All We Want (Alabama Summer Book 6)

by J. Daniels

  “Are you nervous?” She looks up at me.

  Fuck yes.

  “No.” I hold on tighter around her middle. “I want it, but I think if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen no matter what we do.”

  “I just keep thinking . . . there’s gotta be a reason I ran into this girl twice, you know?” Her eyes are pleading. “I want to believe we were supposed to meet, but I also don’t want to get my hopes up. What if this is all for nothing and she doesn’t pick us, Luke? How fucked up will that be? Like the Universe is playing some sick joke on us . . . why put this girl in our lives? What was the fucking point of it? I’m scared to be excited about this.”

  Adrenaline starts pumping through my veins. I begin feeling tense all over.

  “Fuck it,” I grumble. My hands slide to her waist. “It’s our decision then, not hers.”

  Tessa blinks, studying me. “Huh?”

  “We decide. This girl could have issues, babe. She could be on fuckin’ drugs or some shit . . . and that baby could come out hooked on something. Plus, who the fuck knows what’s goin’ on with the dad . . . there’s shit we need to find out about, and once we get that information, we make the decision. Me and you.”

  “Well.” Tessa spins in my arms, looking up at me. “It’s still a decision we might not get to make. If she doesn’t like us—”

  “I’m not thinkin’ about it like that,” I cut her off. “That leaves too much shit out of our control. Nothing has been easy. I want one fuckin’ thing to be easy for us. I don’t wanna sit here all night worrying if she’s gonna say yes, like we’re not fuckin’ good enough. I want her worrying . . . let her eat this awesome fuckin’ meal you made, hoping that it’s us—that we pick her.”

  Tessa stares at me when I finish speaking, her eyes narrowing the slightest bit. “You are nervous . . . you’re as nervous about this as I am. Admit it.”

  I release a slow breath. “I’m fine.”

  “Liar.”

  My jaw clenches.

  Fuck. I was hoping I hid that better.

  Tessa wraps her arms around my waist and presses close. “Okay,” she says. “We decide. I like that.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  When she tips her chin up, inviting me in for a kiss, I drop my head and press my mouth against hers. And goddamn, I want to keep it there. I want to keep kissing her. What did she say about not having time for another go? We have time . . .

  The doorbell rings.

  Tessa gasps, her hot breath on my tongue, and goes rigid in my arms when I act like I don’t hear it. “Luke . . .” She snakes her hand between us and presses against my chest, backing me off.

  I grumble under my breath, making her laugh.

  “Hurry. Help me put the food out,” she says.

  I plate the chicken and take care of the sides while Tessa sets the lasagna dish in the center of the table. Then I trail behind her to the door. She waits until I get up beside her to open it.

  The girl on the porch smiles immediately when she sees us.

  She’s young. Tessa told me she thought this girl was still in high school. I’d bet on that.

  “Hi, Bri,” Tessa says.

  “Hey.”

  The car backing out of the driveway beeps twice, and the girl waves at the driver, explaining, “That’s my friend.” Then she passes her smile between us while clutching the strap of her bag, her other hand holding the bottom of her protruding stomach.

  Don’t stare at it. That’s fucking weird. Doesn’t matter she might be giving you that kid. Don’t do it.

  I force my eyes up when she asks, “I’m not late, am I?”

  “No, you’re fine! Come in!” Tessa motions for the girl to come inside and secures the door. “Bri, this is my husband, Luke. Luke, this is Bri.”

  “How’s it goin’?” I ask.

  Bri pauses in her scrutiny of the interior of the house to look at my hand outstretched. She stares for a breath before taking it. “Uh, good.” She giggles. “I think you’re my first handshake ever, so that’s cool.”

  I smirk as we separate. “Oh yeah?”

  “How was it?” Tessa asks, sounding eager for that information.

  Bri looks at Tessa. Then I look at Tessa, brow cocked.

  She blinks and then blushes furiously. “Yeah . . . I’m aware of how weird I’m being. We don’t need to talk about it. Ignore me. Should we go sit down?” Tessa motions at the kitchen.

  “Let me just text my grandma really quick and let her know I’m here.” Bri digs her phone out of her bag, typing quickly with her thumbs.

