Paradox (Pearson Sisters Series Book 1)

by C. A. Harms

  Slowly, with great hesitation, I start to move and watch her face for any signs that she has second thoughts. Nothing but pure lust and need fill her features.

  The connection I feel to her is so much deeper than I’ve ever felt before. This is real, it is so fucking real, and I want it.

  “I adore you.” Together we move, our bodies taking over while our minds share their own love affair. “I can’t breathe without you. I love you so much, Janelle.” I kiss along her jaw, and she throws her head back, opening up her neck to me. “So damn much.” I know what I feel can never be expressed with words. It can never be measured or defined; I just know that it’s life changing.

  This woman has changed my world.

  We reach our peak together, and within seconds, the both of us are spent and attempting to catch our breaths, our bodies sticky with perspiration, Janelle still wrapped around me tightly as I hold her close to me. Truth is I’m not ready to let her go yet.

  “That was—” She stops mid-sentence, as if not knowing quite how to finish it.

  “It was,” I add, making her bury her face in the crook of my neck, her body shaking with laughter against mine.

  “Well, hello there, Mr. Buns of Steel.” My body tenses, and Janelle sits ramrod straight. Leaning a little to the left, I watch her peek over my shoulder.

  “Oh my God, it’s Janie.” As if I haven’t already figured that out.

  I remain perfectly still, knowing that there is actually no easy way out of it. If I turn, Janelle’s sister will get a view of a whole lot more than my bare ass. Somehow my ass seems the better option, so again I remain facing forward.

  I almost laugh when Janelle uses her feet to cover my bare ass the best she can, but I know it does very little. All I can be thankful for at the moment is that it’s Janie standing behind us in this compromising position instead of Jackie with Whitney at her side.

  The bad part is this will be the topic at a family dinner in the future, I just know.

  ***

  Nothing would ruin my mood. I spent the evening with Janelle, dinner, movie, and cuddling on the couch until things shifted and we couldn’t manage to keep our hands to ourselves any longer. Then we stayed up entirely too late exploring one another and then again early in the morning. Oh, and then there was the shower.

  The shower was fun.

  My mood is amazing. For the first time, I am looking forward to my day and my shift at Mulligans. I am flying high, walking on fucking air.

  Until I push open the door to my mother’s room and the floor drops out from beneath my feet, or so it feels.

  “Hello, Shane.” My father stands from the chair where he sits at my mother’s side and holds his hand out. I ignore the gesture and try to rein in my emotions, but it is difficult. Extremely difficult. “I was just visiting.”

  “After five years, you decide that she’s good enough?” My nostrils flare, and I can feel my restraint slipping. “Do you expect me to welcome you? Should we hug?” Sarcasm drips from my words as my voice trembles with hate.

  “I don’t expect anything. I know I deserve your hate.”

  “You don’t even deserve that, because it means I fucking care, and I don’t.” He flinches and has the gall to look wounded.

  “Sorry I’m late. I got stuck at the salon.” Janelle bobs into the room with a smile that quickly fades.

  “Hello again.”

  “Again?” I look between Janelle and my father, trying not to feel betrayed by the woman I love. “You two have met?”

  “Very briefly.” She lays her hand on my forearm, and I tense beneath her touch. “Shane.” I am falling apart and fast. My gaze shifts to my mother, who lays motionless, staring at the empty space on the wall, and I remember what all the doctors and nurses have told me so many times before.

  She can hear you, so talk to her.

  A slow steady breath, and I follow it with a calming exhale. Truth is I feel no less calm than before.

  “Outside.” My father stares at me, and after a few seconds, he nods. Turning around, I walk from the room and hear his footsteps behind me. I also hear the clicking of Janelle’s heels, and part of me wants to tell her to stay; I focus on placing one foot in front of the other instead.

  Once outside, I snap and turn around, grabbing the collar of my dad’s shirt and slamming him against the pillar just outside the entrance.

  “Why?” My voice echoes over the almost empty parking lot. “All this time you didn’t come, you didn’t call, you left us, you left me, and now you show. Why? What the hell are you doing here now?”

  “I did call, and I’ve been coming here for months.”

  “Months,” I seethe, pushing against him and breaking the hold I had. Fisting my hands at my sides, I fight the urge to hit him. I am pissed, I have a lot of anger toward this man, but the truth is he is my father. Could I live with hitting my father? The idea of what my mother would think keeps me from going forward with it, and I stare at the guy who once loved my mother so deeply.

  “It’s been years. Months don’t matter when you should have been here the entire time. She never would have fucking left you, and you know it. She would have been by your side day and night.”

  “I know,” he sobs, and a pang of guilt hits me, but only for a split second before the anger returns. “I was scared.”

  I blink, then I blink again, trying to figure out what in the hell this man is attempting.

  “Scared! What the fuck is that? What kind of man gets scared to care for his wife?” He must honestly think I am an idiot. I step closer until I am only inches from his face. We are nose to nose. “I tell you what kind of man runs out on his wife when she needs him most.” Then I lower my voice, not to hide it from others, but to ensure he paid real close attention. “A fucking pussy-ass man with no backbone, that’s what kind.”

