by Nikki Rae
I tried not to show how uncomfortable this idea made me. “We’re splitting up?”
“Just until the connecting flight in London.” Taking his phone from his pocket, Marius selected something from the screen and held it towards me. I didn’t comprehend the numbers or abbreviations, and he seemed to catch on.
“We don’t have use of the House Chimera plane, so we need to navigate the way the Mainworld does.” He added a tiny smile to soften this fact. “If something like this happens again and Elliot or someone else stops us, it is better if we aren’t together.”
Logically, it made sense, but I still had to hold back tears. It made me feel childish, but instantly I understood Master Lyon’s pain.
“I just got you back—both of you.”
I’d just gotten a true taste of what life without the Order could be like, and separating myself from him—any of my patchwork family—made me unbearably sad. Like one of them had died, or another part of me had.
“Odette has made arrangements where she is,” he said more quietly. “Fortunately for her, there are other ex-Members who’ve been watching Gregor closely. They knew there was a possibility he was alive, but until the fires started, they’d assumed the coward had gone into hiding.”
The blood drained from my face, all its heat pooling within my throat.
“How…” I swallowed, not wanting to continue but knowing I had to. “How will it happen?”
Marius bit the inside of his lip, staring down at our hands. “When we board our flight from London to Berlin, we will have a day of travel and then I will deliver you to him.”
Again, his voice remained detached, but his eyes became the slightest bit misty. His fingers shook as he wove them through mine again.
“But until then,” he said with new determination, “I am, in essence, your Owner.” With a tiny smile, he asked, “How does that sound?”
Now I was the one biting my lip, and he released it as his thumb smoothed my cheek. The people who Owned me only got hurt. I was hurting Marius now, agreeing to let him take me to the Wolf. The first time, Master Lyon had tried to prepare me as best he could. Now that the time neared again where I would be transferred to the very jaws I’d escaped, knowing there was something I could rely on was a comfort I didn’t deserve.
But for this occasion, I would allow myself to be selfish.
“I would like that very much.”
With a full grin, he bent to kiss my forehead. “Good.”
***
Once we’d eaten a late lunch and had tea, we spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the deck, quietly reading until the day ended, not wanting to face the world outside more than that. When night fell, neither of us were hungry enough to eat dinner, and I announced I was going to bed early. Marius offered to stay the night in my room, but I declined. I assured him I was okay; I just wanted some time to myself—to take a warm bath, read a book in bed, rest, if not sleep. These were the freedoms I would miss most. The ones I’d never taken for granted, yet I hadn’t cherished enough.
As soon as he’d crossed the hall to his bedroom and I’d closed my door, I needed to lean against the cool surface of the wall for just a moment. That was all I’d allow myself to dwell on the future. Those few seconds hurt, lashing me with the reality that when I returned from Gregor to my home again, not only would there be more pieces of me missing, but I would have destroyed whatever I’d been able to create for myself. I was the burning building. He had just lit the fuse.
Thinking about this now would only make me second-guess everything. I couldn’t afford to do that—nor could Odette or the many others who depended on the Safehouses for their salvation.
Even if Marius hadn’t told me to shy away from unpleasant thoughts, I pretended as though he had. Presently, it was the only method I could use to push aside my nerves and take pleasure where I could.
I filled the tub with steaming hot water, adding as many jasmine-scented bubbles as I wanted. While I waited, I connected my phone to the hidden speakers the way Marius had shown me before he left. There was already a text message from him with a link which led to a playlist.
A second message popped up on the screen: “To help you relax and fall asleep :)”
The smiley face made me happier than it should have, and I stared at it too long, contemplating how I should reply. Eventually, I settled on, “Thank you, Mr. B.”
My thumb hovered over the button before I finally sent it, abandoning my phone on the bed so I could hop in the tub and listen to the soothing sounds he’d provided. Marius had taken the time and care to make sure I was comfortable when I was sure at any moment the ground could turn to shattered glass beneath my feet.
I couldn’t stay in the water for long; once I’d washed my hair and body, I’d attempted to close my eyes. However, sitting still proved to be more difficult, and I was drying off before the bath had cooled.
Dressed in a fluffy robe I’d found in the closet with the tags attached, I glanced at my phone to find another text from Marius. It had been sent a few seconds after my last response.
“You’re welcome, Doe.”
A tiny smile inched across my face, but it was short-lived. My screen changed before my eyes and Master Lyon’s number registered after multiple rings. I couldn’t speak to him right now; it hurt too much. Then my phone went silent, the display turning black. Abruptly, the room was quiet again except for the music.
Moments later, the device chimed with a notification, but I deleted the voicemail before I was tempted to listen. I didn’t want to risk him convincing me to talk—that would involve too much thinking, and I’d already committed to just the opposite.
All at once, I collapsed into bed, unable to hold myself up any longer. The sheets smelled new and clean, like most everything here. These items had been purchased hastily, without much time. The very fact that there was a portion of the cabin that wasn’t even finished told me all I needed to know. My Owner was chasing his own tail, circling the places he’d always thought were impervious to the evils of the outside world. Lyon Estate, the cabin, and now this cottage on the beach. They were pretty fortresses that couldn’t prevent anything.