  Tessa hovers close, shifting her weight from foot to foot, then toeing the hardwood floor while biting at the edge of her nail. She looks edgy and eager, and I wonder how hard she’s fighting the urge to drag Bri into the kitchen so we can get this interview started.

  I smile at her when she looks at me.

  “Okay.” Bri slips her phone away again.

  Tessa waves her on. “This way.”

  “It smells really good,” Bri says, her and Tessa walking side by side through the living room. I follow behind them. “Your house is really nice.”

  “Thanks!” Tessa glances back at me with this sweet, fucking look on her face, like we’re guaranteed this baby now since this girl obviously approves of our living situation.

  My mouth twitches as I step into the kitchen.

  After getting everyone set up with drinks, I take a seat beside Tessa at the table.

  Bri is seated across from us, her back to the wall and her eyes wide, roaming the food in front of her.

  “Wow,” she mumbles. “Good thing I’m hungry.”

  “I didn’t know what you liked,” Tessa shares. Her voice jumps like she’s anxious. “I figured I’d give you options . . . I wanted to make sure you had something to eat.”

  Bri looks at her. “This is great. Thanks.”

  I slide my hand underneath the table and squeeze Tessa’s thigh, stopping her leg from bouncing.

  She smiles at me.

  Food is distributed, and the three of us begin eating. For minutes, close to fifteen, probably, nothing more is said. We’re all glancing at each other between bites, and I wonder if I’m the only one waiting for someone to speak up. I have no fucking idea how to navigate this. If Bri is trying to get to know us, she should be asking questions and probing for facts, but she isn’t.

  Is she waiting for us to offer up information about ourselves? Is she as unsure as we are, clueless about how and where to begin?

  I decide to be the one to break the silence when Tessa’s leg starts jumping against the chair again.

  “Are you still in school?” I ask.

  Bri’s eyes dart up to my face, and I swear she looks relieved that I’m engaging her right now.

  She smiles kindly and nods. “I graduate in two years. Thank God.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Fifteen.” She rubs the top of her stomach as she looks between us. “Way too young, right? I know . . . my grandparents had that same look on their faces when I told them I was pregnant.”

  Tessa and I stare at each other.

  Don’t judge her, Luke. What the fuck?

  You’re lookin’ at her the same way!

  “Do you, uh, live with your grandparents?” Tessa asks, nudging me with her knee.

  I scowl at her profile.

  “Yeah. My mom moved to New Orleans with her boyfriend last year. I didn’t feel like going out there yet, so I stayed here.” Bri takes another bite of her lasagna and chews behind her fingers. “She freaked when she heard about the baby too. I’m like, ‘stay in New Orleans. Leave me alone.’”

  Tessa laughs quietly.

  “We’re not super close. I’m closer with my grandparents anyway.”

  “They’re good with you giving the baby up for adoption?”

  Bri frowns at Tessa after she speaks. “They can’t help me with it or anything, they’re like . . . super old. They were relie
ved when I told them I wasn’t keeping it. I don’t even have a job yet.” She laughs at herself. “I should probably get on that . . . I’m going to start looking for something after I deliver.” Her eyes shift to mine. “What do you do? I mean, what’s your job? I already know hers.” Bri glances at Tessa.

  “I’m a cop.”

  “Oh.” She nods. “That’s cool. We have a cop that hangs around at my school to break up fights and keep drugs off campus.”

  Speaking of that . . .

  “You’re not on drugs or anything, right?”

  Tessa glares at me. “Luke.”

  “What? We gotta know . . .”

  Bri laughs, drawing our attention again. “I’m not on drugs. Never tried any either. And all my check-ups have been good. They always tell me the baby’s healthy.”

  My shoulders dip with relief.

  “Um . . . Luke’s a great cop,” Tessa says. She places her hand on my shoulder.

  I smirk. Way to transition out of that one. “Thanks, babe.”

  “What? You know I love talking you up . . .”

  “How long have you guys been together?”

  “Four years,” I answer. “Married for two.”

  “Do you want a kid as much as she does?” Bri points at Tessa with her fork. “She told me she’d murder someone if it got her pregnant . . .”

