by Amy Sparks
“Yeah sure. Just, please don’t do that stuff. Even if you are with having a guy in the dorm, at least take some condoms so you’ll have protection when, you know…” Emily says, which makes me choke. I look at my mom and she just sighs and rubs her temple. Thank God, she understands how I’m feeling right now. I roll my eyes at Emily which make her rub my head. Great, now my hair is ruined.
“Ok, um, the moment is now ruined. Can we go now? We can say our goodbyes there okay?” I say to Emily and my mom, and they both nod. Thank God! I thought I wasn’t gonna make it through Emily’s stupid speech. I walk to the door and take my sweater just in case it’s cold in the afternoon, but really, it’s about thirty degrees. Damn weather. I go outside and feel the hot heat on my neck. My hair is sticking fast on my neck, which makes me annoyed. I pull the hair tie off my wrist and use it to tie my hair into a messy bun. I’m wearing shorts and a tank top since it’s so freakin hot.
My dad has already put my bags in the car, which makes this so real how my life is just changing. Just like that. Poof, and it’s gone. How you get one chance in your life, and how you can’t mess that up. If you mess up, you may not get other chances to figure yourself out in life again. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and so I turn around to see who it is. Emily has her hand on my shoulder and is smiling at me. I nod at her and look straight up into the sky. I can do this. Right? I can do this. I take a huge deep breath and let it out.
“Ok, ready?” She says, patting my back. I look at her and laugh.
“Oh hell, yes.” She laughs and gives me a noogie. I push her away and stick my tongue at her. She rolls her eyes and goes into the car, followed by my mom. I turn around and take one more look at my house. I guess this is really it. Since the beginning, I dreamed of this moment, how I would grow older and go to university. That day has come.
“I guess this is it. Bye house. I’ll miss you, but I’ll see you again. Ps, don’t let Emily change or steal my room.” I say, touching the brick wall of the house. I say one last thing before I hear Emily yelling to me to hurry it up. I roll my eyes and go in the car.
This is it. I can’t really sit still and my leg is bouncing up and down. I’m also biting my fingernails, which is a horrible habit. Ugh. I turn around and see Emily with a confused face. She rolls her eyes and grabs my hand and checks my nails.
“Ava, really?” She says, which I look down on the floor, embarrassed. I feel like a little kid now. I feel this scratchy thing against my nail which makes me look up. Emily somehow has found a nail filer and is now filing my nails.
“Em, really?” I say, which makes her shush me. I don’t even know how on earth she has this, but I’m guessing that she got it from her bag. Emily is always one step ahead of me. I try to not move or Emily might hurt me with the filer. Emily is kind of more talented then me with makeup. I’m good with hair, but Emily is awesome with makeup. I can’t even put mascara on without my hand shaking. Beauty hurts like hell, but somehow with Emily it doesn’t hurt that much. It seems so effortless. If you don’t stand still though she might get annoyed and hurt you on purpose or by accident, because you were moving.
“Ok, you’re good now. Just don’t bite again okay? You looked like a little kid Ava, and trust me, it ain’t pretty seeing an eighteen-year-old girl biting her fingernail. Okay?” She says while putting the filer in her bag. Ugh, really? I know she’s waiting for a response, but honestly, I really don’t know what to say. I just sit back on my seat and nod. My stomach is filled with butterflies which won’t stop fluttering around.
I try looking out the window, and try to forget that I’m now going to university and now living in a dorm with a roommate who I don’t even know. This isn’t gonna work. Getting an idea, I quickly sit up and take my earphones out of my bag and plug them into my phone. Ah, that’s better. My foot keeps bouncing up and down to the rhythm of the song. I mouth the lyrics, since this is basically my favourite song. The song is ‘Here’s to never growing up’ by Avril Lavigne, my all the favourite singer. The way she sings is kind of like a rocker hard core chick, with a little bit of pink in her. Her songs are basically all about living your life, and having fun, and that’s how I’m gonna live my life. Not really getting high or stuff, but having fun with friends and not regretting anything.
