Griffin

by Marie James

  “Are you ready to be out of the room?”

  From what his mother said the other day, they expected him to be upset and paranoid for longer.

  “Not really.” He gives me a weak smile. “But this has been a long time coming.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Voices filter in from what sounds like the living room, and Griffin stops dead in his tracks on the stairs. As if he’s done it a million times, he lifts my hand to his mouth while his body presses against mine until my back is against the wall. I’m on a stair higher than him, so we’re almost eye-to-eye.

  “I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you, but—” He takes a long breath, his eyes once again searching mine for some answer he can’t seem to find. “Do you love me?”

  “Wh-what?” I stammer, not expecting the question.

  “Do you love me?”

  “As a friend or as more?” I don’t know what his expectations are. The answer is a simple yes to both parts of my question, but at the same time, I don’t want to alienate him.

  “As either.” Doubt fills his face as he waits for my answer.

  “I’ve always loved you.” Tears begin to fill my eyes. I’ve wanted to say that out loud for so long, but now I feel rushed. The words aren’t a lie. I just wish I knew why he needed my forced confession right now. “What’s going on?”

  His forehead presses to mine, our breaths becoming one.

  “Please keep that in mind.” He swallows. “When you hear all I’m about to say, please just remember that you love me.”

  Not knowing what else to do, I cup his jaw until he’s looking me in the eyes, and I press my mouth to his.

  “I’ll remember,” I vow against his lips.

  He doesn’t say it back. All I get is a quick nod before he’s clasping my hand and we’re continuing our trek down the stairs.

  Griffin rounds the corner to the living room and freezes before I can see what’s caused his reaction.

  “Sir.” He releases my hand and immediately moves to salute whoever has surprised him.

  “At ease,” I hear an unfamiliar voice say.

  Griffin relaxes marginally, but he’s all soldier right now.

  “I’m not technically here in any official capacity, Griggs. Relax.”

  “I was hoping you would’ve talked to me,” Griffin’s dad says. “I was afraid this was more than bad behavior on base.”

  “Who’s here?” I ask, and Griffin’s head snaps in my direction as if he’d forgotten I was standing beside him. Well, that stings a little.

  “Is that Ivy?” my dad asks.

  “Ivy?” the unfamiliar voice echoes.

  Griffin steps to the side, giving me the chance to step fully into the room. Morrison, my dad, Uncle Dom, and a severe-looking gentleman are sitting in various places around the room. They’re all staring at me like I don’t belong here right now, and I can say I feel the sentiment down to my bones.

  “I’ll just—” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder to let them know I’m leaving, but Griffin grabs my hand before I can turn to leave.

  “Stay.” He squeezes my hand harder.

  “I don’t think this is the best place for her to be right now,” my father says.

  I don’t miss the warning in his voice. It’s the same tone he’s always used when there’s business to discuss, and that one time he chastised me after going into the clubhouse kitchen through the back door to get a roll of paper towels because we were out at home. Let’s just say I didn’t knock and got an eyeful that day.

  “Griffin.” I look up at him, deferring to a man other than my father for the first time in my life.

  “I suspect I know why you’re here, General Holstead, but I’m only going to discuss this once. So I can tell you all at the same time, or I can walk away and tell her in private.”

  “We have,” General Holstead glances in my direction before turning his serious eyes back to Griffin, “sensitive matters to discuss. It may not be best for her to hear.”

  “Is it a matter of national security?” Griffin asks, and Morrison’s spine stiffens with the direct question to such a high ranking official.

  I notice the small twitch of the general’s mouth before he grows serious once again. “Not currently.”

  “If she’s willing to stay, will you allow it?”

  The general looks toward my dad, and they have that same type of conversation reminiscent of the ones I used to have with Gigi, like speaking without even saying a word. My dad nods, and General Holstead turns back to Griffin.

  This must be the approval Griffin needs, because he turns to me. When our eyes meet, it’s as if no one else in the room exists.

  “What you hear discussed today, you can’t tell another soul. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.” Why did that come out breathy? My dad, probably uncomfortable with the way I’m looking at Griffin, clears his throat, and although I can hear it, it’s not enough to distract me from the man standing in front of me.

  “Will you remember what you told me?” His hand cups my face.

  “Griffin?” Morrison interrupts this time.

  “I’ll remember,” I promise once again.

  “Wow. Whatever it is, it’s powerful stuff.” This comes from the direction of the general, but I can’t be one hundred percent sure.

  “You’re telling me.” I recognize that voice as my father’s, but there isn’t a hint of disappointment like I’d expect, especially after Griffin’s current behavior.

  “Please remember.” Griffin touches his forehead against mine before leaning in close to my ear. “Please.”

  I nod against his face, and his hand squeezes mine once again. I would’ve held on to him just a little bit longer if I had any idea of what he was going to say next.

  When he pulls away, Griffin automatically turns from me, releasing my hand as he positions himself at ease facing General Holstead.

  “On my last mission in Syria, I knowingly fired upon and killed six unarmed civilians. Four were children.”

  My legs buckle under me, but it’s my father who catches me before my knees can crash against the stone tile of the living room floor. Griffin doesn’t look in my direction again while we’re in this room.

