Paradox (Pearson Sisters Series Book 1)

by C. A. Harms

  “You’re not?”

  “No.” Surprisingly, he stands, and instantly, I feel the loss. Gathering his plate and then my own, he walks toward the sink and places them both there, standing with his back to me. I let my mind begin to drown me as fear takes over.

  He’s not interested in my sister. Fine, great, that’s good.

  Suddenly, I feel like maybe my welcome has expired. Drying my sweating palms on the sides of my shorts, I stand and look around to ensure there isn’t anything I can offer to help with. The longer I stand there, the stranger I feel.

  “I should go.” Yes, and I need to make it fast.

  I push in the chair he was sitting in and move toward the doorway that leads back to the living room when suddenly I am being pulled backwards. My back collides with his chest, his arm wrapping securely around my waist. His hand sprawls out over my stomach, my shirt rising just enough that the feeling of his fingers against my bare skin gives me chills that break out across my body.

  “I shouldn’t allow myself to want you,” Shane whispers as his mouth hovers near my ear. “My life is crazy, I work all the time, and from what you’ve already seen, I can be a complete ass.”

  I smile, at least until I feel his lips skim over my ear. I think I may have sighed, I’m not sure, because the blood that rushes through me could have been what I’d actually heard. God damn this entire moment is uncontrollably sexy; my body feels like it is on fire.

  “I shouldn’t,” he repeats, and I close my eyes, waiting for him and not wanting to move away from him either. Being in his arms feels amazing. “But I do, Janelle,” he confesses. “I haven’t truly wanted anything for myself in a really long time, but you…” He allows the rest of the sentence to die.

  I feel him take in a deep breath, his strong chest pressing against my back in the process. I wasn’t sure what the next move should be. I debate on turning around to face him, telling him I want him, too. Was all this tension between us over the last couple weeks longing, desire? I am at a loss.

  Shane makes the next move, his lips pressing firmly to my neck just beneath my ear and placing a kiss there. “Vanilla,” he whispers the word so softly I almost miss it, “and strawberries.” I feel him smile against me, and I realize he must be talking about my lotion. “I’ll never again think of either thing without picturing you.”

  A slow heat begins to burn in my lower stomach, and my nipples harden.

  “You have been on my mind since the day I found you hammering away in your garage.”

  “You mean the first day I pissed you off?” I say this breathlessly, but again I feel his lips curl into a grin.

  “True, you do piss me off, but part of that is because you’ve made me want you when I know I should just walk away.” Arching my neck, I look back over my shoulder, and he does nothing to create distance between us. In fact, his lips hover now only inches from my own. “My lack of time, it’ll be so unfair to you, and I know this.”

  “What if I can handle it?” What am I saying? Should I allow myself to want him, too? Should I stop this before it goes too far?

  “You say that now.” Shane glides his hand over my hip, up my side, and my eyes begin to flutter closed, but only for a few seconds when he comes into contact with the side of my breast.

  I open them again when he slides his palm against my neck, and his fingers comb through the hair at the base of my neck. “You say that now.” His voice is husky, and I can sense the pull between us, both of us wanting to take this a step further but both hesitant at the same time. “I have things going on in my life that I’m not sure you’ll understand. Things that keep me from being the man you’ll need me to be.”

  “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” I fear he may be right, but the need I feel for him overpowers every rational thought in my head. I want to feel his hands on me, taste his lips, and touch him in return. I want to see the look on his face when he finally lets go and falls into that blissfulness one gets during the most intimate moments.

  Suddenly he rests his forehead to mine, and he takes in a slow deep breath. I wait, though my mind is screaming for me to make a move and just kiss him. I hold back.

  “Come to Mulligans tonight.” It isn’t a question. “I work until close, and it would be a whole lot better if you were there.”

  “Oh, really?” Leaning back, he smiles down at me, and I feel the effects of that smile settle deep in my chest. He has the perfect teeth, a gorgeous jawline, and it all only makes me want him more.

