Paradox (Pearson Sisters Series Book 1)

by C. A. Harms

  “Shane?” I’m afraid to reach out, though my hands demand it. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” One word, a soft almost desperate whisper. “Please,” again so quiet I almost miss it, “make it all go away.”

  When he lifts his head and his gaze connects with my own, my chest grows tight.

  “I shouldn’t be here, I know I should leave this all alone, but I need to feel something. I can’t go home. It’s too quiet there.” Stepping forward, his face becomes clearer, and that’s when I see it. The shimmering way his eyes shine in the shadows of the porch light. The desolate look on his face, the deep desperation written in every single contour of his beautiful face. How can I turn him away?

  Reaching out, I take his hand in mine, and I lead him inside, our eyes remaining focused on the other. Pushing the door closed behind him, he doesn’t take the opportunity to look around, instead focusing on me fully. It’s then that it dawns on me that I am only wearing a thin silk housecoat. Shane takes me in ever so slowly, as if memorizing each curve and dip. The same lost look covers his features, but there is a spark of heat in his eyes. The same spark I’d seen the first time he kissed me at my front door and again the night I met up with him at Mulligans.

  Chills cover my body, the hair on the back of my neck feels like it is standing on end, and the heat I’ve felt before coils once again in my lower stomach. This man triggers something inside of me, something uncontrollable.

  “What happened?”

  He says nothing, only reaches out and lifts one wet piece of hair that hangs loose, skimming his thumb along my jaw in the process. The way he steps in closer, lifts the strand, and slowly twines it around his finger, it’s such a simple move but impactful. All thoughts leave me; all questions I may have had of why he came disappear. All I see is him; all I feel is him.

  With his free hand, he grips my hip, and in two steps he has me backed up to the wall behind me and his mouth seeks my own. A kiss of desperation, consuming me, leaving me breathless, so full of passion that my knees grow weak. As if Shane knows its effects, he uses his grip on my hip, and the weight of his body presses to my own to hold me up.

  My mind is clouded by his kiss, my body wet with the need for more. I know there are so many other things I should be doing…like asking him what triggered this visit, but instead I wrap my arms around his shoulders and cup the back of his neck, holding him securely to me.

  The desperation in his kiss eases, slowing, and I feel a second of hesitation. He pulls back, resting his forehead to mine, his breaths deep and ragged.

  “Bedroom.” He isn’t asking me but more offering me an explanation before he carefully begins to lead me in the direction of my room. Pausing in the doorway, I turn around to face him, and again something passes between us. No words spoken, only our gazes lock on one another’s.

  Suddenly he reaches up behind him and pulls his shirt up and over his head. Admiring him, I begin to look over his chest, strong arms, and the variety of ink covering him. Every image so precise, so detailed, almost like they each tell their own story. I want to know what each one means. What triggered him to choose each design.

  I hold my breath when he again takes a step toward me and gently places one hand on each of my hips. His lips hover near my own, the feel of his breath fanning out over my lips. “I think about you even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s not fair to you.”

  I’m so confused by his words, but he doesn’t give me the chance to ask what they are supposed to mean.

  Covering my mouth with his own, he begins once again to kiss me, only this time the anger and demanding pace is replaced with a slow, easy one. Soft, alluring movements, much like I would imagine making love would be. A deep connection, one of pure beauty and grace.

  I feel the backs of my legs hit the bed and am surprised because I hadn’t even realized we were moving in that direction.

  Carefully and with delicate movements, Shane begins to lower me to the bed and continues forward until he is hovering above me. I don’t want to close my eyes, because seeing him in this state is addicting. The way he is so lost in our kiss, like nothing else matters, all he feels is us.

  Wrapping one leg up and over his hip, I hear a low moan escape him.

  I should feel shame for rubbing upon him the way that I am, but all I feel is the need to do it over and over.

