by Nikki Rae
Clearing his throat, his posture straightened, a weak shadow of my Owner. “It doesn’t matter why you left—in either instance. I…don’t want to talk about that right now.”
Another swallow he scrubbed a hand along his jaw, through his hair. “I care—I have always cared—about your safety. My decision to bring you both back is because there is a better way.”
I almost shook my head. No, there really wasn’t.
Instead, I asked, “Running? Hiding?”
My voice was hoarse; the last time I’d used it, I was crying.
He paused, body tensing at my words. Then he relaxed, shield shifting into place. “For now. We need to hide right now. In the meantime, Marius and I have sent multiple members of security to watch each and every safehouse.”
This time, I actually did shake my head, causing his to turn in my direction.
“It isn’t enough,” I whispered, unsure whether I’d meant to say it out loud. People would still suffer—die—because of the Wolf and all who followed him. Odette was right: the only way to destroy them was from the inside.
“Would you still have purchased me from my Compound if Odette hadn’t—”
“Yes,” he breathed. “And I promise you, I would do it again.” His intense gaze was suddenly locked on my face, urging me to believe him. “Right now, I want to apologize.”
Just like that, the subject had been changed.
Letting go of my hand, Master Lyon stood only to kneel beside the bed. “I am…” He paused to think. “I’m trying to do better. To tell you what you want to know.”
Hesitant at first, Master Lyon’s hand settled against my cheek. “When I’d found Odette had gone, it hurt infinitely more knowing you’d followed. I just got you back—both of you.” His voice broke and he said no more on the topic. “I should have never punished you in anger, Fawn.” He was back to my Owner once again, but his eyes were unsteady, never staying in one location for long.
“I—I’m sorry if I made you feel…” He shrugged like he couldn’t explain, yet I knew he understood better than most. “I never thought you would…”
“Hurt you?” I asked, staring at my sore legs beneath the blankets.
“Yes,” I heard him answer. He didn’t say anything else on the matter, but I wasn’t done.
“I’m sorry, too, Elliot.” And I was. I was so, so, sorry, but there was no way to apologize for my actions—it wasn’t as simple as losing my temper. Others’ fates were involved. Our world was no longer as small as Master Lyon preferred it; this wasn’t just about our survival anymore.
My Owner got to his feet, fingers still clasped around mine. “I need to go,” he whispered, bringing his face closer to my head. “I want to kiss you goodbye, but I understand if you say no.”
Here we were again, him leaving and trying to halt a plan that was already in motion.
“When will you be back?”
He sighed under his breath. “No more than a week.”
That wasn’t long, but it somehow also seemed like too much time—without him.
When it didn’t appear I had any more questions, he said, “Whatever you might think of me, I love you, Fawn.”
He took my speechlessness for an answer, rising from the bed before I tugged him back down. My Owner opened his mouth to say something, but I pulled him to me, stealing his words. He kept most of his weight off me, only inches away.
Even when I hated him, I couldn’t help it. He was buried within me. “I forgive you.” My fingers wove into his hair, our lips just barely brushing.
I brought him to me, using his hair to control his head—more than that, he let me guide him. He may have outwardly taken away my choices, but I was free to slip my arms around him, my tongue in his mouth. My Owner surrendered, if only for a second, to me. Our mouths dueled for an agonizing minute, and in an instant part of me was glad he had brought me back. The selfish part. Elliot always made me selfish. It crushed me to know that there was a world that existed without him in it, that I would enter it whether he interfered or not.
I jumped at the abrupt sound behind me, coming from the doorway. It took me a second to realize it was Marius, and he cleared his throat as if we hadn’t heard him. When I glanced in his direction, he was leaning against the frame, arms crossed. I got the impression Marius had been there this entire time; after all, he’d promised not to leave me alone with him. My cheeks flushed, and even though I didn’t think Master Lyon would hurt me, it was good to know Marius had stuck to his word.
He cupped my cheek, obviously noticing the pinkened skin but not commenting on it with anything other than a tiny, short-lived smile.
“Go back to sleep,” he whispered, helping me lie flat and tucking me in. He felt the soft fabric of my shirt collar between his fingers, leaning in to kiss my forehead after a mild hesitation. “I will call you when I can.”
My eyes followed him as he rose, focused on Marius in the doorway. Then I forced them shut, doing my best to obey the final order my Owner had issued. However, everything within me raced with what had yet to be done.
There was a ticking clock, and there wasn’t any room for more mistakes.
They left the light on as they left, and I could hear them downstairs. Maybe Marius wanted to give him a proper goodbye as well. Behind the blank screen of my eyelids, my mind projected images of the three of us together just two nights ago. I recalled our tangled limbs, their mouths burning my flesh. So much could change in that amount of time. Now they both felt so far away, no matter if they were about to fly across the world or staying behind in the cabin.
I preferred to relive how things were before I’d hurt Elliot so badly and he’d hurt me in return—and I was about to do it again.
Eventually, Marius returned, gently rousing me from my almost-slumber. His kind eyes greeted me, the color matching the light from the window reflecting off his glasses.
