by Natalie Dean
Ben instantly knew who he was talking about. “Well, tell Madeline that her brother is an absolute sleazeball.”
“Oh, she knows about that. He’s also got a big mouth on top of all the character flaws she blabbed on and on about for at least an hour.”
For the second time, Ben found he was having to repeat himself, but with far less patience. “What do you mean?”
“Apparently your long-lost love’s not gonna be around for much longer.”
“Yeah, I know that—”
“No, you don’t, big guy, so don’t interrupt me. Because if you did know, you’d have that look on your face when you think justice isn’t being done. She’s not gonna be gone because she’s smart enough to leave this awful town, but because their house is on its way to repossession in a couple of months. Madeline’s brother is doing what he can to stop the process, but they’re so behind on their mortgage that the minimum payments they are making are only adding days to the cutoff point rather than helping much.”
“Wait, what?” Ben said, the conversation going nowhere near where he thought it was.
“Whoa, repossessed?” Benji added.
Bryant nodded. “Yeah. It’s a sad thing, actually. The mom’s sick, I hear, and will probably be shipped off to one of those state-run nursing homes—and you know how those are. My money is that your girl will try to move close to the nursing home, so she can keep an eye on them and make sure no one is abusing her mom, but Madeline bets she’ll run right back to the big city and never look back here.”
Ben stared at him, shocked and trying to figure out which emotions he was going to pay attention to. There were a lot going through him, and he wasn’t sure what to do with that much input from his brain.
“There it is,” Bryant said, clapping his hands. “That’s the look I was talking about.”
Benji didn’t seem to appreciate his tone. “You know, I’m starting to think that you came here to tell us this, so you could gloat, rather than actually help your brother.”
Bryant shrugged. “Think that if you want. I knew he would probably want to know what was going on with his short, curvy, and beautiful not-girlfriend. Forgive me for enjoying the fact that he wears his emotions like a comic book character.”
“It’s fine,” Ben said, still sorting his thoughts. “Thank you for telling me, Bryant. Maybe you’ll want to stick around for dinner? I know Mother would love to see you.”
“Eh, I would, but there’s this massive party at all the frat houses in the city, and I’m not gonna miss that.”
“Aren’t you a little old to be going to college parties?” Benji said, still clearly irritated.
“You’re never too old to have fun, and all the college hunnies are—”
“Thank you, Bryant,” Ben said firmly. “I’m sure dinner will be done in time for you to go and flirt with women who are too young for you. It really would make Mother happy.”
“I’ll think about it, I guess. It has been a while since I’ve had a good, homecooked meal.”
“Thanks.” Ben looked to his two brothers, suddenly quite exhausted. “Hey, Benji, do you mind taking over? I think I’m gonna go take a break.”
“Yeah, of course,” Benji said. “You never take breaks as it is. Make sure you help yourself to some water.”
“Will do.”
Ben strode to the main house in silence, completely in his head as his legs moved on their own. He was shocked at the revelation. Did Chastity know? She had to know.
Was that why she was so eager to go back to New York? When he had taken her mother to the doctor, she had gone on and on about how hard-working Chastity was and how she went to the library every day to earn money on the internet and wrote articles well into the night. Obviously, she couldn’t get a regular job because she needed to watch her mother, but she was still trying to make a buck.
That kind of stress had to be awful. No wonder she wanted to get out of town. But still… she could have asked for help. He’d be happy to lend a hand, whatever she needed.
Actually… could she have asked for help?
She had always been the independent sort, if anything was proven by her decade in the big city. On top of that, she had only just started trusting him again, and he had ruined that by getting into a fight with her on their second date.
It was so frustrating. He was such an idiot! But still, it wasn’t wrong of him to have been so hurt by her anxiousness to get away when she hadn’t told him the whole story, was it? Or had he been subconsciously upset that he wasn’t enough for her and looking for any excuse to get into an argument?
Ben reached his room and sat on his bed for a moment, grateful that he hadn’t run into any more of his family members. Thoughts and feelings swirled in his brain. Part of him was whispering that this wasn’t his responsibility and he needed to keep his nose out of it. But it was a tiny part. The rest was clamoring somewhere between anger, indignance, and guilt. Even if he was mad at Chastity, even if he was hurt by her, even if he was certain that he would never love anyone again like he loved her, he still wanted what was best for her.
Even if that wasn’t him.
Rising from the bed, he went back down the hall toward the main house. There he saw Ma had come in from the chicken coop, two daughters of one of their workers clinging to her apron as she explained how to wash the eggs.
“Hey Ma, can I talk to you a minute?”
His mom looked up, a smile across her face before she noticed Ben’s expression. “Yes, dear. Just one moment.” She set the eggs carefully to the side and dismissed the children, who scampered off out the door to one of the many cabins at the edge of the cattle fields. He wasn’t sure whose daughters they were as he rarely hung around the children, but the Miller Ranch had been lucky enough to have the same families of workers with them for generations. Apparently, it started out with a mute guy years ago, who was some long-lost son of a tycoon.
