The King of Jam Sandwiches

by Eric Walters

  “Maybe your life would be better. I just know it has to change. You have to change. If you’re not home by eleven, I’m calling.”

  He didn’t look so confident anymore, but he didn’t look convinced either. Did he think I was bluffing? I didn’t know myself. What had I started? Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to let it end partway through.

  “If you ever leave me alone all night again, I’m making that phone call. Not just tonight. Any night. If you ever do it again, I’ll call.”

  “You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to do.”

  He walked by me and through the door. He took a few steps toward the car, then turned and started walking up the street. He was going, but he probably wasn’t going too far or for too long. I hadn’t won the game, but I hadn’t lost. He’d be back tonight. Probably.

  I closed the door. I didn’t have time to worry. I had homework to do. But first I had to call Harmony and let her know that my father was home. Then I decided I should wait until he came back again before I called. That is, if he came home again. And if he didn’t, would I make the call to my aunt and uncle or the police? I knew that whoever I called, nothing would ever be the same again.

  SEVENTEEN

  Harmony was sitting on the curb when I came up to her house.

  “You’re late!” she snapped.

  I looked at my watch. I was actually a few minutes early.

  She got up and started walking. I fell in beside her, and we walked together in silence.

  “You didn’t call last night, so was he there?” she asked.

  “He was home, but he didn’t get there until it was too late to call you.”

  I’d actually forgotten. My dad was gone for almost two hours after our blowout. He got back just before eleven—before the deadline. He went straight to bed without talking to me. I figured he thought that was some sort of punishment for me. It was more of a relief. What I still didn’t know was whether I was bluffing about the phone call. If he’d been fifteen minutes late, would I have called, or would I have waited until he’d been gone all night? I wasn’t sure, but I had decided I was going to call my aunt and uncle after school today just to say hello. It had been a while and it would be nice to talk to them.

  “Did he tell you where he was?” she asked.

  “I didn’t ask, and he didn’t tell.”

  “So he just strolls in as if nothing happened and he wasn’t gone.”

  “That’s pretty well it.”

  “And he doesn’t say, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Are you okay?’ or anything?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Even my mother apologizes. Actually, she apologizes all the time. Sometimes she wakes me up in the middle of the night to apologize to me for all the things she’s done wrong.”

  “And does it mean anything?” I asked.

  Harmony shook her head.

  “I’m just glad we found her,” I said. “Do you think she did go to the rehab center?”

  “I won’t know until the social worker calls and tells my foster mother—assuming I’m even talking to my foster mother today.”

  Okay, that explained why Harmony was waiting on the curb. “You got into a fight with Mrs. Watson?”

  “No, she got into a fight with me.”

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “She wouldn’t let me have any space. She kept bugging me at breakfast, asking questions.”

  “What sort of questions?”

  “How was I doing at school, what things did I need her to buy, new clothes or school supplies or—”

  “What a terrible human being. No wonder you had to leave.”

  “Shut…right…up. She was getting way too personal. She was asking about friends, about my mother.”

  “Maybe she’s asking because she cares,” I suggested.

  “She cares about the money. She wanted to know if I’d be happy to stay there for the rest of the school year or longer. I think they’re counting on the money.”

  “Or maybe they like having you around. No, wait, that couldn’t possibly be the reason. Who in their right mind would want to have you around? No wonder you were waiting on the curb. Should we call the police to report them as dangerous?”

  “You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.”

  I suddenly realized just how much I was going to miss her. How had this person, this girl, become so important in my life so fast? I couldn’t allow myself to think this way.

  “You know, there are phones. We could still call each other,” Harmony said.

  I didn’t answer. It wouldn’t be the same.

  “Do you think you’re going to be here for a while?” I asked.

  “It depends on my mother.”

  “Yesterday was a good start. You got her back into rehab.”

  “All we did was get her into an Uber. She could have jumped out before she got there.”

  “Do you think that’s possible?”

  “Alcoholics can’t be trusted.”

  Some people who aren’t alcoholics also can’t be trusted, I thought, but I didn’t say it.

  “We’ll hope she’s in rehab,” I said.

  Or hope she did jump out of the Uber, so that Harmony would be able stay here longer. I instantly felt terrible for just thinking that. Harmony wanted to go home even if it was a terrible home. I understood that better than anybody. Shouldn’t I want that for her?

  “Darlene really likes you,” Harmony said.

  “I like her too.”

  “No, I mean she really likes you.”

  “Could you break it to her that she’s a bit old for me and I wouldn’t want to date a married woman?”

  “You think you are so funny.”

  “You’re the one who keeps telling me that,” I said.

  “What I’m trying to say is that if you had to come into foster care, the Watsons’ would be a good place for you to live.”

  “I’m not going into foster care.”

  “You don’t know that. It could happen.”

  Should I tell her that I’d threatened my father with that the night before?

  “If your father keeps taking off, it might be what happens to you whether you want it or not.”