  “You can bring your sisters,” he adds, still holding on to me. The thought of Janie being around him again flares a jealousy I know is stupid of me to feel. “Or not, it doesn’t matter to me. The only one I truly want there is you.”

  “Are you trying to woo me?”

  “I don’t woo.” He chuckles when I arch my brow. “I’m just honest.”

  I look over his face, taking in every angle, every dip. I memorize his mouth, his jaw, before locking my eyes with his. This man is absolutely stunning, so gorgeous it hurts.

  “Maybe we can come for a little while.” There really isn’t a doubt in my mind from the moment he asks. I would give just about anything right now to be near him.

  Pathetic, but true.

  “Let me walk you home.” Disappointment hits me when he releases his hold on me and lowers his arms. I want to protest, but he grabs my hand, links his fingers with mine, and begins to lead me from his house.

  The entire walk, which isn’t far but feels like a lifetime, he is quiet. At one point, I look up at him to find a complex look on his face. Almost like he is deep in thought. A nervous energy pools inside of me, and I wonder again if he’s regretting his earlier statements.

  He releases my hand when we reach my door, and I step up onto the first step, turning my body completely around to face him. “I’m not sure what time we’ll be there. I still have to call them both and see if they’re busy.”

  He nods, and I notice the way his eyes linger on my mouth.

  “Enjoy the rest of your cake.” His eyes shift upward and meet mine. Then, before I register what is happening, he hooks my waist, pulls my body to his, and fists my hair as his lips meet mine. A searing kiss, one with purpose. It feels slightly fueled by anger before it begins to tame, and he licks along the seam of my lips. Mine part, and he takes full advantage of my reaction. He dips his tongue inside, softly sucking on the tip of my tongue.

  Oh my Lord, I could feel my body giving in to the pull as I wrap my arms around him.

  “Fuck.” Something about the way he says the word sends desire surging through me.

  Backing me up, I feel the side of the house press against my back. His body contoured to my own, I’m completely aware of his erection pressing against my stomach.

  Pulling back quickly, he looks up to the sky, swearing, which makes me laugh.

  “Yeah, real funny,” he says while bringing his stare back to meet mine. “And I’m the evil one.” Sensing the humor in his statement, I shrug. “Tonight,” he steps back, “make sure you come.”

  Yes, please, I accept. That is what I want to say, but instead I say, “Okay.”

  I stand, taking in one slow breath after another as he walks away without looking back. Once he is out of sight, I sag back against the side of my house and allow myself to go over every single second that took place since he chased after me earlier.

  The feelings it inflicts, the pure drive for more, it was freeing. I want this man; I want him badly.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shane

  “Two shots of tequila, no lime, and two Sex on the Beach.” I ignore the way the brunette bites her lip when she orders her drinks. Her attempt at a sultry look, the obvious interest coursing through her as she rakes her eyes over me slowly, it does nothing for me. All I am able to see is blonde hair and the bluest of eyes. I can still taste Janelle, and it leaves me feeling anxious.

  I busy myself making the girl’s drinks and continue to look up ev
ery time I catch movement near the front door. It is nearly ten and still no Janelle. I don’t like the dependent feeling I have, like I’m desperate for her presence. I’ve made sure to stay unattached since my mother’s accident. It is easier to rely only on myself, then I’m not left disappointed when things fall apart. Because things always fall apart. Only there is something about Janelle, something I can’t force myself to let go of.

  “Hey, you.” I look up from my current task to see she’s finally arrived, and instantly the tension I’ve felt all night leaves me in a rush. Janelle leans against the bar, her hair hanging all loose with big curls. I’d give anything to see those curls fanning out over my pillow as she looks up at me as I hover above her.

  I shake the images from my mind and notice the low-cut top she is wearing. At this angle, I can see down it and am pleased with the sneak peek it offers, not too much, but just enough to send a thrill through my body.