  Shane is a mystery, a man of many faces. Like Jekyll and Hyde, but damned if I’m not ready for the head trip. The way he kisses, it could make any person lose their mind. It is almost like a form of art, one he has perfected.

  Fisting his hair, I attempt to deepen the kiss but feel him slowly withdraw. Rising up enough so that he can look into my eyes, he cups my cheek and lightly brushes over it with his thumb. I notice the glistening in his eyes once again, and that rawness I felt earlier returns. Something is going on inside this beautiful man’s mind, something deep and possibly dark.

  Leaning in once more, he presses one simple, very soft kiss to the corner of my mouth before he allows the weight of his body to move over me and settle in behind my back. With one arm draped over my waist, he pulls me back to him, his chest contouring to me from behind.

  I hear him take in one deep calming breath, followed by another.

  I lay in silence, confused and unsure of what to say or do. Waiting for his next move, for him to speak and tell me what in the hell this entire night is all about. What brought him here? What made him seem so lost?

  “Shane.” I whisper his name so softly, but he doesn’t react. His deep breaths begin to slow, becoming more dragged out and calm. I listen in the darkness, waiting for him to speak or move, yet he remains perfectly still. Turning slightly, only enough to see his face, I see that his eyes are closed. His chest presses into my shoulder with each inhale before retracting with the exhale that follows.

  Instead of waking him, instead of pushing him for an explanation, I wait and watch. He looks so peaceful, so relaxed, and it is a look I haven’t had the chance to see much of since I met him.

  Eventually his breaths change to a light, almost nonexistent snore, and I smile when his lips part, triggering the sound to grow louder.

  ***

  Opening my eyes, I am met with the sun casting over my room. I know it’s still early, and I also know without even looking that Shane is no longer at my side. Curling more onto my side, I allow my mind to play back the night before and almost instantly feel the aftermath of his kiss on my lips. The stubble along his cheek, the way his whiskers from days of not shaving tickled my lip. My own tingled from each kiss, and still this morning I swear I feel that same tease.

  Fisting the blankets, I pull them in closer around me, and my stomach tenses. I’m playing a dangerous game with my heart, I know this, but Shane was like a force I could not stop. His smile makes girls say and do weird things, well, this girl at least. Then there’s the confidence he carries in his walk, hell, in his stance even. And the way he kisses me, forget all rational thoughts the moment his lips touch mine. I am a muddle of needy girl, give me more on impact.

  I’m a mess.

  And he’s gone. Just like that, he swoops in, creates havoc, causes damage to my mind, and then he’s gone before the sheets have time to warm from the weight of his body.

  What is left? Me, feeling like a complete idiot.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shane

  Staring at the same report for over an hour, I still haven’t begun to calculate the costs for my morning meeting. I miss the hands on; I miss getting dirty and fixing things that are broken. I guess it was my way of making up for the fact I can’t do anything for my personal life. I can’t fix my mother, and I can’t fix the fact that there are just some things in my life I will never be able to have.

  “Shane.” Missy’s voice comes through the phone, and if I had been feeling groggy and sluggish before, I’m not anymore. The girl has got the highest-pitched voice I have ever heard. Like sucking on a helium balloon kind of high. That shi
t rolls right through you. I’m talking ear bleed after-effects.

  “Yeah.” I cover my ears but not so tightly I can’t hear. I do have to work with her, but there truly needs to be some type of alarm system to prepare me for her incoming voice. Thankfully, I wasn’t in the process of taking a drink of coffee.

  “Mr. Wicks is on the phone for your morning meeting.” The meeting I’m not prepared for. “I’ll send him through.” Before I have time to talk my way out of it, she is ending the conference and my phone begins to ring.

  This isn’t what I want to do with my life. I had dreams, goals. I knew though that I no longer have a choice; things change, dreams go unfilled, and goals get tucked away someplace deep.

  “Good morning, sir.” Kissing ass has never been my thing.