  My body trembles, my hands shake, and I feel myself slipping fast.

  “Shane.” Janelle grabs my arm, and before I think, I jerk away from her touch. I have to stay angry; I need to.

  “Shane, please,” she once again attempts to gain my attention, “let him explain.”

  It’s wrong. I know it the very second I turn to face her, but I project my anger at the wrong person. “You’re defending him? Taking his side?” Her eyes widen. “You don’t know shit. You weren’t there. You haven’t been here to see everything unfold.”

  When her eyes fill with tears, I regret my outburst, and I shift around, gripping my father around the throat this time. His hands instantly wrap around my own, and I breathe hard and fast. I am spiraling, twisting and falling down a deep dark hole. “I don’t need you. She doesn’t need you.”

  I shove him, he stumbles back, and I turn and walk away.

  I reach my truck and throw the first punch into the bed side and then another. The burn feels good, the ache welcome.

  That is until I hear a whimper, and I look back over my shoulder to see the one person who shines light on all the dark times. She has one hand covering her mouth, and tears roll over her cheeks. That is my moment of clarity, my saving grace, and I reach out, wrap my arm around her shoulder, and pull her in against my chest.

  “I’m sorry.” Not for my reaction with my father, but for the fact that she had to witness it.

  In a way, I’m thankful. Had she not been there, things could have gone a whole lot worse.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Janelle

  I stand at the end of the bar and watch as Shane moves around behind it. Bartending with a cast on his hand has been challenging, but in a way, I’m glad he has to face the struggle. Punching his truck fixed nothing; all he has to show for it is a large dent in his bed side and a broken hand. Oh, and then there is the shame. I know he feels it even though he pretends he doesn’t.

  “Has he been back?”

  “He goes right after work, and his father goes in the morning.” I lift my beer to my lips and look away from Shane. Janie and Jackie both sit opposite me at the ta
ll table in the corner. “Martha helped set up a schedule. Shane demanded that his father not be allowed visits, but legally they are still married, so no one can stop him. He’s not abusive; he’s just an idiot that let fear and shame keep him from doing the right thing.”

  “But he is doing it now.” Jackie goes for logical. She isn’t wrong; I’m just not so sure it will matter. It has been close to three weeks since he saw his father, and I swear I can still feel the same fear from that day. I have never seen that side of Shane. Truth is I never want to see it again. It’s a whole new version of the man I love, and frankly, if I never saw it again, I’d be grateful.

  Shane looks up, almost like he knows I am talking about him, and nudges his head in a come here motion.

  “I’ll be right back.” Sliding off the stool, I begin to walk toward the bar when a guy blocks my path. “Excuse me.” I sidestep, but he does the same. “Do you mind?”

  “Not at all.” I can smell the hard liquor on his breath. “What are you drinking, babe?”

  Arching my brow, I look up and see Shane rounding the end of the bar and walking in our direction. “Whatever it is my boyfriend is pouring me.” I point over his shoulder, and the guy follows my motion.

  I smile when his eyes widen just before he turns and makes a beeline for the table surrounded by what I would assume are his friends.

  “What did he want?” Shane circles my waist and holds me close.

  “He wanted to buy me a drink, but I told him my boyfriend has that covered.”

  “Is that right?” He kisses the corner of my mouth.

  I nod.

  “I need to ask you something.”

  “What?” My nerves race because of the tension in his expression. “Saturday is family breakfast at Evergreen.” I try to breathe evenly. “I know he’ll be there, and I don’t think I can face him alone. Will you go with me?”

  “Of course I will.” I place one hand against his cheek. “I’m on your side, Shane. I will always be on your side. No matter what the outcome, no matter what the situation, I am and will always be in your corner.”

  “I know.” I love that he knows. “But I love when you remind me, too.” And with that, he covers my mouth with his. We stand in the middle of the bar, surrounded by a crowd of people, and he kisses me like his life depends on it. I’m thrust back to the first time I stood with him almost in this very same place. A time when I wasn’t sure where we would end up and even if we would get there together. But here we are, with battle scars to show for the wild ride it took to get here, but we made it. We will keep making it, because I need this man. More importantly, I love this man with every single part of my heart. He owns me, and I own him, too.

  We were meant to be.

  ***

  Our day was exhausting, emotionally. We spent hours at Evergreen, and Shane was given letters upon letters written by his father that were addressed to his mother. Letters that were written, mailed, and then read to her by Martha over the years. Letters that were kept secret, and it only added to the betrayal Shane feels was bestowed upon him. Martha’s loyalty was questioned, but hours later as we sit in my bedroom, his head resting in my lap, he’s managed to understand her actions.

  “I know she did it for my mother,” he whispers. “It doesn’t make it easier, but I know she thought it was what my mother would have wanted. I just can’t get over his absence.”

  I don’t interrupt him, because I know he doesn’t need to hear my words. He just needs to know I am listening.