  “Busy night.” She looks around, and I see the second her gaze lands on the girl that I’m currently making drinks for. The smile on her lips falters but only for a second before she recovers. It is just enough for my conscience to high five my ego. I love that she gets jealous, it means she’s interested, but I knew that already.

  “Hey yourself.” Offering her a wink, I place the two fruity drinks in front of the brunette and then add the tequila shots. Holding out the money, she ensures her fingers glide over my hand. “Keep the change, sexy.”

  Someone snickers, and I glance back to Janelle to find a shorter blonde at her side. Ah, this must be the mouthy Pearson sister. “Please, can she be any more desperate?” Rolling my lips inward, I hold back my chuckle and busy myself with the next shouted order.

  However, I don’t miss the silent standoff taking place between the blondes and the single brunette. In a huff, the eager brunette spins around, taking her drinks with her, and marches off toward her waiting friend.

  I stay busy for the next ten minutes, but I continue to glance in Janelle’s direction. A few times I find her watching me, but when she is wrapped up in conversation with her sister, those are the times I get to admire her quietly. The way she smiles, dances gently to the music, or when she laughs, her head thrown back, it’s all so beautiful.

  “You need a break?” Sasha bumps shoulders with me and motions toward Janelle with her head. “Take ten minutes to visit with your girl.”

  My girl?

  Did I want that?

  “Go on. It wasn’t a question or a suggestion. Go.” Who am I to argue with the boss?

  I toss down my towel, and within seconds I am rounding the end of the bar and walking toward Janelle and her sister. The younger one, Janie, I think, sees me first, and I observe her eyes narrow like she’s giving me a silent warning. Damn, the woman is a pistol.

  “Hey, devil.” She smirks but holds my stare. “It would seem you’ve extracted the large board from your ass.”

  Janelle elbows her sister, and I can’t keep the smile from my face.

  “I’ve been told you’re the mouthy one.” I don’t stop myself from encircling Janelle’s waist with my arm and pulling her in a little closer. She comes with ease. I also don’t miss the way her sister seems to notice.

  “Mouthy, yes, stubborn, very much so, and I can also be mean and sneaky, too.”

  Janelle hangs her head, placing her hand over her face. I don’t know what possesses me, but I press a soft kiss to her temple and watch as her sister takes in my gesture. It seems to soften her just a bit.

  “Don’t hurt her.” She points at me but remains at a distance. “I have an entire list of things that would inflict great pain on any man that I am dying to try if the need should arise.”

  “Duly noted.” She can’t be more than one hundred pounds soaking wet, but something tells me she means every word.

  “I’m gonna go dance with that guy right there.” She points to some random guy standing only a few feet away with his friends. He seems completely oblivious, and I find myself feeling somewhat bad for the guy that he is the one she has singled out. Poor bastard has no idea what is coming for him. “I’ll be back after a couple songs.” As she walks away, she parts two fingers on her hand, points toward her eyes, and then flips them around to point at me, indicating she had her eyes on me.

  My chest shakes with laughter as Janelle lifts her head to look up at me. “I am so sorry about that.”

  “She’s harmless.”

  “If only that were true.” I enjoy the way she looks up at me more than I should. I feel connected to her somehow, almost like she can see a part of me that I have yet to find. “Break time?” I realize I’m staring, and to interrupt the awkwardness, Janelle asks a question.

  “Ten minutes,” I respond, moving my body more to her front and placing one hand on each of her hips. Lifting her own, she lays one hand on each of my forearms and gives me that attentive gaze of hers. I saw it earlier, and still hours later, it makes my heart race. “I’m glad you came.”

  “Had to wait for Janie to get her date over with.” When I widen my eyes, she laughs. “It didn’t go well. Apparently, she spent the entire meal hearing about his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.”

  “Poor bastard.” I can almost picture the reaction of the fiery blonde.

