by Nikki Rae
His deft fingers freed the weights first, and soon he was able to tug the rest loose. I’d learned from previous experience not to move right away. The last time I’d been bound by my Owner, it was to be paraded around other Members. Where I watched another girl touch him the way I longed to. New tears trickled down my face, dripping from my nose onto dirty the cushion beneath me.
“The pins and needles will pass,” he said, standing to retrieve another pillow from the bed. Behind me, he set it down and then cradled my head on top. “This might hurt a little, but you’ll feel better once it’s over.”
I let out a sharp exhale as he leaned me backwards, hands flying up to his wrists to stop him. The motion awakened the sensation I hadn’t been fully aware of until now: knives stabbing every inch of muscle. Like darts piercing the skin.
One of his arms snaked around my chest, bicep dangerously close to my throat. “Trust me,” he whispered like he could make it happen through sheer force of will. I stared up at my Owner as he laid me back, settling my head flat against his thigh. The whimper that left my lungs didn’t belong to me—I had no control of my body; I was powerless to even myself.
Prying my fingers from his wrists and inching away, Master Lyon stood again so he could remove the blanket from the bed and covered me with it as if to conceal my current state.
I managed to roll onto my side, and I was too dizzy to keep my eyes open when he knelt before me again. He tucked hair behind my ear, waiting until the shivers subsided to touch me. Little by little, the feeling in my extremities returned and I could breathe again.
“You still haven’t learned,” he said quietly.
My gaze searched his. Which lesson could I have possibly missed?
Master Lyon carefully lifted my head and laid it in his lap. It hurt less. Making sure I was comfortable with the pillow atop his thighs and the blanket tucked around my shoulder, he cleared my face of the moisture that had accumulated there.
“You still haven’t learned that I know what is best for you, Doe,” he said like I’d asked him to repeat himself. “If you listen to me, you can avoid getting hurt.”
I licked my dry lips, prepared to unleash upon him all I’d been keeping at bay. This was met by a knowing grin as he stared down at me, stroking my hair.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” The way his voice cracked told me he was sincere. Then the mask of the Owner was firmly back in place. “However, if you are to abuse the privileges given to you, I see little other ways of getting your attention.”
I worked to keep my expression neutral, which wasn’t difficult given my current exhaustion. His fingers kneaded the muscles of my neck, shoulders, and back. It was a delicate edge he created, balancing between pain and release, but I gave in to it nonetheless.
“Now,” he said, circling back to the nape of my neck, “why don’t you tell me what the hell you were thinking.”
Once again, his tone hadn’t sharpened. Still, I could tell he was angry beneath.
Another soft, exasperated sigh. His patience with me was thin and I was threatening to poke holes directly through it.
“Let’s start with why I punished you in this particular way.”
I would let him talk. I owed him that much.
“While you were up here throughout the day,” he said, voice returning to evenly calm, “did you wonder if I was coming back?”
Out of all the things he could have asked, this was the last I’d anticipated. He wanted me to believe he’d abandoned me, and there was a period where I had thought that to be true.
“Doe,” he said on another sigh. “Are you deliberately ignoring me?”
My eyes met his. “No, sir.”
His brow wrinkled a moment before his expression smoothed to impassive once again. Instead of pressing this issue, he changed topics. “Did Odette ask you to leave with her?”
I couldn’t answer that either. Doing so would be admitting I’d known long before they’d discovered her disappearance. Not only that, but confessing Odette’s involvement would lead to more questions—namely about Marius.
“You are choosing not to answer me?” It didn’t quite sound like an inquiry.
My lip twitched with some unknown emotion. “Yes, sir.”
His eyes narrowed, challenging me to change my mind, but I couldn’t bend. “Will you speak to me on other matters?”
Not for a second did I believe he wouldn’t circle back to my second failed escape, but I couldn’t shut him out. If I had any hope of him seeing things my way, I needed to compromise just as much as my Owner.