I hadn’t noticed the tears until I was already in the fetal position, and I wanted to scream at the sheer loss of will I had to keep them at bay. My muscles ached, and no matter how many times I bathed, I still felt irrevocably contaminated by what I’d done. Impure. I’d been marked with the filthy hand of the Wolf, and the grime couldn’t be washed away and forgotten with a few comforting words. I was powerless until I was back within his claws.
As I was setting down the phone, it rang again. This time, it was Marius. My pulse quickened with the realization that only a wall separated us. He could most likely hear me through it, but I still foolishly wiped my face and attempted to compose myself before I answered.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure if he was speaking for my Owner or referring to the obvious. “I’m fine,” I said, clearing my throat when my voice wavered. “Just relaxing like you told me to, Mr. B.”
There was a short pause, and when he spoke, he sounded somewhat skeptical. “Okay. That’s good, Doe.”
His tone was so warm I almost begged him to come back. I knew I’d done the right thing not picking up when Master Lyon had called—Marius was mere feet away and I already missed him.
“Thank you, Mr. B.” Saying it out loud amplified just how grateful I was for him.
“You’re welcome. I will see you tomorrow morning, mon coeur.”
I hung up before I said anything else, leaving the phone on the bureau so I wouldn’t use it to research what else Gregor and his followers might be up to. I would save that curiosity for later, when I was safe with my family and the little Wolf was at last dead.
Five
All three of us were still at the cabin, the green light cast across our skin.
“Come help take care of her.”
That was
what Marius had said, and Master Lyon held me close, his hardness stilling inside me as Marius kissed my throat.
Then I was alone in the dark, tied to the middle of the same room where my Owner had left me.
When I was no older than ten, I’d begun training myself to wake as soon as I realized I was dreaming. In time, I became skillful to the point that I no longer remembered what happened, only that I’d gained power over it. This was why I’d turned off this part of my brain; reliving what had occurred during my waking hours wouldn’t help me.
Now, I forced myself back into the past, before I’d betrayed Elliot and he’d punished me in one of the worst ways imaginable. Isolation. Desertion. His actions illustrated how badly I’d wounded him. It was natural he would show me how displeased he was, but the way he’d chosen to do it was too personal, too unique to me.
I didn’t regret trying to join Odette, but although I would never admit it aloud, I regretted hurting him. I knew that guilt would settle around me in the morning, but I could relive pleasant memories until then.
At some point, the night before my Owner caught me a second time, Marius pulled me to the edge of the bed. Legs dangling off, Elliot supported my back, his rigid length pressing into my skin. I arched into him as Marius knelt before me, lips and teeth across the tender scars on my thighs before his face was between them.
Master Lyon cupped my breasts, squeezing and pinching but not enough to cause pain. Mouth close to my ear, he whispered, spurring me on as much as Marius, who glanced into my eyes before plunging a single finger into me. His tongue found the bundle of nerves between my legs as he brought me closer to my release.
“Very good, Doe.” Master Lyon’s voice trickled through me, intensifying every sensation. “I want to watch him make you come.”
Repositioning me, Elliot wrapped my arm around his neck. Marius followed us up the bed, fingers of his other hand digging into my hip.
I gasped when Master Lyon’s touch replaced Marius’ tongue. When I gazed down, Marius added another finger, flaring something knew within me that I wanted more of. Together, they worked me towards the edge of my climax. The haze their efforts caused forced me to close my eyes, surrender myself to the waves as they crashed into me and a cry was wrenched from my core.
***
I woke in a sweat, kicking off the blankets. Outside, the sun was up, making the sand sparkle. I was on my side, and I could see the surf was a lot calmer than when I’d gone to bed. When I attempted to roll over, I realized it was wet between my legs, where my hand had traveled in the night.
I’d come in my sleep, but even that didn’t belong to me.
I missed Elliot; I missed our odd little family. It was me who had broken things and I wouldn’t be able to fix them until this was over.
It was still early, but I showered to cool down and then couldn’t get back to sleep.
The scent of coffee and bacon greeted me when I left the bedroom again. As I entered the kitchen, Marius was just closing the fridge. I jumped without meaning to, not expecting him to be there. Unless I’d woken him with the sound of my orgasm.
Cheeks flaring, I suddenly felt too naked in my robe.
He was fully dressed, yet casual in a pair of fitted khaki pants, brown shoes, and a white T-shirt. I didn’t think he wore anything other than long sleeves since I met him, and he held his arms automatically behind his back when he saw me. I could see the outline of his chest muscles; even when we’d been together, I’d never had the pleasure of feeling the skin beneath.
He bowed his head slightly. “I was trying to be quiet.”
I joined Marius in the kitchen. “Why didn’t you wake me? I could have helped.”
He looked to the plated on the counter, eggs and bacon steaming in the early light filtering through the windows. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
His nervous smile made me pause.
Blushing, I took a step backwards. “I’m going to get dressed.”