  He killed children? Unarmed civilians?

  Who is this man? Certainly not the man I thought he was. Now it’s clear why he forced me to tell him I loved him. Why he begged me repeatedly to remember that I love him. Deep down he must’ve known I’d never see him the same. How can I?

  “I know.” Those two words from the general’s mouth shocks almost everyone.

  Uncle Dom must know more than anyone else in the room because he doesn’t seem shocked like the rest of us. I guess having spent twenty years in the Marine Corps, he’s seen more than his fair share of rogue soldiers.

  “Sir?” Griffin doesn’t bother hiding the surprise in his voice.

  “There are a lot of things that have come to light recently. I couldn’t understand why you’d sell drugs on base. I was certain you’d be a lifer in the Corps.”

  I watch Griffin rather than the man talking as I try to reconcile the man who an hour ago seemed so sincere to me with the man capable of hurting innocent people.

  “I dug around a little after you were released at the urging of your father.” His jaw ticks, but Griffin keeps his head up, eyes focused past the people in the room. “I didn’t find much, but two days ago, Daniel Reinhard’s widow came to see me.”

  Only now does Griffin lower his gaze to meet the General’s. “Longshot is dead?”

  Holstead nods. “Suicide. He left a letter detailing everything he, along with other members of his unit, had done at the command of Lieutenant Bradley Novo.”

  “Should I anticipate a court-martial, sir?” Griffin’s voice is unwavering, and once again, the man I know emerges. No matter the cost, he’s willing to face whatever recriminations may come his way.

  “No.”

  It’s m
y turn to snap my head in the general’s direction. I’m not the only one. Even as stoic as Morrison is, he seems just as shocked at the answer.

  “You’re not the problem, Griggs.”

  I have to look at the general to tell if he’s talking to Griffin or his dad.

  “Lieutenant Novo is the cancer spreading his vile disease in my Marine Corps.”

  “Pride, honor, and integrity are the core values of the Marine Corps. I have none of those, sir. Not when I aimed down on those civilians and not when I got caught with drugs on base.”

  “Were you using drugs?”

  “No, sir.”

  “As I suspected when I read the full report and discovered you tried to sell the drugs to a uniformed MP.”

  My head snaps in Griffin’s direction. “You wanted to get caught?”

  The corner of his right eye twitches, but he doesn’t turn his head in my direction.

  “I can’t make any promises about reinstatement, but there will be some advantages if you’re willing to testify against Novo.”

  “Time out,” my dad says as he stands from beside me. “Baby girl, you need to walk away right now. There are things that need to be discussed, and I’m saying it’s not right for you to be here.”

  “Okay,” I agree readily as I stand from the couch, thankful for any reason to get out of here.

  I don’t look at Griffin when I walk past him to their back door, and he makes no move to stop me from leaving.

  Chapter 31

  Griffin

  “Give her time to work through all of this,” my dad says. “It’s a lot to hear.”

  “Can we stay on topic?” I can’t even look at Kincaid. With just the tone of his voice, I can tell he doesn’t want a man like me anywhere near his daughter.

  I don’t blame him.

  “Where is Lieutenant Novo?” I ask General Holstead.

  “In the brig on base,” he answers, and a huge sense of relief washes over me. “He’s being charged with a slew of war crimes, but your testimony would help cement his confinement.”

  “He had Squirt killed in Syria.” Relief washes over me with being able to say that out loud finally. “I suspect Longshot pulled the trigger on that order.”

  “That was included in his suicide note,” the general confirms. “He also confessed to Novo’s focus on you in Syria because of an incident that happened twenty-five years ago between your father and his.”

  When I look over at my dad, I see him clenching his jaw. It’s a long moment before he speaks. “Bradley Novo Sr. was with us in Baghdad. He did some things that eventually earned him a dishonorable discharge.”

  “Some things?” I ask, needing clarification.

  “He raped two civilians. There were two other soldiers involved in that attack. They also got discharged.” Kincaid clarifies, and it makes me remember a conversation we had before leaving for basic training. He urged me to maintain my integrity and not to do things just because others were doing it. He warned me against soldiers that lose their way once they enlist.

  “After some digging, I discovered that while Novo Sr. was in prison for his crimes, his wife met another man and got pregnant. When that man found out she lied about being able to get pregnant, he beat her to death. Seems he didn’t want his wife finding out about his extra-curricular activities. Novo Jr. spent his teens in foster care. He was out of control even then, and was bounced around until he aged out of the system and went into the Corps at eighteen.”

  “Jesus,” Dominic mutters from the other side of the room.

  I feel for both him and Kincaid as their mother was also beaten to death by their own father.

  “So I can’t help but feel like this is my fault.” I hate the pain in my father’s voice.

  “You did what was right in Baghdad. I had a choice in Syria. I took the coward’s way out.”

  “He wouldn’t have focused on you if it weren’t for what happened to his dad.”

  I frown as I look at my father. He seems to have aged ten years right before my eyes.

  “Even knowing this outcome, I wouldn’t expect you to change what you did back then.”

