Destined, A Lair Novel (Lair Series Book 4)

by A. m Madden

  “We have other things we need to live,” he argued, his brows rising in challenge. “I need you and your mom as much as I need music… and Shane needs you.”

  “For now.” That comeback had the smug expression falling off his face. “You lived your life and found your dream, and you balanced your past when you found us. Uncle Jack and Aunt Leila found their common dream side by side. Past experiences you guys made all led you to where you are now. That’s very different from what Shane is going through. He isn’t making his choices.”

  “Sure he is. He’s choosing to be where you are. There’s no way of knowing if Shane’s success will come from going to NYU or not. Maybe sneaking around with you, because I know for a fact that kid couldn’t give a shit about living in a tiny dorm with a stranger—”

  Interrupting him with a laugh, I said, “So you’re on to us.”

  “Of course I’m fucking on to you.” I laughed again. “My point is, maybe all that will ultimately lead him to his dream. Let things happen as they should, baby girl. With Shane’s talent, fame finding him is inevitable.”

  “I know, and that’s exactly what I said to him.”

  “But?”

  I twisted a frayed string hanging off my shorts and sighed. “But… I don’t want him to turn away from an opportunity because of me or school.”

  “And if he does, there will be another waiting down the road. He’s young, Livi. He has plenty of time to chase his dreams.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and shook his head, and my eyes homed in on the thick black band tattooed around his finger, which served as his version of a wedding ring. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this… you two are meant to be together. Wherever Shane ends up, you’ll be right there with him.”

  “Right where? Living on a bus, with no life of my own?” My dad’s eyes widened as my mouth gaped. Where that came from, I had no idea. And my comment clearly shocked my father as much as it had me.

  “So this isn’t just about Shane having regrets, is it, baby girl?” Taking my hand between his, he pegged my issue. Clarity had tears welling, and I hated that they did. It gave substance to my absentminded comment, and to my father hitting the nail on the head. “Don’t cry, baby.”

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Look, I love that kid like he’s my own. You know that. Shane knows that. Everyone in our lives knows that. And I may have been a prick with this whole dating thing, and the sex—” Stopping abruptly, he shuddered and raised a large palm. “Well… let’s not go there right now. My point is no one can predict how their future will play out. Finding fame isn’t a destination. It’s a journey, and every famous musician has a different one. My journey was a fuck ton different than anyone in my band, as was theirs from mine.

  “If Shane is going to school to make Leila happy, then you’re right… he will regret it. If you’re hanging on to him to avoid the hurt that will come… then you’ll regret it, always wondering if you held him back. If you’re afraid you haven’t found yourself yet, and don’t tell him as much, then you’ll regret that too. Either way, now that you have these thoughts, you can’t let them fester, baby girl.”

  “I know… that’s my problem.” Tears now rolled relentlessly, increasing with each word out of my mouth. “I love him, Daddy. Sometimes it scares me how much,” I admitted, my voice raw and pained. “If I ignore this, I’ll always wonder if I held him back. If I tell him that we need a break, I’ll hurt him. He won’t understand and will think I don’t love him anymore.”

  “Livi… realizing you both need some space doesn’t mean you don’t love him.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “It just proves that you do. Eventually, he’ll understand.”

  Would he? And at what cost? I couldn’t bear to say that out loud. Just as I felt holding on to him tempted fate, not admitting that at some point I could lose him did the exact same thing. I’d been too jaded living in our perfect little bubble. Was all this my heart trying to warn me that our time was up?

  My father palmed my face to be sure he had my attention. “Baby girl… you’re seventeen years old. I think you need to let yourself be seventeen, let Shane be eighteen, and live your lives.”

  Knowing he was right, I swallowed past the pain and admitted, “Dad… to do that, I would need to let him go.”

  My father did the best he could trying to cheer me up, going as far as pulling out a gallon of my favorite ice cream and two spoons. By the time we tandemly dug into the fudgy, peanut buttery goodness, he had me laughing my ass off with a story involving a game of strip poker on one of his early tours with Devil’s Lair.

  “By the end of the game, I had lost one shoe, Jack was down to black briefs, Scott wore a pair of SpongeBob underwear, and Hunter was butt naked.”

  “Oh my God!”

  The grin on my father’s face was priceless. “He ran out holding his junk—” Dad pointed his spoon at me. “Don’t tell your mother I’m talking to you like you’re a guy.”

  “Your secret is safe. Continue.”

  “Anyway… he sprinted through the busy hotel lobby bare assed, without a stitch of clothing. Lucky for me, I got my hands on a picture someone snapped of him just before he hit the doors.”

  “What did you do?” I asked, half-amused, half-scoldingly.

  “I made copies of that picture and plastered it all over our bus, of course.” The pride in his words made it impossible not to crack up. Until a knock on the door had our heads twisting toward it. “Who the fuck is that?” Dad asked me like I’d know. Mom wouldn’t have knocked, so that meant the only people allowed past building security were his band… or Shane.

  My heart instantly began pounding, and I didn’t know if it was from fear my dad would say something to him or because I knew I had to.

  “Hey,” Shane said, grinning at my father’s scowl.