I didn’t release my breath until I was back within the safety of my borrowed bedroom. Unsure why I was so embarrassed, I focused on changing into a pair of yoga pants and a turquoise blouse. I slipped on plain black flats before running a comb through my damp hair.
If Marius had heard me, he wouldn’t bring it up. He was more sensitive to what made me uncomfortable. My other Owner.
From where I stood, I could see my phone on the wooden bureau blinking with a message I knew had to be from Master Lyon.
There was only a short text: “I love you and I’m sorry again. I hope you’re well.”
Out loud, he hadn’t flat-out apologized, but now it was in writing. Solid and undeniable.
Had I the strength, I would have returned the apology. But after he’d caught me for a second time, I was paranoid enough to convince myself that it would only lead to some sort of confession. Instead, I left the phone where it was, face-down before I closed the door behind me and rejoined Marius.
He was setting the table when I’d regrouped.
“Would you like coffee?” He inclined his head towards me. “Or tea? Whatever you like.”
Stepping around the far end of the table, I passed him on my way to the kitchen. “Coffee is fine.”
I knew how to make both, and I sifted the correct amount of grounds into the large French press I found in the cupboard. In no time, I was pouring the boiling water and waiting for the liquid to darken.
“You can bring that here,” Marius said, catching my gaze across the table.
Carefully, I lifted the contraption with one hand and balanced two mugs in the other. Marius let me pull out my own seat after I’d set everything down. When the coffee was done steeping, he plunged the filter and poured us each a cup.
“How did you sleep?” he asked after a while of just silverware against plates.
I wiped the corner of my mouth with a napkin and then took a drink. “Fine.”
Leaving my response at that, I was grateful he didn’t want to further explore the topic.
“Elliot was worried about you,” he said, sipping his own coffee. “Told me not to give you anything dangerous.” He offered a faint smile as he indicated the mug and its hot contents. “I assured him you wouldn’t hurt me.”
In a matter of days, I’d split open our relationship. Elliot no longer saw me as someone who had grown, who loved him. He thought I was weak, childish for throwing myself to the Wolves. I needed to be watched.
By the same man who would deliver me to Gregor’s doorstep.
I leaned back in my seat. “Interesting. Not concerned about why I wouldn’t be answering my phone the second he called?”
I hadn’t meant to snap, but Marius didn’t appear offended. If anything, his grin became wider before it disappeared. His wrists rested against his table, making much of the scars on his bare skin vulnerable to my gaze.
His forearm was marked with white, shiny trails his former Owner had bestowed upon him. I could imagine without them, Marius’ light olive complexion was flawless. Only I didn’t see any flaws now, just whispers from the past.
“That was part of the conversation.” As if he’d become aware of my staring, Marius lifted his coffee to his lips, keeping it close so it was harder so see the pieces of him he always kept hidden. “Fawn?”
“A girl like you…” my Owner had said, “perhaps we were too optimistic you could handle all your freedoms.”
Here Marius was, offering me all the freedom to choose what I wanted, what had to be done. Yet in the pit of my stomach, I was scared of every outcome.
He reached across the table, finger grazing my knuckle as I gripped my fork.
“Do you think…” Still unable to look at him, I licked my dry lips. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive us?”
My voice had become a whisper by the end of the sentence; I was too afraid I’d cry when tears had no purpose.
“Yes,” he answered without an ounce of doubt. “Right now, he can’t see past losing you.”
When
I eventually glanced up at Marius, he was staring into his mug.
“It was hard for me at first when Odette first told me her intentions.” He hadn’t done more than push around the food on his plate; something told me the idea continued to upset him. Then his emerald eyes met mine and the sincerity behind them nearly made me shiver. “We won’t lose either of you for long.”
My eggs had become cold, but I was proud I’d eaten most of them before I set down my utensils. “Is it true what he told me?” I asked. “That Odette went to Gregor so Elliot would buy me from the Compound?”
It occurred to me that like Marius and my Owner, he and Odette had a past as well. All of them had a life before me yet centered around whose hands held my freedom.
Marius gave me half a smile. He’d shaved this morning, and I realized I hadn’t seen his bare face in some time. The faint lines around his mouth and eyes when he talked were more pronounced, emphasizing every expression. He didn’t wear masks, and without him I feared I would forget that most people weren’t like this. I was lucky to see both sides of my Owner, but with Marius, I didn’t need to work to communicate, and it was more of a relief than I’d expected.
“Yes,” he answered, “but she did so because Elliot wasn’t ready to follow through.” Taking a deep breath, he thought a moment. “We’d been able to purchase others before, but you were different. Kept out of sight.”
I tried to recall the weeks and days leading up to my first meeting with my Owner, and I couldn’t pinpoint anything different. No one had courted me, or sent flowers and candy, or done anything like other Suitors. I was simply taken from my closet one morning and dragged to an undisclosed location.
Folding his hands on the table in front of him, Marius seemed to struggle with what he had to say next. “You technically weren’t for sale. In Odette’s mind, Elliot would have waited too long and Jäger would have contacted someone else to purchase you for him if she didn’t use herself as collateral. Elliot paid over your original price to have you, and once he’d signed the papers, they took you to him.”
