry opened the off-side door and sprang nimbly onto the foot-bridge. Then he turned to the other.
"Come along, sir."
Mr. Dunkelsbaum stared at the water as if it had been boiling oil. As heestimated the distance he was to cover, a bead of perspiration began tocourse down his face. It was the first of many....
Berry extended his hand.
"Come along, sir."
The fellow threw one despairing glance about him, hung out of the cartill he could reach Berry's hand, and then, with a frightful grunt,goose-stepped into space....
The sight of Mr. Dunkelsbaum, still hand-in-hand with Berry,endeavouring by the latter's direction to step out of twelve inches ofwater on to the foot-bridge--a feat which only a contortionist couldhave accomplished--was diverting in the extreme. But when theunfortunate creature did by some superhuman effort get the elongated toeof his right elastic-sided boot upon the plank, and Berry found himselfunable to do more than haul him half-way to safety, so that for one longhectic moment he hung writhing convulsively, frantically waving his leftleg in quest of a footing and alternately calling upon Heaven andfrenziedly charging his betrayer not to let go; when, as a result ofmuscular vibration, his left boot worked loose and fell into the waterwith a derisive plop; when Nobby, who had been watching the efforts ofthe storming party in a fever of excitement, leapt from Adele's arms onto my shoulders and thence into the flood, and, beating its raving ownerby a matter of inches in a rush for the errant footgear, splashed histriumphant way to the bank and, amid a hurricane of execration, bore hiswaterlogged trophy into the undergrowth; then I bowed my head upon thesteering-wheel and, throwing decency to the winds, ran before thetempest of Titanic laughter....
A wail of merriment from Adele and a pressure upon my left arm broughtme to my senses.
Watch in hand, Mr. Dunkelsbaum was dancing upon a strip of turf by theedge of the stream, bellowing at me to start the car.
"I do nod gare vor my bood, no. But der abboinmen'.... It vill nod vaid,I say. An' it is now vive minute to begin. Ach! What vor 'ave you siddere an' laugh? My 'eart pleeds vor you. Ten tousand devil! But _villyou sdard ub der auto?_"
The yell with which he delivered the last sentence changed to a howl ashis bootless foot alighted heavily upon an odd pebble, and Nobby peeredout of some long grass, boot in mouth, to see whether the situation wasaffording further opportunities. Apparently it was not, for he lay downwhere he was and proceeded with the dismemberment of his spoil.
Adele turned her head away and held her handkerchief to her eyes.
I set my foot upon the self-starter....
The moment the engine started, Nobby abandoned his treasure and leaptbarking to the side of the car, fearful, as usual, lest he be leftbehind. Muttering hideously, Mr. Dunkelsbaum seized the opportunity ofretrieving his boot, whose present condition was apparently even worsethan he had expected, for a hurried examination of the same elicited aninvoluntary cry of torment, and he shook his fist at the terrier in afit of ungovernable fury.
Slowly I brought the Rolls out of the splash, and when, as I judged,about six feet lay between the back wheels and the stream, again Istopped the engine....
For a moment I thought Mr. Dunkelsbaum would offer me violence. Hismouth worked uncontrollably, and there was a suspicion of foam upon thethick lips. A sudden violent tug at the boot, which was still in hisright hand awaiting replacement, mercifully diverted his attention, butthe savagery with which he launched a kick at Nobby, who was once morein possession and already out of range, was terrible to witness.
"'Ell-'ound!" he screamed. "'Ell-'ound! You vould dare! I vill throw yououd of der vindow with one 'and. I vill gig der eyes from your 'ead." Inthe midst of the paroxysm he turned to me, wild-eyed and gesticulating."What vor 'ave you stay still? You mus' sdard again an' again, yes. ToBrrrooch! To Brrrooch!" He snatched his watch from his pocket and dabbedat its face with a shaking forefinger. "Der glogs vill berhaps be wrong.I vill give you dwendy bounds if ve shall 'ave arrive in dime!"