Somehow this song is making me think of Conner, which is surprising me. Last night I couldn’t stop thinking of him when I came home. I didn’t even like wash my face because I was scared that I would wash away the kiss on my lips from him. Yeah, I guess that sounds really stupid, but honestly, I think if I washed it away, I would’ve just forgotten him. I only knew him for one day, but I got interested in him fast somehow. Thinking about Conner kissing me, I touch my lips and rub them softly. The touch tingles throughout my whole body making me shiver.
Who knows when I’ll see him again. Maybe someday, and maybe soon. Maybe never! Maybe I’ll never see Conner again which would likely make me sad. Just thinking about not seeing Conner again makes me want to cry. Ugh, why the hell are girls like this? Why the hell am I like this? I change the song so that I can forget about Conner and move on. The university is about two hours away and so I have time to just close my eyes and think about what my roommate might look like and how I’m gonna fit in there too. I close my eyes and listen to the music. University, here I come!
Chapter 11
Connor
I wanna die. Like right now. I have about an hour until I’m there at the university right now, and I don’t feel good at all. Last night when I came home all I thought about was Ava. Her laugh, her eyes, her hair and her goddamn beautiful body. Oh, god, her body. Just thinking about that body makes me shiver throughout my whole body. Last night my parents weren’t that happy that I left during the dinner. I mean I guess I kind of must’ve looked like an asshole when I left my family alone at a restaurant. I even stole the car to take a pretty girl out to eat somewhere. And that was the best damn thing I have ever done in my entire life.
I couldn’t even sleep last night at all because all I was thinking about was Ava. Her lips against mine just made me want to drive around the entire world to find her. Even when I feel asleep for just a little bit, I dreamed about her. All about Ava, and I loved every damn second about it. I feel this tap on my shoulder which makes me groan. I open my eyes to see Aiden tugging on my arm. I take one earphone out and hear what he has to say from waking me up since I was dreaming about Ava.
“What?” I snap. Maybe I should dial the attitude down since it was just a dream. It’s not like he kissed her in front of me or something. Dial it down Conner. Don’t act like the asshole Ava had as a stupid boyfriend.
“Sorry man, but mom just wanted me to tell you that we’re making a quick stop since James has to pee.” He says while running his fingers through his hair. My brother, just like me. He is so damn lucky. I just gotta be a good role model or else he might just be an asshole for his entire life.
“Oh yeah, I guess I should go too. Maybe buy a bag of chips or something since I’m freaking starving.” I say as I unbuckle. He nods then puts his earphones back on. I laugh and open the car door so I can do whatever I can for about five minutes. I see James coming out of the bathroom which is telling me that now it should be free to use. I go to him and flip his hat off.
“Hey!” He says as he picks it up then looks up to see who it is. His eyes widen when he sees it was me who flipped his hat off. I laugh while he punches me on the arm. Damn that dude it strong. For a twelve-year-old, not that bad.
“Yo, tell mom that I’m just buying some snacks.” I say as I look out the window seeing if our car is still there. Of course it is, I’m just freakin dumb sometimes. He nods then waves away.
“Don’t take long. I wanna see some pretty girls there at your university.” He yells which makes everyone look at him and me. Great, now they must think we’re pervs or something. Damn it James, why?
“James, just leave dude. I’ll be back.” I say which makes him nod quickly and th
en tugs his hat down so far, I don’t think you can even see his eyes. At least he’s embarrassed. Other guys would’ve laughed about how idiotic he looked.
I scratch my stubble, thinking that I should’ve shaved but I’d been too tired to do it. Maybe it was on how I dreamed about Ava all night, or because of how freakin scared I am about university. I think it’s more likely because of dreaming about Ava. I mean that one makes much more sense.
I go in the bathroom first and do what I gotta do. I wash my hands and face. I need something to wake me up from this reality, and coffee ain’t gonna work. As I’m looking in the window I stare. I stare for about a good five minutes thinking about a pretty good darn question. Who the hell am I? Am I a guy who’s just a person who got in a car crash and has a metal plate in his brain and someone else’s heart? I mean, who am I? Am I the same person I was long ago, before the accident? The person who had the perfect life, the perfect girl, and the perfect friends?