“Good morning,” he murmured in an attempt to restore some normalcy to the situation.
“Breakfast is waiting.”
I tried to smile for him, but I found it almost set off tears so instead I bit the inside of my cheek.
“Do you need help?” His hand settled in the small of my back.
I rubbed my aching eyes, no longer tired enough to sleep yet feeling almost drunk. “I think I might.”
My throat hurt; if I thought about it too much, I could feel hands constricting me there; the Vultures’ claws piercing my skin.
Marius slung my arm over his shoulder, letting me set my bare feet on the floor as he peeled away the blankets. My muscles were still a bit sore, but instead of reminding me of my mistakes, it made me miss Elliot. I didn’t seem logical, thinking fondly of someone who’d hurt you; my Owner wasn’t a god—he was human like the rest of us.
Without the heat from the sun downstairs, the air was cooler. I only wore the flannel shirt, so I shivered, clinging to Marius’ warmth without meaning to.
“Would you like to dress first?”
I shook my head, not wanting to add to my embarrassment. “Later.”
In the kitchen, he was playing oldies music while the scent of coffee, bacon, and other breakfast items filled the air. My stomach stirred, and I was almost hungry. Marius and I ate in companionable silence until the meal was over. He was the one who spoke first.
“I think you’ll like the apartment,” he said. “It has a really pretty view of the ocean.”
I drained the rest of my coffee, hoping it would help me shake my grogginess. “Are we leaving today?”
Marius suddenly appeared concerned with the scraps left on his plate, pushing them idly around with his fork. “That depends.”
“On…?”
He glanced up at me over his mug. “Whether you still want to join Odette.” Marius sipped his coffee, pausing longer to swallow than he should have. “No one would fault you for changing your mind. Who knows? Perhaps there is another option that has yet to present itself, as Elliot keeps insisting.”
“Odette has plans in place for either scenario,” Marius went on, “but if you want to join her, I can arrange that. I just need to know; there isn’t a lot of time before he flies back here.”
I raised my mug to my lips to discover it was empty, just a prop. “I…” My hand shook as I set it down. “I need to do this.”
It hurt to say because the admission destroyed any chance I had of convincing myself to walk away.
“All right then.” Marius nodded and together, we stood to clear the table. It was oddly routine, washing and drying dishes with him. “We have a full day ahead of us,” he added as he turned on the faucet.
Though he maintained the easy, friendly tone, we both heard the resounding truth the statement concealed: there wouldn’t be many more days ahead, only endless nights in the Wolf’s den.
FOUR
Total, the drive would take three hours, and we spent every one of them to ourselves. If it wasn’t for the stereo playing a selection from Marius’ phone and the ocean view as we neared the coast, I would have had nothing to distract me.
After breakfast, we’d packed away the few items that had managed to find their way out of our luggage. We both needed the time alone; time to examine it all once more. Both of us needed to be certain this was still the right decision—the only decision.
The sun had risen fully when we left the cabin; Marius let me wear his sunglasses as soon as we were clear of the secret tunnel and on the other side. He’d previously given me the password he typed into his phone, the appropriate icon to click on, and where to enter the seven digits that opened the wall of rock and moss.
Located on a private beach, the new place my Owner had mentioned was more of a house than an apartment. It was bright white with a blue roof, windows lining most of its walls. Staring up at where it sat amongst tropical plants and sand, I wondered how this could be safer than the concealed cabin. We followed a narrow road that cut through natural rock formations and grass. A tall brown fence blocked the cottage from the secluded path, and Marius had to enter a code at a gate for it to open and close behind us.
From the street, it looked like any other house, but as we drew nearer, I realized it appeared to be in disrepair. The white paint was cracked, and vines crawled along the side as we circled the gravel in front of the entrance. There were weed-like, sharp shrubs along the exterior, and like the plants that decorated the upstairs room of the cabin, they appeared to not have been watered in some time.
“Don’t worry,” Marius said, noticing my impression. “The inside is updated.”
He hopped out of the car first, opening my door for me. Marius insisted he bring everything inside while I sat in the car. The ocean was nearby, and it combined with the sound of the air conditioning to form a hazy static. It wasn’t a far distance to the entrance, but I was still achy and exhausted from the night and morning before. My head lolled from one side to the other as I tried to stay awake, drifting into the dark and then blinding myself when the sunglasses slipped from the bridge of my nose. In no time, Marius had returned, waking me with a gentle nudge.
“Would you like me to carry you?” he asked, reaching across my waist to unbuckle me.
Shaking my head, I climbed out of the car myself, but he kept close to my side as I shuffled up the stone-paved path to the porch. I hadn’t been able to see the beach until he opened the faded white door; directly on the opposite side were windows that framed nothing but endless blue sky and water.
The interior itself was small, but the lack of furniture and clutter made it cozier rather than claustrophobic. In front of the windows, there was a white loveseat between two white armchairs, which were wedged into the space. In front of them, centered on a light blue rug laid upon the grey hardwood, was a glass coffee table with shelves underneath. The sparse amount of books stacked there looked new, as did the matching blue patterned pillows and lamps.