  I chuckle as Tessa groans, leaning her head against my shoulder. “That sounds like her.” I kiss the top of her head, then I look across the table again. “And yeah, I do. I’ve always wanted kids with her.”

  Tessa kisses my arm.

  Bri smiles at me. Her eyes shift between us. “Um, there’s something you both should know, or at least something I feel obligated to tell you about.” She leans back in her chair and rubs her stomach, her expression cautious now.

  Whatever she’s about to share has her tense as fuck.

  Great. Is she calling this off already?

  What the hell? Did we do something? Did we not do something?

  Tessa squeezes my hand beneath the table.

  “So, the father,” she points at her stomach, “who has already guaranteed he’ll sign over all rights, by the way, he doesn’t want it either . . . um, he’s black.” Her eyebrows shoot up. She keeps glancing from Tessa to me, then back to Tessa again, watching us closely. “Some people have a problem with that since obviously, I’m white . . . I just wanted to make you guys aware before we went any further. Sorry. I should’ve said something before we started eating. It just all looked so good . . . it was so good.” She smiles directly at Tessa. “You’re a great cook.”

  “Thank you.” Tessa turns to me. We share a look. “Um, we don’t have a problem with that. Like, at all . . .”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t bother me,” I say. “I don’t give a fuck about race. I just want a healthy kid.”

  Bri grins at us. “That’s great. I mean, there’s nothing I can do about it, so . . . I’m glad you’re okay that. Since he is definitely coming out darker than me. I’m so pale.” She giggles before taking a drink of her water.

  I hold my breath.

  “He?” Tessa nearly whispers.

  “Oh, shit.” Bri slaps her hand over her mouth after setting down her glass, muffling a quick and quiet “sorry,” behind her palm. She shakes her head and holds onto her stomach again. “Maybe you didn’t want to know that ahead of time . . . my bad. I’ve been so good about not just, blurting that out. Crap. Uh . . . yeah, he’s a boy. I’m having a boy.”

  My pulse drums beneath my ear.

  “Oh, my God,” Tessa mumbles, sliding her hand up to my wrist and squeezing there. “Luke, it’s a boy.”

  A boy. A son . . . my son.

  Holy fuck.

  I swallow hard, looking at Tessa. “Babe,” I rasp.

  Tessa beams, grabbing onto my face, and leans over to press her mouth against mine.

  “Aw.” Bri motions between us after we’re finished. “That was really sweet. You guys are cute . . . oo.” She winces and rolls her hips in the chair.

  My back flexes against the seat. “You okay?”

  “You’re not in labor, are you?” Tessa asks.

  “Nonono, just bladder kicking going on. Lots of it.” Bri gets to her feet. “Bathroom?”

  “Right there.” I point at the small mudroom area just off the kitchen.

  “Great. If you were going to tell me it was far, I would’ve worried.”

  Bri slides between the table and the wall, holding her stomach on her walk to the bathroom.

  When Tessa and I are finally alone, we grab each other. My hands cradling her face and hers linking behind my neck. Our foreheads touch.

  “Luke.” She sounds breathless. She stares deep into my eyes, saying so much without saying another word.

  “I know . . .”

  “I’m picking her . . . I’ve decided. That’s our son, I can feel it.” Tears well up in her eyes. “I know he’s ours, Luke.”

  “Me too.”

  “Oh, my God, what if she doesn’t pick us? What will we do?”

  I grab onto Tessa’s hips and pull her into my lap, burying my face in her neck. “She will. She has to.”

  Tessa nods, clinging to me and the words I give her.

  That’s all I can say, because that’s all I’ll allow myself to believe. That’s my son.

  Aside from Tessa, I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.

  We embrace until we hear Bri exiting the bathroom, and then Tessa is scrambling into her chair again and wiping beneath her eyes, removing any trace of tears.

  By the time Bri returns to the table, Tessa is smiling, hiding her fear and fighting against the urge to beg for this.

  I know I am.

  Bri grins at us. “So, do you guys wanna know anything else?”

  I briefly meet Tessa’s eyes before she looks across the table. “When will you choose?” She clears her throat, gripping onto the hand I place in her lap. “I mean, when would we know?”