  “Nobody knows about him taking off. Only you, and you’re not going to tell anybody, right?”

  “You know that.”

  Did I? Could I really trust her?

  “It’s just that if he was gone for a long time, you couldn’t survive on your own.”

  “Yes, I could. I could be on my own for a long time. You’ve seen how much food there is in the basement. There’s money to pay the bills. It could last for months.”

  And each day got me closer.

  “There are worse things than living with the Watsons,” she said.

  “You’re the one who should keep that in mind.”

  “All I’m saying is, sometimes things happen that you can’t control. It could happen to you,” she said.

  “I’m fine. I’ve got a plan.”

  “To stay at home and eat the groceries from the basement until there’s none left?” she snapped.

  “That’s part of the plan.”

  “It’s a stupid plan. Do you think anybody is going to let a thirteen-year-old live on his own?”

  “They will if they don’t know.”

  “Somebody will find out,” she said.

  “No, they won’t. The neighbors don’t notice. The only person who knows anything is you. Besides, that’s only part of the plan.”

  “And what’s the rest of the plan?” she demanded.

  I opened my mouth to speak and then stopped myself. I couldn’t reveal the rest of it. That was my top-secret backup plan nobody could know about. Or could I tell her? Could I trust her? Before I could decide, she jumped back in.

  “Are you just talking, or do you actually have another plan?”

  I thought again about telling her. If I could tell anybody, it would be her.

  “Eith
er you have more of a plan and you’re not going to tell me, or you don’t have a plan and you’re a liar. Either way you’re a jerk, and I don’t have time for jerks!”

  She spun on her heels and walked onto the road, causing a car to blow its horn at her and slow down. She crossed over to the other side and kept walking. I stood there, stunned. Should I go after her, call out or…let her walk away? One of us was being a jerk, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t me.

  At lunchtime I sat down at my usual spot at the table, right beside Harmony. She didn’t say hello or turn in my direction. I wasn’t surprised. She hadn’t talked to me during or after basketball practice, or looked my way during the entire morning of classes.

  Everybody else greeted me. Did they notice she hadn’t? We all pulled out our lunches. Harmony and I hadn’t exchanged food on the way to school, and I got the feeling it wasn’t going to happen now either. I saw she had a roast beef sandwich on brown bread, and it had little bits of green sticking out the sides. I, of course, had jam. I was the king of jam sandwiches.

  It was strange sitting there while Harmony made conversation with all the guys and completely ignored me.

  “Are you guys going to the party tonight?” Taylor asked.

  “Of course,” Raj replied.

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” Sal said.

  “What party?” I asked.

  “It’s at Devon’s place,” Jay explained.

  “Although it’s more his brother’s party,” Taylor added.

  Devon’s older brother was in high school. I’d seen him around the neighborhood but didn’t really know him.

  “Do you know what that means?” Raj asked.

  “High school girls,” Sal said, and the two of them gave each other a high five.

  “And we all know what that means,” Taylor said.

  “That you all have the opportunity to be rejected by older girls,” Harmony said.

  I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Things could happen,” Taylor said.

  “Yeah, you keep believing that,” Harmony said. “It’s a fine line between confidence and delusion and you two have crossed over.”

  “Anyway,” Taylor said, ignoring Harmony, “his brother told Devon he could invite people as long as he doesn’t tell their parents there was a party at their house while they were away.”

  “Their parents aren’t going to be there?” I asked.

  “That’s why they’re having a party,” Jay said.

  “And that’s going to make it a real party,” Taylor said.

  “So are all of you going?” I asked.

  They nodded.

  “Devon didn’t even mention it to me,” I said.

  “He probably thought you wouldn’t come.”

  “Why would he think that?”

  “Because you’re always working or studying. Besides, it could get a little wild,” Taylor explained.

  “I could get wild,” I said.

  They all chuckled and exchanged looks that left no doubt they didn’t believe what I’d just said.

  “Then you should come,” Jay said.

  “I can’t. I’m working until nine,” I explained.

  “Like I said, you’re working,” Taylor said.

  “You could come after work. It’s not even going to get started much before then,” Jay said.

  I was going to mention that after work I had a couple of hours of studying to do, but I thought that would just prove them even more right.

  “You should come,” Raj added. “We’ll all be there.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Sometimes I have to stay later at the store to clean up. By the time I got home and got changed and got there, the party would be almost over.”

  “I don’t think it’s going to be over until the middle of the night. It would be good to have you there. Just think about it,” Taylor said.

  “Sure.” But I wasn’t going to think about it, and I wasn’t going to go.

  “I don’t know Devon very well, but can I go too?” Harmony asked.

  “For sure,” Sal said.

  “Awesome.”

  “Cool. Then we’ll see you there,” Jay said. “Or maybe it would be better for me to swing around and get you. Would that be okay?”

  “That would be nice,” Harmony said.

  “Okay, how about around eight thirtyish?”