  “Shane.” The man is arrogant. I’ve seen the shows where a big corporate bigwig comes down off his pedestal and spends a day in the lower end, you know the places that actually make the money for the big corporation. This man definitely needs to spend a day with a fucking wrench in his hand. “I’ve been going over the numbers for your location, and I just have one thing to ask.” Here it is; the ass chewing is about to begin.

  “Why is it that since you’ve been the manager, we have doubled our production and turnaround time?”

  I am fully prepared to give him some line of shit to cover the ass of my guys and myself. What I am not prepared for is to hear that we are above what was expected of us.

  “Just working, sir,” I add with a little too much hesitation. The fact that I am doing a lot of the hands-on repairs helps. I do know that in the past the managers took the job literally and never left their fucking offices. Like I said, I prefer to get dirty and fix shit. I’ll never be the kind of boss that stays behind the desk and leaves everything up to my crew.

  “I’m impressed, Shane, very impressed.”

  “Thank you.” I lean back in my chair and run my hand over my face and up through my hair. “The men I have here are reliable and dedicated.”

  “I believe it’s more the leadership they are being provided.”

  I don’t want to go back and forth with him, I also don’t need a pat on the back or someone to stroke my ego, so I let it die there.

  Tugging on the ends of my hair, a memory hits me, and I let Mr. Wicks’ voice fade out as I replay the visual in my mind.

  Pouty lips, gorgeous blue eyes, and the feeling of her soft body pressing against mine. Freshly showered, though I could still smell the strawberry vanilla scent she always possessed. Janelle’s sweet whimper when I glide my tongue over hers. She is a craving, something I know I shouldn’t have because it’s not good for me, but I cannot seem to resist.

  It took everything I had in me to slip my arm out from beneath her body this morning and walk out of her room. I remember standing in the doorway just watching her sleep for what felt like an hour. She is so beautiful, so delicate and sweet. She is a light at the end of a dark day.

  “I’d like to congratulate you, and I look forward to seeing you at the company picnic at the end of the month.” I am pulled away from the visions in my head and reminded that I am still on the phone. “I’ve emailed over your new pay scale and the breakdown of all your benefits. Please, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out, and if I’m out, speak with my assistant, Maggie.”

  “Thank you so much, sir.” No idea what I am actually thanking him for, but it feels like the right thing to do. Covering my ass again, it seems.

  “Call me Al,” he chuckles, “but never call me Alvin.”

  Just then, my email dings with an incoming message, and I immediately click on it. My heart feels as though it begins to hammer in my chest. It has to be a mistake.

  “Have a great, productive day, Shane.” The calls ends, yet I don’t hang up. I’m frozen, staring ahead at the figure on the screen. Was that a five?

  I continue to read through, seeing things such as full medical, dental, and so on. Things I had before but never were they fully paid for by the company.

  A bonus, in the amount of thirty-five hundred, will be deposited on Friday, along with my paycheck that was now double the amount it was before. Probation period has ended, and based on my performance, these are the benefits I’m being offered. But it is still unbelievable. I’m afraid to believe it.

  This money, it will make things so much easier. I could finally slow down, maybe even stop working so many hours at the bar. Maybe I can even—I let the thoughts stop there.

  I spend a few more minutes reading over the files attached to the email before I exit my office and go out in the shop to check on the guys. I have a new sense of purpose.

  ***

  “How are you lovely ladies doing this evening?” I place two cappuccinos on the desk, offering the two women sitting there a dashing smile. The younger of the two blushes, and I offer a wink. Moving on to the next one, I continue offering the coffees that I stopped to pick up on the way.

  Having only two left, I step up to the door of my mother’s room and push inside. Martha sits at her side, lifting her leg, bending it slightly, only to lower it once more. I always find Martha doing these types of things for my mother. Even when the woman is off the clock, I still find her here, sitting on the bedside of my mother, talking as if she is talking to a lifelong friend.