  “Let’s just say he left the restaurant wearing his pasta in his lap.” Damn. “She went on for at least an hour after she got to my house, and once I calmed her down, we came here.”

  One thing I have picked up on with Janelle is the fact that she wears every single emotion she feels on her face. She relays her thoughts in her gestures, and it’s fucking adorable.

  Leaning in, I kiss her softly, not wanting to repeat the one we shared earlier with an audience. I also understand that I need to go back to work, and doing that with an erection will attract some unwanted attention from those I’m serving. “I haven’t been able to get our kiss from earlier out of my head.”

  I’m confessing things and saying things to this woman that I’d normally keep to myself. Janelle makes me feel things I know are gonna bite me in the ass later, but I’m powerless to stop it.

  “Neither can I.” She traces her lower lip with the tip of her tongue. It isn’t to bring attention to her mouth, but that is exactly what it does. Cupping the back of her neck, I kiss her again and feel my pulse quicken. I think I could kiss her for hours and still need more. Trying to pull back, I’m shocked by the gentle bite of my lower lip. Releasing her hold, she offers a light soothing suction, and I swear to fuck I feel the action in my dick.

  “You are dangerous.” Her cheeks redden, and she tries to bow her head shyly, but I stop her. Skimming along her lower lip with my thumb, she parts her lips, and I pause. There is only a few seconds of hesitation before she takes my fingertip between her lips and repeats her earlier suckle action. She may as well have dropped to her knees and placed her lips on my cock; the outcome would have been the same. I feel myself getting hard, and I move in closer to her to hide my reaction from a bar full of people.

  The instant she feels me flex my hips against her, she parts her lips once more, and my thumb falls from her mouth. “That’s twice today you have had this effect on me.” Bringing my face in closer to hers, she takes in a deep breath. “The things I want to do to you.” Shaking my head, I try my best to rein in my hormones. Fucking hell, I feel like an adolescent boy just discovering women for the first time. I was a raging horny boy in her presence.

  “What’s stopping you?”

  Was she for real?

  “You should be more cautious with what you’re offering me.” Smirking up at me, she shakes her head with defiance, and I feel something slip inside of me. “What happens when I decide to stop denying myself and I take what I need?”

  “What happens is that I let you.” My hands shake while I fight the desire inside of me. “And I enjoy every single second of it.” It has to be the alcohol; it’s the only explanation for her being so forward. Right?

  “Is
it hot in here or is it just you two?” The words rolling around in my mouth remain frozen on my tongue as Janelle’s sister interrupts our encounter. I am torn between feeling thankful she kept me from doing something stupid and another part pissed she didn’t wait just a few minutes longer.

  “I should get back to work.” Janelle offers a hesitant nod, and I begin to back away then stop myself. Moving in quickly, I press a simple kiss to her lips, even though my body is screaming for so much more. “You gonna stay longer?”

  She should leave. She should walk away and tell me this is all a mistake.

  “If you want me to.” My mind is running through all the reasons why I should tell her to leave, but my body is saying something else.

  “Stay.” Another kiss to her lips then I pull away again far too fast, and before I can pick her up and carry her out of here, I walk away. I pause near the end of the bar when I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

  Martha: Nora had another seizure tonight, no need to come, but I wanted you to know the doctor will be here first thing in the morning to evaluate the situation. She is resting now, and I will be at her bedside all night.

  I take in a deep breath, feeling my stomach coil and twist with discomfort. The message is a reminder of why I chose to remain distant, denying myself the things I want most. This is my life; it will always be my life, every single day. I will never be able to let go of the worry and just live without feeling like I need to be at my mother’s side. I can’t take the chance of being anywhere else when where I need to be is with her.

  Placing my phone back into my pocket, I begin to move once again, and the earlier high I was on slowly dissipates.

  My hands tremble as I press them to the bar top, and I ignore the pull I feel at the other end of the room. Instead, I focus on the next person’s order and then the one after that.