by Amy Sparks
I just continue driving and making sure I don’t crash. We make it back to the restaurant in one piece, without saying anything. It’s breaking my heart that she doesn’t say anything, since like right now I’m letting her go. I’m not the kind of guy that takes it hard when a girl leaves them because I know there’ll be other fish in the sea, but Ava. Oh, damn Ava is just the kind of fish I need in my sea. Just thinking of her is making me shiver throughout my whole body. She’s real. Not fake. Not those girls who lie about themselves. I’m hoping she feels the same about me, or I think my heart will just shatter.
I park into the same spot my dad was parked earlier. I take out the key and take a deep breath. She does one too. She puts her hand on the door handle, but I am not letting her go now. Not now. I need her. I want her.
“Ava, wait.” I say hoping she doesn’t leave. She takes her hand off the door handle and turns to face me. Her eyes. Oh, God her eyes. Blue as the ocean. Blue like the sky. Her eyes are like diamonds in the light. Her hair, gold like the sun. Her body. Oh, hell her body makes me shiver throughout my whole body just thinking of her and what I would I just do if I could just touch it for a second. I never felt this with Beth, and Ava, she makes me feel alive. This day was the first time in my entire life that I’ve felt so free and alive. I just need here to hear me, and then she can do whatever she wants.
“What, Conner?” She says, tears almost coming down her beautiful blue diamond eyes.
“Ava, today you’ve made me feel alive and free for the first time in pretty much my entire life. And no one, no one has ever made me feel like that in a long time.” I say, hoping I’m saying the right words. I’m hoping my brain is not gonna mess me up, or else, then there’s no reason for her to stay in this car anymore. She about to open her mouth, but I stop her.
“Let me finish. You’ve changed me today. I feel free when I’m around you. And I know this is kind of stupid, for me, a complete stranger to tell you that you’ve basically changed me in one day, but you have, Ava. You are such beautiful, smart girl but you don’t even realize it.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though I might not gonna see you ever again, unless if fate brings us together again, I just want you to know that…Um… I like you Ava. I mean I like you a lot. Really, a lot. You’re the only girl that’s ever changed me before like this, and so, I guess I just wanted to tell you how I feel about you before this day is all over.” I said what I wanted to say, and now it’s all Ava’s choice now.
If she says that she doesn’t like me back, I think that will crush my heart. Like, break it into pieces. I’m crossing my fingers behind my back, hoping that she’s gonna say something that will make me happy. Praying she will.
I’m taking deep breaths, waiting for her answer and trying not to pass out. Nothing’s coming out of her, which is making me scared. She turns to me and looks at me in the eyes. I hope she can see how much I like her in my eyes. I’m about to open my mouth to say something but I’m stopped by one thing. Her lips. Her soft, warm lips against mine, pressed hard. I can’t believe I’m kissing Ava, a girl I really don’t know but love, in my dad’s car. This is the best day of my life.
She gets out of her seat and tries to sit on my lap. I help her, which makes her giggle. I laugh but also pull her closer to me and tighter. She’s wearing a dress, which is pulled up a bit and I can see her thighs. Oh, God she's beautiful. I pull her tighter and tighter as I feel her soft lips touching against mine. My hand is on her back and is dying to get under her, but I can’t just yet. I mean this is my dad’s car for God’s sake. What if he opens the car and sees us doing this stuff. I think he would have a panic attack. No wait, my mom would get a panic attack, my dad would just be disappointed in me. But hey, not my fault. Sue me.
She lets go so she can take a breath, and so I move down on her neck. I come close to her neck and kiss it softly. She moans which makes me wanna move more down on her so I can hear more of her moans. If we were in my room, everything would be okay, but no, we’re in my dad’s car. She smells so good, it’s making me dizzy. She smells so Goddamn good, I just wanna bottle her up and use her for perfume. She would make a beautiful perfume. By accident Ava leaned back into the steering wheel, which she hit the horn. She jumps by the sound, which makes me laugh. She slaps me, which I put up my hands in defense.