The rearguard of my compunction, which had been putting up a fight,vanished into thin air. The sweep had offered me money. I was preparedto twist his tall indefinitely.
"If you pushed behind," I said coldly, "
we might get her going. If wedo, you must get in while she's moving. I daren't stop, or we may haveto begin all over again."
Mr. Dunkelsbaum eyed me suspiciously, and Berry, who had been hithertoafraid to trust his voice, took up the running with a dash.
"That's the ticket. Come on, Herr Stunkenblotch. Never mind your boot.Think of the purchase you'll get with a bare foot." He stepped behindthe car. "Now, you do as I do, and, when I say 'Go,' drop your bullethead and try to shove the old 'bus into the middle of next fortnight."
With a snarl, Mr. Dunkelsbaum slunk limping to the back of the car....
A moment later--
"Go!" said my brother-in-law.
Maliciously I waited the best part of thirty seconds. Then--
"Are you ready?" I inquired, innocently enough.
The explosion which my question provoked was truly terrible.
The panting alien and Berry immediately reappeared, one upon either sideof the car, the latter protesting with an injured air that he was not soyoung as he was, and that, if I wanted him to survive the summer, I hadbetter keep my ears open, while, to judge from his behaviour, thereflection that his recent output of vigour had been rendered nugatoryby my unreadiness was hurrying Mr. Dunkelsbaum into the valley ofinsanity. Purple in the face from the unwonted violence of his physicaland mental exercise, streaming with perspiration and shaking withpassion, the fellow stormed and raved like a demoniac, and, if Berry hadnot stepped in front of the bonnet and, taking him by the arm, led himagain to the back of the car, I believe he would have fallen down in afit.
"Are you ready?" I called.
A hurricane of affirmatory invective answered me.
I started the engine, changed into first and let in the clutch. As Ichanged into second, uprose a medley of cries and barking. I leaned out,exhorting the pedestrians by words and gestures to come aboard....
Head up, teeth bared, fists clenched and arms working, Mr. Dunkelsbaumwas running like a stag. Berry was loping along just behind, apparentlyoffering encouragement and advice, while the Sealyham was alternatelyrunning and jumping up and down in front of the frantic alien, barkingas if he were possessed. Even as I looked, the inevitable happened.Nobby miscalculated his distance and landed too close to the object ofhis attentions, Berry gave a warning, but belated, shout, and Mr.Dunkelsbaum made a desperate effort to avoid the stumbling-block,tripped, recovered himself, crossed his legs, and with an unearthly cryfell heavily to the ground.
I changed into third speed.
As we swung round the corner at the top of the hill, I threw a glanceover my shoulder.
Berry was sitting on the bank by the side of the road with his head inhis hands, Mr. Dunkelsbaum had risen to his feet and was in the act ofhurling himself in the direction of Nobby, and the latter, with hissmall tail well over his back, was circling delightedly about hisvictim, still barking like a fiend and ricochetting like a rouletteball.
The next moment we were out of sight, and I changed into top speed.
Adele caught at my arm.
"You're not going to leave them?"
I nodded.
"Best way out," I said. "Berry'll understand and pull out somehow. Yousee, we're too well known about here to take any chances. And now Ithink we'll slip along to _The Fountain_ and find Sir Anthony."
"You tell me I speak good English," said Adele.
"So you do."
"Well, I don't want to spoil my record. What's the Anglo-Saxon for 'athaw-proof nerve '?"
"Can't be done," said I. "But I can put your mouth into Italian. _Boccabella carissima._ Now, isn't that nice?"
The sweet pretty lips began to tremble with laughter.
"You're incorrigible," she announced. "Fifteen long months, and youhaven't changed a bit."
"Long months, Adele?"
The soft rose of her cheeks was glowing as she turned to reply.
"The longest I've ever spent," she said softly. "That--that's the worstof cutting your hair. I thought it was never going to grow."