  “I thought you had that gig tonight.”

  “I did.” He squeezed past Dad and came right for me. Glancing over his shoulder, he thought better of a kiss and instead took my spoon and scooped out a blob of ice cream. “I left after our set.” He swallowed the entire mouthful before squeezing his temples in pain. “Shit… brain freeze.”

  Ignoring Dad’s eye roll, I asked, “Why did you leave?” I knew the answer probably had to do with his friends hooking up.

  “I need to tell you something.” Shane’s eyes cut to my father, forcing him to pull no punches. “Unk… can you… um…”

  “What?” my ball-busting father asked. Shane widened his eyes, hoping he got the hint… of which he did with a huff. “Yeah… yeah. I’ll be in the den.” But while walking away, he pierced me with a long, hard, encouraging stare.

  “What’s with him?”

  “Nothing. So why didn’t you stay?”

  “Aunt Lori and Cannon were there and—”

  “They were?” I interrupted. “Were you nice to Cannon?”

  “Yes,” he said with a smirk. “I don’t hate him. We actually had a nice talk.”

  “Did you know they were going to be there?”

  “Nope.” Shane took the seat my dad had vacated, looking serious. “I have so much to tell you.”

  I had a sinking feeling that this no longer had anything to do with his friends acting like idiots. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, Liv.” He twisted toward me, nervously fiddling with the spoon in his hand, seeming to gear himself up for something. “So… um… as me and the boys were setting up, Lori and Cannon came over and said they wanted to talk to me after our set was done.” Once he got started, he didn’t stop. “The entire time my imagination ran wild. The moment the last chord was played, I told the guys that Lori and Cannon needed to talk to me, and that I’d be hanging with them the rest of the night. They helped me pack up my equipment and then took me out for a burger. We went to that place my dad loves near their studio… the one with the amazing apple pie. Anyway, the entire time they made small talk, not giving me a clue what they needed to say,
until I forced them to get to the point.”

  Not knowing if he’d paused for effect, to take a breath, or to gather courage, I waved a hand in frustration. “You’re killing me, Shane. And…”

  His lips quirked into a toothless smile before he spoke. “Apparently, Cannon’s bass guitarist’s wife is having a medical issue, and he can’t go on tour…” I swear the rest of his words came through in slow motion. “So… Cannon… wants… me… to… fill… in… for… him.” One by one his words felt like bullets piercing my chest. Shane’s eyes went wide while my heartbeat slowed from the trauma.

  Autopilot caused me to grab his hand and jovially say, “Oh my God, Shane. That’s awesome. I told you it was inevitable for fame to find you.”

  “Baby, I’m just filling in,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s not exactly a record deal. But the experience will be priceless.”

  “Still, this is an amazing opportunity,” I said, plastering on as bright and clear of a smile as I could muster while inside all I felt was pain. He’d never know it, though. What the hell was my problem? This was exactly what I wanted for him. But now that fame was upon us, it scared me to death.

  All I could hope for was that our love survived the inevitable.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shane

  She leaned over and kissed me long and hard. “I’m just so happy for you.”

  “Thanks, baby.” I knew my girl would be happy for me. She’d been my biggest cheerleader since the first time she’d watched me play that tiny bass guitar her father had gifted me. Still, the first thing I felt when Cannon had asked me to fill in was dread. This opportunity would mean no NYU or living on campus with her. It would separate us for months. All our plans would change. And now knowing what she worried about regarding me, I worried about our separation.

  As if she knew that, her next question came. “When do you leave, and how long is the tour?”

  “Seventh of September… thirteen weeks. Rehearsals begin soon, though.”

  “In LA?” Her eyes widened for a nanosecond before she plastered on a fresh smile.

  “No. Cannon’s band will be using JLL’s studios to rehearse in… for my benefit. I’ll be really busy once we start, but I’ll still be in New York, at least.”

  She gave me a jerky nod. “Well, in the scheme of things this tour would be just a tiny blip of time that could lead to limitless possibilities for you.”

  “True,” I replied despite feeling her comment sounded rehearsed and more like she was convincing herself. “More importantly, this could open a door that you and I would walk through together.” Another robotic nod meant she was probably hung up on the length of time. I really couldn’t blame her, because damn, one week apart while she was away with Kim’s family had been hell. Still, I had to hold on to the positive. While kissing her hand, I gave a devious smirk. “Of course, you can come see me on weekends.”

  Ignoring my last comment, she then asked, “Did you tell your parents?” Her concerned look was warranted. I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

  “No. You’re the first person I told,” I admitted. “Lori wants to be there when I tell them, mainly to defuse my mother’s concerns.”

  “Just remember that they just want the best for you. If you’re honest and admit that NYU really wasn’t what you wanted—”

  “It was what I wanted,” I spit out, angered she was going there again.

  “Yes… because of me, Shane.” Seeming to get annoyed herself, she retracted her hand to fold her arms while drilling those blue eyes through mine. “It’s okay to admit that. I won’t get mad at you.”

  I tossed the spoon, and it landed on the granite with a metallic clunk. It was time for me to stare at her long and hard. “This regret bullshit again, Liv?” Her silence confirmed it. “You need to knock that shit off. Did someone say something to you?”