Marius followed my gaze, nodding towards the view. “It’s private,” he said. “No one but us.”
We were silent again, the same as we’d been in the car.
Still close, neither of us moved, watching the waves crash against the surf outside. It seemed almost unnatural, to witness something so chaotic cause no sound.
“Let’s take a look,” he finally said. “We can go see your room first.”
Plastering on a brave face, I nodded, allowing him to show me all that belonged to me—for now. However, as we traveled from place to place, it only served to remind me of all I would lose in a matter of days.
The cottage-style building had four rooms—one master and three smaller, two of which hadn’t been finished and were little more that empty spaces with tarps and paint buckets on the floor. The living space was relegated to the rug while the rest of the main room was a white, modern kitchen. The cabinets mimicked the paned windows, most of them empty except for a few dishes and cups.
“We own a lot of properties,” Marius explained as he opened and closed every door and drew back all the curtains. Like the glass in the cabin, the windows appeared thick and slightly hazy; bullet proof and tinted. “Some become Safehouses and others we rent out to fund Safehouses.”
He led me around the house with my arm looped through his, as if it were his duty to make sure no corner was left out. There was a bathroom with a glass standing shower, and then on the opposite side of the house was my room.
“I can show you my room later,” he said, motioning to the door adjacent to mine. “I have to make the bed and clean up. It isn’t as ready as yours.” He shrugged, almost embarrassed. Marius didn’t like when things were out of order, untidy. My mind flashed back to the early morning hours. How ashamed I’d been for being dirty in front of someone else. That was the only thing I could compare it to; these things were meant to be kept secret.
The bedroom was the largest I’d seen since leaving the Compound, but that could have been due to the floor to ceiling window overlooking the beach below. I watched the waves connect with the sand, crashing into foam against the rocks. The queen bed sat across from this with crisp white bedding and a light blue weathered bureau with drawers, delicate white flowers painted around the mirror. As he guided me further inside, I realized the windows were in fact doors that opened up to a dark grey deck. It stretched further than my room, to where I couldn’t see.
“This was the master,” he explained, opening the closet as well as the en-suite. “It was too large, so we separated it with this wall.” Marius gestured towards the headboard.
“Your room?” I asked.
With a tiny nod, he confirmed. “My room.”
The bathroom was too small for both of us to comfortably fit, so he let me explore the tub and shower, the seemingly-new curtain and bath products surrounding it.
“Zoe is the only one who knows we’re here,” he said. “We thought it best to keep our circle small.”
That was reassuring, and Zoe had helped us before—she’d aided in Odette’s plans, and it was good to know someone else was on our side. I hated thinking of it that way, that my Owner and the rest of us were on opposite ends of the same rope, but I was the one with it around my neck.
“Why don’t we sit down?” Marius suggested once the tour was over. He’d been enthusiastic, and I’d pretended I was interested in any of the apartments’ trappings, but now even he sounded tired.
Patting the comforter, he sat beside me. The bed was elevated higher than what I was used to, and while my shoes dangled off the edge, his were planted on the throw rug that matched the one in the living room.
“Do you still want to go through with it?”
There was no other answer. “Yes.”
Marius’ expression was impassive as he gave me a single nod. Then slowly, he interlaced our fingers. “I…” He released a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry for not defending you. Earlier.”
I’d assumed we were about
to jump head-first into mapping out our next steps, yet Marius was still concerned over the previous night’s events.
“You couldn’t,” I said, squeezing his hand for emphasis. “I understand.”
Another breath, identically as pained as the last. There was more he wanted to say, and I wouldn’t rob him of it. “I would also like to apologize for something else.”
Marius couldn’t quite meet my eyes, but I didn’t look away.
“Our first time together…” He’d grown so quiet I could barely hear him. “It shouldn’t have been that way.”
I knew what he meant: we’d slept with one another in order to distract Master Lyon. I’d wanted Marius, but now the experience was tainted with what I’d done.
Placing my other hand atop his, Marius’ muscles relaxed. He faced me now, eyes focused somewhere behind my head. It appeared he wanted to tell me all the things he perceived he’d done wrong, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth.
There wasn’t a way I could respond without negating how one of us felt, so I also said nothing. Instead, I cupped his bristly jaw and brought his lips to mine.
Neither of us desired more than a kiss, too overwhelmed with everything that lay ahead. We communicated exactly what we needed with that one simple action.
“There are plane tickets to Berlin for three days from now,” he said once we’d parted. “Elliot is coming back as soon as he can, so if we need to change flights, we will.”
From the clinical way he described the next seventy-two hours, I could tell Marius didn’t agree with any of it. He understood, he accepted it, yet, rather than shut me out, he and Odette had included me. I empathized with my Owner nevertheless; when he closed a door, it stayed that way until he himself opened it again.
“We?” I asked.
Marius nodded. “Me, you, and Zoe.”
“Oh,” I answered, sitting back a little.
“She will be escorting you to the airport a few hours ahead of me,” he explained.