People idolized me, and now all they must think about me is garbage. How shitty I am and how I won’t be the same as I was before. But how could I? I was kind of an asshole before. I mean I used to stay up late and talk to girls and slap them on the ass and do whatnot. Not to mention what I used to do with Beth. Damn it was so hot with us, but now since she cheated on me when I was almost dying, my heart is just cold about thinking about her. The only thing my heart is thinking about is Ava. Only Ava, no on else.
Somehow staring at my face for a long time is making me mad, so I throw water on the mirror. At least I didn’t break it or something. I get out of the washroom and let the next guy go in it. I then look around the store and try to find some good snacks to last me the road trip to my next life. University. I hear a ding then realizing that it’s my phone. I check it and see that Aiden texted me.
Hurry up.
I roll my eyes. I text back saying that I’ll be there in five minutes. Sheesh brothers. I look around and try to find some good chips. After looking around for about a minute, I finally grab some Doritos and a Henry bar. What? I’m hungry. Sue me. I bring it up to the cashier which I notice that it’s a pretty girl who’s actually checking me out. I really don’t do anything since I don’t feel anything about that girl at all. I’m only thinking about Ava, and how cute she is when she covers her mouth when she laughs. Damn that girl is sexy. I say thank you to the girl and smile at her so I don’t look rude. I’m then outside, opening the door of the car and climbing inside of it. Aiden eyes me for a minute, somehow to check if I’m okay.
“Dude, calm down. I just wanted to go to the bathroom and get some snacks.” I say opening the bag of Doritos. I know my brother wants some so I pass it to him and tell him to pass it to James too. They are my brothers, and so whatever they want, they can have. Expect drugs, tattoos and girls, of course. I continue listening to my music and trying to fall asleep so I can dream more about Ava. Even thinking about her just makes me fall asleep.
…………………………………………………………
I hear this voice. This voice that makes me wake up from my dream about Ava. Damn these people. I open one eye just to see who’s waking me up and hoping that they have a pretty good reason why they did it. Aiden was the one who was waking me up. Great, now I have a reason why I want to kill him now.
“What???” I say, in a voice like a little kid. Aiden just rolls his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt.
“Well I’m sorry your majesty, but mom told me to wake you up since we’re here.” He says motioning me to look outside. I sit up and unbuckle to open the door. I put on my sunglasses so my headache doesn’t start since I’m squinting my eyes a lot. The sun beams in my eyes and in my face, making me squint hard. Even with sunglasses, the sun is almost turning me blind. Great. In my eyes, I see this big ass school which, of course, is the university. There must be dorms inside and classes. I need to go in the front and get in line so I can know what dorm number I am and so I can meet my roommate. Oh, dear God I hope he’s not an idiot like other guys. Somehow my parents aren’t allowed to come in the dorm because there won’t be time for me to get where I want to. Besides, my parents really cry a lot, and so I don’t think I could take it. My dad grabs my bags out of the trunk and hands them to me.
“I guess this is it, Conner.” He says giving me a hug. I give him a big manly hug and pat on his back. My mom then comes and gives me a tight hug. Of course.
“Mom, don’t cry. I’ll be back for the holidays. Sheesh.”
“It’s just, you’re my little boy. I just can’t believe this day that we’ve been dreading has finally come.” She says crying into my neck. Great. I’m not really trying to be mean, but can they just leave now. I look like a little kid right now.
“Mom, get a grip. This is not forever. I. Am. Coming. Home.” She laughs and let’s go, wiping her eyes with a tissue my dad gave her. James is rolling his eyes, and Aiden is patting my mom’s back. I think the most I’ll miss is my brothers. They’ve been with me through so much, I mean my parents have as well, but my brothers have been like amazing.
“Ok, boys, say goodbye to your brother.” My dad says, while my mom is crying in the background and just won’t stop. I roll my eyes and turn to my brothers. James comes first and gives me this big hug, which makes my heart fill with warmth. I love them so much.