But that was a story for another day. For now, what was important was Chastity.
“What’s wrong, dear?” Ma asked, taking his arm and gently leading him to the couch. “You’ve got that look on your face.”
Ben let out a bitter chuckle. “You’re the second one to point out my looks. It must be a thing.”
“But that’s not what’s bothering you.”
“No. It isn’t.” He sat there a moment, collecting his thoughts. Speaking without thinking was partially what had gotten him into this mess. “Chastity and I got into a fight.”
“Ah, I am not surprised at that,” she said with a nod. “You’re both so strong-willed, and you want such opposite things.”
“If you knew, then why did you encourage things between us?”
“Did I?” Ma asked. “Perhaps I still held onto hope that the two of you might find common ground. It’s strange, the two of you seem so meant for each other, but every time you get close, something pushes you apart.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“But I trust that you didn’t need to talk to me about the fight,” her wise, kind eyes regarded him as only a mother could. “There’s something else.”
It probably should have been nerve wracking for her to read through him so thoroughly, but he was used to it after thirty years. “There is. I found out today that her house is probably getting repossessed. I want to do something, but I might have ruined the only chance I had of Chastity trusting me.”
“So, you want my advice?”
Ben nodded, looking to her hopefully. While he loved his father dearly, he had always been much closer to his mother. She was so wise, and rarely judged him, even when he was losing his head over a woman he’d been parted from for a decade.
“Then I’m going to tell you honestly, that I don’t know.”
“You don’t… know?”
That seemed like an impossible sentence out of her mouth. Ma not knowing? But Ma knew everything, even the things that he didn’t want her to. “What do you mean?” It felt like he’d been s
aying that a lot that day, but he wouldn’t have to if the world would start making sense.
“I mean, I don’t know. I can see reasons to help her, and reasons not to. You could infringe on her privacy and pride by inserting yourself into a situation she never asked you to. But on the other hand, you could also take a tremendous load of stress from her. Potentially turn their financial situation around.”
“You’re reiterating everything that’s been going through my mind. Every time I think of a positive, I come up with a negative and vice versa.”
She nodded gravely, and he appreciated that she was taking the situation seriously and not just telling him to get a grip. “For probably the first time in my memory, I don’t have advice for you. So, I think you should take it a step higher.”
“What? Father?” Ben asked. “You know he’s not really one for these sorts of things.”
She laughed at that. “I more meant the Father. I think you should pray on it. Ask the Lord if you’re troubled.”
“I’m not sure if that would help in this situation.”
“I’ve found that it can often help in any situation.” Her wrinkled hand alighted on his shoulder. “I know that we don’t always get answers back that we understand, but sometimes even just vocalizing what’s troubling you and the choices you have can help your mind figure out what’s best for you.” She squeezed his shoulder—her farmer’s wife hands still strong.
“Just give it a try, if you can,” she added.
Ben nodded, less than satisfied with that answer, but still appreciating that his mother genuinely was trying to help. He could always count on her.
It was too bad that Chastity didn’t have that same comfort. Between the friction with her mother, and then Mrs. Parker’s illness, there wasn’t exactly a ton of room for comfort and validation.
Why couldn’t he be this understanding of her situation all the time? It wasn’t often that his temper got the better of him, but this entire situation could have been avoided if he hadn’t lost his cool at the dinner a few nights ago.
Back to his bachelor addition and in his large, familiar room, Ben found himself pacing, his mother’s words replaying in his head. He supposed some prayer couldn’t hurt, so he went to grab his Bible.
Maybe his mother was right. Even if God didn’t want to end up involved in his dramatic romance, maybe just vocalizing things would help.
But as he went to sit, a picture fell to the floor. Bending over, he picked it up and a strange tremor went through his hand as he realized the moment it was capturing.
It was Chastity and him, after a summer camp that they had both volunteered at that introduced inner city kids to animals and rural activities. They were arm in arm, both brilliantly tanned from being outside, and smiling like absolute doofuses.
Ben’s fingers traced the memory, remembering how happy he was then and how it seemed like they could take on anything. Chastity used to confide everything in him, and he was her rock. She could have survived without him, but he liked to think that he had saved her at least some hassle.
Turning the photo over and over again in his hands, he wondered just what he was supposed to do, and if he could ever get her to smile like that again.
Or had he ruined everything?
22
Chastity
Chastity finished up her article, saving it to her folder for her trip to the library the next day. Unfortunately, on Sunday the library was closed, meaning she wasn’t going to be uploading anything today.
She sipped at her tea, her stomach churning too much for breakfast. Thankfully, her mother was still asleep and unable to lecture her on her bad habit of skipping “the most important meal of the day.”
Chastity sighed, rubbing her nose as she tried to think of the next article she hoped to squeeze in before her mother awoke and started shuffling around. In the two weeks that she had been writing articles and filling out surveys, she’d actually managed to rack up half a grand. It wasn’t nearly enough to put a dent in her parents’ debt, but she was pleasantly surprised at how well her articles were doing on a consistent basis. She was only another five hundred dollars away from hitting the next level of authorization, where she would be paid more per article and be assigned to more clients. If she really pushed herself, maybe she could do that in another week.