  “Well, hello, handsome.” She smiles up at me. “Your mother and I were just talking about you.”

  “Is that why my ears are ringing?” Pausing at her side, I hold out her coffee, and when she takes it with a bright smile, I lean in to kiss her cheek.

  “Someone seems exceptionally happy today.”

  I step up to my mother’s side, and I push back the slightly graying hair that lay over her forehead and press a kiss there. “Don’t listen to her, Ma. I’m always this bright and cheery.” Glancing back at Martha, I see her trying to hide her smile behind her cup of coffee with one eyebrow arched. “Maybe it’s you that’s in the sour mood.” I match her look, and this time she can’t stop herself from laughing out loud.

  “Please tell me this mood is because of a lady.” Oh, the hopefulness in her voice makes my mood even better.

  “Raise,” I reply, shrugging as she narrows her eyes, “and full paid benefits.”

  “Well…” She may have been brushing it off as if this wasn’t huge, but Martha knew what this meant for me and for my mother. “Way to burst an old woman’s bubble. I so hoped you were coming here to tell your mother and me that you’ve met someone special.”

  I know I should just let it slide and keep Janelle to myself, but it has been so long since I was in a mood quite like my current one. “I never said there wasn’t a special someone, too.”

  The way Martha’s eyes light up makes me chuckle. This is nice, sharing things like this with someone. Being here in this room with my mother present even though I’m still unsure if she can hear feels like in a way she is involved in this part of my life. Like I have my best friend back.

  “So…” Martha is almost giddy, and she claps her hand on her knee. “Tell us more.”

  Us, it’s like Martha knows it is the word I need to hear in that moment. I love how she includes my mother in every single moment when it comes to me.

  “Her name is Janelle.” Saying her name makes my heart race. “She moved in next door, and in the beginning, I wasn’t exactly welcoming.” Martha scowls. “Give me some credit, woman. I was tired, and she woke me up, more than once.”

  “Please tell me you’ve since then apologized and this Janelle now knows exactly the kind of man you are.”

  Guilt settles in my chest.

  “Oh, Shane.” She shakes her head and holds on to the coffee cup securely with both hands.

  “I may have actually screwed things up after last night.”

  “Boy, what did you do last night?”

  “So I’m a boy now?” Playfully, I lift a brow but get no silly Martha banter in return.

  “You are a boy now until you prove to me
you deserve the title to be changed.”

  “You’re a tough one.” I look back at my mom. “And I thought you were the hard ass, Ma.”

  “I’m waiting.” The woman even offers a tapping of her foot to ensure I understand her impatience.

  So what do I do? I start from the beginning, and I tell Martha all the ways I’ve fucked things up with Janelle. Everything from the very first day, each and every idiotic detail. Well, besides the juicy stuff. I’ll keep those moments to myself.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Janelle

  “So he showed up, kissed you stupid, and then fell asleep?” Janie pops a peanut M&M into her mouth before kicking back and propping her feet up on my coffee table. It’s more of an old antique chest, really, converted to a coffee table.

  “You forgot the part where she woke up hours later and he was gone,” Jackie adds from behind me while brushing past to take her place on the sofa. Girls’ night is at my house this time. Once a month, we have an old fashioned sleepover, normally at Jackie’s because of Whitney. Only this time, it fell on a weekend that she is with her father and his new toy, so to say that Jackie could use a night of drunken foolish behavior is an understatement.

  “Are you sure you didn’t dream the entire thing up in your sexually deprived mind?” Janie shrugs then looks at Jackie.

  “Um.” Jackie thinks for a second before continuing. “If she is sex deprived, don’t you think she could have come up with something a whole lot dirtier than some heavy kissing?”

  “From what we’ve been told, the kissing is pretty hot.” The two of them go back and forth, and I can’t help but smile. This is who they are, two crazies, two parts of our trio, the best friends and sisters any girl can ever ask for. They may like tormenting and teasing, but they are also the most loyal people I know.