“Love you dude. Don’t steal my room okay?” I say while rubbing his head. He laughs and fixes it.
“No promises.” He says, while making room for Aiden to come and say goodbye to me. I know this is harder for Aiden since he’s the one who’s concerned about me all the time. I would go to the bathroom for two minutes, and then he would get that idea that I must’ve fallen when I was peeing or fainted or whatever he thought of. Aiden gives me that stare telling me that if I get in trouble, he might just kick my ass. I take that for granted though since he is strong and that he would definitely kick my sorry little ass.
“Don’t get in trouble with any kids okay? Especially with any girls.” He winks at me with a malicious grin. I laugh and mess his hair up. He yells but then smiles.
“I guess this is it.” My dad says, while he holds my mom close. Sheesh, parents.
“Mom, dad. Calm down. It’s not like I’m never coming home. Let’s not make this hard okay?” I say as I look around where all the parents are saying goodbye to their kids. As I look around my eyes stop on one thing. A girl who looks just like Ava. Nah, it must be my brain messing with me again. Ugh, I must be losing my mind again. Great. I shake my head and then turn around to see if that girl is there. She’s gone, great I have officially lost my mind. I knew this day would come.
“Um, mom. I think you guys should get going so I won’t be late for the meeting.” I say, not even knowing what the meeting is actually about. I basically just lied to my parents so they can leave and I can unpack and actually see if that girl is Ava. I’m stupid for thinking that, but also I really wanna meet my roommate. Who knows what that guy will be like. I look at my parents and grab my bags. They nod which makes my mom cry more.
“Yeah, we shouldn’t make you late Conner. Let’s go boys. Karen?” My dad says to my mom, meaning that it’s time for her little boy to leave. Like right now.
“I guess… Just Conner, call me. Like all the time. Please?” She says in this sad sad voice. Oh crap. Now I’m the boy who calls his mom all the time because she’s nuts. I can’t say no, but I can’t promise to call often since this is university. I mean I’ll have a lot of work to do and I can’t just call her in the middle of that. But she is my mom, and so I guess I do have to call her. Why the hell do I have to be so nice?
“Sure, I’ll call you. Don't worry though if I don’t call you the twenty times a day, okay?” I say, which makes her laugh. Hey, at least I’m making her laugh, not cry. I give her one more hug, and then lift up my bags and say goodbye to them for the last time. Hoping they won’t stop me and say all this sad shit again. I can’t take this anymore.
“Bye Conner!” My famil
y says as I go through the doors. I turn around and laugh at them. I wave them goodbye and walk in the university. The one thing that comes to my mind is how the cool AC is going through my body which gives me a rush.
I turn around to see if they're still there, which of course they are. I can see that my brothers want to leave now since they also have stuff to do, but I think they’re just staying for my parents.
I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. This is it. This is my life right now for about a good four or five years. I’m so psyched that I accidentally bump into this dude. He looks kind of stoned to me, which makes me step away. He’s big, but I can take him if he throws a punch at me for bumping into him. I can take it, I just don’t think my body would. I mumble sorry at him with a little bit middle finger action. What? The dude asked for it. They already emailed where my room is, on what level, so that’s where I’m going. I also know my room number but not my roommate. I’m sweating. Like my palms are getting sweaty and so I wipe them on my jeans so I don’t have to shake the guy’s hand with a sweaty one.
I pull out my phone to see what time it is if Mom texted me or something. She didn’t. I think she knew I wanted space, but for some reason I want her to text me and ask if I’m doing okay. Whatever, I’m a big boy now, I can do this. I don't need my mommy to hold my hand and guide me. I don’t need any of that shit, I got myself and that’s what’s gonna guide me through this life. My room is all the way up and so I’m trying to see how I can get there, cause I ain’t flying.
I find where the stairs are, but I am so not holding my bags while I walk twenty flight of stairs. I go around and see the elevator. I quickly press the button and wait for the door to open. There is a lot of kids here and so it’s making me a little bit nervous. I mean, there’s a lot of people here.