“Yes, sir.”
He didn’t appear the least bit pleased, but his features became gentler, along with his voice. “Lie on your stomach, ma petit.”
The endearment sent an odd sensation through my gut, and the command made it intensify. Though my limbs were still unreliable and shaky, I did as he’d instructed and he adjusted how he sat accordingly. With the pillow across his thighs, he laid my torso in his lap, head coming to rest on the opposite leg.
Whatever was left of the braid, he undid with his fingers, stroking the hair away from the back of my neck. Master Lyon covered me again, but his hands ventured underneath, rubbing the scar tissue the way Marius had taught him.
“Whatever your reasons,” he said softly, “I know that, to you, you were doing the right thing.”
He leaned over me to reach lower, releasing a knot from my back. “I know that is the case with my wife, and had she been more obvious, I would have prevented her from leaving as well.”
I swallowed the way he’d worded it, but I couldn’t respond.
“Are you sure you don’t want to explain yourself, Doe?” he asked after a stretch of silence. “I need to leave, and this may be your only chance for a while.”
Of course he’d said this to goad me into asking where he was disappearing to, but I didn’t. Fear alone paralyzed my tongue.
Sliding me out of his lap, Master Lyon set the pillow on the floor again. Before he stood, he lowered his face to mine close enough to kiss if I so dared—but I wouldn’t. It was impossible to move.
“Very well, Fawn,” he whispered, warm breath caressing my skin.
Then he moved away, steps slow as they carried him to the door like he wanted me to count each one. Even though my muscles protested, I managed to bring myself to a half-sitting, half-kneeling position. “Please, sir.”
It sounded more like a yelp than words, but it made him stop. “Don’t leave me alone.”
I watched as he licked his lips, on the verge of showing whatever he’d been holding back. Then, after a breath, he straightened with his hands folded in front of him. “A girl like you…” he said, “perhaps we were too optimistic you could handle all your freedoms.”
His eyes didn’t leave mine as he crossed his arms over his chest. After a deep inhale, during which he kept his jaw clenched, he said, “For the time being, you have none.”
My elbows locked and I barely caught myself from falling as I tried to stand, to follow him and demand what the hell that meant. But I was too weak, too tired. He opened the door, still lingering in the room but refusing to come anywhere near me.
“Hate me if you must,” he said, turning out the light and stepping into the hall. “I will not lose you again.”
Then I was alone with the darkness again, not so much as a crack of light.
The sound of the lock clicking made my stomach hurt, but I deserved it. This pain couldn’t possibly compare to how my Owner felt, his wife abandoning him and my failure to do the same.
But he was wrong; he would lose me again. It was the only way.
Three
Not content to sit in my own filth, I crawled to the furthest corner of the room with the blankets wrapped around me. I navigated blindly, hip bumping into one of the many abandoned ceramic pots and shaking the dry leaves of a dead shrub. Submerged in an abyss of darkness, nightmares greeted me. I couldn’t see with my eyes open or closed, which made it all
the more terrifying. After a while, I could no longer tell the difference except for the hands I felt all over my body, the claws tearing at my flesh. I could hear snarls, gnashing teeth and the flapping of Vulture wings.
All the while, I couldn’t move, helpless as they devoured me.
When I once again had control over myself, I fought, elbow connecting to some surface I couldn’t place until I heard the resulting grunt.
“Shh.” Hand around my wrists; one arm holding down my legs.
Even as I became more aware of my surroundings, the pillows and the blanket, I still couldn’t see anything. There was no possible way to tell whether I was really awake.
“Come back to me, mon couer.”
Marius. He’d called my Owner this before; my heart.
Heat pricked the back of my skull when I realized how close he was, how disgusting I’d become. How far I’d fallen. I didn’t want him to see any of this. My muscles still ached, and I couldn’t back away from him, my arms giving out again and head aching.
He didn’t say a word about it, lifting me easily in his arms until I stilled. “Shh. Keep your eyes closed.”