"They've been very long ones for me, Adele."
Up went the delicate eyebrows.
"Have they?"
I nodded.
"A close scrutiny will reveal that my hair, once a rich mud colour, isnow flecked with grey."
"I should attribute that to the march of Time."
I shook my head.
"The responsibility," I said, "rests with the United States of America.Seriously, I missed you terribly."
"That," said Adele, "I refuse to believe. If you had, you would havepaid us a visit."
"I was not invited."
Adele shrugged her shoulders.
"Any old way," she announced, "I'm here now. And, while we're on thesubject of hair, please remember that since you last saw me, I've putmine up."
"Which means?"
"That I am a dangerous woman of the world, who gives nothing and takeseverything--with a grain of salt. I warn you, I've changed."
"Unquestionably," said I, "you have had a violent love-affair. That isas plain as is the dainty nose upon your charming face."
Adele regarded me with a dazzling smile.
"I forgot," she said, "that I was addressing an expert. Tell me, d'youthink I shall get over it?"
"If you don't," said I, "it shan't be my fault."
"You're very good."
"Not at all," said I. "Can you spell 'homoeopathy'?"
* * * * *
For a man who had just parted with the home of his fathers, poor old SirAnthony was in high spirits. Lock, stock and barrel, Merry Down had beensold to the highest bidder. Of that there was no manner of doubt. Whatwas more to the point was that the purchaser, who had paid a good price,was of English blood, and had known Derry Bagot at Eton, and soldieredwith him first in South Africa and afterwards in France. The place hadpassed into good clean hands and was to be well cared for.
"A very civil fellow," said Sir Anthony, whom we had brought back toWhite Ladies to tea, "and a sportsman. I'm truly thankful. Spoke sonicely of Derry--said he'd always looked up to him and he was proud tothink he was to carry on his--his home." His voice faltered, andsomething of the old stricken look hung for an instant in the keen greyeyes. The next moment it was ousted by the flash of victory, and theywere bent upon me. "So you deported the alien to Ramilly? Gad, but I'd've liked to see the terrier bring him down."
As he spoke there was the noise of a familiar scamper, and a momentlater Nobby had hurled himself across the terrace into my lap and waslicking my face with an enthusiastic violence which could not have beenmore pronounced if he had not seen me for years.
And in his wake came Berry.
I had told Sir Anthony that, if he desired to thank any one, he mustthank my brother-in-law, because, but for the latter's quick wit. MerryDown would have fallen into the enemy's hands. But, when the old baronethad clapped him upon the back, Berry nodded at me.
"I believe," he said, "I was the first to conceive the felony. Thatcomes of being a magistrate. But that's the merchant who carried it out.Largely at my expense, I admit. But that's a matter for him and me tosettle. I tell you, Sir Anthony, you must thank him--andthe--er--hell-hound. A more masterly display of devilry I neverwitnessed." He sank into a chair. "Let refreshment be brought me."
Daphne blew him a kiss.
"One moment, old chap. Did the servants see you come in?"
Her husband nodded.
"Then there'll be some fresh tea in a moment. And now, what happened?We're simply wild to hear."
"Yes," cried Jill eagerly. "And did you really call him 'Stunkenblotch'?And what happened to his boot? And where----"
"The last thing we saw," said Adele, "was the fellow get up and go forNobby. You were sitting by the side of the road."
"And before you begin," said I, "let me say that I wouldn't have leftyou, brother, if I could have thought of any other way out. But itseemed the only thing to do."
Berry put up his hand.
"Stra
nge as it may seem," he said, "for once I don't blame you. If Ihadn't been so weak with laughter I might have boarded the car, but itwas then or never. I didn't expect you to wait."
"How did you get on?"