“Not funny Conner.” She says looking down on me. She fixes her dress, which makes me bite my lower lip. I really want to kiss her again but I feel like she won’t let me since she did hit the horn, ruining the romantic mood a bit.
“So, what happens next?” I say, really wanting to know what will happen next. I mean come on. We just kissed and so what happens with us now? Are we like together? Are we just friends? If we’re just friends, I think that will break my heart in pieces since I told her how much I like her, and besides, friends don’t kiss like this. Friends don’t even kiss at all! She looks at me for a moment, then comes closer and kisses me again. Not hard, but soft. I guess she’s giving me the answer right now.
“Even though I might not even see you, I’ll remember you. Like all the time. I might even dream of you, if that’s ok.” She says in the angelic voice. Oh, hell yes, she can dream about me. She can dream about me if she wants. All I know that I’m gonna dream about her every single night, and now I want to go to sleep early.
“Of course it is okay. Dream about me as long as you want. I know I will. I won’t forget about you Ava. I’ll remember you as the girl who changed me. Completely. I hope you won’t forget about me.” I say which makes her kiss my chin, then my neck. Damn this girl is so sexy in every single way. How the hell do guys not chase after her all the time? I mean when I saw her in the restaurant, I wanted her to be mine the second I laid eyes on her.
“Never.” She says smiling at me. I hug her as tight as I can so she doesn’t leave, but I know she has to. I let her go and help her get up so she can get out of the car. She opens the door, gets out and closes it behind her.
I take a deep breath and try to prepare, to be calm when my parents yell at me and try to check me over to see if I’m not broken or something. I open the door and I see the Ava is waiting for me. I guess she’s mine now, if only for a little bit. I close the door and lock it. I go up to her and bring her closer to me. I guess I should let her go before our parents see, but I’m not letting her go just yet. We make it to the restaurant door, and so that’s when I let go. I will let her go in first so her family and mine don’t find anything suspicious on why we both came in the same time and also on why we weren’t here. We both have different stories to tell our families and so I think we’re good.
“So, I guess this is goodbye then.” She says which makes my heart break. I nod, and then pull her closer for a hug. Damn all of this. I don’t even want to go to university, all I want is her. To be with Ava, is like floating in the air with nothing to worry about.
“I guess it is.” She says holding me tighter and tighter. Then she lets go, which makes my heart shatter into little tiny pieces that only she can put back together. I really want to kiss her again, but I feel like my family is gonna walk on us, and I’m not risking that now. She stares at me for a moment, then gets on her tippy toes and kisses me on the cheek. She then opens the door to the restaurant.
“Bye Conner.” She says walking into the restaurant. I think I wanna die right now. I touch my cheek, on where she kissed and take a deep breath. There is no way I’m gonna wash this cheek. Ever. Not even my lips. I’m not even gonna take a shower. I want to keep myself like this forever until the day I die, so I can still feel her smell, and her kisses. I’m getting mad. Really mad. I mean how come today I fall in love with the perfect girl, and now I get to lose her? What the hell is this? Now just thinking about how I can’t have her, I’m boiling with anger. I’m screaming right now, and almost pulling out my hair. I then turn around and kick the brick wall of the restaurant.
“Damn it!” I say while holding my foot. Damn that hurt. Bu
t it feels so freakin good. Really good. I pull out my phone and text Aiden, telling him I’m waiting for everyone outside. He replies then quickly saying that I need to come inside. I swear under my breath then open the door. I put my phone back in my pocket and make my way to the table where my family was sitting. Aiden waves at me, but I’m not paying attention to him. I’m paying attention to Ava. My Ava. She looks at me and puts on a sad smile. F everything, I want her. But somehow fate is not letting me.
“Conner, you okay?” Aiden says, which I turn to look at him and nod that I’m okay. I am okay, but without Ava, I’m not. Is it stupid to fall in love with someone that you hardly know? No, it’s not. Love can be stupid, but on some circumstances, it’s not. It’s just love. I walk to my brother and turn to look at my parents. Okay, they're not happy that I left, but what was I supposed to do? Not go out with a beautiful girl on a nice day?