  “Someone who?”

  “I don’t know… Kim maybe?” I gripped her thighs and twisted the stools, bringing our knees together. “You go away, come back, and suddenly there’s this thing between us.”

  “No one said anything to me…” She slid off her stool to put the now-softened ice cream away. Not until she stood facing me did she then say, “I don’t want to ruin your night.” Reaching over the space between us, she took my hand in hers once again. “We’ll talk about this another time.”

  But I wasn’t in the mood for her deflecting again. “You said that this morning, and then avoided the topic. So… no, let’s talk about it right now.” This time I pulled my hand from hers. “No matter how many times I say you could never be a regret, you won’t believe me.”

  She stared back until her eyes cut away and she shook her head. “You don’t get it.”

  “Then help me get it,” I snapped. More silence. “Is that why you’re so excited about my news? It falls in line with your theory?” Still nothing, and her refusing to respond spoke volumes. “Okay, then. Question answered.” I pushed off the stool, but before I could step away, her hand landed on my arm.

  “Stop it. I’m happy because you deserve this. It’ll be a great opportunity for you.” It was hard to believe her. How could I after she’d planted and watered that seed in my head? She had concocted some stupid theory, and who knew how long she’d been keeping that to herself. Everything pointed to her wanting this for me only to appease the doubts in her mind. She was hung up on the notion that I was missing out on a life by being with her. I was eighteen goddamn years old. Didn’t she realize the way I spent my days was just what life was supposed to be like for me?

  If Alivia was anything, she was stubborn as shit. Depending on why she felt this way, and how long she’d been building a case without even clueing me in, her mindset could make it impossible to talk her out of her own head.

  I wasn’t sure what pissed me off more… the fact she had kept all this from me for so long, or the fact that it was now a waste of time to argue over since this new opportunity killed NYU for at least a semester, maybe even two.

  “How long have you been feeling this way?” When her eyes cut away, I gripped her chin to stop her from avoiding me.

  “I told you, since you told me about playing in Santa Monica. The look on your face was one I hadn’t seen before… maybe ever.” Suddenly her own anger dissipated, and she cupped my jaw. “You deserve to be on stage, Shane. Not in a classroom. I’ve been very honest with you about how I feel. You’re hung up on the word regret. I believe you when you say you don’t regret me. But I do believe there will be a day you regret not doing what you want to do. That includes NYU. We are so entwined, from our musical families to our hearts, it’s hard to separate the two. You can’t worry when you do make that separation that I’ll be a casualty by default. It’s the wrong reason to pave your own way… or for me to pave my own.”

  Pave her own.

  Shit. Maybe she was the one who would have regrets. Everything in our lives up until now had revolved around my dream. Fuck, I didn’t even know if she had one for herself.

  The tears that shimmered in her eyes killed me, no differently than her words had. I got it. I finally understood what she had failed to help me understand.

  “You thought long and hard over this.” Her nod along with the slight tremble of her bottom lip and the glistening of her ice-blue eyes confirmed as much. “I need you to promise me something,” I then said, softly palming her face as she had mine.

  “What?”

  “Once I get home, we pick up where we left off. Whether it’s with me joining you at NYU or not, you stop doubting me or why I want to be where you are?”

  Her eyes narrowed on mine, and it felt like an eternity before she finally said, “I promise.” It was her detached expression that made it hard to believe her.

  “One more thing… you need to promise me you’ll consume yourself with things you want out of NYU, and not dwell on me.”

  “I’m not sure I can promise that, Shane.”

  “Why?”

&
nbsp; “Because I need to figure that out first.” The response came quick and without hesitation… and that was how I knew it was the most honest response she’d given me all night. That was also how I knew we both had things we needed to sort out.

  The apartment door opened, and Camilla smiled when she saw us, only for it to fall when Alivia quickly wiped away her tears. “Hi, Mom.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She plastered on another fake smile. “Shane has awesome news.” I hadn’t planned on telling her parents yet but nodded. “We were waiting for you to come home.”

  “Where’s your father?”

  “I’m here,” he said, appearing from the den. He walked right for his wife and planted a kiss on her lips before his gaze landed on Alivia. “Why are you crying?”

  “Happy tears,” she lied. “Tell them, Shane.”

  I dragged in a breath and repeated what I had said to Alivia. Predictably, Trey seemed the most excited. “Fuck, that’s fantastic!” It was hard to tell if having me away from his daughter for more than three months was the real reason. But as quickly as I thought that I knew it had to do with the experience I’d be getting. He of all people understood what something like this could do for my musical career.

  “Shane, what a great opportunity for you,” Camilla added, coming closer to hug me.

  “Thank you. I just hope my parents support this change in direction.”

  “They just want the best for you.” She frowned. “As a mother, it would hurt if something like this would cause a strain with my kids.”

  “Something like what?” I prompted.

  “Just be honest with them. Tell them this is something you really want to do, and I don’t have a doubt they’ll support you.” I forced a smile of my own, ignoring how Camilla had completely avoided my question, as well as the tension that radiated off Alivia.