Marius carried me the short distance downstairs, and I did as he said, clutching his neck and burying my face so he couldn’t see and the light didn’t burn. I’d been begging to be let out of the dark, but now it hurt too much to face it. He set me down on the closed toilet seat, and though my feet were planted on the linoleum, my knees shook as if afraid my legs would give out.
Rolling up his sleeves to the elbow, he adjusted the temperature of the water while the bath filled. I kept my arms clamped around my middle, too afraid to move. Odette had helped me once, when I’d dirtied myself. She’d been sweet to me, making sure I was comfortable and that she didn’t overstep some boundary I wasn’t sure I’d built. As he turned to me to take away the blanket, I broke.
A sob escaped my chest, restricting my ribcage and pinching each and every organ. It barely registered that my face was streaked with tears and my eyes were slightly swollen; I’d been crying in my sleep again.
“He hates me.” It left my mouth just as Marius hoisted me against him, my back to his front.
His arms enclosed me, fingers gentle as the fabric fell away. “No, Fawn,” he tried to assure me. “Give him time.”
I shook my head. Master Lyon would never forgive me—not when he found out the truth.
Marius wiped my cheeks, but there was no end to the tears. He was careful as he removed my underwear, and I shivered with the new cold as well as sobs. Lifting me again, he set me in the warm water and let me wrap my arms around my knees. He was silent and efficient as he cleaned me, gentle when he needed to be and massaging my scalp to clean my hair. Eventually, I stopped trembling and could dry off myself, but Marius needed to support most of my weight as I shrugged on a white cotton robe.
When we returned to the emerald room, he attempted to sit me on the bed. Immediately, I protested, trying to crawl back to the floor. My Owner had left me there for a reason, and I didn’t want to displease him any more than I already had.
Although he appeared taken off guard, Marius held me in place. “Hush now,” he murmured.
Briefly, the screen of his phone illuminated his face as he typed in a command. A second later, the overhead lights came back on, but they were dim so as not to startle me.
“That’s better,” he said, setting down the device on the mattress and tucking my head under his chin. His familiar lavender scent slowed my erratic breathing; he waited for me to calm, stroking my hair. “Elliot could never hate you, Fawn.” His mouth warmed my forehead with each word, and he let me cling to him.
“He’s just angry,” he whispered. “I’ve told him to stay away from you until he leaves—he isn’t in the right frame of mind.”
Although my lip trembled, I stifled the rest of my cries.
“I knew he would be upset,” Marius said, “but we hadn’t anticipated just how badly this would hit him.” He combed his fingers through my hair, conjuring memories of our previous night together. “I’m not making excuses for his behavior. That is why I stepped in.”
I backed away slightly so I could look at him. “I don’t…” My throat was raw; I couldn’t continue.
The corner of his mouth lifted, neither a frown nor a smile. “Elliot declared me your Transient Owner,” he explained. “By definition, I am to keep you safe and take you under my care when he can’t.”
I still didn’t understand, but I was too overwhelmed to talk anyway.
“Now,” he whispered, sitting beside me but keeping his arm behind my back for stability. “Are you in pain?”
My vision had somewhat cleared, and I spotted a pill bottle and glass of water on the shelf by the headboard. My body and mind remained disconnected, but I knew the second he left, the adrenaline would fade, and every muscle would remind me of the punishment I had earned.
“I-I don’t think I’m supposed to,” I croaked.
Marius brought my face closer so my gaze was directed at him. “I’m saying that if you need it, you may have it.” His voice was soft, and he kissed my forehead. As if I needed more encouragement, he added, “It will help you sleep.”
The very idea made my stomach churn; I couldn’t take another nightmare.
Noticing my reluctance, Marius offered, “I can leave the lights like this. I can’t stay, but I can make sure you’re comfortable before I go back downstairs.”