  “I’m supposed to really take my time and think about it,” Bri shares. “The lady I work with at the adoption agency said to give it at least a week, that way I’m not changing my mind on a family.”

  A week?

  That’s not long. It’s also really fucking long. Fuck . . . I was hoping to know tonight.

  “I’m just supposed to be sure, you know?”

  I nod as Tessa answers, “Of course. We understand.”

  “Also, I’m looking at doing a completely closed adoption, so like, once I have this kid, I don’t want to hear about it again. No phone calls. No updates. I don’t want to like, check in or get pictures . . . that’s just what I’ve decided. And not because I worry I’m going to change my mind. I’m not going to change my mind. This isn’t my baby . . .” She looks down at herself. “Um, so, you have to be cool with that.” Bri looks at us again. “I mean, if I choose you. You can’t contact me after I give up this kid. I don’t want to hear from you.”

  “I think we’d be fine with that,” I say, looking to Tessa for confirmation.

  She nods. “Sure. And, you know, if you changed your mind and wanted a picture—”

  “I won’t,” Bri’s tone sharpens. “And it’ll say that in the contract you’ll have to sign. So . . .”

  “We’re good with that arrangement,” I tell her.

  She’s obviously certain about this. I want her knowing, without a doubt, that we are too.

  Bri smiles then, glancing down at her plate, and gently pushes it away from her. “That was all really good. Thank you for inviting me over for dinner.”

  “Do you want dessert?” Tessa asks.

  “No way. I’m stuffed.” She reaches around to the back of her chair, pulling her bag around to her lap and then standing with it. “I should go,” she says, sliding the strap up her arm.

  Tessa and I both push to our feet and look at each other. Our shared panic passes between us.

  She’s leaving, and we still don’t know.
/>   She’s leaving, and we might never see her again. We could get a phone call saying we weren’t the family she picked.

  She’s leaving and taking our son with her.

  “U-Um,” Tessa shuffles quickly after Bri, following behind her to the door. And I’m right there with her, only a couple steps back. “Are you sure you need to go?” Tessa asks.

  “Yeah. My grandparents want me home at a certain time every night.” Bri giggles, glancing back at us. “I think they worry I’ll somehow get pregnant twice. They’re crazy.”

  I get around her to open the door.

  There’s a black SUV sitting idle in our driveway. Its headlights are on.

  “You know them?” I ask, tipping my chin in that direction. It’s a different car from earlier.

  Tessa gets beside me and squeezes my hand.

  “Yeah. That’s my other friend. I have to hitch rides since I don’t have my license yet.” Bri steps out onto the porch and smiles timidly under the light. “Okay, so . . . thanks again. I’ll let you know when I decide.”

  She pauses there for a moment, waiting for us to say something in return, but Tessa remains silent and so do I.

  I can’t open my fucking mouth. I’m scared to.

  What if I tell her she needs to let us know now, that we can’t wait, and knowing me, I won’t ask her for shit. I’ll make it clear—decide now. Do it. Don’t string us along. I’ll fuck up our chances of her picking us, I know I will.

  “Okay, see ya.” Bri waves before turning away and stepping off the porch.

  I can’t watch her leave. I can’t . . .

  I close the door before she reaches the car and press my back against the wood.

  “Fuck,” I groan, scrubbing at my face.

  Does she know we’re supposed to be the family she picks? Did I do enough to convince her?

  What if I didn’t?

  “Luke?”

  I lower my hands to peer at Tessa.

  My wife looks miserable, on the brink of either crying her eyes out or screaming at the top of her lungs.

  “Come here.” I reach for her just as the door knocks against my back.

  Tessa and I lock eyes.

  “Oh, my God,” she whispers. “Open it. Open it.”

  I push off the door and pull it open again.

  Bri is back on the porch. She looks between us. “The whole thing is stupid, I know it is . . . wait a week?” She shakes her head. “That’s so dumb when I already know and I’m not going to change my mind. I like you guys! And I’d like to pick you . . . I mean, if you want me to. I guess I didn’t really ask that. Shoot. Um . . . do you want to adopt the baby?”