"I fear," said Berry, "that Mr. Dunkelsbaum did expect the car to bewaiting at the top of the hill. What he said when he found that theroad, which we could see for about five furlongs, was unoccupied, Ishall try to forget. Suffice it that he perspired with great freedom,and for a long time appeared to be afflicted with an impediment in hisspeech. Occasionally he addressed me in Patagonian, but since the onlywords I could remember were _schloss_, _ausgang_ and _bahnhof_, myreplies, judging from their reception, were unsatisfactory andsometimes, I grieve to think, even irrelevant.
"Presently I suggested that we should return for his boot. For this hesought, whilst I detained Nobby. I had recommended that the latter'sservices should be employed in the search, but the bare suggestionprovoked such a shocking outburst of profanity that I said no more.When, after exploring the undergrowth for nearly half an hour, hesuddenly descried his footgear lodged in the branches of a neighbouringash, Mr. Dunkelsbaum's behaviour gave me cause to fear for his reason.My theory that some dim-sighted fowl must have mistaken the truant for apiece of refuse met with a furious dismissal, and, from the perfectlypoisonous stare with which he declined my offer of assistance to securehis quarry, I was forced to the conclusion that he associated me withits elevation. This discovery caused me much pain, but the rude man wassoon to pay dearly for his foul suspicion. True, he got it down: but itseemed as if the ravages of wear and tear, to say nothing of itsimmersion, had heavily discounted the value of the boot as an article ofwearing apparel, for, after several agonized endeavours to replace itupon his foot, Mr. Dunkelsbaum screamed, flung it down, spat upon it,and offered up what I took to be a short prayer for immediate death.
"After this horrible exhibition of temper, I felt that no useful purposecould be served by remaining within sight or earshot of the abandonedcreature, so I released the terrier and made ready to depart.
"'Herr Splodgenblunk,' I said, 'I must now leave you. Should you bestill anxious to arrive at Bloat, you cannot do better than----'
"He interrupted me with a terrible cry.
"'I vos neffer vant to 'ave arrive at Bloat!'
"'But you said----'
"'No! No!' he raved. 'It vos _Brrrooch_, I 'ave say--_Brrrooch_!'
"I affected the utmost surprise.
"'Oh, Brooch. Why, we came miles out of our way. Brooch is over there.Back the way we came, out of the enclosure, and the first on the right.That's the worst of a Scotch accent.'"
Berry paused for the laughter to subside. As it died down--
"That," said I, "was refined cruelty."
"I confess," said Berry, "that, compared with the paroxysm whichsucceeded my statement, its predecessors were pale and colourless.Indeed, but for a timely diversion, I believe the gent would have goneup in smoke.
"You see, it was like this.
"Ever since his release, Nobby had evinced a pardonable curiosityregarding Mr. Dunkelsbaum's bootless foot. Unknown to its owner, he hadsubjected this remarkable member to the closest scrutiny, and it was inthe midst of the other's spirited study of 'A Lost Soul' that he decidedto remove the objectionable cloak or covering, which it is charity todescribe as a sock.
"It was, of course, unmannerly. The dog should have controlled hismorbid thirst for knowledge. But there you are. Still, it was imprudentof Mr. Dunkelsbaum to kick him in the ribs. I felt that instinctively.Had the gentleman remained to argue, I should have said as much. But hedidn't.
"Going extremely short upon the near fore, he rocketed down the hill,with Nobby in the immediate future, barking like a fiend and striving,so to speak, to take Time by the forelock. From the fragment of cashmerewith which he presently returned, I fear that he was successful.
"And there you are. All things considered, if he's still alive, I shouldthink he'd make Brooch about half-past eight."
"He may get a lift," said Jonah.
"Not he. Once bitten, twice shy. After all, he asked for it, didn't he?And now shall I have some tea? Or would that be greedy?"
Sir Anthony wiped his eyes.
"If he'd known you," he crowed, "as well as I do, he'd 've been morecareful. Who sups with the devil should hold a long spoon."
"I don't know what you mean, sir," said Berry. "I'm a respectable----"
"Exactly," said I. "And meek. Thanks to Uranus."
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