I couldn’t fathom the reason he couldn’t climb into bed with me, but it most likely had less to do with me and more with my Owner. If Marius was choosing to return to Master Lyon, perhaps he was in worse shape than his actions had let on.
I kept replaying him leaving me in the dark. How quickly he snapped once he’d realized I wasn’t going to give him answers. At the time, I’d attributed this to his frustration with me, his need to teach me I couldn’t defy him. Now, I wondered whether he hadn’t been trying to put distance between us to protect me—from himself.
Handing me the glass of water, Marius stood and crossed the room to my suitcase. He pulled out an oversized flannel pajama shirt and gave it to me. I kept the cool glass between my thighs as I changed, and then I took a few sips to test whether I could keep down the liquid. Marius popped open the bottle, eyeing me before I held out my palm and he measured out two solid white tablets.
I swallowed them with the rest of the water, automatically lying down. Marius covered me, sitting in the crook of my legs as I rolled over and massaging the back of my scalp.
“We can talk tomorrow,” he whispered, kissing my cheek. “I will see you in the morning, okay? Try to rest.”
I didn’t beg him to stay; knowing he would be back before the sun rose was reassurance enough.
The drugs took away everything—all thought, all emotion and memory. No more dreams. Just the soft cushion of the dark. I slid in and out of semi-consciousness. Each time I surfaced, I begged to be dragged back down.
Sounds were the first things to reach me, footsteps penetrating the thick blanket of fog. Then voices; nearly silent whispers.
“I gave her a stronger dosage. She was…”
The darkness pulled me back, welcoming me with tentacle arms.
“I don’t want her to hurt.”
The voice, torn to shreds, of my Owner. Elliot.
“I just…” he whispered; was he crying? “I just keep hurting her.”
I remained completely still, willing myself towards the blissful nothing of sleep, but I was too aware now. Any moment, my mind would come crashing back into my body. The thoughts and the endless confusing emotions would return.
Mercifully, the drugs granted my wish, and the next time I woke I was on my opposite side, facing the window. The morning sun had just begun to bounce off the green window, casting prisms onto the bed and warming my face.
Someone covered my shoulder with a reverence I could sense even with my eyes closed. My groggy gaze met Master Lyon; he was holding my hand,
which was the only part of me that had escaped the blankets.
He wore the same clothing as the night before, his eyes deepened with rings of shadows. “I’m leaving in an hour,” he whispered.
Squeezing his fingers, I was too afraid to speak—of what I should or shouldn’t say.
“I didn’t want to leave without seeing you.” His amber irises scanned my face. “Without apologizing for my actions.”
Master Lyon’s voice was even, in control; his expression looked like it was about to crumble. Before I could see too much, he turned away, staring at the green stained glass along with me. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” he murmured, “but I need to talk to you.”
I watched him expectantly, but he didn’t continue for a while. Instead, his jaw flexed, the knuckles of his free hand digging into his thigh.
“Twice now,” he said quietly, “you’ve shared my bed and I’ve woken to you gone.” Master Lyon licked his lips, considering what he next said. “There is something I haven’t told you about Odette’s…first capture.”
This caught my attention, but he still wouldn’t look at me except from the corner of his eye. “Jäger didn’t forcefully take her. She went willingly.”
At once, I was more awake, sitting up against the headboard, if a little dizzy.
“She wanted to help you—take you out of the Compound. It was the only way she believed I would purchase you.”
My Owner closed his eyes, gathering the strength he needed to finally face me. “I hadn’t known any of this until last night.”
I wasn’t sure whether he’d had some kind of communication with his wife or if he had discovered this himself.
“Odette…” He paused to sigh, take a deep breath. “I love her because she does things on her own terms—does what she thinks is right.”
He tore his gaze from me and stared blankly at the ceiling. “But in both of these cases, she is wrong.” He swallowed and faced me again. “You both often choose the hardest path when if given more time…”
Master Lyon trailed off and silence descended upon us. The longer we went without speaking, the less likely it became that he’d finish the thought.