“Conner, where on earth did you go?” My mom says, which makes me shrug.
“I wasn’t feeling that well, and so I went to go outside to get a breath of fresh air. I didn’t know that the time was passing by, and so I noticed I was late when it got dark. Sorry mom.” I say with that baby voice. Okay I lied, but do I care? Not really. My mom just sighs and nods. She gets it, and thank God she does.
I turn to Aiden and James and they just eye me. They know where I went, and they get it. Who wouldn’t do it? I mouth thank you to them and they nod. I turn back to see where Ava is, and she’s gone. She’s gone, and I think she took my heart with her.
“Damn it.” I say, which makes my dad eye me with a confused face. I just mouth nothing at him, and get up, walking away.
“I’ll be in the car.” I say without turning around. I know I must look like an asshole in front of my family, but if they knew what was happening with me all the time, they would’ve been like this too. I push the door hard, which makes a big slam against the wall. Without a care, I just walk to the car and open the door. I go to the back and sit down making a big thump. I punch the back of the seat and swear. I swear and swear until it’s out of my system. I think this is the time where I’m gonna get so mad, I’m gonna break something. I somehow got tired of punching and kicking the seat, that I pull out my earphones and plug them into my phone. I’m getting lost in the music that I daydream about Ava. I dream about the way she laughs and covers her mouth when does that. I dream how she walks and talks. I dream about her body and her lips. Oh, God, her lips. I mostly dream about that. If I can’t have her in real life, I can have her in my dreams. Always in my dreams. If maybe I get to see her again, I hope it will be someday. Just someday in my lifetime. Even if it's in twenty years or fifty, I’ll still be happy to see her. I will wait for her, and I hope she’ll wait for me.
Chapter 10
Ava
The next day, I wake up in a hurry to pack up all my clothes so I can have everything when I’m at the university. I try to wake up early, so I can pack without getting mushy and loved by my parents. Last night, my parents weren’t that happy that I left without on any reason. I did tell them that that I told Em, and she took my side and stood up for me. She had to, of course. All of this was her work.
As I’m picking out what clothes to pack, I think of Conner. I think on how he makes me smile, and how soft and warm his lips were when I kissed them. When he kissed mine. Now of thinking of that, I touch my lips softly, hoping I didn’t remove his touch with mine. I shake my head so I can erase the thought of him and that night. I knew almost nothing about him, and yet I fell in love with him. Did he feel the same with me? Or was that just a thing that he does with girls all the time?
I’m now making myself mad so I shut my drawer hard, making a big thump. I’m hoping that I didn’t wake up anyone, or my plan of not waking them up, is gonna go down the toilet. I listen for a moment and hear no movement. Letting out a breath of relief, I take a handful of my clothes and put it in my suitcase. After packing lots of clothes, it’s now taking me a long time to zip the suitcase, which is making me mad.
“Oh, come on. Don’t fail on me now suitcase.” I say whispering to it. After several long minutes of forcing the zipper, it finally allows me to zip it which makes me happy. I then pull out a big bag, filling them with shoes.
I take my makeup kit and all the stuff I need to survive there. Finally, I get my charger to charge my phone there. If I did not have my charger with me there, I think I would’ve died. I mean I’m not those types of girls who count on their phone for their whole life, but sometimes I do need it for music.
After packing up basically my whole room, I open my door and take one last glance at it. It’s not like I’m moving out permanently. I am coming back, but not for a while. University, here I come! I walk down the stairs, trying not to make any noise. After walking down the stairs, which felt like an eternity, I place my bags close to the door and walk to the kitchen. I’m shook by Emily’s voice.
“You actually think that you wouldn’t wake any of us up on your special day?” She says sitting down on the couch eating an apple.
“Damn it. I thought I could’ve gotten away with it.” I say laughing. She rolls her eyes as I make it way to the kitchen. I open the fridge and pull out a water bottle. I should take one just in case they don’t have water and I’m dying of thirst there. Then I turn around I see that there’s a plate full of scrambled eggs on the island.