  “I can’t forgive him, Janelle.” I comb my fingers through his hair and see the moisture lingering in his eyes. It breaks me to know he is suffering emotionally. I wish I could take some of that ache away. “I don’t want to.”

  “You don’t have to.” I know in time things will get easier for him, and with time, he will heal. One thing is for certain: I will be here for him every step of the way.

  Shane grabs ahold of my legs, curling more to his side as he buries his face to hide his tears, but I can feel the moisture against my skin. His body trembles, and my throat grows tight. My guy, my sweet, caring guy full of such dedication to those he loves. I have never met a person with a bigger heart. Shane is so much more than I ever gave him credit for.

  I fell in love with a paradox.

  Shane Anderson is the complete opposite of the man I thought he was.

  And he is the man I will protect and love no matter where our road leads us.

  Epilogue

  Shane

  I carry the last box over the threshold and set it down just inside the door. As I look around the living room that was once filled with Janelle’s things, I now see parts of myself intertwined. Pieces of my childhood that have been boxed away and hidden now all have a place in the home that Janelle and I share.

  It only seemed fitting that I move into her house. Her yard is bigger, and she has an extra bedroom. Plus her place is so much homier than mine. I know that I could love anywhere and it would feel that way as long as she was there, too, but this is where we’ll begin. One day I hope to find a bigger, more permanent home that we can share. One that we can build a life in and, who knows, maybe one day raise a family.

  I’ve learned to accept that my father is here to stay. I’ve also had to face that he is going to pay for my mother’s care, though I don’t like it. I still have a hard time being in a room with him too long, but Janelle has somehow become the buffer that keeps us from being at one another’s throats. Okay, fine, it’s more like me at my father’s throat, but she keeps me levelheaded. The angel who saved me from being the fucking devil she and her sisters pegged me to be.

  I won’t lie; I do still try to corrupt her as much as possible whenever we have time alone. She’s got a little devil inside of her, too.

  One day, I’m gonna marry my girl. I’d be a fool to ever let her go.

  And to think in the beginning I fought like hell to stay away.

  Acknowledgements

  THE CHARMED GIRLS, YOU ARE all amazing. The continued support you show me is something I will never be able to express just how much it means to me. Thank you all for sharing my work and for just being you. You are all the greatest bunch of ladies.

  THANK YOU, LYDIA, my Fred, because you are a true friend and motivator, always making me laugh and smile. We are an amazing team, and your friendship means the world. Thank you for being one of my biggest cheerleaders.

  TO MY HUSBAND AND children, thank you for being the best part of my days. For tolerating me when I get lost in the world of fiction and understanding that sometimes dinner may be a little late. Jayden and Tayler, no matter how many books I write, you two will always be my best creations.

  MY READERS, I AM always so humbled by your support. Those random messages I received after you read my books, whether it be something big or small, I truly love them. Hearing what you think, in my eyes, is one of the greatest things about releasing a new book. I am never too busy for you.

  TONI, MY EDITOR, I want to thank you for making this such a smooth and easy ride. You took me without complaint, all my crazy tense mixups and all, and just went with it. This entire thing was such an easy transition, and I can say without a doubt that I see many edits in our future. Thank you so very much for your patience.

  About the Author

  C.A. Harms is an avid romance and mystery reader. She's always had a love for books, getting lost in writing and storytelling even as a young girl. She enjoys happy endings and HEA love stories.

  She lives in Illinois and enjoys spending time with her husband and two children. She holds an addiction for Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha’s and KitKat when she should really be focusing on water and maybe a fruit or two to make herself feel less guilty, but that feeling quickly passes…thankfully.

  She is easy going, fun, and although she may seem like one of the quiet ones at first, you just wait until she gets to know you better…that quietness changes, fast.

  Social Media Links

 
Facebook:

  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Author

  Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/charms0814

  Website:

  https://www.authorcaharms.com/

  Goodreads:

  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show

  Instagram:

  http://instagram.com/authorcaharms/

  Newsletter:

  http://bit.ly/1xsgHCS

  Bookbub:

  https://www.bookbub.com/profile/c-a-harms

  Join our Reader Group on Facebook and don't miss out on meeting our authors and entering epic giveaways!

  Join today! "Where reading a book is your first step to becoming limitless..."

  https://www.facebook.com/groups/LimitlessReading/

  BEFORE YOU GO…

  DON’T MISS OUT!

  Would you like to be a part of our FREEBIE FRIDAY LIST and get 6 FREE eBooks and other exclusive sales sent to your inbox every Friday?

  One email every week packed with bookish goodies!

  We send out different genres such as Romance, Suspense, Thriller, Westerns, Paranormal, New Adult, and much more! If you’d like to join over 53,000+ subscribers, click below to be a part of FREEBIE FRIDAY…

  Join FREEBIE FRIDAY!

  Who doesn’t love a good eBook bargain?

  Now, imagine receiving daily eBook sales straight to your inbox…Bookworm heaven!

  Sign up for the BOOKSHARK NEWSLETTER and don’t miss out on epic eBook sales ever again!

  BECOME A BOOKSHARK