  “And I may go to hell for saying this, but I’d rather you be standing here than being represented by a folded flag up there.” My dad points to the mantelpiece that holds family pictures and my mom’s vast array of candles.

  “I have to agree with your dad.” These words I never expected to come from Kincaid.

  “I’m not discounting the loss of life in Syria, and I’d never excuse what happened, but you were in an impossible situation.” The general gives me a weak smile. “I can’t say I’d act any differently than you did if I were faced with that exact situation.”

  From the look in his eyes, I can tell he’s being completely honest. It only calms my shame slightly. Guilt swims inside of me like a virus, and I’m afraid I’ll be sick with it for the rest of my life.

  “I thought he was coming after me,” I confess, this time turning my attention to my dad. There are so many things I need to say to him, but I’ll save most of it for later. “At Jared’s cabin, when I was alone, I swore someone was shooting at the house. It’s why I was drinking so much. I knew what my fate was. I knew he was going to eventually show up and silence me forever.”

  “You’re not wrong entirely.” Every head in the room snaps in the general’s direction. “When Novo was located, he was picked up on 160 just outside of Flagstaff. He had gas receipts in his car that placed him within the city limits of Farmington last week.”

  My skin grows cold, but at the same time, all of the paranoia wasn’t in my head. That somehow is a level of relief I didn’t know I was looking for.

  “Looked like he was doing recon on the place you were staying. Police found photos and videos of you and your lady friend that was in here earlier on his phone. They were taken from outside, but only about fifteen feet from your actual persons.”

  Growls come from two sides of the room, and as if they were one, Kincaid and Dominic stand at the same time. At first, I think they’re going to attack me, and I have the urge to insist the pictures had to be harmless. Maybe one of us kissing, and that was it, but they both seem to be focused on General Holstead.

  Dominic defers to Kincaid since Ivy is his daughter.

  “He was taking photos of my little girl?”

  “My niece?” Dom adds in.

  The general holds his hands up.

  “He’s in custody,” he says before looking back at me. “I’m hoping I’ll have your cooperation to keep him there as long as possible.”

  “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe.” The words are in agreement with what the general needs, but my eyes are on Kincaid when I make the vow.

  “Like I said,” General Holstead says as he stands from the couch, “I can’t guarantee they’ll reinstate you, but I’ll try my damnedest to make it happen.”

  “All due respect, sir, I have no desire to rejoin the Marine Corps.”

  “Understood.” He gives me another small smile and claps me on the shoulder as he walks toward the front door. “I’ll be in touch when we have court dates and such. Keep your nose clean until then.”

  All of the men in the living room follow the general outside, leaving me standing in the living room alone wondering how bad things are going to be when they get in and confront me without mixed company. I expect to be tossed out on my ass, and all of the things my dad said while the Marine officer was here to be ignored, as if it wasn’t spoken in the first place.

  But when the front door opens again, my father enters the house alone. On some level, I feel like this is worse, but maybe dealing with them separately is best. With any luck, he’ll boot me out, and I won’t have to face the others anytime soon.

  “I wish you would’ve said something to me,” my dad says as he drops down to sit on the sofa as if he weighs a million pounds.

  “Believe me; I’m just as ashamed of myself as you are of me.”

&nb
sp; He shakes his head, looking over at me with tired eyes as I take a seat in the recliner beside him. “This isn’t about shame. As Holstead said, we never know what we’d do if we were facing the same situation.”

  “Squirt was man enough. He died a hero.”

  “Oh, Griffin. Squirt fired on a huge crowd at Novo’s command, then Longshot fired on Squirt. That was also disclosed in the suicide note, according to General Holstead. The way I see it is, you’re lucky to be alive. If Novo didn’t have different plans for you or some sick desire to mess with your head, you could’ve easily met the same fate. You’re not alive right now because of the choice you made in Syria, but because at the time that sick fucker allowed it.”

  “I can’t get the screams out of my head.” I feel like I’m breaking all over again. “The whiskey helped silence them. I have no clue how I’m going to survive without it. Ivy helped, but she’ll never look at me with anything other than contempt again.”

  “The screams would be there even if you had faced enemy combatants,” my dad says, his voice growing softer, almost as if he’s visiting some of his own demons. “Just because someone is holding a gun, ready to kill you before you can kill them doesn’t make it easier to pull the trigger. Deep down, you know that, son.”

  I nod my head because I do know that. The faces of the men I killed within my right in wartime haunt me as well.

  “But you also can’t use one crutch in place of another. You can’t use alcohol, and you surely can’t use Ivy when you dry up.”

  “I’m not—”

  He holds his hand up to silence me. “I know from watching the interaction between the two of you that there’s more there than just some form of addiction. I know you aren’t using her one hundred percent, but how will you ever know what’s real with her if you don’t spend some time getting yourself together?”

  Just the thought of doing soul searching and trying to fix the damage I’ve done without her is like a punch to the gut. It’s unfathomable to me, but that doesn’t make what my dad just said any less wrong.

  “Think Kincaid would accept me with her if I got my shit together?”

  My dad laughs, a husky sound that seems weird in the current atmosphere.