After all, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do. Whatever had been happening between her and Ben was well and truly over, even if it left a gnawing pain in her middle.
Was she wrong for how she had reacted? She certainly hadn’t meant anything by her visceral response at the thought of being stuck in this town for another three months, babysitting her mother and barely scraping by, trying to ration out the food his family had given her to last as long as possible. But the stress was getting to her. While she knew she very well might end up stuck here for three more months, thinking about it made her want to cry, pull her hair out, and lie down for an exceedingly long nap.
And she’d had to text her agent, telling him she couldn’t come back to New York yet. Giving up the chance for the callback that could have been her big break. Chastity had decided her mom needed her more than she needed that part.
But he didn’t know all that. From what her mother had told her, he seemed to think that they didn’t have groceries because she was too busy to go and buy them then walk back to the house every day, not because they literally had no money. And Chastity didn’t really want to tell him about their financial situation.
Far too many people tried to use the Millers for their money, and she wouldn’t be one of them. Sure, if it came down to her mother’s health, she would ultimately ask them, but she wanted to try her hardest to do this herself.
Besides, if she was already doing this well with the whole article-writing gig, maybe she could expand that even more in the coming months.
She could only hope.
Shoving the rest of her feelings down, Chastity focused on her article. She only got about halfway through before she heard footsteps down the stairs. Looking up, she saw her mother standing there, dressed up in her Sunday best.
“Are you ready for church, dear?”
Chastity blinked at her, an internal sigh building in her chest. She hadn’t been able to take her mother to church on Wednesday either, and she was sure the woman was going to be extra insistent now.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I really have to finish about five more articles, so I have enough for when the next wave of bills comes.” The site that she used held onto the money she made for about a week, so it definitely required specific planning to make sure she had the money when she needed it. “Can we go next week?”
“You said that last week.”
“I know, I know. But there’s a lot of catching up to do.”
“Certainly, a couple of hours won’t stop you from doing that.”
“It really could, Mom. I’m burning the candles at both ends here.”
Her mother stared at her, dark eyes intense, before her jaw set in a firm way. “Fine, then I will go myself. I’ll make sure to pray for you, as well, that hopefully your deadlines will be finished on time, and that you’ll come to church with me next time.”
Now the suppressed sigh came out in full force. “Mom, I don’t think it’s very wise for you to go to the other edge of town by yourself. Especially considering how…”—she had to be careful how she mentioned her mother’s sickness, because that seemed to be an especially potent trigger for her— “run down you’ve been lately.”
“I’m not a child, Chastity.” Ah, her favorite line. “I don’t know why you insist on treating me that way.”
“I’m not treating you like a child. I’m looking out for you.”
“I don’t need you to watch out for me!” Her face reddened, and she actually stomped her foot. “You’re being ridiculous, Maggie!”
Ah, Maggie. Her mother’s older sister, who had passed away from cancer before Chastity was even born. That was a new one.
“Mom—”
“Look, I’m going to church. All right? You can’t stop me!”
Why did everything have to resort to shouting lately, rubbing her temples, Chastity felt herself want to sink into the floor. “Mom, I promise that I’ll take you to church next week. Please, just work with me here.”
“No! You don’t get to treat me like this just because you’re the eldest! I’m going.”
She stormed toward the door, and Chastity knew that she couldn’t let her go out in this state. She would get lost, and wander, and heaven forbid end up somewhere dangerous.
Jumping to her feet, Chastity stood in the doorway, blocking her path. Her mother glared her down, but she just returned it.
“Mom, stop. Please, be reasonable for once.”
“I am reasonable, Maggie!”
“For God’s sake, I’m not Maggie!” Chastity snapped. “I’m your daughter. I’m your daughter, and I’m trying to take care of you while the doctors figure out what’s going on, okay? You’re sick, Mom. You’re sick, and you need to accept that, okay?”
“I’m not sick! I’m fine. I’m fine!”
Her palms reached out smacking against Chastity’s shoulders. It didn’t hurt, but it was shocking to have her mother strike her. In all her years, she’d never so much as spanked her, preferring punishment that actually worked on her strong-willed child.
“Let me go. Let me go!”
“I can’t,” Chastity said, taking the multiple hits. What did she do in this situation? Why did everything have to be so hard? She just wanted her mother back. Was that too much to ask?
Her mother’s anger quickly transitioned into tears, and soon she was sobbing as her hands went between clutching Chastity’s clothes to striking her more. It didn’t take long for her to lose her energy, and her hands fell to her sides and she slumped against her daughter.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Chastity said, wrapping her arms around her mother. She felt so guilty. She was treating her mother like some prisoner under house arrest, but she didn’t know what else to do. If she took the time to take her mother out and let her visit every place she wanted, they’d never get out of the hole her parents had dug themselves into. “I really am.”