  “Perfect. I’ll see you then.” Harmony stood up, grabbed her stuff and left. We watched her walk away.

  “Have you two broken up?” Jay asked.

  “Of course not. I mean, we weren’t together to break up.”

  “But you are having a fight,” Sal said.

  “I’m not having a fight.”

  “Then it won’t bother you that she’ll be at the party,” Taylor said.

  “She can go where she wants,” I said.

  “Or that she’s going with me to the party,” Jay said.

  I almost told him he was crazy, but everybody laughed, so I didn’t have to say anything.

  “You’re walking with her, but you’re not going with her,” Taylor said.

  “That’s for sure,” Sal added.

  The bell rang. That was the end of things. At least, for now.

  Harmony was walking slightly ahead of me on the other side of the road. She had spent the afternoon on the edge of disaster, looking for a fight with everybody and anybody. Well, except me, because she didn’t even look in my direction.

  I’d thought some more about going to the party, but mostly I’d thought about Harmony—or, rather, something she’d said to me the other day about my friends not really being my friends. She was so wrong. They weren’t the ones who didn’t talk to me at lunch. They were my friends long before she showed up, and they’d be my friends long after she was gone.

  Then my father’s words came tumbling back: “Friends come and go. You can’t count on them. You can’t count on anybody but yourself. Don’t ever forget that. Counting on people is counting on being disappointed.”

  Did you need friends? Were they only there to disappoint you? Maybe my father was right, and all you could count on was yourself. So what if Harmony wasn’t talking to me? Big deal if she never talked to me again. Big deal if she left. The sooner she left, the sooner my secrets were safe. Talking to her, letting her get close, had been a big mistake.

  Rockwell Avenue was just up ahead. She’d turn right to get to Silverthorn, and I’d turn left to get to Chambers. That’s where we’d part. She was still slightly ahead. That meant she’d turn and leave me before I turned and left her. People leaving wasn’t as big a threat for me as it was for other people. Life went on. Life would go on after she was gone.

  She made the turn. I made my turn. I didn’t look back to see if she was looking back. It didn’t matter. I had work to do and a plan to follow, and she wasn’t part of that plan. Maybe on Monday morning I could even leave a few minutes later for school, since I wouldn’t have to make a detour to walk with her.

  EIGHTEEN

  I looked at my watch as I left the house. It was almost ten. It had taken me longer to get cleaned up and dressed than I’d thought it would. I had put on my only good pair of pants—the ones I’d bought with Harmony. In the five-block walk I’d changed my mind five times about going. But I was still moving in that direction. At least part of the reason I was going was because Harmony was going to be there. I’d decided I wanted to talk to her. Her being stupid with me didn’t mean I should be stupid with her. Besides, I needed to know.

  Now, still half a block away, I could hear the party. I got closer and it got louder. Right out front there were five people standing on the lawn —three guys and two girls—all of them holding red plastic cups. They were older, probably Devon’s brother’s friends.

  “Are you a friend of Gavin’s?” one of the guys asked me.

  “No.”

  “Then buzz off. This is private.”

  “I’m a friend of his brother, Devon. He invited me.”


  “Okay, then go around the side—the party is in the backyard.”

  As I rounded the back of the house, I could feel the bass pounding through the ground. And then I stopped, stunned. The backyard was filled with people. There had to be more than a hundred people crammed in here. A stone patio off to one side was being used as a dance floor, and it looked even more packed than the rest of the yard. Overhead, Christmas lights were strung on poles. It was sort of pretty.

  I was relieved when I saw the guys, and I waved at them. Jay, Taylor, Sal and Raj rushed toward me, waving their arms in the air.

  “Robbie, my man!” Taylor yelled and then surprised me by giving me a big hug. I smelled alcohol.

  “We didn’t think you were going to show, Robert,” Jay said.

  “I told you I had to finish work,” I yelled back over the music.

  “Just glad you got here before I have to leave,” Sal added.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Not yet, but I have to be home by eleven, so I only have a while.”

  “And you guys?” I asked the others.

  “I’m good until midnight,” Taylor said.

  “Me too. Midnight,” Jay replied.

  “I have a one-in-the-morning curfew,” Raj said. “And you?”

  “Midnight.” That was a lie. I could be out all night if I wanted.

  “You should get something to drink,” Taylor said, holding up his red plastic cup.

  “Yeah, you should!” Jay agreed. “It’s a very special punch!”

  I could smell the “special.”

  “You have some catching up to do,” Sal said and then took a big slurp from his cup to prove his point.

  “Sure. So…is Harmony here?” I asked.

  “She came with me,” Jay said.

  “I don’t see her,” I said.

  “I haven’t seen her for a while either,” Taylor said.

  “The party’s so big it spilled out of the backyard and into the alley,” Raj explained.

  “Do you think that’s where she is?”

  “Probably, but I thought you and Harmony weren’t talking,” Taylor said.

  “She’s not talking to me. That doesn’t mean I’m not talking to her. Lead the way.”