“Who’s is this?” I say to Em, which makes her turn around.
“Oh, mom made it for you. She’ll be down in a second. I think she’s like waking up dad or something.” She says, which makes me groan. Somehow my family knew all about my plan, and so now it's all gone down the toilet. Bye bye plan. I take the plate of scrambled eggs and place it on the table. I flop on the chair and start digging into the eggs. I’m now thinking about what I’m gonna do there if I basically don’t know anybody. Maybe I’ll be friends with my dorm roommate? Who knows. I really don’t know who’s my roommate anyway, which makes me scared. What if she’s a total meanie who bullies me? What if she’s those types of roommates who brings in guys all the time and sleeps with them all the time? Ugh, the horror. I try to not focus on that, and try to focus on how I’m gonna say bye to mom and dad. I mean with Em, it’ll be fine. But with my parents? It’s hard. Like I know my mom’s gonna cry for sure, and my dad’s gonna make a big speech on how when I was little and I used to stay with him all the time, or when I used to be in grade one and how scary it was because I didn’t know anybody.
“Hey Ava, get ready.” My sister says as I walk to the sink to put my plate in. Oh no. I feel like I’m those people in the movie, Jaws, when shark is coming toward them. I can hear it already. Dun dun, dun dunnnnnnn. Oh no. Emily hates me right now, because she tells them where I am and she also pulls out her phone to take a video. Great. Get ready for the best video you’ve ever seen in your life Emily.
“Oh honey, I cannot believe today is the day my little baby leaves.” My mom says in an almost crying tone. Oh, no. I roll my eyes and walk over to her to hug her. Behind I give my sister the finger, which makes her laugh. I pat my mom’s back and then I go to my dad. I give him a big tight hug telling him how much I appreciate all the hard work he gave me and my mom too.
“Liz, that’s enough. You’re gonna make her cry too.” My dad says which I mouth thank you at him. He nods and winks.
“Ok, ok. I guess you’re right. So, honey, are you all packed?” I nod and point to where my bags are.
“Ok great, and did you eat your breakfast?”
“Yes mom. Calm down. You really think I would skip breakfast?” I say which makes her laugh.
“Ok great! Adam, can you start the car?” My mom says to my dad and he nods.
“Ava, I’ll get your bags too okay?” He says already picking one up. Sheesh parents. I nod as he opens the door and goes to start the car.
“Emily, do you have anything to tell your sister?” My mom says although I really don’t want her to. Emily rolls her eyes and groans. She puts h
er phone back in her pocket and gives my mom the stare. My mom gives her the stare, which means that she at least has to say something to me. She sighs and walks to me.
“Can I have ten bucks? I want to buy myself some coffee or something.” Emily says which makes me laugh.
“Emily!” My mom says which makes my sister roll her eyes.
“Fine. Ava, don’t do anything stupid there okay? College is the same as university, and I know what happens there. Okay? Don’t you dare do drugs, or bring a guy in your dorm and sleep with him or have sex or whatever you do with guys. Oh, and don’t you dare go to those frat stupid parties okay? I’ve been to one, and I’m not going to one every again. I regret it every time a guy sees me and walks up to me and says, “hey you’re the girl who drank too much and sang the Dora the explorer song!” Okay Ava?” My sister says in a tone I know she’s serious. I’m in so much shock, my mouth is hanging open.
“Emily, that’s enough. Your sister is a good girl.” My mom says which I don’t believe in any word she says. I am not a good girl. Okay I am, but before I so was not. I think it was because Jayce changed me, he told me it was okay to let go a little bit. But I think I let go not only a little bit, but a lot every time I was with him.
“Yeah, don’t worry Em. I won’t go to frat parties nor will have a guy in my dorm. Even if I wanted to, who would I?” I say, which makes my sister smirk. I don’t know anybody there, and so why would I get a guy to come in my dorm? If only that guy was Conner, then maybe. I mean I did kiss him…
